Moving Forward
by Brad Burnian
Summary: Usually updated every two months. Progress will be slow but the story will finish some day :) Having sacrificed Chloe, Max resolves to try and move forward with her life and honour the loss of the person she cared most about. Rated T - Occasional strong language and references. UPDATE 23/05/19 - This story will being going on a hiatus for an undetermined amount of time.
1. Chapter 1: Reflection

I'd sat at my desk with the same question going through my head over and over: __What was the point?__

I went through a week of hell trying to save Chloe and for what? To lose her. After spending all that time reconnecting with her. Realising just how much she meant to me. Realising I...It doesn't matter now. I went through all that for nothing. Just to say goodbye to her for the second time in my life. This time forever.

That week just seemed like one cruel joke. Helping Chloe search for Rachel only to find she was dead all along. Being stuck in the dark room more than once with Jefferson's voice and face burned into my mind. Seeing my work displayed in a real gallery and being an artist for a few minutes before having to leave that all behind. Showing Chloe how much she meant to me before leaving her behind too. What a fucking joke.

The worst part wasn't even the stuff I went through. It was the fact I could never tell anyone about any of it. About everything I went through to try and save Chloe. About all the fucked up time lines I saw. About what Jefferson…did to me. I couldn't tell a soul.

I guess I had almost told Warren at the start of the week in the parking lot. At the time all I had was a vision of tornado destroying the town and the discovery that I could rewind time.

 _You know, the usual._

Then in the diner I really did tell him the full story. He was such a sweetheart, believing everything I told him without question. I mean what exactly was the difference between then and now? I guess at the diner I knew I was about to take it back when I used the photo. If I told Warren or anyone else now then it would be forever.

I looked at my guitar which had remained untouched for a while now. I then looked over at the camera sat on my desk. The one that once belonged to William. Joyce had given it to me along with some of Chloe's other possessions a few days after she died. I'd lost all my urge to take any pictures in the past week. My biggest passion just gone, like everything else. What did I have left?

I hadn't been to classes for the past week, nor the one before based on my journal. Principal Wells seemed surprisingly understanding, telling me I could take a week or two off if I wasn't ready to come back yet.

 _So I'll have a shit load of work to catch up on. Great._

I checked my phone and saw no new messages, not even from Warren. He seemed to have finally taken the hint I wasn't in the mood to see anyone right now. I felt bad, he promised he'd make extra copies of all our shared work and everything.

My mom and dad were coming from Seattle tomorrow to see me. Probably to try and convince me to come back home for a while. I tried to tell them not to bother but they didn't listen. I don't deserve to see anyone. Not with these thoughts I'd been having. Wondering if I had done the right thing. I mean of course I did. Hundreds of lives versus just one? It's just the rational decision to make. But then, the Prescott's did have a vice grip on this entire town. It was totally corrupt. Maybe it would be good if it was-

 _NO! No, Max._

I couldn't think like that. Sure, this town wasn't perfect but did that mean everyone deserved to die? No. Did Chloe deserve to die either? Fuck no. I thought back to her speech at the lighthouse about how selfish she had been. The horrible thing was that it was true. I know she'd been through a lot of shit in her life but she never stopped to think how it affected Joyce or anyone else. But in admitting that, sacrificing herself for her mother and everyone else in Arcadia Bay she proved she wasn't that person any more. She had changed. Had she changed because of me?

 _No. Don't be ridiculous, Max._

I buried my head in my hands and thought back to Chloe's funeral. I "woke up" standing at the lighthouse looking out into the ocean as the sun set. The only other time I had done that was with Chloe. I remembered walking up the cemetery behind everyone else. I guess I just didn't want people looking at me. I could see Joyce barely able to stand from crying. Luckily David was there to support her. When we reached Chloe's grave I couldn't even look Joyce in the eye. I could have saved her daughter. But if I did then…

I looked over at my mirror to see my reflection staring back at me. The only company I could bare to deal with. I'd even stopped keeping up with my journal. Every time I tried to put pen to paper I realised how much I did not want to think about everything that had happened.

 _Yet, here I am. Thinking about it all anyway._

What was the one thing worse than not being able to tell anyone about everything I went through? It was that no-one would ever know how much of a hero Chloe was. That the stubborn, wallowing, self centred person I had met at the start of the week became someone willing to die for the town she had hated so much. For Joyce. She would never know how proud she should be of Chloe. I got the feeling from the time I spent with Joyce that she was worried her daughter wouldn't amount to much...

I'd made my decision. I had to stick with it. I had no choice. I looked over at the photo frame I had spun round to face the wall. I had no choice.

 _Right?_

KNOCK! KNOCK!

I nearly jumped out of my chair. Who the hell would be trying to see me? I got up and opened the door. It was Kate. She was wearing her usual dress and sweater with her cross around her neck.

"Hey, Max," she said. "I really hope I'm not intruding. I just wanted to see how you were." She looked back with unease, clearly from seeing the shock on my face. I had seen her at the funeral but I guess my attention and thoughts were all over the place. As I stood looking at her now I realised that she should be dead. I saw her jump from the roof right in front of me. Only now did it hit me that I'd undone that.

"Kate!" I sprang towards her and wrapped my arms around her. She staggered back a bit but got her balance back and returned the hug. We just stood there for moment until I released her and stepped back. She smiled at me, probably glad I might be talking to people again.

"How are you doing?" She asked.

"Not great," I confessed. Kate's smile vanished.

"We've been missing you in class," she said trying to make me feel better.

"Yeah, just not up to it right now."

We both stood there kind of awkwardly.

"Look," she said. "You might not want to and it's fine if you don't. But we haven't had a tea session for while now." She looked at me hopefully.

She was right, we were over due. My head was still spinning from seeing Kate in the flesh again. I mean, without so much other shit going on.

"I um…"

Kate caught my hesitation.

"It's fine," she said. "You're not there yet. I understand. If you change your mind or just want to talk you know I'm just a few doors down." Kate smiled again and backed up before turning around and walking down the hall. I watched her walk away while I tried to piece together what had happened in this reality. Kate had still been drugged by Nathan and photographed by that sick bastard Jefferson. She obviously hadn't attempted suicide this time. The whole story coming out no doubt meant even Victoria and her cronies wouldn't dare attack Kate. How was Kate dealing with this? I wasn't in any place to talk about what I had gone through but maybe Kate was...

"Kate!" I called out. She stopped and turned around. "I'm not really in the mood to go out but we can sit in my room if you'd like?"

A beaming smile spread across her face.

"That's sounds great, Max. I've got a kettle and supplies in my room. I'll bring them right over."

"Cool," I looked down at the bed clothes I was wearing, and had been wearing for several days straight. "Just give me a couple of minutes to put on something a bit fancier. I mean not fancier just..." I didn't know what the hell I was saying. Kate headed off to her room. I went back inside and shut the door. I honestly just wanted to stay in my bed clothes but seeing as I totally let Kate down in the worst way possible the least I could do was make an effort for her. Also my bed clothes were starting to smell. I looked through my wardrobe. Really wasn't in the mood to wear my usual pink shirt and jeans. I eyed up a blue shirt too before moving swiftly on. I settled on a plain white shirt and pants. Nothing amazing, but it was better than what I had on now.

* * *

KNOCK! KNOCK!

Having got dressed I opened the door to see Kate stood holding a tray with her kettle and tea supplies. I shut the door behind her when she came in. I gestured to an empty plug socket.

"You can plug it into my socket down there," I said.

"Great," Kate said.

She plugged in the kettle and switched it on as I stood around awkwardly. She set up the cups on the tray. She turned to me, not sure what to say. I was in the same boat. I kinda hadn't planned on really talking to people yet.

"Sorry my room is such a mess," I said sheepishly.

"It's fine. Mine's gotten a little out of hand too recently."

"How have you been doing?" I asked.

"I think I should be asking that, Max."

"You've been through stuff too," I said. "I'm so sorry I haven't been there for you in the past week. I guess I've just been…wrapped up in my own problems."

"You know I understand. You don't need to be sorry."

"Yes I do. You were... Nathan and Jeff-" I cut myself off as the memories of being trapped in the dark room flooded into my mind.

"I should have been there for you. I should have-" I felt tears in my eyes as I saw Kate jumping off the roof in my mind's eye.

I felt Kate's arms around me. I opened my eyes and was looking over her shoulder, her hair brushing the side of my face.

"Max, it's okay," she said. "Don't beat yourself up like this. I'd had people around me. My family and friends have been supporting me. You had an awful thing happen to you too," she said in an attempt to comfort me.

I withdrew from Kate.

"No, I didn't. My friend died. So what? People die all the time. What happened to you isn't something anyone should have to go through." I crossed my arms and looked at the floor, letting out long, shuddering breaths.

Kate seemed lost for words. Behind her the kettle was letting out steam. She stayed looking at me though.

"The kettle's boiled," I said looking down at my bed. Kate still didn't move.

"Max," she said as she reached for my hand. I pulled away and turned away from her, unable to look her in the eye.

"Both of our problems can matter. It doesn't have to be one or the other," she said behind me.

I just said "I know."

"Then it's okay to be thinking about what's going on with you. I'll get the tea."

Kate poured some water into each cup and stirred. She knew I liked just a little sugar with no milk. I felt her stood behind me, giving no choice but to turn around. However I felt, Kate didn't deserve to be treated like this.

"Thank you," I said as I took the cup and coaster. I didn't want to say much else so without thinking I took a sip.

 _OUCH!_

I fanned my mouth and moved the cup away.

"You okay?" Kate asked.

"Yeah I'm just…stupid," I sat down on my bed. Kate was smarter and blew on tea.

"So um, how are your classes?" I asked.

 _Seriously? That's the number one thing to talk about?_

Luckily for me, Kate obliged my dumb question.

"They're okay. They haven't found a replacement teacher for photography yet," she said.

"Wouldn't have to try too hard to be better than the last one," I retorted.

 _Shit. Max, what the hell is wrong with you?_

"I'm sorry Kate," I quickly added.

"Max, you don't have to keep apologising." She put her tea down back on the tray before sitting down next to me on my bed.

"I don't want this to be about me, okay? Yes, I'm still dealing with what Jefferson and Nathan did to me but I've had people who care around me," she said.

"Me not being one of them," I said, still looking at the floor.

"Max, look at me," Kate pleaded.

I looked to my left to see Kate looking at me in a forlorn manner.

"You've been isolating yourself and I want you to know that I'm here for you." She put her hand on my shoulder.

 _No._

"I don't deserve you, Kate." I confessed.

"Why do you keep saying that, Max? You've been such a good friend to me since we started here. You deserve nothing less in return." I just shook my head, sick of hearing the same lie over and over.

"Max, talk to me. Why do you think that?"

I looked in Kate's eyes. She really cared. I wanted so badly to tell her the whole truth but how could I? She would never believe it. Kate looked on patiently waiting for me to speak. What could I possibly say?

 _Maybe start with one truth and take it from there?_

"I miss Chloe so much," I finally said. Kate moved closer and put her arm around me. She didn't interrupt, she just listened.

"But it's worse than people know," I added. Kate rubbed my shoulder, encouraging me to go on.

"I think I loved her," I said. It was then I suddenly realised how crazy that would sound to Kate. I mean to her, and everyone else, the last time I ever saw Chloe was when I was thirteen. I was the only person in the world who knew what we went through that week. I waited for Kate to say something like "Don't be ridiculous, Max." Instead though…

"I'm so sorry, Max." I could tell she meant it. No judgement, just consideration.

"Chloe's dad, William, died in a car accident. He was on his way to collect Joyce from grocery shopping. The reason Joyce was having to get groceries was because I was sleeping over at their house. For the longest time I blamed myself for William's death. I severed contact with Chloe because I thought she would be better off without me. It took me over a year before I could finally come to terms with the fact it was just a horrible accident. By the time I realised this, it had been too long. I didn't know how I could possibly just call Chloe up after a year of silence with such a stupid reason. Then one year turned to two, then to three, four, five. Even when I got back here I was still too afraid to find her. I never forgot her though."

I put my cup down on a coaster on the floor. I got up and opened my drawer. I took out the picture of Chloe and I as pirates and handed it to Kate.

"I kept this safe those whole five years. It's my favourite photo of us," I said.

"You both look so cute, Max," she said.

"I just wish she could have died knowing how much I cared. Not thinking I'd abandoned her." I started sobbing. I buried my face in my hands as all my guilt flooded back. I felt Kate's arms around me again. I didn't hesitate to hug her back this time.

"I'm so sorry, Max. That's awful. Is this why you don't feel you deserve anyone on your side? You feel guilty for not contacting her?"

 _That and so much more, Kate._

She had been so understanding about what I just told her.

 _Can I tell her everything…if I dress it up a little?_

"There's something else too," I said. Kate stepped back slightly and looked in my eyes. I went over to my desk and picked up the photo frame. I pushed it close to my chest before sitting back down on my bed. Kate sat back down next to me again.

"Ever since Chloe…Chloe died I've been having this nightmare. Every single night. It's pretty messed up," I started. Kate put her hand on my knee.

"I'm listening," she said.

"It starts in the bathroom. I'm behind the stalls watching Chloe and Nathan arguing. Nathan pulls the gun on Chloe. This time though it's different. Instead of sitting there doing nothing. I activate the fire alarm. Chloe is able to get away. Later we meet up for the first time in five years. She's a little pissed at me at first. She doesn't know why I stopped contacting her. But we get back to how used to be pretty quickly."

"What's dream Chloe like?" Kate asked.

"Everything I'm not. We're like ying and yang. We have so much fun together. I know it sounds stupid but the week we have in my dream might be the best week of my li-" I cut myself off by sobbing. I felt Kate put her arm around me again. She waited for me to compose myself.

"But then something horrible happens," I continued. "At the end of the week there's a giant tornado heading straight for Arcadia Bay. And I realise- I don't know how, call it dream logic or whatever- that Chloe being alive has caused the tornado. Anyway, Chloe and I are stood by the light house watching the tornado head straight for the town. Chloe tells me I have a choice to go back in time to change things. Again, dream logic. I can go back in time to when I initially saved Chloe. I can take it all back to stop the tornado. In the dream I go back using this."

I turned around the photo frame to show Kate. It contained the butterfly photo. The very thing that had been taunting me since I made my decision.

"I took this picture in the bathroom. Right before Nathan and Chloe walked in. I've been wanting to tear it up but I haven't. I don't even know why I've kept it. All it does is remind me of the dream. How it ends."

Kate, still having not left my side, offered me a tissue she had grabbed from a box on the side. I took it and just kept it palmed.

"How does it end?" she asked.

"The exact same every time. I use this photo to go back to that moment. This time I don't change anything. I cower behind the stall as I wait for the gun shot to go off. Then everything starts to fade away as I wake up. But not before I feel the most intense feeling I've ever had, awake or asleep. It's like a stabbing pain in my heart. I think it's regret." I turned to face Kate. The least I could do was say this to her face.

"I regret letting Chloe die. I want to take it back and let Arcadia Bay be destroyed."

I waited for Kate to back away. To look at my like the monster I am but she didn't. She just looked back at me and nodded.

"Kate, didn't you hear what I just said?"

"Of course," she replied.

"Then h- I- what is wrong with you?" I said trying not to scream. Kate leaned back in surprise.

"What do you mean?"

I got up of the bed, leaving my photo frame there.

"I just told you I want to let hundreds of people die just to save someone I love. How can you be okay being friends with someone as selfish as me?" I shouted. Poor Kate looked terrified.

"It's just a dream, Max," she finally said.

"It's more than that, Kate," I said through sobs. "It's so much more. I miss her so much I want her back whatever it takes. Even if it means destroying so many more lives in the process."

Kate was silent. Obviously being careful not to set me off again. She waited for what felt like hours but was probably less than a minute. Her face changed, like she had the answer.

"You think this is what your dream is trying to tell you?" Kate finally asked.

"Sure, I guess." I said.

 _That and, you know, the actual thoughts I have when I'm awake._

"You guess?"

"I don't know! What else could it mean? That pain I feel before I wake up so fucking intense, Kate! What else could it mean other than I want to just let everyone die?" I shouted. This time Kate didn't back away. She got up off the bed.

"So why don't you?"

"What?"

"You say the dream is exactly the make every time?" She continued.

"I can remember every tiny detail."

 _Almost like it really happened or something._

"In a dream you can do whatever you want. There's no limits. Yet, every time you choose to sacrifice Chloe, don't you?"

"Yeah?"

 _Where is she going with this?_

"Then maybe what that dream is really trying to tell you is not only can't you change it, you shouldn't. You miss Chloe an extraordinary amount, Max. But you know that even if there was some way to bring her back you couldn't do it," Kate said. I just stared at her for a moment. What she was saying was true. I mean not about the dream, but about me. I'd kept the photo because I thought I would want to use it to take it all back. To have Chloe back. So why hadn't I? It had been a week, what was I waiting for? As I thought to myself, Kate stepped forward and hugged me.

"Not only that Max, you let Chloe go to save hundreds of people in your dream. You always do. You know what that makes you?"

"No…" I said back automatically. Kate hugged me tighter.

"It makes you a hero," she said. "I know you're not a believer in God, but I think He would agree."

 _Hero?_

I couldn't even process that. Without thinking, I hugged Kate back and cried on her shoulder. I felt Kate rub the back of my head gently. I'm not sure how long we stood there for. Eventually I stopped crying.

"Didn't realise you were a psychiatrist, Kate," I said. I felt her vibrate as she giggled.

"Just call me Doctor Marsh," she said as we released each other. I wiped my eyes with the tissue she had given me.

"Hero...That's quite an honour, Kate."

"One you deserve," she just smiled at me and, for the first time in a week, I smiled back.

"Sorry," I said.

"What for?"

"The tea went to waste. It'll be cold now," I said. Kate giggled again.

"That's fine. We'll have plenty more cups in the future."

"Yes, we will. Thank you, Kate. You er…helped me figure out some stuff."

"I'm glad I could help, Max," she said.

"Um, I don't want to sound…is it okay if I be alone now?"

"Whatever you want. You know I'm always a text or door knock away, right?"

"I do. Thanks Kate." I gave her one more hug before she collected her tray. I opened the door for her as she stepped out she turned around to give me one last smile. I looked at her and suddenly had a thought.

"Wait!" I said. I quickly ran across to my desk and grabbed the William's camera. I rushed back over and looked through the view finder. Kate immediately looked at her feet, self conscious.

"I'm not exactly in my best clothes…" she said.

"Don't be silly. You look great," I said. She smiled and held up the tray. I took the picture and the flash went off.

"I'm glad you're getting back into the habit, Max. Even if I have to be the guinea pig."

I took out the photograph that popped out.

"You're the cutest guinea pig I could photograph," I said. Kate laughed, which made me laugh.

"Listen, Kate. I'm sorry I haven't been there for you this past week, maybe longer. If you ever want to talk about what happened to you then I'm here. Or if you just want to forget about it and never speak of it again that's cool too. Whatever I can-"

"I'm glad you're back, Max," she said, coming to my rescue to shut me up. I looked down at my now developed polaroid of Kate.

"Me too," I said with what felt like the hundredth smile that day.

"I'll see you later," she said.

"See you, Kate." She walked down the hallway to her room. I shut my door and sat back down on my bed.

Kate's words were still swirling through my head.

Had I been looking at everything wrong? I'd spent so much time thinking my powers and the week they created were a curse. But what if it was…a blessing? What if it was never about saving Chloe?

What if I had never had my powers? What would have happened? I would have gone in the bathroom and seen a blue haired girl get shot. Only to find out later it was my best friend, Chloe, whom I hadn't seen or even contacted for five years. What would I have thought? I'd have had so many questions.

 _What was she like now? Did she hate me for not contacting her? Could we have been friends now?_

I'd have driven myself crazy knowing I could never know. But I do know. I knew what she was like now. Brash, and a bit stubborn sometimes. She was also really funny, charismatic and daring.

I know I failed to save Kate in the original time line but you can't fail without at least trying. And man, did I try. Would I have done that if I never had my powers? I don't even mean just reaching her in time. Would I have just been so afraid I would mess it up that I would have stayed down on the ground with everyone else? I might not have saved her but at least Kate died knowing someone tried to be there for her. __I__ tried.

What about Rachel? I helped Chloe investigate, all to find out she was dead. In this time line she was discovered anyway after Nathan confessed everything. Okay, that was a tougher one. I don't know if I'd ever figure that one out.

Then the dark room. Ugh, maybe I should skip that one too. Being so vulnerable with Jefferson taking pictures and spouting his sick thoughts about me. I remember being so afraid. And so…angry. Fuck, was I angry… And I wasn't afraid to show Jefferson that. Could I have done that at the start of the week? Could a pre-powers Max have handed her photo to Jefferson, knowing what he was and stared him down? Could a pre-powers Max have told him, at the height of her fear, to "eat shit and die?" I mean, that was kinda badass.

And as much as I hate to admit it. As much it disgusts me…Jefferson had been right all along on some things. I handed in the photo I had once torn up thinking it was no good. It won me the Everyday Heroes contest and I found myself in a real art gallery. Not as an observer but as an artist. With my name on a damn plaque. It all happened. I thought my time in that reality was just a cruel glimpse of what could have been. Who says it can't still happen? I've seen proof that I have talent. That if I put myself out there I can succeed. That psychopath Jefferson had been right all along. Damn...

And then Chloe and I…

She was my first kiss. I had been into a few other boys and girls while growing up but I was always too shy to ask them out or let them know how I felt. I didn't even quite know when my feelings for Chloe appeared. I didn't remember seeing her in that way when we were kids. Maybe it was there subconsciously or something. When we had our time in the pool I remember her saying "I'm never leaving you." I think I almost melted hearing her say that but I guess at the time I put it down to being lucky enough to have such a good friend.

The next morning when she dared me to kiss her I don't even think she thought I'd do it. She was just teasing me.

I guess my nightmare gave me no choice but to confront my thoughts and feelings head on. Not least of all my feelings towards Chloe. Seeing her kissing everyone, even Victoria…it was so random there was no mistaking what I was afraid of. Chloe's rejection.

But at the lighthouse, I knew I had to go back and this would be the last time I would ever see Chloe. As I looked into her eyes she told me I was her hero. I felt a pain inside me like nothing I had ever experienced before. I didn't feel like I was about to just lose my best friend. I was about to lose the other half of me. As afraid as I was that Chloe would say "dude, what the fuck?" I had to do it. I had to try. So I did. In the movies and stuff people usually pull the the person they love close or lunge at them. That wasn't me. So I did the Max thing and slowly moved closer to her. I put my hands on her face, leaned in and kissed her. My first real kiss. With the girl I had gone on pirate adventures with when we were kids. I felt Chloe put her hands on my side. I don't really even know if Chloe did feel the same or if she just thought "fuck it, the world's ending and I'm kissing my best friend." If there was a moment I could have rewound over and over forever, it would have been that one. But I knew I couldn't. When we separated we didn't even talk about what just happened. We didn't need to. It was the best goodbye I could ever had had from her.

And that was the biggest blessing I received. I got to say goodbye. Without my powers the last goodbye I would have said to her would have been when I was thirteen. Not knowing what was awaiting the both of us five years down the road. I got to show Chloe just how much she meant to me. I knew that the hole she had left in my heart would take a long, long time to heal. But it would heal.

I picked up the framed butterfly photo on my bed and looked at it. I opened up the frame and held the picture in my hand. I'd been keeping a hold of this thinking what I wanted to do was take it all back. I'd spent the days since Chloe's funeral isolating myself from everyone. Thinking I had to deal with all of this shit myself because I didn't deserve to have anyone else. Kate helped me understand. She came back, like an angel, to help me realise I miss Chloe more than I can take and that's okay. It's not just okay. It's normal.

I looked down at the picture. My temptation I had been holding onto, thinking I would need it. I would never know who or what gave me these powers. I could only guess. Right now, my guess was they were given so I could spend one final week with the person I most cared about. To get a chance to say goodbye.

With that, I put my fingers on the top of the photograph, ready to tear in two. I took a deep breath. Then stopped. I realised that now, thanks to Kate, I could look at this photo in a different way. Not filled with questions about why everything happened or over what I had lost. I could look at this and see everything I had gained. I went back to my desk and opened my journal to the present day. I placed the photo in the center of the page. I grabbed a black marker and wrote in the top left corner of the page.

 _1\. You always tried._

I didn't always succeed and, maybe I hadn't always wanted to make everyone happy for the right reasons. But I still tried. I went to the top right corner and wrote:

 _2\. You pushed past your fear._

I was so damn scared that week. About the tornado, being in the dark room and telling Chloe how I felt. But I didn't let it beat me. Bottom left of the page…

 _3\. You know what you are capable of._

I saw a glimpse of my dream coming true. I was an artist with people admiring my work. Admiring the very picture I had originally torn up from shame and embarrassment. I hated to admit it but Jefferson was right. I have to put myself out there. I could do it. Bottom right…

My pen hovered over the page. I was hesitant to write this last one. It just felt like I was taking it too far. Like I was being far too generous to myself. Even though Kate had said it herself I just didn't feel comfortable calling myself… Then I remembered something. Something I had written in my journal during "that week."

 _"_ _ _Oh wait... I did say I would go to the drive-in with him. Hope he doesn't make a lame move on me... (Not that he would, egomaniac.)__ _"_

The problem had been there all along. I mean, I knew Warren was in love with me, but just the idea of him making a move on me seemed so ridiculous. The idea of ANY guy (or girl) being into me seemed ridiculous. I had gone my entire life thinking I was never anyone special. That I was just some awkward, shy dork. Even when I got my powers I refused to believe I was more than that. But the shit I went through happened. I had seen some horrible things but I made it. I'm here. I let the person I loved go for the good of everyone else. Fuck it. I wrote in the bottom right corner.

 _4\. YOU ARE A HERO._

I looked at what I had written and began welling up again. Then I laughed a the fact I was crying. Again! Not from sadness this time. For the first time in life I felt I could be proud of the person I was. Not having to worry about being arrogant or ego-maniacal for thinking good things of myself. I looked at my little "Max Motivation" page and smiled. Then worried that five things would be a more round number. Damn it. I knew what to put. Below the photo I wrote:

 _ **5\. You are Max Caulfield.**_

So I would never forget to be proud of who I was. Well, okay I saw it on __The Simpsons__. I realised I hadn't watched that show in forever.

 _I gotta correct that._

It felt good to finally feel like I had something to smile about. All the pain was still there but for the first time I felt like I hadn't made a mistake in sacrificing Chloe. That numbness that had plagued me felt like a distant memory now. Even if I could feel the loss and pain at least I was feeling things. I felt like, maybe, I could start to move forward. It would take a long, long time. But with my family and friends behind me I knew I could make it. I just had to take it one day at a time. Life doesn't have plans, things just happen.

 _Er, like getting rewind powers for instance._

It was then I realised I hadn't even tested to see if my powers still worked. I'd been so afraid of messing everything up. I picked up a stress ball on my desk. Something that had really come in handy the past week. I threw it onto my bed. Then I stuck out my right hand the same way I'd always done. I felt that familiar shifting sensation. I saw my ball fly back off the bed and sit back down on my desk. I put my hand down. I guess this supports the theory the power was to help me, not anyone else.

I was tempted to try photo jumping but that had caused too much trouble. Maybe at some point in the future I'd try, even then I'd go back no more than an hour. Whatever. That was for another day. I'd had enough epiphanies to last me the rest of the week.

 _Okay, Max you seemed to have found some peace for just a moment at least. Better make the most of it before all the grief comes rushing back._

I looked over at my mirror to see myself smiling back. I'd forgotten what that looked like. Another thing I'd forgotten was what it felt like to strum my guitar. I sat down on my couch and positioned the guitar on my lap. My dad had bought it for me when I was fourteen. I always felt bad for never really learning anything too advanced. Just enough to strum along to my favourite songs. I'd always been too scared to try my hand at writing my own music. Because of what people would think. Not any more. It doesn't matter if I write anything good. Just so long as I can say I tried.

* * *

 **A/N: If you made it to the end of this then thank you for reading! I've read some fan fiction on this site which I've loved. A recurring theme I've noticed however is the idea of Max not being able to live without Chloe. That even is she sacrificed her she then is compelled to try anything she can to get her "happy ending" with her. I'm not slighting people who take this angle at all, it's your writing and you can do whatever you want :)**

 **But my intention was to try and portray a post game story that shows Max can, at some point, move on. Not only that but a Max who could see what she had gained from her week with Chloe and how she might use it to continue with her life. I'm aware this is probably not the most action packed, drama heavy story you'll read on this site. Two thirds Max monologue and one third a conversation so I hope it's not too boring.**

 **I'd like to ideally keep this going as a continuous story which will be (ir)regularly updated :P If you'd like to see more then do let me know and I also welcome any feedback/criticism you think I may find helpful :) Even if I don't actually ever get around to continuing this I think it works quite nicely as a standalone epilogue to the game so win-win I guess.**

 **If it does continue then I don't really have a long term plan. I'd just be taking it one chapter at a time pretty much. Like how life may not have a plan, neither do I.**

 **Thanks for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2: Progress

My eyes were forced open by the sound of my alarm. As I switched it off and stared at the ceiling I had a horrible realisation. That numbness I was briefly rid off yesterday was back in full force.

 _ _Shit, I should have known this wouldn't all be fixed in one afternoon.__

I guess I thought Angel Kate had performed a miracle and exorcised all my demons or something. Apparently not. Still, today was a new day and…well, I had to get up. I climbed out of bed and rubbed my eyes. I was careful not to trip over my guitar. My attempted song writing session hadn't exactly been a resounding success. But I had fun doing it at least.

My parents were going to be arriving in Arcadia Bay soon. Probably to try and convince me to come back with them to Seattle. Unfortunately, I didn't have much of an argument against it. Either way, I hadn't had a shower in a few days.

 _ _Not sure they'd be too happy with me and my new greasy hair style.__

It looked like I had no choice but to leave my cave and venture back into civilisation. I grabbed my shower bag and towel and turned towards the door. I gripped the door handle before wondering if I was ready to deal with everyone in the dorm. It was a Friday so I hoped most people would be in class. I let out a deep sigh and remembered my little motivation page. I went over to my desk and opened up my journal to the page I needed. I read over over all five things I'd written. I smiled as I noticed the picture I took of Kate on my desk too.

 _ _You can do it, Max.__

I shut my journal, I didn't exactly want anyone who might come in to see it. I went back to my door. I took a deep breath and stepped outside. The hallway was empty so it looked like this was my chance. I walked with a quickened pace down the hall and rounded the corner to get to the bathroom. Through the door I heard a tap running.

 _ _Great, someone's in there.__

I opened the door. Kate was at the sink brushing her teeth. She looked at me as I came in.

"Machf!" She said through a mouth full of paste foam. Some of it dribbled out and into the sink. I giggled as she hurriedly rinsed her mouth with some water from the tap before spitting it down the drain. She turned off the tap and gripped her toothbrush.

"Sorry. Good morning," she said.

"Morning Kate," I replied.

"It's great to see you around."

"Yeah, it's a little strange seeing a different set of walls, that's for sure. But I couldn't exactly stay in there forever."

 _ _Though I sure would like to.__

"Um…Kate?"

"Yes, Max?"

"I just wanted to say thank you for talking to me yesterday. I really needed it," I said.

"Of course. I mean, I didn't exactly do much talking…"

"You're right. You listened, which was even better. I just had a lot of stuff I needed to…get out there. Sorry it had to be dumped on you but…"

Kate shook her head.

"Please don't be sorry, Max. I'm always here for you. Just like you're here for me."

An image of Kate jumping flashed by in my mind's eye. I shook my head to get my senses back.

"I try to be, Kate."

"That's all you can do. I'd better get going. Need to get ready for class. I'll see you later, Max."

Kate and I walked past each other.

"If you're in the mood I've got a book I think you'd love," she said.

 _ _Book? Shit…__

"Oh man, Kate I'm sorry."

"What for?"

"You let me borrow __The October Country__ and I never gave it back. You needed it for class, didn't you?" I said.

"Er, yeah. It's okay though. I just bought a second copy."

"Why?"

"Well, I didn't want to impose when you were dealing with things," she said

"I…I'm so sorry, Kate. How much was it? I'll pay you back."

"Max it really-"

"HOW MUCH?" I yelled. Kate took a step back and clutched her toothbrush to her chest in a defensive posture. I just stood there with my mouth open.

"Sorry…" I said finally. "I really do want to pay you back."

Kate nodded.

"Whatever makes you happy, Max. It was only five dollars. Just give it to me when you want. No hurry."

I just nodded. Kate gave a quick smile before leaving the bathroom.

 _ _Fuck. Way to go, Super Max. You just freaked out on poor Kate. But you're not going to be back to normal overnight. Just give yourself some time. Have your shower, then apologise to her. Again.__

I went into the shower cubicle, closed the curtain and put my towel over the cubicle top. I took off my shirt and shorts and put them up too. I turned on the shower and felt the water douse my hair and the rising steam surround my body. I'd forgotten what it felt like to just let the warmth of a good shower smother you. Only for it to feel freezing cold as soon you turn the water off. I grabbed my shampoo and squirted it into my hair. I massaged it making sure I didn't miss a single greasy hair on my head. I could have stayed there for hours. I felt so peaceful just listening to the sound of the running water and the warm sensation. But I couldn't stay there forever. Or in my room.

I washed out all the mess in my hair and turned off the shower. I towelled myself off before putting my shirt and shorts back on. I grabbed my stuff and left the bathroom.

As I left, Dana was walking past. She turned and saw me.

"Max!" She said, approaching me with a smile. "How are you? Sorry, that's a dumb question. You don't have to answer," she flustered.

"It's cool, Dana. I'm…" I just shrugged, unsure what answer to really give.

"Like I said, dumb question. It's so awesome to see you out of your room though."

"Yeah, I'm trying to make more of a habit of it," I said.

"I'm glad, missed seeing your face around these halls," she said. She seemed to really mean it too.

"Thanks Dana. That's sweet."

"I'd better get going. I forgot my phone. If you ever want to talk at all you know where my room is."

"Thanks, Dana."

She turned away.

 _ _That was so nice of her. I forgot how cool Dana can be. I should really return the favour.__

"Likewise," I added. Dana stopped and turned.

"What do you mean?"

"Just like, I meant if you ever want to talk about all the stuff with Logan or whatever I'm here for you too."

"What? Who told you about that?"

 _ _Oh shit. I forgot. Different time line.__

Without thinking I put my right hand forward and rewound. I put my hand back down.

"...forgot my phone. If you ever want to talk at all you know where my room is."

"Thanks, Dana." She walked away again. This time I kept my mouth shut. I really needed to be careful. I headed down the hallway back to my room. As I reached the door I heard another open behind me.

 _ _Please no…__

"Max?" I heard a familiar voice I could have done without. I turned around and saw Victoria in her room doorway. She looked me up and down and crossed her arms.

"So you're finally out of your room, huh?" she said.

"Looks that way," I said simply.

"Good. Being cooped up in there won't have done you any favours," she said with her typical 'I know everything' tone.

"I'm not in the mood, Victoria. Just leave me alone," I said.

"Can't you see I'm trying to be helpful?" She snapped. I looked back at her blankly.

 _ _Wait, she told me at the Vortex Club party she thought I was actually cool for not giving a shit what other people think. Guess I haven't exactly lived up to that reputation recently…__

"Wouldn't expect you to want to help me," I said to try and coax her.

"Yeah well, a lot of shit's gone down recently. You're not the only one with problems you know?"

"You mean Nathan and Jefferson?"

Victoria's face scrunched up in disgust.

 _ _Shit, way to go, Max.__

"I'm sorry, Victoria. I'll just…"

"Yes, just do whatever," she said. She slammed her door shut. I sighed and stuck my hand out again. Everything rewound again.

"You're not the only one with problems you know?" Victoria repeated.

"I know, Victoria. Sorry." I sheepishly entered my room and shut the door without turning around.

 _ _I thought I learned from that week yet here I am making the same dumb mistakes. Needing my rewind powers to get me out again and again.__

I let out another sigh.

 _ _Stop expecting miracles from yourself. You may have pledged to try harder from now on but that doesn't mean you have to be perfect. You're not super human…I mean, besides your powers I guess.__

I snapped myself out of my little inner turmoil and put my shower bag back where it belonged. I grabbed my hair dryer off the floor and put it to good use. A few minutes later and I ruffled my newly dried hair. It certainly felt a lot better, softer. Next order was to put some real clothes on. I looked through them and couldn't decide. Fashion hadn't exactly been my number one priority recently. I'd avoided my usual Jane Doe shirt, hoodie and jeans, probably because they reminded me of everything.

 _ _Remind you of what Max? A week where you went through hell? A week that you came out the other side of? Remember, you are a hero and those clothes are your…armour, maybe? Whatever. Just put them on.__

I changed into my, I guess signature outfit, and looked at myself in the mirror. I certainly looked better than I had these past few days. Hopefully it meant Mom and Dad wouldn't worry too much when they arrived. Who was I kidding? Of course they were going to worry. I got out my phone and sent a message.

 ** _"_ _ _I'll be waiting outside Blackwell at ten thirty. See you soon xx"__**

I put my phone in my pocket and grabbed my wallet. I looked through and found a five dollar bill. I knew who this was going to.

* * *

KNOCK KNOCK!

Kate opened her door.

"Hey, Kate. This is what I owe you," I said offering the note. Kate took it.

"Thanks, Max."

"Can you please do me one last favour?" I said. "Kind of a permanent thing?"

"Of course, what is it?"

"Whenever I talk to you or say anything at all. Can you add 'I'm sorry, Kate' at the end in your head. Just saves me saying it myself is all."

Kate smiled.

"Sure thing, Max." She stepped forward and gave me another hug. I hugged her back and then walked away. I heard Kate's door shut. I headed back to my room.

* * *

A few minutes until my parents were going to arrive. I had no choice but to get to the parking lot and wait for them. I headed towards my door before stopping in my tracks. I looked over at the two cameras on my desk. I had managed to play my guitar a little yesterday. While music wasn't my number one passion I had still enjoyed doing it. Photography on the other hand had been the thing I'd lived for since I was a kid.

 _ _Gotta get back on the horse, Max.__

I went over to my desk. I looked at my cameras.

 _ _You never know when the perfect shot might show itself. Always take-__

I shook my head in disgust as Jefferson's voice drifted into my head. I decided on William's camera and put it into my bag. I put the bag strap over my shoulder and finally headed for the exit and left the building.

I stepped out and got blasted in the face by the sunlight. I'd had my curtains drawn because I was oh-so-emo the past week. Luckily for me the outside area was empty so I could get to the Blackwell parking lot ninja style. I took a few steps before I was surprised by a voice to my right.

"Young Max?"

I turned and saw Samuel stepping outside.

"Oh. Hey, Samuel." I hoped I hadn't sounded like I really didn't want to see him. I mean I didn't, but it wasn't personal or anything. Samuel didn't seem phased. He waddled over to me.

"Oh, young Max. When I saw the sun shining so brightly I wondered if this was the day you would come back to us."

"I doubt the world is really watching me that closely," I said.

"Oh, nature is always watching. It has senses like you and I."

"Really, that's a little ominous isn't it?"

"Oh nature can be a cruel mistress at times, young Max.

 _ _Don't I know it, Samuel.__

"But she can also be beautiful and gentle. Like today. It's celebrating you."

"Well, that's pretty cool I guess. Um, I have to go now but it was great seeing you, Samuel."

"Likewise, Max." I walked away. I had forgotten how weird Samuel could be sometimes. I mean, I guess he wasn't that much weirder than me. He was still a sweet person. He really seemed knowledgeable about certain things. He definitely didn't deserve some of the remarks he got from people like Victoria.

* * *

I was waiting in the car park for Mom and Dad to arrive any minute. A piece of paper floated through the air in the wind. It landed in front of me. It was Rachel Amber's MISSING poster. I picked it up and held it in my hands. I thought back to the first time I remembered seeing these around school. I had no idea that I would one day discover her body in the ground. Chloe was so distraught when we found her. It took a half hour before she stopped crying. I just put my arm round her like an idiot. Saying things like "It's okay" when it obviously wasn't.

I scrunched up the poster and threw it to the side. I looked across the car park and noticed the disabled parking bays. When I had come to meet up with Warren I had seen Chloe's truck parked there, not knowing it belonged to her at the time. She'd parked across both bays.

 _ _Wowser, talk about foreshadowing. Not only that but we stole money from the handicapped fund...__

I thought it was just a bribe for Wells which is why I hadn't felt bad letting Chloe take it. It probably still was but when I saw the sign outside the dormitory I knew I'd made a mistake.

 _ _It's over, Max. There's no point in beating yourself up over it. Anyway, you took it all back.__

I felt like I was relapsing after feeling somewhat happy for the first time in a while yesterday.

 _ _You know what made you happy, Max? Talking with Kate. Being with other people and not staying in your cave. Now you're outside with your camera to see Mom and Dad.__

Speaking of which, I saw my parent's car pull into the parking lot. Still the same one they bought while we were in Seattle. I knew they had stayed overnight in Portland before making the rest of the journey this morning. Mom and Dad parked to the side, then they both stepped out and shut the doors.

"Hey, honey," my dad said.

I had no idea why I reacted the way I did. I don't know if it was because I hadn't seen them in almost two months. That they had no idea of everything their daughter had gone through. But I did something I wished I hadn't.

I burst into tears.

Mom immediately came up and gave me the biggest hug she could. I sobbed into her shoulder as I felt dad put his arm around me.

"I'm so sorry, sweetheart," Mom said into my ear. I just continued to cry. I thought I had gotten all of this out my system with Kate. Mom and Dad stood holding me for a while until I was all out of tears. They both backed away as Mom got out a tissue for me. I gave my eyes and nose a wipe before stuffing the tissue into my pocket.

"I knew we should have gotten here sooner," Dad said finally.

"We've been so worried about you, Max," Mom added.

I had been hoping to convince them I would be best off staying Arcadia Bay rather than going back with them to Seattle. Those hopes had taken a bit of hit from what just happened.

"I know you have. But I've been okay," I said. They both looked at each other and then at me.

"Okay, I haven't been doing great," I confessed. "But I'm getting there."

"It's been barely two weeks. This isn't something you just get over quickly, Max," Mom said.

"I know, Mom. And no, I'm not over it at all but I'm doing better. I had a really good talk with Kate yesterday. She helped me look at things differently."

"Listen, honey," Dad said. "We were thinking of taking you out for breakfast. If you're not up to it we can just maybe go back to your room and-"

"No," I interrupted. They both look at me a little surprised. "I mean it'll be good for me to get out for a while. Of my room I mean," I added, not wanting to give them ideas.

"If you're sure?" Mom said.

"I'm sure," I said with a nod. I took my camera out of my bag. "Who knows, maybe I'll get some good photos while we're out." Mom and Dad looked at each other with a smile. If they knew I might be interested in my photography there was no way they'd stand in the way of it.

"Okay, we were thinking the Two Wales? Been years since your mother and I have been there," Dad said.

 _ _Two Wales Diner? Where Joyce might be working? No, don't be ridiculous, Max. There's no way she'll be back to work this soon. And even if she was what are you going to do, avoid her for the rest of your life?__

Also, I had hardly eaten in the past couple of days.

"Sounds good," I said with a smile. My parents both nodded. I got into the back seat as Mom and Dad got back in the front. I put my seat belt on as my dad pulled out of the parking lot and onto the road.

* * *

I just stared out of the window for most of the journey. Mom and Dad tried to strike up a conversation but I really wasn't feeling it. My replies were restricted to "Yeah" and "Mm." They seemed to get the message and eventually went quiet. Not long after we arrived at the Two Wales Diner. I got out of the car and looked up at the building. It was so hard to believe I had seen it half torn apart during the tornado and now here it was, good as new.

"Max, darling?" Mom's voice drifted in. I pulled out of my little flashback and walked with them into the diner. The sound of clanking silverware and jazz jukebox music greeted me. My mom and dad walked down and sat in one of the booths. The booth where…Chloe and I had sat when I proved my powers to her. The booth where the __other__ me in my nightmare had laid out my worst fears about myself to my face. I must have been staring into space again.

"Max?" I felt Dad put his hand on my shoulder.

"Honey, if you aren't up to this we can just leave," he said softly. I shook my head.

"I'm fine, Dad."

I walked past him and sat down in my spot, opposite my Mom. I put my bag on the table to the side. Mom reached over and rubbed my hand. I looked up to see her smiling, tears were forming in her eyes. I hated seeing her upset. And it was because she knew I was upset. I smiled back at her and let her rub my hand. Dad sat down next to Mom. I retreated my hand back onto my lap and looked out of the window. I'd looked out the same window during the storm, before I went back through Warren's photo. Anyone would think I should have been in more of a rush but I just needed a moment to sit down and let my worries wash away. I managed it then, why couldn't I manage it now?

"Joyce?" Dad said. I swung my head round to see Joyce, in uniform, walking towards us. Mom and Dad got up out of the booth and both gave her a hug one by one.

"It's so good to see you both again," Joyce said.

"It's so good to see you, Joyce," my mom replied. "We're…" Mom and Dad looked at each other for a second.

"We're so sorry about Chloe," she said. Joyce took in a breath before exhaling deeply.

"Me too," she said. I just sat there looking up at them like an idiot. Like a little kid too shy to speak to the adults.

 _ _Max, come on. Do something.__

I stood up as Mom and Dad moved away from Joyce. She looked at me with a smile. I knew I'd realised it was not my fault Chloe died. She wanted it to happen too, to save everyone. But as I looked at Joyce I was reminded she had no idea of what her daughter went through, the person she became. I looked at Joyce and hugged her tightly before I could start crying. She didn't need to see me more upset than she most likely was. I backed away and smiled up at her. If someone has just met her they would have no way to tell what this woman had been through in her life. She just radiated a calmness and tranquillity.

"I thought you'd have taken some time off work?" I said. Joyce gave me a funny look.

"You saw me here last week, Max. Remember?"

 _ _Shit, of course. That's where you got William's camera from, genius.__

"Right, sorry. I just thought since then maybe you'd…"

Joyce just shook her head before addressing my parents and I.

"I flirted with the idea but then I was just staying at home all day feeling sorry for myself. That's not the way I like to deal with things. It's the way I've always been. And anyway, David's been coming in to see me most days so I've not been alone."

"I know you're resilient Joyce but I must admit even I wouldn't have expected this," Dad said.

"I always aim to surprise, Ryan," Joyce chuckled. "It's funny you all turn up just as I was heading home. Been working through the whole night thanks to being short staffed."

"Oh don't go, Joyce. I understand if you want to get home and rest but please sit down with us. We're long overdue," Mom said.

 _ _Shit. I know it isn't my fault but just seeing Joyce brings everything back. I have to push through it though. It's not fair on Joyce for her to be denied support just because of me.__

"Yeah," I added. "Please?"

"Well, I can't turn down that face, Max. Alright then, I guess I can stay awake long enough for us to talk and get some grub. Just let me call David," Joyce said. She walked away to the phone. My parents and I sat back down.

"I don't know how she does it," Mom said. Dad and I just nodded.

* * *

Joyce came and sat down with us. She couldn't get hold of David, said he must have left the house. We all ordered food and demolished every scrap. We spent a lot of time talking. We barely even talked about Joyce, she seemed far more interested in my parents and I. Mom and Dad filled her in on their lives the past five years. They had the same jobs, same house, very little had changed once we had settled in Seattle. Joyce was pleased I had brought William's old camera with me. I promised her I was going to use it. She just asked me to promise to credit William when I was interviewed about my future famous work. Throughout the whole conversation I was just in awe of Joyce. How could one woman deal with so much pain so easily?

Eventually the conversation turned to what I had been dreading.

"Listen, Max," Mom said. "Your father and I have been thinking." She looked to him for support. Dad picked up where Mom left off.

"We'd like you to come back to Seattle for a while, until you feel you're ready to go back to Blackwell," he said.

I just avoided everyone's eyes and stared down at my empty plate.

"We don't want you to be alone while you're dealing with everything. We want to be there for you," Mom added. "We contacted Principal Wells and he's heard from other students about how withdrawn you've been."

"I know," I said through gritted teeth.

"Then please come home with us," she said. "Until you feel ready."

I looked up at Joyce.

"You do whatever you think is best, Max. It's your decision," she said. I looked back at the table.

 _ _Are they right? Can I really not do this? It does seem no matter where I go something reminds me of all the bad stuff. I know I've promised to focus on all the good things that came out that week but I'm still really struggling. It's all too much. Maybe the solution is to run away this time. Run away from everything and try to forget the horrors in my head. Then maybe I can come back to Arcadia Bay stronger...__

"Okay," I said. "I'll come home with you."

Mom smiled slightly.

"We think you're making the right decision, honey. We only want what's best for you," Dad said. I just nodded.

 _I wish this felt like the right decision._

* * *

We were all outside. Mom and Dad were going to take me back to Blackwell so they could see Principal Wells and confirm the situation. Dad had offered Joyce a ride back home but Joyce insisted on taking the bus, she needed to get some groceries on her way back.

"It was wonderful to see you again, Joyce," Mom said as she hugged her.

"We'll have to make the gap between now and next time a lot shorter," Dad added as he gave her a hug.

"It was great seeing the both of you too. Any time you're in Acardia you let me know," Joyce said before turning to me.

"You take care of yourself, Max. I'll see you when you get back." She gave me a hug.

"Thank you, Joyce."

Mom, Dad and I got back in the car as Joyce went to the bus stop. I sat in the back seat looking at the floor again. I looked out the window at Joyce, stood at the stop. She still had no idea what Chloe had done, how brave she had been. My dad started the car engine.

 _ _No. I can't leave without telling Joyce. She deserves to know.__

I undid my seat belt and opened the door.

"Max?" Mom said.

"I have to talk to Joyce. It's important. I won't be long," I said as I climbed out of the car.

I walked away from Mom and Dad. I suddenly stopped and turned around to see them looking over their shoulders at me. I didn't exactly need an audience for this. They seemed to sense my unease and turned around to face the front. I turned back and approached Joyce, who was stood at the stop looking the other way. I stopped next to her.

"Um, Joyce?" I said tentatively. She turned to see me and smiled again.

"Max, well that wasn't long," she said.

"I just…" I cleared my throat, nerves were getting to me.

"I just wanted to tell you something," I managed to say.

"Well, I'm all ears," she said.

"Please promise me you won't ask how or why I could know this, okay?"

Joyce's smile was replaced with a little look of concern.

"Okay, Max," she said.

I took a deep breath.

"You should know that Chloe was braver and more selfless than you can possibly know. I know she probably never showed that at home or anywhere else. But she was truly amazing and you should be so, so proud of her." My hands were shaking, from fear and/or adrenaline. I awaited Joyce's response with trepidation.

"I know what my daughter was capable of, Max," she said. "I know what sort of person she could be. Who she was underneath the clothes and attitude. I just wish Chloe had known that about herself. I am proud of her, Max. Don't you go worrying about that," she said.

"I wish Chloe had known it too," I said.

"Was that all?" Joyce asked. I thought it was but…now that I was here…

"I'm so sorry for not contacting Chloe, Joyce. I'm sorry I abandoned her."

"Max, don't say that. You did not abandon her."

"Yes, I did. I mean when I moved away I just really didn't know what I could say to her. The longer I left it the worse it got until I felt it was too late to even try and contact her. But when I came back to Arcadia I had no excuse. I had over a month to try and find her. She deserved to at least die knowing that I cared about her. Not alone and..." my lip trembled as I trailed off. Joyce approached me and put her hand on my shoulder.

"Max, darling. Please do not do this to yourself. We all have things we wish we could go back and change. Trust me, I know."

"Joyce, tell me the truth. Don't sugar coat it, okay? I don't deserve it."

 _ _I just have to know…__

"Did Chloe hate me?" I asked. Before she said anything, Joyce hugged me tight.

"She was hurt and confused a lot of the time, Max. I admit she often asked me why she never heard from you and I never really had a good answer. But I think you might be one of the few people on this earth she could never hate. She always talked about you. I don't think there was a single day your name wasn't mentioned in our house. Granted, it wasn't always in the most positive light but underneath that was concern, hoping you were doing okay. So no, Max. She never hated you."

I wiped away a couple of tears.

"Thank you," I said.

"How long have you been wanting to ask me that?"

"...Years."

"Oh, Max darling. My baby never forgot about you. I can see you never forgot about her either."

"Never. I was just a stupid kid and couldn't deal with being away from her and I just-" a sob escaped my mouth and cut off my speech. Joyce rubbed the back of my head. She was sure better at comforting me than I was her.

"I don't think she could deal with it either," said Joyce. "Please don't torture yourself thinking this was all your fault, Max. You can't change it now. You can only look forward."

I let go of Joyce as she looked at me.

"How do you do it, Joyce? How do you go through so much pain but carry on like everything's okay?" I asked. I needed to know her secret now more than ever.

"That's the first trick, Max. Never pretend things are okay when they're not. All I try to do is look at what I still have, not what I've lost. When I lost William he left behind a wealth of memories. When I think about him now I don't feel sadness. I smile, thinking about some dumb joke he'd make or ridiculous thing he'd say."

I smiled too when I remembered all the times William made me laugh.

"It will be the same with Chloe. Right now it's painful, but I know the time will come when I'll think of my daughter and feel nothing but pride. I don't know when that day will come but I won't get there if I stand still. I have to keep moving forward," Joyce said.

I nodded. She was right. Joyce never ran away from her grief, she tackled it head on.

 _ _Can you do the same, Super Max?__

"I'm going to stay here in Arcadia," I announced to her. Joyce seemed taken aback.

"Max, I wasn't trying to-"

"I know you weren't. This is my decision," I insisted.

Joyce sighed.

"Your parents are going to kill me," she said with a smile. "But you're welcome in my home any time you like. Make sure they know that."

"Don't worry about them, I'll talk them round. Thanks, Joyce. I'll see you soon." I ran back to the car. As soon as I opened the door I saw my bag on the back seat.

"Max," Dad said. "You ready?" I grabbed my camera from my bag and ran back to Joyce. I angled things just right and took a picture of Joyce by the bus stop sign while she was looking across the road. She turned around at the sound of the flash and camera whirring.

"Oh my goodness," she said. "You do not want my ageing body in your photo collection, Max."

I laughed as I took out the emerging polaroid.

"William would have wanted you in every picture, Joyce. I can at least manage this one."

"Next time at least let me wear something a little more stylish," she said gesturing to her outfit.

"You look great in anything, Joyce." She laughed.

"Chloe could charm her way to my good side when she wanted to as well, Max," she smiled. I ran back to the car. I got in the back seat and shut the door.

"Are you r-"

"I'm staying in Arcadia Bay," I said. Mom and Dad looked at each other with concern. Mom turned to me.

"Max…" she started.

"Joyce is here. I have my friends here to support me. I can do this. I believe I can do this and I really need you to believe it too. Please," I begged. They looked at each other again. They seemed to have a whole conversation just through their facial expressions. They looked back at me.

* * *

In the parking lot of Blackwell...

"If ever change your mind you call us immediately," Dad said.

"Call me at least once a week regardless so we know what's going on," Mom added.

"I promise. Thanks Mom. Thanks Dad," I said as I hugged them both. They held on to me, not wanting to let go I think.

"I'll see you both for Thanksgiving and Christmas. You can let me go for now," I said with a small laugh. Dad stepped back and nodded. Mom put her hands on my shoulders, tears forming in here eyes. She gave me the biggest smile.

"It's times like this I forget your not our little girl any more. You're a grown woman I couldn't be more proud of," she said.

"Mom, you're embarrassing me," I said as I felt my cheeks go red.

"Sounds like our little girl is still here, honey," Dad said to Mom. They both laughed.

"Yeah, okay," I stepped back from Mom. "I need to get back to my room."

"Okay, sweetheart. You know we're always here for you. We're only a call or text away," Mom said as she wiped her eyes.

"I know. I'm not afraid to ask for help, Mom," I said.

 _ _Not any more.__

Mom and Dad both nodded. They got back in the car and shut the doors, ready to leave the Blackwell parking lot. As I watched them start to reverse I lamented there was still so much I couldn't tell them. Maybe one day, but not now. Everything was just-

 _ _Wait, not everything. Shit! I should probably tell them…I mean, do I need to? Does it matter? Yes, it matters.__

Without thinking I ran up to the car and slapped the window. The car stopped suddenly as Mom wound the window down.

"What is it, honey?" she asked.

"I er…I-"

 _ _Shit, come on Max. How can this be scary compared to everything else you seen and done?__

"I just wanted- I thought you should know- I think I'm…I mean I __know__ I'm…"

Mom reached out and took my hand.

"Just take your time, honey. Whatever it is," Mom said. Dad leaned forward so I could see him better. He gave me an encouraging smile. I shut my eyes and took a deep breath.

"I'm gay. I mean, I might be bi. I- I don't know. With everything else I haven't really had time to process-"

Mom gave my hand a squeeze.

"Are you okay with who you are?" she asked.

 _ _I haven't really thought about it. I guess if I didn't question it then…__

"Um, I think so," I said. Dad leaned across towards Mom's window.

"Then that's all we need to hear, Max. We love you. We always will," he said.

I breathed out a sigh of relief. I didn't know why. Mom and Dad were always cool with anyone.

"Have you told anyone else?" Dad asked.

"Sort of," I said.

 _ _Should I really tell them this? It'll open up all sorts of questions I don't exactly have easy answers to.__

"Chloe knew," I said. That was a truth. Sort of. Mom and Dad exchanged glances. Mom looked back at me and squeezed my hand again.

"We're so sorry, Max," she said.

"Oh my God. Was this something you'd been keeping to yourself this whole time? Did you tell her before we left for Seattle?" Dad asked.

"I didn't tell her with _words_. I um... she knew _ _,__ " I said. Mom and Dad looked at each other again. They seemed to have pieced it together. An approximate version of it all anyway.

"Oh Max, honey. Are you sure you don't want to come back home?" Mom asked.

I shook my head.

"I'm sure. I have people here. Like Joyce," I said.

"Does um…does Joyce know about…you and Chloe?" Dad asked. I shook my head again as they both nodded.

"Well it's not our place to tell her. You don't have to either, Max. If you want to at some point then that's up to you. Okay?" Dad asked. I nodded.

Dad started the engine and they pulled away. I suddenly had another thought. I grabbed my camera from my bag and aimed it at the car. Dad slowed down just long enough for me to get the shot. They both waved at me. I waved back at them as they left the parking lot and drove off down the road. I let out a sigh. I immediately felt a small tinge of regret not going back with them.

 _ _You got this, Max. You can do this.__

* * *

I managed to get back into my room without running into anyone I knew. I shut the door behind me and put my bag on the floor. I laid down on my bed thinking about today. I was actually pretty proud of myself for managing to leave my room and see my parents. Not only that but I could now look at Joyce and talk to her without feeling a world of guilt on my shoulders. Today was…progress. I still didn't feel anywhere near ready to get back to studying yet but that was okay. I laid there as my mind drifted to Chloe. I was relieved to know that Joyce saw who Chloe really was behind the clothes, attitude and…blue hair.

And just like that it felt like all my progress had been undone in an instant. I felt the hole Chloe had left behind once again. I could feel I was about to burst into tears. I didn't want to call my parents, especially when they hadn't even got home yet. Not Joyce, she has her own pain to deal with. Kate and Dana had already done their part today. I reached down into my bag and took out my camera and two new pictures. I put them on my desk next to Kate's. It really felt great to be taking pictures again. Okay, they probably weren't award winning but there was something nice about just taking pictures without stressing a tonne about all the technicalities. I had just been taking pictures of people who were special to me. Maybe it had been subconscious or something. Now I had spotted the pattern I was determined to keep this collection growing. Who else was there?

 _ _Warren!__

I'd been totally blanking him since the funeral. I ignored all his texts and calls. I know he was just trying to help. I thought about everything Warren did for me in the alternate timeline. He was my knight in shining armour several times. He was so sweet. I almost wished I'd kissed him in the diner, as a thank you for everything. But even knowing I was about to take it all back, it just didn't feel right.

I knew how he felt. I knew I would never feel the same. I needed to deal with it now so he could move forward. So we both could. Hopefully the good luck from earlier would carry through. I checked the time, almost twelve. I got out my cell phone and found Warren in my contacts. My fingers hit the screen as I typed out my text.

 ** _Hey Warren, hope ur okay. Are you doing anything at lunch? There's something I wanted to talk to you about._**

I sent the text and put my phone down. Barely thirty seconds passed when it buzzed. I looked to find a message from Warren.

 _ **MAX! So good to hear from you. Been worrying about you. Of course, whatever you need I'm there. Want me to drop by your room at lunch? xx**_

 _Oh, Warren..._

 _ **That's okay Warren. I'll meet you outside the main entrance. See you soon.**_

* * *

 ** _AN: Hello again! Apologies if this feels like a bit of a reskin of Chapter One. Truth be told I didn't think I ever actually expected this to get beyond that first chapter but I had a lot of fun writing it. Looks like this will actually be a more long term thing! Hopefully some of you will stick with me for the ride._**

 ** _Thanks for reading!_**


	3. Chapter 3: Unsaid

As I put my phone back in pocket I suddenly thought I should maybe have given myself a little more time before dealing with the Warren situation. I wasn't exactly an expert with telling someone my feelings for them. Rejecting someone with feelings for me was totally new territory.

 _Relax Max, you got this. Probably…_

It was times like this I really wished I could ask someone for advice. I wondered what Chloe would do in my place.

 _Probably say "Dude, you're cool an' all, but I'm just hella not interested."_

 _...Okay, she'd probably come up with something smarter than that._

I smiled at the thought momentarily before that hole inside me reappeared. It was like Joyce said, there'd come a day where I would think of Chloe and only smile. For now, that smile would be accompanied by a lot of pain. I put my camera back in my bag. Upon completing my mission I planned to snag another photo for my growing collection. If I completed my mission…

I opened up my diary and looked at my little Max motivation page again before closing my journal. It was funny how much that page helped. Not just for the actual words but how I felt when I wrote them. I hadn't felt that hopeful in a long time. That's what I had to do. Just know that I could do this and it would turn out okay.

 _Okay, enough trying to fool yourself, Max. Just get out there and do it._

* * *

I walked across the dorm yard and towards the gates. When I saw the campus it was almost completely empty. Classes weren't over just yet so I didn't expect anyone. But there was Daniel, sat under a tree drawing in his sketch book. He saw me before I could decide whether or not I was in the mood for conversation with someone else.

"Max!" He called and waved at me. I gave him a wave back. I decided to bite the bullet and went over to him.

"Hey, Daniel. You not in class?" I said.

Daniel shook his head.

"Free period. It is so wonderful to see you outside, Max. How have you been doing?"

"I'm getting better, kind of. Trying to not hole myself up any more," I said. Daniel nodded.

"I don't know if you had a chance to see it but I posted a drawing of you on Facebook last week," he said. "I hoped it might cheer you up."

"That's so sweet. And I'm sorry but I've been staying off social media recently. I'll look right now though," I said as I got out my phone.

"Oh no, it's okay. I took it down," Daniel said.

"Why?"

"At first I was really proud of it, but then someone commented on its flaws and I lost confidence in it."

"Who commented on it?"

"Logan."

 _Logan? That idiot._

"You shouldn't listen to anything he has to say," I said.

"No, no. I'm glad he said it. He was right. It really wasn't my best work. I can do better." He looked back at his drawing. The look on his face told me he didn't believe anything he was saying. The school bell suddenly rang. Warren would be out any minute. I put my phone back in my pocket.

"Daniel," I said. He looked up from his drawing.

"Yes, Max?"

"You're a really talented artist. Like, really good. Don't listen to anyone else's mean comments. If you know what you done is good that's all that matters. Be proud of it," I said. Daniel smiled and looked away.

"You are making me blush. Thank you, Max. I will try."

I saw people filing out of the school. I gave Daniel another smile and waved goodbye. I made my way over to the entrance as people moved past me. I caught a few looks from people, some just surprised to even see me, some not trying to be subtle when talking about me. I just kept my opens open for Warren.

Then Warren came outside. As soon as he saw me his face lit up and he ran down the steps. He had his arms open ready for a hug. I didn't have time to figure out how to indicate I wasn't in the mood, so I just hugged him back, though definitely not has hard as he hugged me. He stepped back and was still smiling.

"It's awesome to see you again," he said. He seemed to catch he was being a little too enthusiastic given the reason why I had been avoiding him and everyone else. His expression softened a little.

"How have you been?" he asked. That question had almost become like a reverse catchphrase, something I didn't say but literally everyone else did.

"Just trying to get out a little more," I said.

"I can definitely help you with that. You said you wanted to talk to me about something?"

"Er, yeah."

"We can go down to the Two Whales if you like. My treat. I've even got a new car I've been meaning to show you," he said with a smile. I'd already been at the diner less than ten minutes ago. I didn't really want to make this into a big deal. I just needed to say-

"Yeah, sounds great."

 _Goddamnit, Max._

* * *

A few minutes later and we were pulling out of the parking lot and onto the main road.

"So how have you been?" Warren asked. "Crap, sorry. Already asked you that," he added.

"It's okay, you really don't have to tread on eggshells, Warren. I'm just trying to get back to normal. Well, as best I can," I said.

"I hear you. It's been insane recently. All that stuff with Nathan and Jefferson. So messed up. And, I'm sorry about what happened to your friend…" he trailed off.

"Chloe. Yeah, me too." I looked out the window and sighed. We were driving past the beach. A few people were swimming in the ocean. I could faintly see Warren's reflection and the look of concern on his face in the window.

"I can't say I know what it's like but I promise I'm here for you," he said.

I looked back at him.

"I know you are, Warren. I'm sorry I've been so withdrawn recently. And for ignoring all your messages."

"It's cool. Sorry if I was being a pest or anything. I was just worried about you."

"You weren't being a pest. And I know you were. You're sweet."

Warren smiled.

 _Max, this isn't exactly helping him prepare for rejection…_

* * *

We parked up and went into the diner. I know deja vu was pretty standard for me thanks to my powers but it was still weird being back at the diner for the second time that day.

"Have whatever you want. It's on me. However expensive it is," Warren said with another smile.

"Thanks, I already ate though. Coffee will do me just fine. Milk and sugar. I'll go grab us a table," I said walking away. I picked the table right in the corner. This would be hard enough without feeling like everyone was watching me. I didn't want to feel like I was on display as I might have been about to screw up one of the best friendships I had left.

 _Come on, think positive. Give Warren some credit._

A minute later Warren came and sat down.

"What are you having?" I asked.

"Just the same as you."

"Didn't know you drank coffee."

"I'm full of surprises. You know nothing, Max Caulfield."

I smiled at the reference.

"So you're a man of mystery then?"

"Guilty as charged," he replied. I laughed a little. It was nice having these moments again. Then I felt bad because I was worried I was leading Warren on.

 _Max, relax. Just say it now. Say you need to tell him something and then just-_

Right then the waitress decided was a good time to arrive with out coffee.

"Here you go," she said as she put them down in front of us.

"Thanks," Warren said.

"Yeah, thanks," I said trying to hide my irritation. Based on the waitress' expression I didn't do a good enough job. She didn't deserve that. I quickly put out my hand and rewound.

"Thanks," Warren said.

"Thank you," I said forcing a smile. The waitress smiled back before disappearing back behind the counter.

 _Come on, Max. Just come straight out with it. Just say-_

"So how have you been?" I asked.

 _Sigh…_

"I've been okay," said Warren. "Like I said, still kinda shocked at all the crap that went down."

"You know I think I saw there was a Planet of the Apes marathon last week. Did you go?"

"Nah, wasn't in the mood. Wasn't really anyone who wanted to see it anyway."

"I bet Brooke would have liked it," I said trying to give him a nudge in the right direction.

"Maybe," he said. Speaking about movies made me remember something.

"Crap, Warren did I ever give you your flash drive back?" I asked. He shook his head a little.

"It's okay, I didn't need it."

"I'll get it back to you. I think Dana may have it right now."

"It's cool, whatever," he said.

 _Alright, Max. You've put this off long enough._

I took a sip of my coffee before putting my mug back down.

"Warren, there's something I wanted to talk to you about."

"That's why we came here," he said. "What is it?"

"It's nothing to do with the stuff that's happened recently. It's just something I think we should get out in the open. For the both of us."

"Okay…" said Warren with some trepidation.

"I know that- I mean I kinda- What I-" I didn't so much trip over my words as tumble down stairs of…words.

 _Guess metaphors aren't my strong point._

"Listen, Warren. I know that- that you-" I struggled to say it out loud. Even with everything I had done one of the scariest things was talking about anything to do with relationships.

"I know that you like me," I managed to get out. Warren eyes widened a little and he cleared his throat.

"I mean yeah, we are friends aren't we?" Warren said looking down at his drink. I so badly wanted to go along with that but I had already started. I had to finish.

"That's not what I mean, Warren. I'm pretty sure you know what I'm talking about."

Warren looked down at the table. I guessed he hadn't been expecting this.

"So what if you're right?" he asked.

"I just want- I need to tell you I don't feel the same. I'm sorry," I stammered. I let out a small sigh, trying to disguise the relief.

 _You did it, Max._

Warren's mouth fell open slightly. He sat in silence for a few moments.

"I really am sorry," I added, trying to do something to break the horrible silence.

"It's cool. Whatever."

"Warren, I really do still want us to be friends," I said.

"Yeah, cool," he replied. The expression on his face told me otherwise.

"I'm sorry," I said again.

"Why?"

"Why am I sorry?"

"No, why don't you like me me? We have so much in common, we have fun. Why don't you like me?"

"I do like you Warren and we do have fun. Trust me, you've done more for me than you know. I just don't have the same feelings you have for me." I was just repeating myself now, but I didn't know what else I could say.

"So you just don't care about anything I do for you, is that it?" He snapped.

"Warren, please don't be like this. Of course I do, but it doesn't mean I have be attracted to you."

"So what do I have to do then?"

"I don't know if there's anything you can do, I'm sorry."

Warren looked down at the table again. He took a big sip of his drink before quickly putting it back down and rubbing his mouth. The heat had scorched his lips.

"Careful," I said.

"Didn't know you cared," he snapped.

"Warren…"

"So why did you want to do this here? So everyone could see me get humiliated?"

"You're not getting humiliated, Warren. And I didn't want to do this here. But I just struggle to say no sometimes. Believe me, it's not a great quality to have,"

"So you can't say no to a free drink but you can to going out with me?" he snapped again.

"That's not how it is," I explained. I was really starting to feel uncomfortable. This was so not how I wanted this to go.

"So this is what you wanted to tell me? Why now?" He demanded.

"I guess, with everything that's happened. Losing Chloe…I had an epiphany or whatever. I'm done standing still and want to move forward. I want the same for you. I didn't want you chasing me thinking something that was never going to happen would happen. I'm telling you this because I care, Warren."

"I care too, apparently not enough for it to matter."

"For it to matter?" I repeated. "So what, is that the only reason you've be nice to me, so I would go out with you? If that's true then what happens now?"

Warren shrugged.

"Then maybe I don't even want you as a friend, Warren," I said. "I really thought you were better than this."

"Well, it looks like we're both wrong."

"Stop acting so immature."

"That's all I am though right? Just some stupid kid."

I just gave a disgusted sigh and stood up.

"I seriously need people around me right now. Do you know how hard this was for me to even talk to you about this?" I said.

"Yeah, you have someone who's in love with you, that must be awful."

I stormed away from the table. My bag swung and knocked into someone sat at the counter but I didn't stop. I could feel people staring at me as I shoved open the door and stepped outside.

 _Should I rewind? I mean what good would it really do? The problem is still there, it's just left unsaid. Left to fester. It's better this way, even if it feels like shit._

I just walked and walked without even thinking where I was going.

 _I seriously thought Warren would be cool. Had I been wrong all along about him? Was he really just the creep that showed up in my nightmare?_ _I don't owe him just for being nice._

I was still walking with no destination in mind.

 _Where can I go where people will just leave me alone?_

I looked up at the light house up on the cliff. So many memories flooded into my mind. My premonitions about the tornado, going up with Chloe the first day we were reunited, ending back up there as the tornado had reached Arcadia Bay. Then one last time when I "woke up" standing at the edge of the cliff in my funeral dress. I was not ready to go back up there yet.

 _Wait, funeral...Of course, the cemetery. It's right near here._

People generally didn't go the cemetery for conversation. I also realised I hadn't been to Chloe's grave since the funeral. Even now, I was still abandoning Chloe. I shook my head to try and get that thought out. I'd forgotten my ipod so I didn't have anything to distract me. All I had was my thoughts.

 _Great…_

I still couldn't believe only a half hour ago I had felt more confident and hopeful than I had in the past week, only for Warren to almost completely undo that. I sighed and carried on walking. If the only place I felt I could go was a cemetery I didn't know what that said about me, but it probably wasn't good.

* * *

As I reached the gates to the cemetery I wondered if I should have brought some flowers for Chloe's grave. Then I realised Chloe would probably have hated flowers. I walked up the hill. I suddenly felt nervous, which was dumb. There would probably be no-one around and even if there was, they'd just keep to themselves. I reached the top of the hill and saw Chloe and William's graves. I also saw someone sat on a nearby bench. Who else would be here? They obviously heard my footsteps and glanced to the left to look at me. It was David Madsen. I hadn't recognised him out of his Blackwell uniform. He was wearing a black shirt and jeans, way more causal than I was used to from him. He turned slightly upon recognising me.

"Caulfield?" He said.

"Yeah. Hi, David."

"Hmph. That's Mister Madsen to you."

"Okay…" I hadn't seen him since the funeral and I had no idea if I had even interacted with him the week Chloe died.

 _Did I do something to upset him?_

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"Um, I came to visit Chloe," I said timidly.

"Hmph, bit late for that ain't it?"

 _Why the hell is he being so angry?_

I just stood there with my mouth open. He stood up to face me.

"You know she never did shut up about you since the day I met her," he said. "I always thought you must have been something special for her to have been so torn up. Frankly I don't know why she put you up on such a pedestal."

"What do you mean?" I said with my voice shaking. I was feeling more and more uncomfortable by the second.

"You were back in town for a month. I thought I recognised you from somewhere when you started at Blackwell. I should have figured who you were, that damn picture of you two was up on the living room wall for years. I knew I should have said something to you. Asked you why the hell you hadn't tried to contact her. I wish I had now. I wish Chloe could have got the explanation she fucking deserved."

"I- I wanted to-"

"But you didn't!" He screamed as he advanced on me. I wanted to back away but I was rooted to the spot, frozen with fear.

"I'm sorry…" I said, my voice breaking.

"Sorry doesn't matter now! It's too late. She's gone! Anything you wanted to say to her doesn't mean shit!"

"What about you?" I said trying to steel myself. "You could have stopped Nathan but you didn't. You could have stopped Chloe from being killed if you hadn't been getting dirt from him on other students."

"At least I was doing something! You just went about your days never even trying to find her, didn't you? You didn't care. You know one of the biggest rules in the military, you don't leave soldiers behind. You fight until your dying breath to save your comrades. What did you do? You just hid behind that stall like a fucking coward!"

I burst into tears and ran.

"That's right, just run away. Run away again and again, Caulfield!" I could heard David screaming. I reached the bottom of the hill and was still running. My bag was swinging around and slowing me down. I quickly raised the strap over my head and threw my bag to the side. I heard it hit the ground as I kept moving. I just wanted to get back to my dorm room and never come out. I ran through town for God knows how long. Occasionally I heard a stranger's voice ask what was wrong but I didn't stop.

* * *

Eventually I made it back to Blackwell. I was completely out of breath and almost collapsed in the parking lot. I ran across the campus, it was littered with other students who could hardly miss me. I ran to where the dormitories were and saw Logan throwing a football to another jock. I stopped in my tracks when I saw him and remembered Daniel. He took down his work because of some stupid thing Logan had said. I furiously wiped my eyes and took a moment to get my breath back. I marched over to Logan and stood behind him.

"Logan!"

He looked over his shoulder as he caught the football.

"Whoa, Max. You okay?" he asked.

"What did you say to Daniel?"

"What?"

"What did you say to Daniel online, about his drawing of me?"

"Jesus, calm down."

"Don't tell me to calm down. What did you say?"

"It was just a dumb joke. Relax would ya."

"Did you know he took it down because of you?"

"Not my fault he can't take a joke," he said with a stupid snigger.

"You're a joke. And a dick, Logan,"

"Not my fault no-"

"Shut up. Just shut up!"

"Oh my God, what the fuck is going on?" Came another voice.

I looked over at the dorm entrance and saw Victoria stood with her arms crossed.

"If you're gonna meltdown could you do it some place else?" I'd seen Victoria in a really vulnerable state in the dark room. Where she regretted everything she did to Kate. Right now, that was a distant memory. All I could see was the mean, self obsessed bully that had made my first month a Blackwell barely tolerable.

"Shut up, Victoria!" I shouted. Victoria's mouth fell open.

"Excuse me?" she said. I marched up to her and only stopped when my face was inches from hers.

"I said shut up," I repeated.

"Who the hell do you think you're talking to?"

"Victoria Chase, Queen Bitch of Blackwell?"

"I do not have to take this from you."

"There's a lot of things you don't have to do, Victoria. You don't have to step on people and bully them. You don't have to be so damn insecure that you feel the only way to get ahead is to make other people feel tiny. But you do it anyway, don't you?"

I-I-," Victoria stammered.

"You do it because you enjoy doing it. Not because you think you have to, not because your parents own some gallery and the only way to make it is to be a bitch. You enjoy it. So did Nathan. Do you have any idea how depressed Kate got from you spreading that video? How close she came to doing something- Nathan drugged her and carried on like nothing had happened."

"Hey, Nathan had problems," she retorted.

"We all have problems, Victoria. We all have our own damn insecurities. What matters is how we choose to deal with them. You choose to make people feel like they don't matter so that you do. Nathan teamed up with a psychopath and ruined so many girl's lives."

"Do you think I don't know all this?" Victoria screamed back. "Don't you think I feel awful knowing what Nathan had been doing. What Jefferson had been doing? That it could have me in their fucked up room?"

"Because none of it matters until it might happen to you, does it?"

Tears were now streaming down Victoria's face.

"Alright! I feel awful about everything. About Kate, about Nathan, Jefferson. Does that make you fucking happy?"

"No, because I'm nothing like you. If you really cared about Nathan you would made sure he got help. You didn't and he killed Chloe. She's dead and never coming back. Now get out of my way, Victoria." I shot her a glare that rivalled the one I had once given Jefferson. Victoria just stepped to the side and I barged past her, shoving the dormitory door open. I could feel my whole body shaking as I climbed up the stairs to the girls' floor.

I stepped into the hallway and marched down into my room. I slammed the door behind me as I paced up and down. I had so much rage in me I thought I was going to explode.

 _Nathan killed Chloe. Jefferson manipulated him but Nathan's the one who pulled the trigger. He killed the person I loved. He's not a victim. He could have gone to the police or done anything if he felt so bad about killing Rachel. Chloe's dead because of him, not Jefferson._

I screamed at the top of my lungs and grabbed my guitar. I smashed it against the wall until it was in a dozen pieces. I could hear footsteps pounding down the hall outside. It didn't matter who it was. I threw what was left of my guitar to ground and stuck out my hand. Everything rewound to moments before. I grabbed my guitar and smashed it up again. Rewind. Smash. Rewind. Smash.

"Ow!" I recoiled as I felt a sharp sting on my hand. The guitar had slipped in my hand with one of the strings leaving a large cut across my palm. I stuck out my hand and rewound everything once more. My guitar repaired itself but the cut was still there on my hand.

 _Of course, my powers fix everything except me._

I grabbed a couple of tissues from the box on my desk and pressed them into my palm. I sat down still feeling angry. Nathan's sneering face was running through my head. If he had been there in that moment I don't know what I would have done to him. A question appeared in my mind that I hadn't even had time to think of before.

 _Why the hell had he called me? Why had he left me that message warning me? We weren't even friends. He could have called Victoria and told everything to her but he called me. Why, so he could feel better about all the shit he had done?_

I just wanted him to feel as bad as I did right now. I would give anything to have that happen.

 _I said Chloe was never coming back but that isn't true. She can come back._

Nathan would be dead instead and Jefferson would too. They fucking deserved it, Chloe should have been alive. I ran over to my desk and opened my journal to the butterfly photo. I took a deep breath and started to focus on it. The photo blurred as the words on the page swirled around in my vision.

 _1\. You always tried._

The photo became clearer.

 _2\. You pushed past your fear._

 _3\. You know what you are capable of._

The photo was almost fully focussed.

 _4\. YOU ARE A HERO._

I suddenly snapped myself away from the photo. My head was pounding. I sat down on the bed to try and calm down. Eventually the pain subsided. I stood up slowly and went back to my journal. I sat down and looked at the final thing I had written.

 _ **5\. You are Max Caulfield**_

I stared at it before looking over all the other things I had written. I put my uninjured hand over my mouth as it sank in what I had been about to do. I was about to go back on my choice and let so many people die all because I had a bad day. I bit my lip to stop myself from crying again. I was done doing that. I looked over at the page again and remembered why I had kept this photo in the first place. I kept it because I knew I was strong enough to not change things, to not go back on my decision.

 _But I almost did…_

 _And then you stopped. You chose to not go back. You are strong enough. You were just struggling, which is okay. As Joyce said "Never pretend things are okay when they're not." And right now, things are so not okay. I just had a really public meltdown which will no doubt get back to Principal Wells. I just gave Victoria a reason to want revenge. I screwed things up with Warren. Last but not least I don't even feel comfortable contacting Joyce after what happened with David. I could really do with some advice from her right now. I could call my parents but they still won't even be home yet. The last thing I want them to think is they made a mistake leaving me here._

 _Come on Max, you can worry about all this shit later. Right now you just need to calm down. Find something to bring you back down to earth._

I looked around my room. My guitar was stood up against my couch. I'd already smashed it to pieces several times. The poor thing didn't need me trying to play it now. My eyes landed on my teddy bear on my bed. I'd had it since I was ten. I remembered if I ever had bad days at school or was just upset about something I'd cuddle him close and it would help me feel better. I had nothing to lose so I got up and picked him up before laying down on bed, careful to keep the tissues wrapped around my palm. I held my teddy bear close to my chest and stared at the ceiling. It took me right back to when I was younger and a bad day for me consisted of failing a school test or something. Those days were long gone now. Now I had real problems to deal with.

 _But you'll deal with them, Max. You can do it._

With that last encouraging thought going through my head, I hugged my teddy bear tighter and closed my eyes.


	4. Chapter 4: Forgiveness (Part One)

_**A/N: This chapter is split into two parts due to it being a lot longer than I anticipated. Part 2 should be up in about a week :)**_

* * *

BZZT! BZZT!

I opened my eyes. I hadn't fallen asleep but I had laid with my eyes shut for a while. I looked down and saw the tissues had gotten stuck to the dried blood on my hand.

 _ _Ew.__

I peeled the tissues off and tossed them to the side. I flexed my hand slowly. It still stung a little.

BZZT! BZZT!

My phone was buzzing in my pocket. I pulled it out with my good hand as I put my teddy bear to the side.

 _ _I hope it's not Warren. I'm so not in the mood to deal with him right now.__

I looked at the screen and saw it was Joyce. We'd exchanged numbers back at the diner. The phone continued buzzing in my hand as I wondered what I should do. Had David said something to her? I took a deep breath and answered the call, putting the phone to my ear.

"Hello?" I said tentatively.

"Max, honey. It's Joyce. David told me what happened," she said.

"Oh…"

"Are you able to drop by our house? He wants to apologise."

"Apologise to me?"

"Yes, he hasn't told me the details but he knows he upset you a lot. Are you okay to come by?"

"Um, yeah. Sure, Joyce."

"Good, we'll see you soon."

"Okay. Bye, Joyce."

"Bye."

I hung up and sat on the edge of my bed. I looked at the time: 2:30pm.

 _ _I guess I should at least hear David out.__

I put the tissues in with the garbage and went to grab my bag.

 _ _Shit, I dumped it in the cemetery. It had my camera.__

I decided to take care of my hand before I left. As I went to open my door I suddenly remembered my major meltdown to Logan and Victoria. Victoria especially was so not the type to keep things quiet, she'd probably told the whole school by now. At least people would probably be in class so I could hopefully get to the bus stop unseen. I went back to my desk and opened up my journal to my motivation page. As I looked over it I realised how weird it was that I needed to look at this every time I left the room to feel I could even do anything.

 _ _No more weird than still having a teddy bear at eighteen, Max. Or spending a week jumping back and forth in time...__

I noticed the photos of Kate, Joyce and Mom and Dad on my desk. I needed somewhere to put these rather than just leaving them lying around. I scooped them up and opened the drawer by my bed. My eyes immediately fell on the photo of Chloe and I when we were kids. I dropped the other photos into the drawer before picking up the photo of Chloe and I. We were both smiling without a care in the world. The Chloe in this picture had no idea that when I left for Seattle she would never hear from me again.

 _ _I know Joyce told me Chloe never hated me, but what if she was lying? What if the Chloe that died in that bathroom thought the worst of me?__

I put the photo back in the drawer and slammed it shut. I could feel that numbness creeping back in so I marched out of my room and shut the door.

I went into the bathroom to wash my hands. I winced as my cut palm stung while I rubbed away the blood. I dried my hands and checked for some medical supplies. There were none left so I had no choice but to just be careful. I left the bathroom and headed for the exit.

* * *

I got off the bus and started making my way to Joyce and David's house. It was a short walk but it gave me some time to think.

 _ _I know David isn't the worst guy in the world. It's just I know what he's capable of. I saw him hit Chloe, even if I rewound and made sure that didn't happen. It's the worst thing about being able to rewind. You see and know things no-on else does. Like the dark room…__

I shook my head and clenched my fists, then winced as I remembered my cut. I decided to not think myself into a depression and just looked around for distractions. I saw dozens of birds all sat on the power lines above me.

 _ _That would probably make a cool picture…if I had my camera…__

 _ _Just get to the house, Max.__

* * *

I noticed Chloe's truck in the driveway immediately, right next to David's car. I went up to the front door and stopped. I hadn't been here since the funeral and I'd gathered from talking to Joyce in the diner earlier I had visited at least once right after Chloe died. That was another Max though. For me, this was the first time being back in front of this house since losing Chloe. I rang the doorbell and heard it buzz as I waited anxiously. I inspected the cut on my hand. It wasn't bleeding but still stung. The door opened and I looked up to see Joyce wearing in her street clothes. She looked down at me and smiled softly before noticing my hand.

"Max, are you okay?" She opened my palm and inspected my cut.

"It's fine Joyce, really," I said.

"You need to get that taken care of. Come inside and I'll grab a bandage."

I stepped into the house and immediately saw my bag on the floor by the stairs. Joyce caught the look of surprise on my face.

"David picked it up and brought it home," she said. She went into to the kitchen and opened a drawer. She returned with a bandage which she wrapped around my hand. She glanced down the hall towards the dining area before talking in a hushed voice to me.

"I'm not sure what went on between you two but please give him a chance, Max. He can be…difficult sometimes but he isn't a bad person. Let him prove that to you," she said.

 _ _I know Joyce is right. David's not a bad person but it still doesn't excuse some of things he's done. In any timeline. Bugging the house without Joyce and Chloe knowing, keeping surveillance on the students and some of the ways he spoke to Chloe. I know he's still suffering from his time in the military but that doesn't make it okay. I'll give him the chance though. For Joyce if nothing else.__

I nodded at Joyce as she finished with my bandage. I walked down the hallway and into the dining area. David was sat at the table, he looked up when he saw me before getting to his feet.

"Thank you for coming, Max. Please sit down," he said gesturing to the chair opposite him. He was being extremely formal. A throwback to his military days I assumed. I didn't want to start things off on a bad foot so I just nodded and sat down opposite him. Joyce had entered behind me.

"I'll leave you two alone to talk. If you need me-" she started.

"No, Joyce," David said. "There's some things I want you to hear too."

Joyce looked at me.

"You okay with me being here, Max?" she asked. I nodded feverishly. Even though I was willing to give David a chance I felt more at ease having Joyce with us. She said down next to David and held his hand on the table. I saw her give his hand a squeeze as David let out a deep breath. He looked at me.

"I'm sorry, Max," was all he said before waiting for me to speak. I just sat there awkwardly. In the end I just nodded. He sighed, probably wanting me to relieve him of the burden of doing the talking.

"I had no right to talk to you the way I did. Whatever was between you and Chloe is none of my business. Joyce has told me you cared a lot for her and is she says it then that's the truth. I have no right to question it," he said.

"I'm…I'm sorry too for some of the things I said. It wasn't my place either," I conceded.

"You shouldn't be, you were right," David replied bitterly.

"No. No I wasn't. I was just angry and said that stuff about Nathan…"

"You deserved to be angry because you were right. It's my fault Chloe died."

"David, no," Joyce interjected. "We've talked about this. I don't blame you."

"You should blame me. Both of you. It's all my-" David's speech was cut off as he started to cry. Joyce stood up and hugged him close. She rubbed the side of his head in a soothing manner.

"We all wish we could have done things differently," she said. "But you can't do this to yourself. I went through the same thing with William. You can't dwell over things you can't change," Joyce said.

"I never even told her I loved her. I never told her how much I cared," David sobbed.

"She knew, David. She knew you cared," Joyce assured him.

David just continued to sob into Joyce's chest. I'd only seen David this distraught once before. In the bunker after I told him Chloe had been shot by Jefferson. I was so angry that I just wanted Jefferson dead there and then. Even just for a while until I took it back to save Chloe. I left David alone in the bunker in turmoil just to satisfy my own selfish need for Jefferson to suffer. The only reason I was here now was thanks to David turning up when he did.

"Mister Madsen?" I said. David opened his eyes and looked at me.

"There are things you could have done that may have meant Chloe would still be here. There are things I could have done too. If I had been strong enough to stay in touch with Chloe then maybe she would have gotten mixed up with Nathan and… No matter how badly I want to, I can't change the past or decide what could have or should have happened. But I'm trying to never make the same mistake again. I'm trying to be stronger. What about you?" I said.

David lifted his head of Joyce's chest and wiped his eyes as Joyce sat back down.

"My time in combat…I never really came home. I tried to adjust to civilian life again but I don't think I ever did. That's what Chloe saw. I just wish she could have seen the real me," he said.

"You can still be that person you wished Chloe saw, even if she can't see it now," I said.

David nodded. He looked up at Joyce.

"I'm gonna get help. The kinda help I was too damn stubborn to get when Chloe was…I'm gonna get better. I promise," he said with determination. Joyce smiled back at David and sat back down next to him.

"And Joyce…" I started as she turned to look at me.

"I promise you I'm never abandoning your family again," I said.

"Max, moving away wasn't in your control…" Joyce said.

"But not staying in contact was," I interrupted. "Having Chloe think I didn't care was my fault and I'm never making that mistake again. I promise."

Joyce reached over the table and took my hand.

"I appreciate that, Max. We both do," Joyce said as she looked over at David. He nodded.

"You're far too mature for your age, Max. You'd have put Chloe to shame," he said with a small laugh.

"Thanks, Mister Madsen," I said.

"David...or Step-douche as Chloe so fondly called me." The three of us laughed.

"I'm glad you two have made up. We're all on the same side," Joyce said as David and I nodded. "Are you hungry, Max? I was thinking of making some sandwiches. Nothing fancy, but if you wanted some?"

"That sounds great, Joyce. I'd love some," I said.

* * *

Joyce, David and I talked over lunch. Even after we'd finished eating we continued to sit at the table sharing memories of Chloe and although the wounds of grief were far from gone it was nice to talk about her. I had to keep my memories of her strictly to when we were kids but I think Joyce appreciated being reminded of happier, simpler times.

"Thanks for having me, I really appreciate it," I said as I stood up from the table.

"You're always welcome here, Max," Joyce said.

"I'm glad we could make peace," David added.

"Me too. Oh, and thank you for bringing my bag back," I said.

"The least I could do," he replied. I nodded and left the table. I went into the hall and opened up my bag. I lifted out my camera and could immediately tell it had been damaged when I dumped it. Not like my original camera had been but it still needed fixing. I went back into the dining area.

"David, could I borrow…um, I mean would you have any small tools I could use to fix this?" I asked.

David looked at the camera, then at Joyce.

"Was that William's?" He asked her.

"It's my fault," I said jumping in. "I'm the one who threw my bag at the ground. I can fix it. I just need some tools if you have any?"

David nodded.

"Yeah, I should have some in the garage." He got up and went into the workshop area. I looked at Joyce, who smiled at me.

"I'm sorry Chloe never got to use this," I said. Joyce laughed a little.

"Oh Max, that thing was just gathering dust up in her room. William would have wanted it to be used well. I can't think of anyone you will use it better than you," she said.

I smiled at Joyce before looking up at the ceiling to where Chloe's room would be. I guess I must have been staring because I heard Joyce ask me something.

"Do you want to go up to her room, Max? She has a desk you can work on." I turned back to face her before giving a small nod.

"It'll probably look a little different than you remember. I'll confess I've not been in since I gathered her things to give you. You can come back down when you're ready and I'll give you a ride back to Blackwell," she said.

"Thanks, Joyce," I said.

David returned from the garage with the tools.

"I don't know what does what but I'm sure you know what you're doing," he said as he handed them to me.

"That's okay, I can figure it out. Thanks, David."

I turned around and went down the hallway and up the stairs. I paused outside the door to Chloe's room. I'd been in there several times before, but not like this. Not without the Chloe I knew. The only time I had gone in alone was when Chloe was paralysed. Seeing her empty room in the other timeline broke my heart, but I knew I still had Chloe at that moment. Now the room would be as a knew it but without Chloe... I opened the door and stepped inside. It was exactly the same as I had seen it before. Even her beer bottles in the corner of the room and cigarette tray were untouched. I looked around the room some more. I looked at the closet and saw the clothes Chloe had given me were still in there. I looked under the bed and found the box with the mix CD and the photo of Chloe and Rachel Amber.

 _ _I'm so sorry, Rachel. It feels awful to know everytime I was looking at your missing person posters that Chloe and I never stood a chance of saving you. I'm glad you were here for Chloe when I wasn't.__

I put the photo back under in the box and under the bed. I thought about putting on Chloe's CD but it didn't feel right without her. My first picture with William's camera was of Chloe rocking out like only she could. If I wanted to take any more pictures with it I really needed to get to work. I sat at Chloe's desk and grabbed the tools I needed.

* * *

A short while later and the camera was good as new. I thought back to when Chloe and I came back to her room at the start of "that week." She was still mad at me until she realised I had saved her life by setting off the fire alarm.

 _Was that the moment she forgave me? Right after that was when she gave me William's camera. If we'd just met under...normal circumstances would she have just stayed angry at me?_

I put my head in my hands and started to cry.

 _I miss you so much Chloe. I'm so sorry I didn't give you one fucking call to let you know I cared._

"Max?"

I turned around to see Joyce through my tear filled eyes. I got up and hugged her as I felt Joyce's arms around me.

"I'm so sorry, Joyce," I sobbed.

"For what?" she asked.

"I'm sorry I never gave Chloe one lousy call. Maybe things would be different if I had just..."

"Max Caulfield..." Joyce stepped back and put her hands on my shoulders. I opened my eyes and looked up at Joyce.

"We went through all this back at the diner. And I know you did not give my husband advice that you aren't gonna follow yourself," she said.

"I just...I just can't be sure if I had bumped into her or something...that she would have forgiven me," I confessed.

"She might have been angry, Max," Joyce said. "But I know she would have forgiven you."

"How do you know? I asked.

"It was your birthday last month wasn't it? September 21st?"

"Yeah..." I said, confused.

"Chloe told me that herself. I came up to her room to tell her to turn her music down, something I did an awful lot. She turned it off and said it was your birthday. She was looking at William's old camera on her shelf. I think she was angry at herself for letting it just sit there all those years. She remembered how much you loved taking pictures when you were little and wondered if you still were. She said you'd probably make better use of it if you had it instead. When I gave it to you Max it wasn't from me, it was from Chloe. I know, given the chance, she would have given you that camera herself. So please believe me when I tell you Chloe would have forgiven you. It might not have happened in an instant, but she would be happy to have you back again," Joyce said.

As I stared at Joyce everything clicked. She just described exactly how Chloe had been once we reconnected. Sure, she had been angry (rightfully so) initially but before the afternoon was out she had given me William's camera. We were talking and hanging out like old times (except with maybe a little more drama). I'd been obsessing so much over the Chloe that died in that bathroom, over whether or not she would have forgiven me that I forgot she already did. Saving her life was just a shortcut to earning her forgiveness. It would have taken longer but we would still have made it. I wiped my eyes and smiled up at Joyce.

"Thank you, Joyce. You're right," I said.

"Max, I know my daughter, of course I'm right," Joyce chuckled. She looked around Chloe's room. "I know I'll have to start clearing stuff out eventually. Take her clothes down to the charity store. Just can't bring myself to touch this room yet," she said.

"There's no rush, Joyce. It's understandable. I know it takes time," I said. Joyce turned back to me and smiled.

"I'll take you back to Blackwell whenever you're ready, see you downstairs," Joyce gave my shoulder a tender rub before leaving the room.

I picked up the camera and thought I should probably check it was fixed. I stood in the door way and looked through the viewfinder to fit in as much of Chloe's room as I could. I snapped the picture and collected the polaroid. Based on the quality of the photo William's camera was saved. I gave Chloe's room one last look before shutting the door behind me.

I went downstairs and saw Joyce at the bottom of them. I picked up my bag from the floor to put my camera and photo away, before putting the bag strap over my shoulder.

"Ready," I said to Joyce.

"David, I'm taking Max back to Blackwell. I won't be long," Joyce called down the hall. David appeared from the dining area.

"Good bye, Max," he said. "Thank you for coming by and understanding my…outburst. I appreciate it."

"We're all fighting our own battles, David. I really hope you get the help you need. You deserve some kind of peace," I said. David smiled.

"I will. Good luck to you, hope to see you around Blackwell sooner rather than later," he said.

"You too. Bye, David," I said giving him a wave before looking back at Joyce. She grabbed the car keys and we headed outside. As I walked over to David's car I looked over at Chloe's truck again.

"Chloe never did tell me where she got it from," said Joyce. "I always thought the junk yard was the likeliest place. She fixed it up pretty good. Chloe left behind a lot of things I'll always cherish. Her parking tickets were not one of them," she chuckled. I laughed before getting in Joyce's car.

* * *

Joyce pulled into the Blackwell parking lot into the nearest space.

"Thanks, Joyce," I said.

"Anytime, Max," she replied.

"I don't just mean the ride. I meant today in general. You've helped me so much in dealing with everything. I know I can't exactly return the favour but I meant what I said. I'll always be here for you. David too," I promised.

"I appreciate you hearing David out, Max. It's tempting sometimes to just want to see the worst in people and assume there's nothing more beyond that. Chloe, as much as I'll always love her, seemed determined to make that easy for a lot of people. If you'd met I know you'd have brought out the best in her. You always did, even when you were kids," she said.

"I tried to, Joyce."

"You're going to be just fine, Max," Joyce continued. "You're not the little girl we said goodbye to all those years ago. You're a woman now and I have to agree with David, you're far too mature for your age," she said with a smile.

I smiled weakly back at Joyce.

"Feels like I don't have a choice sometimes," I confessed.

"Oh, Max. You're aren't responsible for everyone and everything. You should enjoy being young while you can. You'll miss it when it's gone, trust me."

"You're still young, Joyce," I said. She laughed.

"Now you're just teasing me," she said. I laughed. I stopped when I looked up in the mirror and saw someone walking across the parking lot. Warren.

"Shit…" I said as I tried to scrunch myself into my seat.

"What's wrong?" Joyce asked.

"That guy walking through the parking lot. I'm trying to avoid him."

"Why's that?"

"It's complicated, Joyce."

She just chuckled.

"That can only ever mean one thing, Max."

"No. No, he's a- I mean he was- he might still be a friend. He's had feelings for me for a while..." I said.

"Well that's not a surprise, Max. I expect they'd be lining up for you," Joyce said.

I felt my cheeks go a little red.

"That's not exactly how things are, Joyce. Anyway, his name's Warren. Earlier today I tried to get it all out in the open so we could move past it but he just got really mad. He kinda implied he was only being nice so I'd go on a date with him. Now I just don't know what to do," I said.

"Sounds like a bit of a mess," Joyce said. "There's one thing I know for sure, Max. In the heat of the moment people can say and do things they don't really mean. I raised Chloe as a daughter so believe me, I know all about that. She'd get mad about the smallest things but she'd always apologise, however begrudgingly. She knew when she was wrong, even if she'd never use those exact words. You need to ask yourself do you really think that boy was only being nice to you for a date, or was he just angry you didn't feel the same and saying whatever he could to express it?" She suggested.

I sat and thought on what Joyce had just said. I really wanted to believe Warren was just angry, but even if it was just that it was still an awful thing to do. It made it seem like he didn't care.

Then I thought about "that week" and everything Warren did. He put himself out there to stop Nathan and got beat up in the process. He was there for me after Kate jumped. He helped me make the bomb I needed, even when he must have known I was planning on using it for something bad. He stopped Nathan, again, even if I did have to stop him from going too far. Finally, when I told him the most insane story about Jefferson and travelling through time, he believed me. I could tell he wasn't just playing along. He believed what I was saying. He cared. I'd even thought about kissing him goodbye because I knew it would mean more to him just getting a kiss from some girl.

"No, Joyce. I know that he cares," I said.

"Well, then maybe he spoke out of turn and made a mistake. Whether or not you want to forgive that mistake is up to you. If you think you can, then he's right there," Joyce said. I looked in the mirror again and saw Warren walking across the parking lot. He was heading towards his car a few spaces from us. I looked at Joyce and nodded.

"Wish me luck," I said as I took off my seatbelt.

"Good luck, Max," she said. I went to open the door.

"Just promise me something," Joyce added.

"What is it?" I asked.

"If it turns out he's just an asshole then don't give him a second thought. You don't deserve to have your time wasted, Max," she smiled. I laughed a little.

"Thanks, Joyce." I got out and shut the door. I walked around the truck and saw Warren was about to get in his car.

"Warren!" I called. He looked up to see me. He paused for a moment before slowly walking around the car to face me. I slowed down and stopped too. I wrung my hands nervously as I heard Joyce reversing behind me before leaving the parking lot.

"Hey," I said.

"Hey," he said back. He seemed to be rooted to the spot so it was up to me. I approached him slowly and stopped about two feet from him. We stood there again in silence until…

"I'm sorry," he said. "I- I was an asshole. You're already dealing with so much crap without me adding to it. You don't owe me anything. I'm sorry."

 _ _Phew…__

"Warren…"

"I really want us to stay friends. But if you don't want to I get it."

"Warren…"

"It's just you were the first person I've ever been in love with, Max. I handled it like an idiot and I-"

"Warren!" I shouted. He stopped rambling.

"You __were__ an asshole. We can agree on that," I continued. He nodded.

"I know you were angry, but that doesn't mean what you said was okay. I told you how I felt because I thought you'd be better than that." Warren nodded again.

"I know you were hurt and, yeah, you didn't handle it the best. But I also know that you care. You made a mistake and I really still want to believe you're the person I thought you were."

"I am, Max. I was stupid. I really don't want you hating me."

"I don't hate you, Warren. I still want you as a friend."

"So do I. I really do care about you. Even if you don't feel the same."

"Let's just agree to put it behind us, okay?"

"Absolutely."

We both stood there for a moment before Warren broke the silence.

"I guess a hug's probably out of the question but can we seal the deal with a high five at least?" He said putting up his hand. I laughed a little. I stepped forward and gave him a big hug, which I think surprised him.

"I really am sorry, Warren. You've done so much for me you have no idea. Things would be so much easier if I just saw you the same way," I said. Warren hugged me back.

"Yeah it would, but what can you do?" He said.

"Promise me you will try to move on. I'm really not worth your attention, Warren."

"Hey, don't say that. You're amazing, Max. Trust me, my dating standards are high," he said. I laughed.

"Clearly higher than your fashion standard."

"Ouch."

I laughed again and stepped back from Warren.

"If it makes you feel better, I know exactly how it feels. I've had plenty of experience in the they-don't-feel-the-same department," I said.

"That I find hard to believe."

"Thanks, but incredibly yeah, it's true. I think you might be surprised just how many other people are right for you."

"You sound like you have someone specific in mind," he said stroking his chin.

"Yes, but I'm not telling," I said copying him.

"Now that's cruel," he laughed.

"Hey, can I get a picture of you, for a personal project, sorta?"

"Of course."

Warren lent over the bonnet of the car and struck a pose. I smiled as I took out my camera and snapped the shot. I put the polaroid into my bag.

"Is it okay if I get one of the two of us for er…prosperity?"

"Yeah, of course." I went over raised my camera up to take a selfie. I put my arm around Warren's back. He put his round my shoulder.

I pressed the button and took the picture. I took out the polaroid and as it faded into view I saw both of us had big smiles on our faces. I could tell Warren's was genuine.

"Looking good," he said.

"I'm glad you think so," I said. "Do you mind if I ask how you're feeling right now. About us, I mean."

"Er...I guess I'm just happy that we can still be friends after I almost screwed everything up."

"So right now, you feel happy?"

"I guess so, yeah."

"Good."

I held out the picture for Warren to take.

"Because I want you to have this."

"Really, why?"

"These feelings you have for me? They won't go away over night," I said. Warren's smile faded a little.

"Yeah, I know..." he said.

"And that's okay, it'll take time. But they will go away. If you ever get frustrated at the situation I want you to look at this picture and remember how good it feels right now to still have me, even if it's not in the way you want."

Warren took the photo and looked at it before smiling at me.

"Okay, I'll take it on one condition."

"What's that?"

"That you stop thinking you aren't worth anyone's attention, Max. You're amazing. Promise me that whichever guy you end up with knows how lucky he is to be with you," he said. I felt myself go red.

"Thanks, Warren. Um...does the same apply if it's a girl?" I said as I brushed the back of my neck. Warren's eyebrows rose quickly.

"Er...yeah, guy, girl whatever. Just so long as they know how amazing you are, deal?"

"Deal."

"Now can I get that high five?" he asked holding up his hand. I laughed and relented.

"Just so I'm in the loop," said Warren. "How many other people know you're..."

"It's er...kinda been a sudden realisation to be honest. I only told my parents this morning and they were cool. But you're the only friend I've told right now."

"I'm honoured. I promise I won't tell anyone if you don't want me to. I'm good at keeping secrets," he said.

"Really, because you sucked hard at hiding your feelings for me," I chuckled.

Warren blushed slightly.

"Okay I suck with my own secrets but other people's..." he mimed zipping his mouth shut. "Maybe it is best to keep it on the down low for now. Once the word gets out the ladies will be lining up for you instead of me," he said. I laughed.

"Thanks, Warren. Honestly, I've got bigger things to worry about. If people know, they know. Oh God, speaking of "bigger things..."

"Victoria?" Warren guessed.

"Yeah, let me guess. People are talking about it.?"

"Just a little...it's not all bad though. I've heard people saying it's awesome Victoria finally got smacked down for a change," Warren said.

"I wish I could see it that way."

"What are you gonna do?" he asked.

"I need to see Principal Wells before things get worse. He probably already knows Victoria's version of events and I'm sure it won't be pretty."

"Want me to come with you? I can vouch," Warren offered.

"No, it's okay. I'd better go it alone. Thanks again for everything, Warren. I'm glad we're okay."

"Me too, Max." He held up the photo I gave him. "I'll keep this safe, promise. I'm visiting my parents for the weekend so if you need me at all I'm just a text or call away."

"Thanks, Warren. Have a great weekend."

"Bye, Max. Good luck!"


	5. Chapter 5: Forgiveness (Part Two)

_**A/N: Apologies for this going up a week after I said it would. Got completely consumed by Before the Storm which threw me off track, plus this chapter got a little out of control and is now my longest so far! Hope it's worth the wait :)**_

* * *

As I stepped into Blackwell Academy's main building I felt just like I did on my first day. I hadn't set foot in here in well over a week and it felt strange seeing the interior again. I took a right into the administrative assistant's office. The assistant was shutting a filing cabinet and turned around after she heard my footsteps. She smiled when she saw me.

"Hi," I said. "Is Principal Wells in his office?"

"He is, but I'm afraid he's in the middle of something important," she replied.

"It's pretty urgent, can you tell him Max Caulfield is here?" The assistant's expression changed when I said my name. She moved to the door.

"I'll see what I can do for you." She knocked on the door before opening it and poking her head in.

"Principal Wells? Max Caulfield is here to see you." I heard some stuff being moved around by Wells.

"Send her right in," came his voice. The secretary looked over her shoulder and smiled.

"Go right in," she said as she sat down at her desk. I walked through the door and closed it behind me. Principal Wells was sat at his desk.

"Miss Caulfield, what a pleasant surprise. Why don't you take a seat?" He said gesturing to the chair in front of his desk. I sat down and faced him.

"Thank you, Principal Wells."

"How have you been doing?" he asked.

"Look, I just want to explain what happened. I'm sure Victoria's already given you her side," I started. Wells furrowed his brow.

"Her side?"

"Yeah…" I looked at Wells' expression and realised I had just made a big mistake.

"Oh, er…it's nothing. It doesn't matter," I said as I quickly got to my feet.

"I'm sorry I bothered you, you must be very busy-"

"Now, Max," Wells interrupted. "Clearly something has happened or you wouldn't be here to see me. If there's something I'm going to be hearing about, would it not be better coming from you?"

I sighed and sat back down.

 _ _What's the difference, Max? Just tell him the truth. It's what you came here to do anyway.__

"I've been pretty bad since Chloe's funeral…" I started. Wells nodded.

"I've spent a lot of time just holed up in my room. Then yesterday I spoke to Kate Marsh and she…helped me put certain things in perspective."

Wells nodded again.

"So today I've been trying to get back out there and it started great. My parents came down to see me and Chloe's mom, Joyce, told me some stuff that really helped."

"Well that's good. I'm pleased to hear you've been starting to deal with recent events."

"Yeah, things seemed okay. And then it all went to…hell, earlier today. Basically things got on top of me. Just some other people who made me feel bad but I've made up with them now. Anyway, I was so angry and upset that when I got back to Blackwell I yelled at Logan for being mean to Daniel. Then I screamed at Victoria Chase. I blamed her for not making Nathan get help for his problems and said she was a bully who enjoyed making other people feel bad. She's just been so…awful to people since I started at Blackwell and with the other stuff that happened I just snapped. I'm going to go find her and apologise though. I just thought she would have told you everything, so I came to you first," I said.

"I appreciate you coming to me, Max. Miss Chase has not been to see me about anything. Obviously if she wishes to put in a complaint I will no choice but to take it into consideration," he explained.

"Like I say, I'm going to apologise to her."

"Good. I'm sorry that you've been having trouble. You know you're still free to take whatever time off from classes you feel you need," Wells assured me.

"I know. Like I said, the other stuff…the other people, I've made up with them now. Just Victoria left. And I guess maybe Logan, but I doubt he really cares…"

"It's easy to have a bad day with everything you've gone through. I admire you for trying to move on. It's never easy when you lose someone," he said.

I just nodded. The Wells I knew during "that week" didn't seem anywhere near as understanding...or even just nice to me.

 _ _Guess the Prescotts had him under their thumb too much…__

"Wait, Principal Wells?" I asked.

"Yes, Max?"

"With everything that happened with Nathan…"

"Yes?" He said looking a little nervous.

"What's going to happen to the school? It's funded mostly by his family isn't it?"

"It is. I don't know how much you've been keeping up with the news recently…"

"Not at all really. Been so wrapped up in myself…"

"Mark Jefferson is awaiting trial and will likely face a long sentence if he is found guilty. Nathan has been sent to the Oregon State Hospital. He was considered mentally unfit for trial and is receiving treatment. His father, Sean Prescott is currently under an on going investigation regarding his ownership of the barn and the room underneath where… It is looking likely the investigation won't be ending any time soon. I believe that Sean Prescott is wanting to withdraw the funding to the school, saying it "corrupted his son."

"That's bullshit!" I said without thinking. "Sorry, I shouldn't have said that."

Wells smiled.

"You're not wrong, Max," he said simply.

"So what will happen to the school?"

"Sean Prescott is in fact currently pledging to increase his funding to Blackwell. I suspect it's all purely for his public image. If he is cleared of any charges then who knows if he will keep his promise. If he is charged then it's likely his funds will be frozen and thus Blackwell will receive nothing. Between you and me, Miss Caulfield, it does not look good for Sean Prescott."

"If that happens then what will happen to the school?" I asked.

"The most likely course of action would be applying for state funding to keep the school going."

"I mean, is that really such a bad thing?"

"True, I am confident the state will see the value in this school. Plus, whoever is in charge will hopefully do great things," he said.

"Wait, what do you mean?" I asked.

Wells looked at me with a heavy heart.

"The rest of the school will be finding out tomorrow. For now, I ask that we keep this strictly between us, Max."

"Okay…" I said, nervous what I was about to hear.

"I intend to announce my resignation as Principal of this school," said Wells.

"What, why?"

Wells sighed and stood up. He turned around and looked out of the window, putting his hands behind his back.

"What was happening to students in this school because of Mark Jefferson was going on right under my nose. To Rachel Amber, Kate Marsh and all those other poor girls. I liked to believe I was in charge but really, Sean Prescott was. Everything I did had to be run by him. He insisted. Most things he didn't concern himself with and just gave the go ahead, but anything to do with Nathan was strictly controlled. I've always known how troubled Nathan was but all Sean Prescott had to push some cash my way and Nathan's misdemeanours were dismissed. His record changed just like that. I was a damn lap dog."

Wells turned back around to face me.

"Since I was young I always wanted to be in charge of a school. I wanted to be a leader. My excuse for taking bribes from the Prescotts was to use the money to give the students of this school the best chance they could have. But what sort of leader am I to so easily allow myself to be bribed and controlled? What sort of leader am I to let a young woman be killed in the very school I'm supposed to guide? I am no leader, Miss Caulfield. It took a young woman losing her life for me to see that. If I had the balls to stand up to his Sean Prescott then things would be different now," he finished.

He sat back down at his desk as I sat there speechless.

"Forgive me if this sounds like I'm changing the topic but when I was in my thirties I had a big argument with my best friend, Michael. We'd been friends since our school days. Every single week we would go for a drink in a bar to talk about whatever we talked about. At some point, we had a dumb argument that lead to us not being in contact for three years. I ended up learning he had died about two years after we stopped speaking. I never got to say goodbye to him. From what I've been told, regarding Miss Price, you hadn't seen her since you were thirteen?"

I shook my head.

"Now, I am not for a second implying your circumstances were similar to mine, but you too were denied the chance to say goodbye. You were denied that chance because of decisions I made. There is no place for a person like me to be in charge of anything. So I shall resign and allow this school to have the leader it deserves, whoever they may be. So that all of you get the best possible chance at the futures I know you deserve. Now, if you have nothing else to talk to me about Miss Caulfield I must get back to finalising my letter of resignation. Do you have anything else you wish to say?"

I just shook my head slowly.

"Then I wish you the best of luck with everything you're going through and in your future. Apply yourself and I have no doubt you'll succeed in your goals, Miss Caulfield. Goodbye."

I nodded slowly and stood up. As I walked towards the office door a thousand conflicting thoughts were going through my head.

 _ _He's right. He doesn't deserve to be in charge after rolling over for the Prescots.__

 _ _But he feels terrible about it all…__

 _ _He's an alcoholic ass. Too little too late.__

 _ _What about David and Warren? It wasn't too late for them.__

 _ _One outburst from them doesn't equate to years of being a part of a crooked system, allowing Nathan Prescot to do what he wanted.__

 _ _Is Wells really the only person the Prescot family controlled? Why does he deserve this? He showed compassion to you. You were surprised he let you have so much time off and now you know why. He's trying to make up for what he's done. The big mistake he's making is thinking he has to stop there…__

I stopped walking away and turned to face Principal Wells. He looked up from his desk.

"Principal Wells, do you know the reason why I've been holed up in my dorm room for the past week?" I asked.

"I presume you were struggling with what happened to your friend. Which is understandable," he said.

"Call it regret over not trying to contact Chloe or whatever you want, I thought I didn't deserve anyone. Then Kate Marsh spoke to me and helped me to see things more clearly. My parents came down this morning. They came down to try and convince me to go back to Seattle with them. For a little while I was convinced that's what I needed to do. To run away from here where so much bad stuff has happened. Then Joyce made me realise that's the last thing I should do. That I have to face things head on to get past them. It is not your fault I didn't get in contact with Chloe, Principal Wells. I've accepted that was my fault and I refuse to make the same mistake again. To let myself be consumed by guilt over something I can't...can't change. So now I'm staying here and… I'm planning on starting classes back up next week. I had a bad day today but I refuse to let it stop me from moving forward. I refuse to run away from everything. You said you understand what I'm going through. I understand you too. So please, don't run away from this. Stay and make things right for me and all the other students here. It isn't too late to make up for the mistakes you've admitted to."

I exhaled after finishing my impromptu speech. Principal Wells had sat in silence while I spoke. Finally, he cleared his throat.

"I appreciate how well you're doing, Max. I hope you continue to progress. Regardless, I firmly believe my resignation is the best thing for this school. Sometimes as a leader, you have to make tough calls."

"What sort of leader runs away from their responsibilities?"

"My resignation is me taking responsibility, Miss Caulfield," he said, a little agitated.

"That's what you're telling yourself but you know that isn't true. You're just leaving someone else to clean up your mess."

"I am not…" Wells trailed off.

"I understand, Principal Wells. I really do. You feel you've caused so much damage that you can't repair it. I know exactly what that's like. But you can't give up. Please stay. This school needs you more than ever. If you really want to atone for whatever guilt you're feeling then stay and make this the school you've always wanted to lead. Fight the Prescotts, and be free from whatever hold they had on you. Move forward and make sure nothing that happened to Chloe and the other girls ever happens again," I said with unflinching conviction.

Wells sat staring at me for a moment. Then a smile appeared on his face.

"I er…" He cleared his throat. "I thought it was my job to be supporting you."

I smiled.

"It still can be if that's what you want. So are you staying?" I asked.

Wells reached to the side of his desk and pulled a piece of paper, a draft of his resignation I presumed. He then tore it to pieces.

"Yes. I'll stay make this school exactly what it should have been all along. Thank you, Miss Caulfield."

"I'm just glad I could help. I really need to get back to my dorm, Principal Wells. Thank you for staying."

"Thank you, Miss Caulfield. I believe you've earned some respite. Have a great weekend."

"You too. Bye, Principal Wells."

I turned round and headed for the door. Before I could open it I heard one last thing.

"And good luck with your classes too. I shall inform your teachers so they are prepared."

 _ _Crap, Max. Why did you say you were coming back? You're not ready yet. You're only just getting back out there. Studying on top of everything right now does not sound good. Just tell him you didn't mean it and just said it too-__

"Sounds good, thanks," I said opening the door and leaving. I shut the door behind me and smiled at the secretary as I walked past her. I checked around to see no-one in the hall. I immediately leaned back against the wall and put my hands over my face.

 _ _Why, Max? Why didn't you just correct him? God, I really need to go somewhere to be alone.__

I looked across the hall to see the girls' bathroom door.

 _ _No, not there.__

I left the building and walked across the campus. A few people were hanging around but I just ignored them and headed straight for the dorm.

* * *

I made it upstairs and walked down the hallway to my room. As I reached my door I heard another open to my left. Alyssa stepped out from the other wing of the dorm building. She stopped when she saw me.

"Max!" She said in surprise.

"Hey, Alyssa. You okay?"

"Wait right here," she said. Before I could open my mouth she charged back through the door and presumably back to her room. I stood awkwardly for a minute until she came back out with a small stack of paper.

"Warren told me to give this to you. He told me what happened. Please don't be mad at him. He knows he was wrong…"

"Alyssa-"

"He isn't a bad guy. He just-"

"Alyssa! We talked, we're okay."

Alyssa's mouth immediately shut.

"Oh," she said. "Good." She took a step back.

"Sorry, I should have…" she said.

"It's fine," I said. "Me and Warren are okay."

"I'm glad. Sorry, how have you been? I should have asked that first really…" Alyssa stuttered.

"I'm starting to get there. Today's been a bit crazy."

"It's cool to see you around again. Here's the stuff Warren wanted you to have."

I took the sheets from Alyssa and looked them over. Right on the front was a note that said _**"Sorry, for being an asshole."** _ I took the note off and realised these were the copies of the classes I had missed the past couple of weeks which Warren and I shared.

"Thanks, Alyssa. This'll help, especially as I just told Principal Wells I'm starting classes back up again next week."

"Wow, really? That's cool."

"Yeah," I just said. "Sorry, Alyssa I really don't wanna be rude but…"

"That's cool, Max. Warren's papers have been delivered. I'll see you around."

I smiled at Alyssa as she walked past me.

"Oh, Max!" I heard her say. I looked to my right to see her move close and talk in a hushed tone.

"I saw Victoria go into your room earlier. I heard you two had a bit of a showdown so perhaps you should be careful?"

 _ _That does not sound good…__

"Thanks, Alyssa. I will be," I said. Alyssa nodded and walked away as I entered my room.

 _ _Great, I knew things were turning around too quickly. Alright, let's go see what Victoria's vandalised.__

I opened my door and stepped into my room, shutting the door behind me. I first looked to my photo wall, which seemed untouched. I glanced around and everything seemed okay. I put my bag on my bed and took out my camera and polaroid of Warren. I went over to my desk and the good feelings I had earned this afternoon came crashing down. My journal was gone and a note was in its place.

 ** _"_** ** _ _ **If you want it back you'd better grovel hard. Would be such a shame if the whole school saw it."**__**

 _ _Oh no. Oh shit. I knew Victoria must have stayed quiet for a reason. Of course she'd deal with this her own way. I left it open on my stupid motivation page too…__

I left my room and approached Victoria's door. I had no idea how to go about this. What could I possibly say to Victoria to get her to show mercy? Before I knocked I thought through what I learned about Victoria during "that week." Mainly, she isn't the evil biatch I always thought was was. Well, she wasn't evil at least… She was actually like me, someone who struggled with confidence and had doubts about their own talents. We just decided to deal with it differently. Or, in other words, she decided to make other people's lives hell so she can feel better about hers.

 _ _Max, getting worked up before you go in there won't do you any favours.__

I took a moment to level out before raising my fist to Victoria's door. After letting it hang, I knocked. The door opened and I was greeted by Victoria's glare. It felt like she was trying to burn a hole right through to my skull. She then stood to the side and crossed her arms. I took this as a sign she was "inviting" me into her room. I stepped inside and almost lept out of my skin as Victoria slammed the door behind me. I noticed my journal was on her desk, open on my motivation page. The butterfly picture wasn't there though. I turned back to face Victoria.

"I'm sure you won't mind," she started. "But I had a look through and most of it was, suprise, surprise, 'woe is me' type crap. Nothing I wouldn't have expected from you. That page however, blew even my mind," she said with a sneer.

"Where's the photo, Victoria?" I demanded.

"I don't know what you mean, Max," she said folding her arms.

"Yes, you do," I said through gritted teeth. Victoria reached into her pocket and pulled out the photo.

"Oh, you mean this?" she said.

"Give that to me right now, Victoria."

"Why should I?"

"Because I took that photo moments before Chloe was shot. If you have a shred of compassion then you will give me that back to me." The smile on Victoria's face faded a little. She looked down at the photograph and then at me.

"Fine…" she said reluctantly. As she held it out I snatched from her hand. I went over to my journal and put the photo in the middle of the page before slamming it shut.

"That's your one free pass. You are not getting another one," Victoria said.

"What is it you want, Victoria?"

"An apology. The most grovelling apology you'll ever give for all the shit that you said to me. If I don't judge it to be worthy enough of my forgiveness…" Victoria took out her phone and swiped through a series of photos, all of my motivation page. "…the whole school will see what a weirdo you are," she threatened. I failed to hide the panic on my face.

"Thought you wouldn't want that," Victoria said as she looked through the photos herself. "What is this shit anyway? 'You are a hero?' Could you be any more full of yourself?" She sneered.

I clenched my fist and looked at the ground.

"I made that page because I'm struggling, Victoria. I am struggling with so much shit alongside losing Chloe," I confessed.

"So are a lot of people, Max," Victoria retorted.

"Not like me, Victoria. I look at that page and it gives me the strength to think I can actually do anything. That I'm not completely hopeless. It actually stopped me from almost making a terrible decision earlier," I said. Victoria's eyes widened.

"You don't mean…" she trailed off. I realised how she might have interpreted what I said.

"No, not suicide. Surprised you'd even care though."

"This isn't sounding much like an apology, Max."

"Okay," I said looking her in the eye. "I'm sorry for saying you should have made Nathan get help. That was out of your hands." Victoria's expression softened as she folded her arms.

I continued: "I'm sorry for saying you only care about things that happen to you. I know you were there for Taylor when her mom was sick. But…" Victoria frowned before I finished.

"I will not apologise for pointing out that your insecurities are no excuse to treat people like crap. Not me, Kate or anyone else deserves your cruelty just so you can feel better about yourself," I finished. Victoria started tapping on her phone.

"Well you almost passed but fucked up on the final hurdle. Guess the whole of Blackwell will be receiving these pictures in just a moment. You want to make one final statement to turn things around?" I clenched my fist and looked down at the ground.

 _ _Just the thought of everyone seeing this makes me want to hide away in my room for the rest of my life. Fuck, Victoria. Why do I even care what you think? Why do I care what anyone thinks? I've been called a weirdo with my polaroid camera but I still use it because I enjoy it. I took a photo I was proud of that I was too chicken-shit to enter into the Everyday Heroes contest. I was so afraid of people laughing at me. But when I did enter I won. The biggest thing that has held me back even before I made it to Blackwell is being scared about what people think of me. Victoria has the same problem. She's scared, just like me...So I know what I need to do.__

"Yes, Victoria," I said before looking her in the eye. "There is."

"Better be good, for your sake," she said waving her phone in front of me.

"I'm sorry for saying that you treat other people the way you do because you enjoy it. I don't think you really do. I think you get a brief moment where you feel that your better than the other person, but then it vanishes. So you have to keep doing it just to get those moments. I'm sorry for saying you enjoy it, but no way in hell am I apologising for pointing out that the way you deal with your own insecurities is bullshit," I said.

"You asked for this, Max," Victoria said as she tapped furiously on her phone.

"Whatever, Victoria," I turned around and grabbed my journal off her desk.

"Do you think I'm bluffing, Max? I'm sending these to everyone at Blackwell. Even the teachers," she threatened.

"I believe you, Victoria. I just don't care." I went to approach the door but Victoria blocked me.

"Can you move out of the way please? I'd like to get back to my room," I said calmly. Victoria was looking at me in disbelief.

"Seriously? You don't care about everyone seeing this?" She spluttered.

"Nope," I said.

"Why the hell not?" Victoria demanded.

"Because what's the point, Victoria? So I can feel shitty about what helps me cope because other people think it's weird? I told you I don't care so just post the damn pictures already," I said defiantly.

Victoria just stared at me, studying me.

"What is wrong with you? How can you not care?" Victoria asked. I just shrugged.

"Victoria, I'd really like to get going. Please move." Victoria slowly stepped to the side as I went for the door. As I reached for the door handle…

"Wait," Victoria said. I stopped and looked at her. "I wasn't really going to post this shit," she said. She stomped over to her bed and sat down.

"Why not?" I asked.

"Because…Because...Shit. How do you do it, Max? How can you just…not give a shit what people think? How can it be so easy?" She said as she hastily wiped a tear from her eye. I sat down next to her and put my journal to the side.

"It's not easy, Victoria. Believe me. I've spent a lot of my life scared of what people may say or think of me. It's done nothing but give me stress and anxiety I never needed. With everything that's happened recently...I'm done with that, Victoria. I'm living how I want to live. I owe that to…to Chloe. When I got back to Arcadia, I never contacted her because I was scared of what she would say." I could feel myself wanting to cry again but I steeled myself up as Victoria looked over at me. Her scowl was long gone as she gave me a look of sympathy.

"I heard you hadn't really talked in years," she said.

"Chloe tried to talk to me," I said. "But I was just so fucking scared of not knowing what to say, of saying the wrong thing that I tried to avoid it completely. I should have just been there for her. That's all I had to do." I took a sharp breath to fight back tears again. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Victoria's hand hovering near my shoulder. Eventually she placed it on my shoulder.

"That's rough," she said. "I mean, I guess I'm not exactly better with my friends. The few real friends I have, I mean," she said.

"That's not true, Victoria. I heard…about Taylor's mom. That you went with Taylor to the hospital. You were there for her," I said. Victoria took her hand off my shoulder and gave a quick shrug.

"She really didn't want to go alone. I offered to go with her, no big deal."

"Not just Taylor. Nathan too…" I started. "You were one of the only people who really cared about him. Weren't you?" I asked. Victoria gave a small nod.

"His dad treated him like a freak. So did everyone else. The fact his name was 'Prescott' sealed how people saw him before getting to know him. I saw the side no-one saw. Not that it matters now. With what he did…" she said as an angry look crossed her face.

"Jefferson was the-" I started.

"Don't. Say. His name," Victoria spat. I went silent as Victoria suddenly stood up and started pacing with her arms crossed. She started talking out loud, not even to me, just out loud.

"The things I was thinking of doing just to get ahead. Just to win the fucking contest…I'm such a-" she suddenly looked at me, maybe having just remembered I was there. She suddenly stopped.

"He fooled us all, Victoria," I said to try and bring her back down.

"Other people didn't practically make out with him every fucking class, Max!" She screamed. She covered her face as tears started to stream down her cheeks. I got up and hugged her. She tried to resist but I just held her tight. She put her arms around my sides as she cried onto my shoulder. She cried for a couple of minutes until she stepped back and wiped her eyes.

"Whatever you've done before now is in the past. What matters is what you do now. I know you aren't the evil bitch you like to front," I said. Victoria nodded. "At least, I don't believe you are," I added.

"I'm not," Victoria insisted. "You were right. I'm just so fucking afraid I'm not as talented as I think I am."

"I know the feeling, but that doesn't make it okay to bully others."

"I know, Max. I already feel like shit, okay?"

"You know I'm not trying to make you feel bad, Victoria. You know you were wrong. Whatever you want to do now…that's up to you," I said.

Victoria nodded. She suddenly looked at her phone on her bed. She walked over and picked it up. She scrolled through and tapped on the screen. She looked back up at me.

"The photos are deleted. You can check if you want," she said holding out her phone.

"Thank you. I don't need to check though," I said. Victoria put her phone back in the bed before looking at my journal.

"I'm sorry for looking through your journal. It's pretty cool actually, daring to put what you really feel and think about down on paper where you can't escape it. I just shove all my shit to the back of my brain and hope it goes away," she said shaking her head. I immediately thought of my nightmare. Where all my fears and anxiety attacked me where I couldn't escape.

"That never works. They're always there. You can just try and deal with them," I advised.

"Right," Victoria said. "So what should I expect from you now?"

"What do you mean?"

"Whenever you come back to classes, you still going to sit at the back keeping your head down?" She said. I looked away awkwardly.

"I don't know. I still need to try and get my photos out there and not just keep them in my room."

"Yes, you do. You won't achieve anything otherwise. You have to put your stuff out there," Victoria advised. "I sent some stuff to Kroft Gallery a few weeks ago. They thought it sucked. Oh well, try again."

"I'm sure they didn't think it sucked, Victoria. You're talented, just keep trying. And I guess I'll try too."

"Good. Maybe work on adding something other than selfies to your portfolio though," she said. I laughed.

"I'm trying to. Baby steps I guess."

We both stood there for a moment, unsure what to say.

"I should get back to my room. Been a crazy day," I said.

"Sure," Victoria replied.

"I'm glad we talked, Victoria. We don't have to be best friends but there's no reason we can't be on the same side," I said. Victoria nodded.

"I'm glad we talked too. I'll see you around, Max," she said. I grabbed my journal and opened the door. I gave Victoria one last smile, which she returned briefly before going sitting down at her desk. I closed the door behind me and went over to mine. I stepped into my room and closed the door behind me. I sat down at my desk and put my journal down. I'd barely had a chance to stop and process anything this afternoon.

In two days I had gone from thinking I didn't deserve to see a single person to reconnecting with people I'd shut out. From feeling so guilty for wanting Chloe back to accepting that's it's just normal. From feeling guilty about even looking at Joyce to feeling we could depend on each other for help. From wondering if I should really stay here in Arcadia to knowing that I had to. From have huge fallouts with David, Warren and Victoria to making up with them the same afternoon. It felt so good to be on good terms with everyone again. For them to have my forgiveness and for me to have theirs. All of a sudden, a thought crossed my mind…

 _ _That's why people say sorry, Max. They want forgiveness.__

I remembered one more person who had said sorry to me. Not in this timeline but…

Without skipping a beat I grabbed a pen and some paper from a draw on my desk. I put the pen to paper and wrote.

 ** _"_** ** _ _ **Nathan, you killed someone I cared about more than anyone else. You took her away from me. You also killed Rachel Amber and helped Jefferson in his sick crimes. There's one thing I want you to know regarding all the things you have done.**__**

 ** _ _ **I forgive you.**__**

 ** _ _ **Nothing you did was right. You made really bad decisions. But I know you felt like you had no choice, no-one else to turn to but Jefferson. He manipulated you into thinking he cared about you. I know that's all you wanted, someone who cared. Victoria was the closest thing you had but I know she couldn't have helped.**__**

 ** _ _ **You'll be given the help you've always needed. Then one day, when you are released, you'll have another choice. You can continue the legacy your father and those before him have been hellbent on inflicitng on Arcadia Bay. Or you can break the cycle your family has endured and be a force for good. I believe you can do it. I forgive you for everything you've done and believe you can, and will, make the right choices from now on. You can make everyone else believe it too if you want that badly enough.**__**

 ** _ _ **Good luck,**__**

 ** _ _ **Max Caulfield.**__**

I read through my letter again and stopped to question if I really meant all of it.

 _ _Yes. I do. Nathan did things I thought were unforgivable…until I found out the reasons why he was doing them. Everything he did came from a place of hurt. It's like Joyce said. I have to see past all that and believe there's good in him. I have to.__

I had no idea when or how I would get this to Nathan. Whether it would be in person of I would just send it at some point. I just knew Nathan needed to see it. That there was someone who forgave him. I had no idea if it would make a difference to him but I had to try.

 _ _It's one of my patented Max Motivation mottos after all…__

I grabbed a spare envelope I had in one of my drawers and wrote Nathan's name on the front. I folded up my note and put it inside the envelope before sealing it. I put it safetly back in the drawer for when it's time would come. I got up and laid down on my bed.

I let out a small laugh. A mixture of exhaustion and amazement at how crazy the day had been. I felt a lump in my throat as I remembered I had told Principal Wells I would be back in classes on Monday. If I had gained a shred of confidence I would have just told him I hadn't meant it and needed more time.

 _ _You also thought you might never leave your room. That you didn't deserve to see anyone, Max. You were pretty wrong on that. That was just yesterday.__

 _ _Today, you managed get the courage to stay here in Arcadia Bay and to move forward. You got the courage to bring up all that stuff up to Warren. I know it was awkward as fuck but you got through and now still have him as a friend. You worked things out with David too. And Victoria. You even convinced Principal Wells to stay at the school. You've made amazing progress in just a day and half. You've got the weekend to prepare and…probably stress the hell out but you can do it. You have to. That week can't have been for nothing. You have to use what you gained to go forward and actually live your fucking life. Like you said, for Chloe and for yourself.__

I looked up at the ceiling and smiled at my own self encouragement. I was finally starting to feel comfortable saying I had done something good. That it didn't mean I was some egomaniac or whatever. I got up and took William's camera out of my bag. Whenever I looked at I couldn't help but think of Chloe. Even if she never got the chance to it really did feel like this camera was still from her. I was determined to use it right. I went over to my drawer and took out the pictures of people I had taken today and yesterday. I didn't want to put them amongst my other wall of photos. These were special, they deserved a special place.

 _ _Where that is? I have no idea right now…Back in the drawer. For now. I'll think of something tomorrow.__

I put the pictures back in my drawer and closed it. I needed some time to just not think about stuff. So I turned on my CD player for the first time in over a week and laid down on my bed.

* * *

Hours later and it was time for bed. I had spent the rest of the day listening to music and having another attempt at that song I was trying to write. Still no real joy. I was probably still not putting everything into it but that was okay. It wasn't like I was looking to become the next Taylor Swift or anything. I needed the bathroom before bed so I left my room. As I walked down the hallway I saw Kate come out of the bathroom in her night clothes. She smiled when she saw me.

"Max!" she said as she approached me.

"Hey Kate, you getting to bed too?"

"Yeah, ready for the weekend to be honest."

"Me too. I mean, I guess the past week's been like a weekend for me really..." I said.

"It's okay, Max. Sorry, I never asked how did everything go with your parents this morning?"

"It was good. I thought about going back home for a while but I realised staying here was the best thing for me."

"That's great, Max."

"I'm actually starting classes again next week," I said. Kate's eyes widened.

"Oh, wow. I mean are you sure? Sorry, Max. That was rude. I'm not saying...I'll just stop talking," she said going a bit red. I just smiled at her.

"It's okay. To be honest, I'm not really sure if I am ready. But I know I'll have to come back eventually. The longer I put it off the worse it will be probably so..."

"I'm here for you, Max. I'll help you with whatever you need," Kate said.

"You've already done so much. I wouldn't even be out of my room if you hadn't come to talk to me. I can't thank you enough," I said. Kate blushed.

"I didn't do much. It's just what any good Christian would do. Help someone in need," she said. We both hugged.

"Oh and I need to thank you too," Kate said as we separated.

"Why?"

"Well, I got this note slipped under my door earlier.

 ** _"Kate, I'm leaving you this note because I'm too chicken shit to say this to your face. I feel like such a bitch for posting that video of you. I already deleted it but never said sorry to you. So...sorry. I had no idea what Nathan had done to you and all the messed up shit you went through. Even if that hadn't happened I still shouldn't have posted the video. You probably hate my guts and you should. VC."_**

"Wowser," I said. "It's cool she said sorry and all, Kate but why are you thanking me?" I asked. Kate just smiled.

"Max, I heard about your er...confrontation with Victoria today. I know you mentioned me. I don't think it's a coincidence she gave me this after that happened," she said. "So, thank you."

I just blushed. "It's no big deal, at least my meltdown was good for something I guess. Victoria and I actually made up earlier. I think. I guess I never really know with her," I said.

"I know what you mean, Max."

"So what are you going to do, regarding Victoria I mean?" I asked.

"She sounds sincere. Sometimes it takes awful things to happen for someone to understand what they have done is wrong. I forgive her."

"That's really awesome of you, Kate. If er...anything else does happen with her then let me know and I'll try talking to her," I promised.

"Thanks, Max. Hopefully it won't come to that but I'm glad to know you're here. I'd better get to bed. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Good night, Kate," I said.

"Night, Max," she replied as she walked back to her room. As I approached the bathroom door I realised Dana's door was ajar. She was sat on her sofa reading. She spotted me and beckoned me to come in. I approached her room and opened the door to step in.

"Hey, Max. You calling it a night?" she asked.

"Yeah, pretty much," I said.

"I'm not surprised. You deserve a good night's sleep after laying the smack down on Victoria," she laughed.

"Yeah...I don't really feel good about it to be honest," I said.

"I don't like being mean to people, but Victoria totally deserved it."

"I...can't disagree, Dana. But I also talked to her in a more civil manner earlier today and she's really okay. Promise me you won't go after her."

"Not my style, Max. But I'm glad to hear she's not just the queen bitch of Blackwell."

"Trust me, Dana, there's a lot more to her. I'm hoping she'll start showing it now after...everything that's happened," I said. Dana's expression softened a little.

"I hope you're right, Max. At least then something good will have come out of this crap," she said. She put on a smile as she changed the subject. "So what are you doing for the weekend?"

"Er...not really made any plans. I guess maybe I'll go out and take some pictures. Kinda fallen behind on my usual quota," I said.

"Surely you can take more than enough selfie's to make up for it?" Dana giggled. I laughed too.

"I'm trying to branch out. Expand my portfolio more," I said.

"That's cool. Still er...no news on a replacement yet for your class," Dana said tentatively.

"I heard. Honestly I need all the time I can get so I can catch up with the stuff I missed."

"You'll be okay, Max. That's a cute shirt by the way," she said looking at my night shirt. Just a simple shirt with little chicks on it.

"Aw thanks, Dana. I've had it a while really. Before I came to Blackwell I promised myself I'd get a whole new wardrobe but it's basically just the stuff I've always bought. Not exactly a fashion connoisseur I guess."

"Hey, I have an idea. There's a little store in town that sells clothes. Some are new and some are second hand. I actually bought a few second hand from there. Don't tell anyone I told you that," she said with a wink. "Anyway, how about we take a little trip tomorrow and I can help you get that sweet new wardrobe!"

"Oh, wow. Um... I don't want to stop you from doing something more fun," I said.

"Don't be silly, Max. It's worked out perfectly actually. I was going to be with Trevor but he's decided to hang with his friends. No biggie though, I kinda did the same to him a couple of weeks back so we're even. He can probably give us a ride as he's meeting his friends in town too."

"I um..." I stuttered.

"You don't have to come away with anything. We can still have a girls' day out trying on clothes, like I ever need an excuse for that. So what do ya say, Max?"

 _Dana's being nice, Max. You're never really hung out together but she's easily one of the nicest people you've met at Blackwell...especially for a cheerleader. Wow, catty much, Max?_

"Sure, Dana. Sounds good. Maybe you can help me pick out some stuff to mark the beginning of er...Max 2.0," I said.

"Max 2.0. I like it. Just you wait, one shopping trip with me and I'll make you the fashion queen of Arcadia Bay," she laughed. I laughed too.

"I don't think anyone can make me a fashion queen, Dana, but you're sure welcome to try," I laughed. I looked over at her desk and spotted Warren's flashdrive.

"Oh, Dana. Sorry, but could I have that flash drive back?"

"Of course, Max," she said as she got up to retrieve it for me. "Sorry I just took it, I really should have asked..."

I waved away her concern. "It's okay. Bigger things to worry about etcetera. I just need to give it back to Warren," I said as I took it from her.

"Sure thing. You noticed Warren had a little folder just for you, wonder what that might mean?" She said with a smirk.

"I know what it means, Dana. But I kinda told him I don't feel the same. We're still going to be friends though, so it's cool," I explained sheepishly.

"Aw, that's a shame. You would have been cute together," she said.

"Night, Dana," I said as I quickly exited. I heard Dana laugh. "See you tomorrow, Max," she said as I shut the door.

* * *

I returned to my room after my bathroom trip and realised just how awesome it felt to be hanging out with Dana tomorrow. We'd never exactly spent a lot of time together outside of classes so there was still a lot I didn't know about her.

 _Guess tomorrow will change that._

I put Warren's flash drive on my desk. I had barely even used it even before everything had happened. Maybe a few movies were what I needed to see me through the weekend. I grabbed my phone and sent Warren a quick text.

 ** _Got your flash drive in front of me. Sorry I forgot to give it back today._**

A minute later I received a reply:

 ** _No problem. You can give it back on Monday. Make sure you watch anything you need to!_**

I typed back the reply:

 ** _I will! Thanks, Warren! And thank you for the class notes too!_**

I put my phone to the side and yawned. I was really ready for sleep. Before I got to bed I decided to have a look at my facebook. I hadn't looked at it since Chloe died, at least "this Max" hadn't. I loaded up my page on my laptop. I scrolled through and saw messages from a lot of people: Warren, Kate, Dana, Daniel, Justin...I had "liked" all the comments but never replied.

 _That definitely sounds like me..._

I noticed Warren had sent me several funny videos to try and cheer me up in the days after the funeral. I scrolled through to the top and saw I had been tagged in a picture earlier today. It was Daniel. He had put a drawing up of me with the caption: **_Everyday Hero._** Seeing that put a beaming smile on my face. I immediately commented under it: _**Thank you so much Daniel, I love it x.**_

 _That's so awesome he put the picture back up. And it's really good. All I did was tell him to not listen to Logan. That's all it took. Just like when I posed for his picture and told him to go the Vortex Club. All it took was for someone to tell him he could do it and he could have ended up at an exhibition with Brooke. Guess, I've undone that now...but that doesn't mean you can't still help him. It doesn't mean anything you did in that week can't be done again, Max. You just have to try._

I yawned again before looking at my journal. No matter how tired I was, there was one thing long overdue. I grabbed my pen, opened my journal to todays' date, October 18th and started writing.

 ** _"Dear Journal, today was a pretty crazy day..."_**

* * *

 ** _A/N: Expect a bigger gap before the next chapter and sorry again for the longer than expected delay between the last two parts. If you're still continuing to read this you are amazing. Thank you._**


	6. Chapter 6: Support

I was stood in my room wearing my default shirt, jeans and hoodie.

 _Note to self: I am not buying any clothes today that fit under the categories of hoodie, boring jeans or…shirt with an animal on it._

I was a little excited, but still nervous, about Dana and our fashion trip. I was determined to make good on my promise and come away as Max 2.0 fashion-wise. Nothing extreme, but something that would look out of place in my pretty safe wardrobe. I looked at myself in the mirror and examined my face.

 _I hate those dumb freckles under my eyes. Guess I should thank my Irish ancestors for that._

I unwrapped the bandage I'd been wearing from my hand and dumped it in trash basket in the corner of my room. I looked at the scar on my palm and saw it was healing over.

 _One less thing to worry about I guess._

As was now a tradition, I opened up my journal and looked at my Max motivation page. I swore it was practically muscle memory. I could probably open up to the page with my eyes closed. I put my phone in my pocket before making sure I had my debit card on me. I still hadn't spent much of the money Dad gave me for my birthday but I didn't plan on blowing the rest of it on a shopping trip. I left my room and made my way to the parking lot.

* * *

Dana and Trevor were waiting by his car in the parking lot. They seemed to think kissing was a good way to pass the time. I approached them hoping they'd notice me. They didn't. I stood there and brushed my arm as they continued to make out. I finally cleared my throat. Dana opened her eyes and pulled away from Trevor.

"Shit. Hey, Max!" Dana said.

"Yo, Max," Trevor said with his arm around Dana. "How have you been, you know, with everything?"

"Hoping today will help. Thanks so much for taking Dana and I in," I said.

"No big deal," he replied.

"Also he'll be picking us up, won't you?" Dana said making googly eyes at Trevor.

"Yeah, yeah. Just give me plenty of warning okay, babe?"

"Will do," Dana said before turning to me. "You ready to go, Max?"

"Uh huh," I said. We all got in the car and drove into town.

* * *

Trevor dropped Dana I off outside the clothes store.

"Text me when you're finished. Have fun!" Trevor said after we got out. Dana gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"Thanks, Trevor. You too," she said.

"Thanks again, Trevor," I added.

"No problem, Max. See ya!" Trevor gave a quick wave as he drove off. I looked up at the store which had _"BEST DRESSED CLOTHING STORE"_ written on a sign above the door.

"I don't remember this being here before I moved away," I said.

"It only opened a couple of years ago," Dana explained. "It's a cool store, we'll find you something for sure. Let's go!" Dana said as she opened the door. I followed her inside.

I was immedaitely stuck by how old fashioned the interior was. It looked small on the outside but was suprisingly big on the inside. There were racks of clothes everywhere. Behind the counter was a woman of about sixty, reading a magazine. She looked up at Dana and I as we walked in.

"Dana, darling," the woman said as she put her magazine down. "How are you?"

"I'm good, Mrs Thornton," Dana replied. Mrs Thorton than leaned to the side so she could see me.

"And who do we have here?" She asked.

"This is my friend, Max."

"Er, hi," I just said.

"Ethel Thornton. Lovely to meet you," she said with a smile.

"Max is looking to freshen up her wardrobe and I told her this was the best place," Dana said.

"Flattery will get you everywhere, Dana. So what exactly did you have in mind?" Mrs Thornton asked. They both looked at me. I froze. I had no idea what I was specifically here for. If Dana hadn't invited me I would never have thought about my wardrobe.

"I guess just…something different. I don't even know what that is really. I'll know it if I see it, maybe" I said.

"She's in good hands, Mrs Thornton," said Dana. "But if we need a second opinion you will be our guide."

"It's really cool you take in used clothes," I said.

"Unfortunately it's out of necessity. Need all the ways I can to make money on this place. Damn Prescotts have been choking my business from the day it opened. Feel like I'm taking away clothes from people who could need them more," she said.

"You shouldn't think of it like that," I said.

"I might not have to for much longer. With everything that's happened I'll be surprised if that family has anything left at the end of it all. I'd be lying if I said they didn't have it coming. Just awful how it had to happen. That poor girl..." Mrs Thornton said. I immediately averted my eyes and pretended to sift through some clothes on a nearby rack. I saw Dana look at me from the corner of my eye.

"Did I say something?" I heard her say to Dana.

"No, it's okay," I said looking up. "You just have such an amazing selection I need to start looking now if I want to be done before you close," I said forcing a smile. Mrs Thornton smiled back.

"Well then I'll leave you both to it. I'm right here if you need anything," she said picking up her magazine. I took a look at the price tag on a shirt on the rack and my eyes widened. Dana caught my expression and chuckled.

"Want me to take to the second hand section?" She said with a knowing smile.

"Might be best," I said.

"Like I said, I've bought some stuff from that section and it's still cool," she said as she lead me across the room. She quickly glanced at Mrs Thornton and then talked in a hushed tone.

"Are you okay, Max?"

"Huh?"

"Just with Mrs Thornton talking about…" Dana trailed off.

"Oh, yeah, no. I'm fine. Besides I'm here to have fun and put all that aside," I said. Dana smiled at me. We reached the second hand section. A whole wall of dresses, shirts and pants.

"Ta da!" Dana said gesturing to the wall.

"Wowser," I said. "All of this is second hand?"

"Sure is," she said as she looked through a few hanging dresses. "You don't really wear dresses, do you?" Dana pointed out. I shook my head.

"I just…don't think I look good in them," I confessed.

"Don't be silly. When was the last time you wore one?"

"Um…Chloe's funeral," I said. Dana froze for a second.

"Shit, sorry. You know what, let's forget about dresses and-"

"No," I said cutting Dana off. "The old Max, never wore dresses unless she had to. Max 2.0 should at least try it," I looked through a few of them. "Just, maybe not one in black…"

Dana smiled at me.

"You got it, Max," Dana said as she joined me in looking through. There were all kinds of different styles. None of them lept out at me but I realised I was still comparing them to my old wardrobe.

 _ _Just forget what's come before, Max. Start fresh and pick something.__

My hand landed on a blue dress which I pulled off the rack. It had a yellow floral pattern all over it. Dana saw me holding it. "You like that one?" she asked.

"Maybe," I said. Dana pulled a dress off the rack.

"How about this one?" she asked. I turned and saw she had picked out a lime green dress. I immediately grimaced without thinking, the colour really didn't speak to me. Dana chuckled at my reaction.

"That's a 'no' then," she said putting the dress back.

"God, I'm sorry, Dana. I didn't mean it like that…" I explained. Dana laughed.

"It's cool, Max. Just maybe say 'no' from here on out."

"Noted," I said. We both looked through for another minute. Dana picked out another dress. A bright pink one.

"Um, no, Dana. Sorry."

"So nothing bright then?" Dana asked.

"I do like the colour. I don't know, I guess it's just…I've never been someone who wanted to stand out," I confessed. Dana looked at me.

"Don't be afraid to stand out, Max. You deserve to," Dana said. I just gave a half hearted nod without looking at her. "I'm serious, Max," she said as she put her hand on my shoulder. "You're one of the best people at Blackwell."

I looked up at Dana.

"I'm just…me," I said.

"Yes, which makes you one of the best people I know. You don't get involved with all the dumb drama people like to start. You just do you. You're smart," Dana explained.

"Thanks, Dana. God, I promised myself I wasn't going to hide away any more but I guess it's still not any easier."

"Well, I want to make it easier any way I can. How you choose to present yourself is important. What you choose to wear says something about who you are. If you choose to wear a gorgeous dress it shows you're confident you look good," she said. I looked up at her and smiled.

"Thanks, Dana," I said.

Dana and I continued to look for more clothes. We picked up a couple more dresses before moving onto some shirts and pants. I ended up with a bigger pile than I intended.

"I feel kinda bad if I don't buy at least one thing from this," I said.

"Don't worry," said Dana. "Mrs Thornton's cool. Besides, I know something from this will speak to you." We headed over to the fitting cubicles.

"I'll wait out her while you change. Take your pick and I'll be ready to give you my opinion," said Dana.

"Okay, but just be honest okay? If I don't look good I want to know."

"Promise," she said.

I went into the cubicle and closed the curtain. There was a small bench, a bar to hang the clothes on as well as a full length mirror. I looked at myself in the mirror as I undressed. I took off my shirt and pants and looked at my half naked body.

 _ _I spent the whole of puberty waiting for something to happen…to my chest but that time never came. I've always hated looking at myself. I've even worried about my weight when I know I don't need to. But that was Max 1.0. She worried about stuff she didn't need to worry about. You don't. Come on, Max. After everything that happened…is this really still something you should give a shit about?__

I steeled myself away from the mirror and looked at the clothes selection Dana and I had picked out. I picked the floral dress I had first looked at. I got into the dress and looked at myself in the mirror. I turned from side to side as I examined myself up and down. It actually looked pretty good. It felt good. I peeled the curtain back and poked my head out of the cubicle. I expected Dana to be stood right there but she wasn't. I looked around and saw Mrs Thornton was still at the counter reading her magazine. I looked to the right and spotted Dana. She was stood at a circular stand holding something. Something small. A baby's top. I saw Dana's face and she looked so lost in her thoughts. She had never told me about her abortion in this time line. I almost put my foot in my mouth yesterday before remembering it never happened.

 _ _I wonder if she talked with it about anyone else?__

I decided to pull the curtain back.

"Dana?" I called out. "I think I'm ready to be judged." I heard her footsteps cross the room.

"Out you come, Max Factor!" I pulled back the curtain and stepped out. Dana clapped her hands together before covering her mouth.

"Well?" I said with trepidation.

"Max, you look gorgeous." My face immediately went red.

"I look okay…"

 _ _Max, a second ago you thought it looked great. Why do you still have such a hard time accepting a compliment? You swore you were past that.__

"Max, you look better than okay-"

"You're right. I really like this one. I think I'm gonna get it," I said. Dana smiled and looked over at Mrs Thornton.

"Congrats, Mrs T, you just made a sale!" Dana called out. Mrs Thornton looked up from her magazine before spotting me.

"Oh darling, you look beautiful. I'm pleased Dana isn't the only one with good taste," she said.

"Thank you," I said.

"We still got a lot more to try on, Max. Let's get to it," Dana said. I nodded before going back into the cubicle and closing the curtain.

* * *

A little while later and I had tried on almost everything. I had liked a few of the other clothes but the rest were going back on the hanger. The last outfit was a red shirt with a skull and crossbones picture and black pants. Really couldn't be further away from what I would normally wear, which is why I picked it. I walked out in them as Dana looked me up and down.

"Hm, I don't know," Dana said. My heart sank a little.

"Really?"

"Yeah, I don't know if it's you," she said.

"I like it," I said.

"Yeah, but, doesn't mean it looks good on you," Dana said.

 _Is she cereal, after everything she said?_

"Well I think I look good. I'll wear it because I want to. Not, because I think you or anyone else will like it," I said. I went to storm back into the cubicle before I heard Dana clap her hands together.

"Go, Max! I'm so proud of you!" She said with a beaming smile.

"What?"

"You passed the test. It's like I said, it doesn't matter what other people think of what you wear just so long as you like it."

I just stood there staring at her.

"Shit, that was cruel wasn't it?" she said.

"No…I mean maybe, but it proved your point I guess," I replied.

"Sorry, I really like that look too though," she said.

"Thanks, Dana. I think I'm all done."

"Cool. I'll meet you at the counter."

I returned back to the cubicle to change back into my normal clothes.

* * *

I put back the clothes I decided against and took the ones I wanted to the counter. The floral dress, the red shirt and the black jeans amongst others. Mrs Thornton rang them up.

"Mission accomplished," Dana said. "Max 2.0 is leaving the building."

"It's not exactly a whole new wardrobe, Dana."

"Not yet, just give it time, Max," she said. I laughed as I paid Mrs Thornton and she bagged up my clothes. All in all, I spent $70 which wasn't bad.

"Here you go," Mrs Thronton said handing my my bag. "Come back anytime, Max."

"Thank you, Mrs Thornton. I definitely will, it's a really nice store."

"Well, thank you. Hope it survives with all this Prescott business," she said.

"I'm sure it will," I assured her.

"Bye Mrs T. I'll be back soon, don't worry," Dana said. Mrs Thornton chuckled.

"I look forward to it, Dana. Both of you take care now."

Dana and I said our goodbyes again and left the shop. I looked down at my bag of new clothes.

"See, wasn't that fun?" Dana asked.

"Yeah, it was. Thanks, Dana. I mean, not to rain on your parade but, I don't think I'm exactly the fashion queen of Arcadia Bay."

"Like I said, Max. Give it time. Anyway, you hungry?"

"Yeah actually, I skipped breakfast this morning."

"Me too," Dana looked at her watch. "Grocery store's only a few minutes away. How about we grab some sandwiches? On me to say sorry for that mean lesson."

"Sure, sound's great," I agreed.

* * *

Dana and I grabbed some packed sandwiches and a bag of chips to share. We had sat down on a bench not far from the store and were digging in.

"So what happened with you and Warren?" Dana suddenly asked. I coughed and spluttered a little in surprise, only just swallowing my mouthful of sandwich.

"Sorry, probably none of my business," Dana said.

"No, it's okay. There's just not much to say really. He liked me, I didn't see him the same way. I don't know why. We have a lot in common but…I just didn't," I explained.

"I've been there, Max. You can't force feelings. It's all good so long as the guy isn't an asshole," she said.

"Warren's not. I mean, he really didn't take it well at first but, I know he's sorry. I don't regret telling him. I usually find it hard to be really honest with people when I know it'll hurt them but I'm trying to not…be who I used to be," I explained. I looked over at Dana who was just staring at her sandwich.

"So er…how are you and Trevor doing?" I asked to try and change the subject. Dana was still spacing out.

"Dana?" I said putting my hand on her shoulder. She jerked to attention.

"Sorry, Max. Just got distracted. What were you asking?" she said.

"You and Trevor, how are you doing?"

"Oh, we're good. Sorry if we made you awkward earlier," she said.

"It's okay. I'm glad that you're happy, Dana," I said with a smile.

"Yeah…" Dana looked down again.

"Dana, is there something wrong, between you and Trevor I mean? I'm really not an expert in relationships. At all. But I'm a good listener," I offered. Dana just continued to stare into space.

"I'm not trying to pry, Dana. Trust me, but…I saw you looking at the baby clothes earlier. Is it something to do with that?" Dana snapped round to look at me. At first, she looked like she was going to yell. Then her expression softened as she realised I really just wanted to help. She exhaled deeply.

"Max, this stays between us, okay?"

"Okay."

"I'm serious. I haven't told anyone else this except my parents and…one other person, who I had no choice but to tell."

"I promise, Dana. I'm not breathing a word to anyone."

"I don't know if you know but, before you arrived at Blackwell, I dated Logan for a while," Dana started. I just nodded.

"He was a bit of a meat head but he was okay really. A couple of months ago we had sex and, like idiots, didn't use protection. Then a few weeks later I realised I was pregnant."

"God, Dana. That must have been big thing to process."

"I told my mom and dad right away. They said they would support me whatever happened."

"That's good. You're lucky to have parents like that," I assured her.

"Then I told Logan and…he didn't take it well. He totally freaked, saying he wasn't ready to be a dad. He basically broke up with me over it…" Dana wiped away a couple of tears that were forming in her eyes. I shuffled along the bench and put my arm around her. Dana continued.

"I just couldn't see how I could possibly raise a baby on my own. Even if Logan had been supportive I still would have had school and then college to think about. I knew I couldn't give that baby the life he/she deserved so in the end I chose to…" Dana broke down into sobs. I put my other arm round her and brought her in for a hug. She sobbed onto my shoulder as I held her.

"It's okay," I said.

"No it's not, Max," Dana said between sobs. "I still feel awful. To…stop a life before it was even born because of my own selfishness…"

"That is not true. You were not being selfish." I said. She just continued to cry. I put my hand on her shoulders and forced her to look me in the eye.

"Dana, you said yourself you weren't ready to have a child, right?" Dana wiped her eyes and nodded.

"Then you made the right choice," I said.

"But Max, I still feel awful…"

"Take it from me, Dana. Sometimes you have to do things…" my voice cracked a little but I kept myself composed for Dana's sake. "…you have to do things you don't want to do. That you might feel awful about. But if you know that you've made the right choice then you cannot beat yourself up over it. You just can't. You should feel proud that were able to go through with that decision," I said. Dana wiped away more tears.

"You really sound sure about all that, Max," she said.

"I'm talking from my own experiences, Dana. Believe me, I know what's like to feel bad for making the right decision," I explained.

"You mean about Warren?"

"Huh? I mean…yeah, that's right. I knew I had to tell Warren how I felt, or didn't feel. He didn't take it well but he proved he was the person I thought he was eventually. Now we can both move on."

Dana moved away as I stopped hugging her.

"Thanks. God, I'm so sorry, Max. You've got your own crap to deal with, you don't need mine dumped on you too."

"Don't be silly, Dana. You've helped me with my problems. Just inviting me out today means a lot. Makes me feel less alone. I want to help you too if I can."

"It definitely feels good to get all that off my chest to someone else besides my parents," Dana said.

"I take it Trevor doesn't know any of this?"

Dana shook her head.

"He knows something's up with me. He keeps asking and I just tell him nothing's wrong. I lied to him and said I never had sex with Logan the whole time we were together. Another stupid mistake I made. I hate keeping this from him. Do you think I should tell him?"

 _ _Shit. Listening is one thing, I'm really not some wisened figure. I was honest with people during "that week" and I always seemed to make things worse. But then I was honest with Warren and it worked out, even if things seemed messed up at first. It's true I feel better knowing that we're okay and that he won't be chasing something that was never going to happen.__

"Dana, you need to tell him," I said.

"Really?" Dana said.

"Even if you think he might not take it well. You have to tell him. You can't keep this secret when it's clearly hurting you," I said. Dana nodded.

"But then I'm just doing it for me," she said.

"You're doing it for both of you. You can both then move on. If Trevor is the sweetheart you say he is then he isn't going to blow up. He might be angry and you should be ready for that but, he won't want leave you. You'll both get through it. I believe that," I said.

"You sound really sure, Max."

"Maybe I should join a drama class."

Dana laughed.

"Okay, I'll do it," she said.

"If it does go wrong then I'm here for you."

"If it does go wrong I'm blaming you," she said. My face immediately was covered with fear. "I'm kidding, Max. Seriously, thank you for listening. Sorry for bringing so much drama to our shopping trip."

"Don't be sorry, Dana. I'm just glad I could make you feel better. Anyway, I think I'm carrying way more baggage around than anyone…except maybe Kate…" I said.

"I've barely talked to her since all that shit came out. I'm such a bitch," Dana said bitterly.

"Why."

"I watched that stupid video of her. What sort of friend am I, Max?"

"You're a friend who made a mistake, Dana."

"I just don't even know what I can say to her. What do you say to someone who has gone through something like that?" Dana asked.

"You just have to be there, Dana. When um...when Chloe's dad, William, died. I moved away from her. She tried to reach out to me. But I was so worried about saying the right thing, or wrong thing, that I blew her off over and over until I just gave up entirely. I think she gave up too. So she was alone. It's only now I realise I didn't have to worry about saying the right thing, I just had to say something. I just had to make sure she knew I was there. Just look at _me_ , Dana. You were here for me today. Not to talk about all this stuff, you just made me feel less alone. So did Kate. I wouldn't be here right now if she hadn't reached out to me. That's all you have to do," I said.

"Wow, great speech, Max," Dana said. I blushed a little.

"Yeah, it seems like a habit these past few days," I said.

"There's a lot worse habits, Max," Dana said as she gave me a hug. "Thanks for everything. This day was supposed to be about making you feel better but I think you've done more for me." I hugged Dana back.

"You've done plenty today, Dana. I'm just glad I have one more person I can count on," I said.

"Right back at ya, Max." Dana and I separated. She was examining my face.

"Something wrong?"

"I've never seen you in makeup," she said.

"Oh, er no it's not really my thing. I mean I wear a little bit of eyeliner but nothing that…"

"Stands out? You ever worn full makeup at all?"

"I guess not…" I said. Dana smiled and clapped her hands together.

 _Uh oh..._

* * *

Dana and I returned to the dorms after finishing our food and getting picked up by Trevor. I dropped off my bag of clothes in my room. Before I left I realised I had totally forgotten my camera. There hadn't been a day since I started Blackwell that I didn't take it out with me in case a good shot appeared. With all the nerves/excitement of my shopping trip with Dana I never even thought of taking it. I grabbed William's camera out of my bag and headed back to her room.

I walked into Dana's room and shut the door behind me. I didn't want anyone seeing me potentially looking dumb in makeup. Dana was setting up all sorts of products for me to try. I didn't even know what half of them were. I raised my camera and looked through the view finder.

"Hey, Dana…" I said. She looked over her shoulder and smiled. She moved to the side and gestured to the make up products. I snapped the picture and put the polaroid as well as my camera on Dana's bed.

"Alright, Max. Let's make you a star," Dana said. I smiled weakly.

* * *

After what seemed like a hundred different products Dana seemed to have finished transforming me.

"Alright, Max. Ready for the big reveal?"

"Not really but, here goes nothing," I said. Dana presented a small round mirror. I shut my eyes.

"Oh, don't be so dramatic, Max."

"Sorry," I said. I opened my eyes and looked at my reflection. At least…I assumed it was my reflection. I barely recognised myself. Bright red lips, blusher that totally hid my freckles and eye shadow that made my eyes look twice as big.

"Well, what do ya think?" Dana asked in anticipation. I turned to the side a couple of times to get a proper look.

 _ _I miss my freckles. I can't believe I'm saying that. Guess they're a part of me, whether I like it or not. And there's no reason to hide who I really am.__

"I'm not sure I like it, Dana. It's just…not me," I said. "Sorry."

"Don't be sorry, Max, I thought Operation Makeover probably wouldn't be a success. At least we tried," Dana handed my a cloth to wipe away all the makeup.

"Well you can say you had the privilege, if you can call it that, of seeing me in make up," I said.

"I'll take that privilege."

I removed all my make up. When I had finished Dana had got out her phone.

"Now it's my turn, Max," she said. She pointed the phone at us and put her arm around me.

"Say cheese," she said.

"Cheese!" We said in unison. "Awesome," Dana said. "You okay if I put it on Facebook?"

"Of course. Listen, thanks a lot for this morning. It's been really cool hanging out."

"Me too, Max. It was fun. Let's not make it the last, right?"

"Definitely. I'd better get back to my room. I have a mountain of school stuff to catch up on and I really should get started."

"No problem, Max. If you feel like procrastinating however, I'm right here," she said with a wink. I laughed.

"Thanks, Dana."

I got up and grabbed my camera and polaroid off Dana's bed.

"I forgot to mention, I'm helping organise the Halloween party. Trevor and I will be there. You should totally come with us!" Dana said.

"Oh, I mean, I wouldn't want to be a third wheel…"

"Don't be silly, Max. I want you to come."

"I'll think about it Dana. I'd better get going. See you later," I said waving goodbye.

"Bye, Max," Dana waved back. I left Dana's room and got back to my own. I put my camera on my bed before over to my drawer and putting my polaroid of Dana inside.

 _ _I really need do need to find a better place for these…__

I shut the drawer back up and then took out the clothes I had bought and hung them up in my wardrobe. They definitely stood out from everything else so I accomplished my mission. Now all I had to do was actually feel like wearing them in public.

 _One step at a time I guess._

I sat down at my desk ready to study only to find my motivation had suddenly disappeared.

 _ _Come on, Max. You'll have to do it eventually. Just start with something easy. The notes Warren gave you. Just go through them for now to ease yourself in.__

I picked up the small stack of paper Alyssa had delivered to me on Warren's behalf. All the class notes for Science and Cultural Anthropology. I decided to start with the latter as my brain was so not in the mood for complicated science terms. I put Warren's notes in front of me and got to work.

* * *

 _ _Well that could have gone better…__

An hour later and almost nothing had gone in. I was getting distracted by the stupidest of stuff. Probably my brain trying to protect itself from the horrors of studying. I sat back in my chair and looked up at the ceiling.

 _ _Well at least you're trying, Max. Better than nothing, I guess…__

If studying right now wasn't on the cards then I still needed to do something productive. If I was seriously going to try and get back to class on Monday then I had to do whatever I could to keep my motivation up. I looked at my camera I had brought with me to Blackwell which was sat on my desk. I hadn't shown it a lot of love in the past couple of days. I'd stuck to William's camera so far, maybe because it felt like I was carrying a piece of Chloe with me. The only photos I'd taken so far were of people who were important to me. It helped me, but they weren't exactly photos I couldn't wait to share with the world.

 _ _Have you ever had a photo you couldn't wait to share though, Max?__

 _Touché, brain _. Well that changes from now. I've seen I can do it. My Every Day Heroes contest photo would have won if I'd just entered it.__

It was settled. I grabbed my original camera and put it in my camera bag. I also opened up my drawer and grabbed a hand full of film. I had bought a lot of it, way too much, before arriving at Blackwell. It was time to put it to proper use. I shoved the film into my bag, put the strap over my shoulder and headed outside.

* * *

I stepped out into the yard around the dormitories and looked around. I hadn't realised what a beautiful day it was while I was caught up in the whirlwind of being Dana's fashion protégé.

 _ _Maybe it's a sign. Maybe Samuel was right. Maybe nature is watching me. 'Cos that's not ominous…__

I put the thought out of my head as a noticed a squirrel was on the bench by the tree, eating something. It was the perfect shot. I got out my camera and slowly moved closer to it. A few feet away and the squirrel was still eating away. I raised my camera and took the shot. As the flash went off the squirrel ran away.

 _ _Sorry, little guy. Didn't mean to scare you.__

I backed away and looked around the rest of the yard. I noticed the tobanga statue up on the hill. I got as close to the outside edge as I could and took the shot. As I put the photo away I thought to myself.

 _ _Something feels off…__

I wasn't going to let it stop me though. It was still nice to be taking regular pictures again. I looked around the yard some more but nothing else stood out to me. I left and headed to the campus in front of the school. A few people were around but no-one I really talked to. That was, except for Daniel, who was in his usual spot under the tree, pencil and sketchbook in hand. I approached him.

"Hey, Daniel," I said. He looked up at me and smiled.

"Max, so nice to see you out once more," he said.

"Two days in a row, my best record for a while. Thank you so much for that drawing. It was awesome," I said.

"I wouldn't have put it back online if it weren't for you. So thank you."

"You're welcome. I don't know if I quite deserve the title you gave me though…" I said.

"Heroes come in many forms, Max. Not everyone will save someone's life or change the world. You helped me ignore the voices, inside and out, that were telling me my drawing was no good. To me, that makes the world of difference. So thank you, Max," Daniel said. I was blushing hard.

"It's cool. Forget about out," I said. Daniel smiled at my poor attempt to look away and hide my red cheeks.

"Um…I've actually already been out today," I said trying to change the subject. "Dana took me out for a little shopping trip this morning. She got me to try some make up too. Though she had less luck there."

"Sounds fun," he said.

"It really was. Most fun I've actually had since…" I cut myself off as my insides started to feel like they were in knots. Daniel shot me a sympathetic smile.

"You're doing great, Max," he reiterated. I smiled back at him.

"Thanks, Daniel. I don't know if I'm quite there yet to go to the Halloween party. Dana invited me but I'll have to wait and see."

"Oh the Halloween party! I wish I could go myself."

"Really, didn't have you down as one to dress up. Er, no offense," I quickly added. Daniel chuckled.

"Don't tell anyone, but I've always wanted to cosplay. I've tried making costumes in the past but never really finished anything."

"That's really cool, Daniel. How come you've never finished them?" He looked down at his sketchbook.

"I didn't think they were any good…" he said finally. I smiled at him.

"Well, that's not a problem now, right?" I said.

"I don't know, Max. My drawings are one thing. Walking around in a costume is another," he said.

"Just think of it as one of your drawings, but brought to life. Don't worry about what other people think," I said to him. Daniel just fiddled with the pencil in his hand.

"I need to get going," I said. "But promise me something. If dressing up and going to the Halloween party is something you know you want to do, then do it. Okay? Promise?" I said. Daniel nodded a little.

"I'll try, Max," he said. He put his pencil back to paper and began drawing again. I sighed and walked away.

 _ _I really feel bad for him. I know it's not as easy as just wanting to do something and doing it.__

I put that thought aside as I saw the statue of Jeremiah Blackwell in front of the school. If I got the right perspective it could make a great shot. I stood in front of it and pointed my camera up, so the stature was towering over me. I took the photo and as I looked at the emerging polaroid I realised was giving me such an uncomfortable feeling. I was taking the exact same photos I had taken during "that week." I put the photo away before sitting down on the ring around the statue. And just like that, the realisation I was subconsciously reliving that week drained away all my motivation to take pictures.

 _ _Fucking great.__

I propped my arms up on my knees and buried my head in my hands. I was trying so hard to get back to normal and was all being chalked up to a big fail.

 _ _Because things aren't normal, Max. It's like Joyce said, don't pretend things are okay when they aren't. Just take a minute. Get back up. Then look for some more shots.__

* * *

A half hour later and I had returned to my room. I had taken a few more shots. But mostly I had just walked around the school and down the street. It still felt good just to be outside and clear my head from my oh-so-strenuous studying. I had immediately tried getting back to studying and found it a little easier. Short bursts of studying followed by something a little more fun seemed to be doing the trick. I played the guitar a little. I listened to some music. Before I knew I had actually gotten through all the Cultural Anthropology notes. This was one of the subjects I enjoyed the most, beside Photography.

 _ _Well, the latter remains to be seen I guess.__

Some of my other subjects I didn't enjoy so much. I already knew I should be doing better in them. I poured pretty much all my motivation into photography.

 _ _But not enough to hand in a damn photo, apparently. I have a second chance at everything. Chloe died so I could have that. If I just throw away my education then what the hell was it all for? I know I'm still not at a hundred percent but I have to try. Maybe being back in classes will help me focus.__

I felt like I had accomplished everything I could for the day. It was still only six o'clock. Not exactly the right time for sleep. I hopped onto Facebook and saw Dana had posted the photo of us with the caption: **_"Had a fun morning with my newest fashion guinea pig! I am also currently the only person who has seen her in makeup ;)"_**

I laughed and typed a comment under it: _**"And you always will be, Dana :D"**_

I looked at Warren's flash drive on my desk and wondered if I needed to have an old fashioned movie binge. I plugged in the USB to my laptop and began rooting through Warren's treasure trove of pirated goods.

After five hours of watching I figured it was time for bed. It felt good to just put everything out my head.

 _At least until tomorrow, when I'll need to try again to actually achieve something._

* * *

 _Sunday, October 20th 2013_

 _Hey Journal,_

 _So Sunday went by way too fast._

 _I managed to take in at least some of the science stuff thanks to Warren's translations he provided. I texted him to say I'll no doubt need his help when more homework starts flooding in. He said he'll always be happy to help. Really am glad that I didn't lose him over all the crap between us. I mean, I guess I don't know what's going on in his head right now. Who knows? Maybe he actually hates my guts...Then again if he does he's doing an outstanding job hiding it. Which I guess would mean he knows he shouldn't be feeling like that? Oh who fucking knows? I'm just glad he's here._

 _I_ _t's so weird that I'm doing exactly the same thing that I did almost two months ago...writing a midnight journal entry before my first day at Blackwell. Except, things couldn't be more different this time. Back then I was stressed about not finding the rooms I needed. Well, that's not a problem now a least._

 _This time I'm going back having experienced what was one of the best, and at the same time worst, weeks of my life. Before I then spent the next week thinking there was nothing that could ever make me feel good again. Turned out all I needed to do was let people in. Kate was the one who kick started it all. I owe her so much for reaching out to me. Just like how I tried to reach out to her...and failed. But she succeeded. I promise I'll always be there for her in return._

 _I felt bad saying no to her today. She asked me to come to the interfaith meeting at the library as she thought it might be good for me. I have nothing against religion but it really didn't sound like my kind of party (says the person who never goes to parties). She was probably just trying to help stop me from falling into my old habit of staying in my room. If I'm honest I do feel bad for doing just that today. I barely left except for bathroom breaks and getting food. Guess all that changes tomorrow..._

 _Kate did still drop by with some verses from the bible she hoped I might find helpful, all of them about dealing with grief. Apparently even Jesus himself partook in grief, guess we have that in common at least._

 _Just need to check...yes, Max. You did just compare yourself to God. Speaking of which, when I wasn't spending the day thinking about science I was thinking about what might be the opposite of science, or maybe it isn't? I'll probably never know._ _Okay, Max, enough procrastinating. Just come out and say it._

 _I am never using my powers again._

 _I've thought everything through and that's the option I think is best. Or is that just what I'm telling myself? No. I know this is what's best. I keep thinking that I still have my powers for a reason, but what reason? When I think about "that week" and realise that in the end, a lot of stuff I did had nothing to do with my powers._

 _1\. Trying to help, Kate. I know I failed to talk her down, the sight of her jumping will forever haunt me. But if I had succeeded it wouldn't have been my powers that did it. They got me up there but talking Kate down was entirely down to what I said or didn't say._

 _2\. Getting Victoria to confess how insecure she is. I just talked to her. I refused to return her bitchiness and just showed empathy. At the Vortex Club she showed that deep down she's really like me. Insecure and scared she might be no good. I refuse to let her return to her old ways._

 _3_ _. Daniel. I know this isn't exactly the biggest example but I got him to go to the Vortex club. He hung out with Brooke and it sounded like the two of them would be going on a trip to an art museum together. I remember in my nightmare, when everyone was in the diner he was one of the few who said something nice. He told me no-one had ever given him confidence. I know that was just my projection of him but it could be true. All I did was tell him to go the party. I didn't need my powers to do that. Maybe I'm just giving myself too much credit but who knows what Daniel could have gone on to do if I hadn't reset the timeline._

 _4_ _. The Every Day Heroes Contest. I know I entered my photo as a "fuck you" to Jefferson but that wasn't the only reason I could have entered it. If I had just been proud of my work and not been so scared of what everyone thought I could have won the contest. Well, under normal circumstances at least. Whatever, the point is I need to be proud of my photography. Of everything I do._

 _And the stuff I did use my powers for? I ended up taking back. Saving William seemed like the right thing to do, until I saw the consequences. Seeing Chloe like that was awful, I'll never forget when she approached me in her wheelchair. I had no choice but to put things back to the way they were._

 _Then when I tried to get Jefferson arrested for everything he did. I could never get things perfect. I jumped through photo after photo trying to get things right but the storm was always coming, no matter how neat everything else was. I tried again and again. I screwed things up so bad I ended back up in the Dark Room, only David saved me._

 _In the end I had to change the first choice I ever made because of my powers: saving Chloe. I took it back and left her to die. I know I can't change my mind, no matter how much I might want to._

 _I can only take what I learned from that week and move forward. I can only hope the lesson I was supposed to learn from having the power to control time was that, ironically, I never should. There are some things that are out of my hands and I have to accept that. Unless some...time god or whatever is going to show up and tell me otherwise, that's what I choose to believe._

 _To be honest. Just knowing I'm not supposed to use my powers...I feel like a giant weight is gone from my shoulders. That I'm not supposed to be Max Caulfield: Time Warrior. I'm just supposed to Max Caulfield. I can be who I was before that whole week._

 _No...I won't be who I was before that week. I'll be better. I'm going forward to be the person I never would have believed I could be. For myself. And for Chloe. I'm so sorry for what happened to you, Chloe. I promised I'd never forget about you and I never will. I'll always love you._

 _Sorry, Journal. Guess I got a bit sidetracked. Then again, you never complained before having to hear about my problems at school or how Seattle wasn't how I dreamed it would be. Stuff I thought would be the height of my worries in life. How naïve I was..._

 _I'd better stop now before I erase all my determination to face tomorrow. I'm sure you can't wait to hear all about it but you'll have to._

 _Goodnight!_


	7. Chapter 7: Relapse

_**A/N: Would ordinarily split a chapter of this length into two but somehow if didn't feel right. So enjoy the longest single chapter so far :)**_

* * *

My eyes opened as my alarm interrupted my sleep. I switched it off and stared at the ceiling.

 _ _Here we go. My biggest test so far. Today will go a long way to proving if I'm Super Max…or just Loser Max. Come on, don't start off so negative. You're done with that, remember?__

I got up and sat on the edge of my bed. I looked over at myself in the mirror. I looked far more awake than I really felt. I had set my alarm too early really. I just didn't want to risk oversleeping and make Principal Wells think I wasn't serious.

 _ _I mean, I wasn't really serious when I told him I was coming back to class today. I just said that in some desperate attempt to prove you can recover from whatever mistakes you've made. I guess I have felt better these past few days because I've had people around me. Going back to school will mean I'll never be short on that front. But then I have to worry about my grades and stuff again.__

After washing my face and brushing my teeth I returned to my room and shut the door. I looked at the clothes in my wardrobe. I had been determined to go back to Blackwell as Max 2.0. I promised myself I would. Now that I was actually here I just wanted to wear my old clothes again.

 _ _God damnit, Max. They're just clothes. Going back to school is the big step. Just wear whatever.__

I threw on a hoodie, my pink Jane Doe shirt and jeans. I had my school bag and camera bag ready to go. I looked over at my two cameras on my desk. I grabbed my original polaroid camera and put it in bag.

 _ _Sorry, William. Just don't want my OG camera feeling left out.__

I made sure to grab my phone too as well as Warren's flash drive. I hadn't had time to watch everything on it but I didn't need any more distractions while I still had a mountain of homework to wade through. I opened up my journal to my Max motivation page. I wanted to take the picture from the bathroom with me today, so I could look at it if I was starting to feel out of my depth. But it felt like that belonged to my journal. So I opened up my drawer and grabbed the picture of Chloe and I in our pirate gear. I smiled at it.

 _ _If I hadn't promised myself I'd never use my powers again I would jump right into this photo and escape back to a better time. But I did promise. Anyway, there is no escape.__

I put the photo into my pocket.

 _ _Up, up and away, Super Max.__

* * *

I reached the top of the steps and looked out at the campus green. I saw Justin hanging out with his skater friends. As I walked towards the school he saw me.

"Yo, Maximus!" He called out.

"Hey, Justin!" I waved back.

"You back in school, for real?"

"I think so. I'm trying at least."

"Word. Good luck. Tear shit up, Max!"

I laughed and gave him a final wave before I reached the steps of Blackwell. I looked up at the building and flashed back to my first day at the school. I had been so nervous but excited. It was exactly the same now…except without the excitement. Just fear that I was going to screw this up. I took a deep breath and walked up the steps. I opened the door and stepped inside.

Not many people had arrived yet. Only a few students milling around. As I walked past the secretary's office, Principal Wells emerged. He smiled when he saw me. I smiled back as I approached him.

"Good morning, Max," he said.

"Morning, Principal Wells."

"I'm very pleased to see you. I'll confess I was a little worried you might have had a change of heart."

"Yeah, I wasn't sure if I'd be here either. But I know I can't put it off forever."

"No-one is forcing you to return to your education if you aren't ready, Max. I don't want you to feel pressured."

"I don't. Really. I just want to get back some normality."

Principal Wells nodded. He gave a quick look around before looking back at me.

"I just wanted to thank you again for our conversation on Friday. I must admit I'm still a little embarrassed I considered resigning. Even more so that it took you to make me see sense. That's not how the relationship between student and staff should work," he said. I just shook my head.

"Everyone deserves help sometimes, Principal Wells. There's nothing wrong with that. I wouldn't be here now if I hadn't realised that."

"Well, thank you again. Should you need anything today please do not hesitate to let me know. I want to make sure your transition back into education is as smooth as possible," he said.

"I will. Thank you, Principal Wells. Have a great day," I said.

"You too, Miss Caulfield." Principal Wells stepped back into the secretary's office as I walked down the hall. I looked in the direction of the girl's bathroom. I came to a stand still in the middle of the corridor and stood staring at the door.

"Max Caulfield?"

I looked to my right and saw Samuel holding a mop. I was so distracted I hadn't even noticed him there.

"Oh. Hey, Samuel," I said.

"I was expecting you, Max."

"Really?"

"Did you not see outside? It's the most beautiful day. The best we have had in months. That's thanks to you. Remember what I told you?"

"Nature is watching me?" I guessed.

"Yes and it predicts good things for you. Samuel knows."

"Well that's good I guess. I'll need all the help I can get today."

Samuel approached me.

"At times when we may feel smothered by the darkness, we would do well to remember there is one thing darkness can never smother," he said.

"What's that?" I asked.

"Light."

I smiled and nodded.

"Thanks, Samuel. I'll leave you to take care of Blackwell's floors and see you later." I waved goodbye as he returned to his mopping. I walked down the corridor to my locker. When I got to mine I opened it up and looked at the pictures of Mom, Dad, Jack and Andy. I smiled at them before taking out the photo of Chloe and I in our pirate gear. I stuck it to the inside of the door under everyone else. Now I had another place I could come to if I needed a little support today. I shut my locker and headed off to my first classroom.

I peered into the World History room and saw no-one was there yet.

 _ _Good. Or maybe not, now everyone who walks in will look at me. Then again, so what if they do?__

I went and sat down at the back. As per usual. I got out my text book, paper and pencil case. I looked up at the clock: 9:20am.

 _ _I have way too much time on my hands. In a normal way this time…__

I sighed and looked out of the window. It felt so surreal to be sat in class again. Like it was just another school day…

A little while later I heard footsteps in the doorway. I had my textbook open and was reading up on some of the stuff I had missed. Two other students entered, talking to one another. Their conversation hit a brief pause, presumably when they saw me. I just kept my head down and read my book. They resumed their conversation and sat down somewhere. I kept doing this until the class was full of people. I managed to catch a familiar voice outside the room above the dull roar of everyone else.

"See you, Taylor." I finally looked up and saw Victoria enter the room to grab a seat near the door. She made eye contact with me. I smiled slightly as she looked at an empty chair closer to the front of the class. She tipped her head towards it before looking back at me. I just shook my head. She rolled her eyes and put her bag on the floor.

* * *

RIIIIIIIIING!

The school bell rang to signal the end of class.

 _ _One down.__

I packed my stuff away as the rest of the class did the same.

 _ _Well, that wasn't so bad. My concentration still wasn't a hundred percent but it rarely was for World History. Either way, being back in class definitely helped.__

I finished packing up my stuff and collected my bags. I looked up and saw the class was clearing, except for one person stood at their table. Victoria. She had a slight scowl on her face and had her arms crossed. I had no choice but to approach her.

"Hey," I said.

"Hey," she said back. We stood their in silence for a moment.

"You still skulking in the back row then?" she said.

"One step at a time, Victoria," I retorted.

"Well you are here at least, didn't think that would happening any time soon."

"Neither did I, but the last few days have been a bit of a roller coaster. Have you spoken to Kate since you left that note?"

Victoria's eyes widened.

"Yes she told me, Victoria. I'm saying anything to anyone. Can't have people knowing you have a heart, right?" I said.

"It's not…"

"Don't be secretive, Victoria. If people have a problem with you being nice then guess what, you don't need those people in your life."

"I know, Max. I'm not a little kid okay?"

A quick scowl crossed Victoria's face before softening.

"If you ever want to talk, I'm here, Victoria," I said. The scowl returned.

"Course you are. Any chance to be little Miss Perfect, right?" she said.

I just rolled my eyes.

"Goodbye, Victoria," I walked past her and out of the room.

 _ _Really not in the mood for your crap today, Victoria. I have too much on my mind as it is.__

I stopped in the hallway. I turned around and went in the opposite direction to the lockers. I reached mine and opened up the door. I looked at the photos of Mom and Dad. Then Chloe and I. I put my hand on it tenderly.

 _ _God, this is so dumb…__

I slammed my locker door shut.

 _ _I should be able to go more than a day without having to-__

 _ _Just calm down, Max. Take a minute. Don't beat yourself up.__

"Max?"

I turned around and saw Stella approaching me.

"Oh, hey, Stella," I said.

"You okay?" she asked.

"Yeah, just…Yeah, I'm fine."

"Haven't seen you around since…" she said.

"Yeah, I just started back today."

"No way, that's awesome."

I just nodded.

"Isn't it?" She asked.

"I don't know. I mean I got through my first class okay. I'm just…up and down at the minute," I confessed.

"Yeah, I know the feeling. Sucks, huh?"

"Sure does."

"Well we have algebra next, right? I'll sit with you. I mean, if you want me to."

"That'd be great, Stella. Thanks." I smiled.

We walked down the hallway together on the way to class.

* * *

RIIIIIIIIING!

Another class down. This one had been a little better thanks to Stella. I could at least sneak some of her answers even if I still couldn't wrap my head around some of these formulas. As I packed up my things I turned to Stella.

"Thanks for sitting with me Stella. It really helped."

"So you could sneak some answers you mean?" Stella said as she raised her eyebrows.

"Er…" I stammered.

"It's cool, I don't mind. It's just if you don't understand what you're writing it won't do much good is all."

"Yeah, I know. Numbers were never my strong suit I guess. There's only one way of getting to the right answer. Not like photography where there isn't really a right or wrong way to achieve the image you want, you know?"

"I hear you. If you want any help with math or whatever I'm happy to maybe offer extra tuition outside of class. For pay I mean," she added hastily.

"I'll keep it in mind," I said. "Probably need all the extra help I can get."

I put my bag strap over my shoulder as we walked out of class.

"You going to the cafeteria?" I asked. Stella tapped her bag.

"I'm all set. Alyssa, Kate and I are meeting up together."

"Oh, cool," I said. "I guess I'll see you later."

"See you later, Max," Stella said as she headed off.

 _ _Okay, half way done. Now for some food.__

* * *

I grabbed my tray of food and searched for an empty seat in the cafeteria. From the sea of heads I saw an arm waving at me.

"Max!"

I stood on my tip toes to see who it was. Warren. I smiled as he beckoned me over. I made my way towards his table. As I got closer I saw Brooke was sat opposite him. She looked over her shoulder at me and gave me a quick wave. I smiled back at her. I put my tray down on the table and sat down next to Warren.

"You're really here," said Warren.

"Yeah, surprised myself more than anyone I think. How are you, Brooke?" I asked.

"I'm good," she replied. "Just about done adjusting after all the mayhem at Blackwell."

"Yeah, I might be a bit behind in that regard," I said. Brooke paused for a second.

"Well I made that awkward, didn't I? Sorry," she said. I just smiled.

"It's okay. Awkward is like a second language to me so I feel right at home," I said.

Brooke just nodded and ate some of her lunch.

"So how were your classes this morning?" Warren asked.

"Boring," I said.

"Oh, that sucks," he said.

"No actually. I haven't been bored in two weeks. It was kinda nice feel something not so…extreme."

"What about stress? Where does that sit on the emotion-ometer?" Warren asked. I chuckled.

"I've had plenty of that recently. My homework backlog certainly hasn't helped."

"You know I meant what I said, right? If you ever need help with science or whatever, just let me know."

"I know, Warren. I appreciate it. Thanks for all the notes by the way," I said. "Oh, I almost forgot." I took his flash drive out of my pocket.

"I believe this is yours," I said. A look of mock shock flashed across Warren's face as he took it and held it in the air, like Link getting something from a treasure chest.

"The fabled flash drive of Nerdom has been returned!" I laughed at how dorky he was. I sat with Warren and Brooke and ate my lunch. A small highlight of my first day back.

* * *

 _ _Math Lab done. Home stretch now. Just a study hall session. Before that though, I really need the bathroom.__

I made my way down the hall towards the bathroom. I got to the door and stopped.

 _ _The last time I was in here it was to get away from everyone and just have a moment to myself. Instead, my entire life changed in ways I could never have predicted. But not all for the bad, Max. Don't forget what you learned. You've been doing great. Just one Study Hall and you're home free. For today at least.__

I took a deep breath and pushed open the door. To my relief it was empty. I went to open the stall to my immediate right. My hand hit the door and it didn't budge.

"Shit, sorry!" I called out to the person in there.

"Go away!" Came a voice.

"Dana?"

"Go away, Max!"

"What's wrong?"

The cubicle door opened as Dana slammed it to the side. He eyes were read and puffy. Tears were starting to build up in her eyes.

"I took your stupid advice, that's what," she yelled.

"You mean about Trevor?"

"Yeah. I told him about the baby. Everything."

"And…was he mad?" I asked, knowing that was probably the stupidest thing to ask.

"All I know is he got himself suspended," Dana said as she wiped her eyes.

"What, why?"

"He went to find Logan. When he did he punched him straight in the face. Then he and Logan had a huge fight. Wells suspended them both for the rest of the week."

"Oh man, I'm sorry, Dana."

"I don't know why I listened to you," Dana said. She looked me up and down and scoffed. "Looks like our trip was a waste of time too." She shoved past me and left the bathroom as she wiped her eyes. The door swung shut, leaving me alone in the bathroom. I went up to the sink and looked at myself in the mirror.

 _ _Great. Fucking great.__

 _ _No. No, Max. This is not your fault. Dana had to be honest. Even if every thing's gone to shit, that's not because of you.__

I heard the door open again.

"Dana, I'm sorry but it's not my-"

"It's cool Nathan. Don't stress, you're okay, bro…"

 _ _What?__

I turned and saw Nathan Prescott pacing slowly up and down.

"Just count to three. Don't be scared."

"Nathan, what the hell are you doing here?" I could barely get the words out. He ignored me completely as he hunched over the sink.

"You own this school. If I wanted, I could blow it up. You're the boss."

 _ _Wait…this is exactly what he said right before…__

The door opened and Chloe stepped in. Dressed in the same outfit, her hair the same beautiful blue and her face wore the same scowl I had seen three times.

"Chloe?" I said with a catch in my throat.

"So what do you want?" Nathan said. Chloe checked each of the stalls. She moved right past me. I tried to reach out to her but I couldn't move my arm. It felt like my whole body was paralysed.

"I hope you checked the perimeter, as my step-ass would say. Now, let's talk bidness."

"Chloe, don't…" I said.

"I got nothing for you."

"Wrong. You got hella cash."

"That's my family, not me."

"Chloe, please stop…" I said.

"Oh boo hoo, poor little rich kid. I know you've been pumpin' drugs n' shit to kids around here. I bet your respectable family would help me out if I went to them. Man, I can see the headlines now…"

"Leave them out of this bitch!"

"Chloe! Please don't make him angry. You can stop this…" The words were getting harder to speak. Tears were streaming down my face as I struggled to fight this paralysis that had struck my body.

"I can tell everybody Nathan Prescott is a punk ass who begs like a little girl."

"Chloe, he has a…"

Nathan pulled out his gun and pointed it straight Chloe's face.

"You don't know who the fuck I am or who you're messing around with!"

"Where'd you get that? What are you doing? Come on, put that thing down!"

"Chloe, run!" I yelled through my tears.

"Don't EVER tell me what to do. I'm so SICK of people trying to control me!"

"You are going to get in hella more trouble than this than drugs."

"Nobody would ever miss your "punk ass" would they?"

"Chloe, get out now. Before he-"

"Get that gun away from me, psycho!"

BANG!

"Chloe!" I cried out. I covered my face as I cried uncontrollably and sank to the floor.

"Max?" came a voice. I continued crying. I couldn't even tell who it was. I kept my hands on my face.

"Max, it's okay!" I felt a pair of hands on my shoulders. I lowered my hands and looked up. Through my tear filled eyes I could make out Kate's face. We were behind the stall, the same place I had sat as Chloe died.

"Max, I'm here," Kate said as she rubbed up and down my arms. I leaned forward and put my arms around her. She embraced me back as I cried into her chest.

"I- I- saw her, Kate. I s-s-saw, Chloe and Nathan. It- It was hap-happening again!" I cried. Kate rubbed the back of my head, trying to calm me down. I don't know how long we stayed there for. Everything was a daze as I tried to stop crying. Eventually I did. I took some deep breaths as I let Kate go and looked up at her.

"Do you want to go to Principal Wells?" She asked.

"No! No. I just want to go back to my room. Will you help me?" I said.

Kate nodded. She looked down and her smile faded as her face wore an anxious expression. I suddenly became aware of an uncomfortable, warm sensation. I looked down and saw the stain on my jeans. I immediately folded my arms and leaned into my legs to cover the stain up. Kate put her hand on my shoulder.

"It's okay, Max," she said. She stood up and took off her cardigan. She held it out and nodded. I slowly stood up, my legs a little unsteady. She wrapped her cardigan around my waist to preserve my dignity, tying the sleeves in a knot at the back. I just nodded at her as she put her arm round me. I instinctively grabbed her other hand and held tight.

"Can we wait until the bell goes, please?" I asked. Kate nodded and wrapped her fingers round mine.

* * *

I took the shower head off the stand and washed my lower half. I moved the shower head up and just let the water run down by whole body. I stayed there for a few minutes, hoping I could perhaps stand there forever and never have to deal with what had just happened. I eventually turned off the shower and dried myself off with my towel. My body certainly felt better, but my mind I didn't. I changed into some new underwear, socks and clothes that I had fished out of my wardrobe. Just a pair of sweat pants and a white shirt. Something dull and unassuming…

I grabbed my wet towel and stepped out of the bathroom. Kate was stood outside. Without her cardigan and with my phone in her hand. She held it out and I took it.

"Your things are in the washing machine," she said. "Is there anything else I can do for you?" I shook my head.

"No. Thank you, Kate. You should get to Study Hall."

"Don't worry about that."

"I don't want you getting in trouble…"

"You really should tell Principal Wells what happened, but I won't force you to do it if you don't want to."

"I think I'm just going to get back my room and chill out," I said. Kate just nodded as I walked past her to my room.

"I'll be in my room if you need anything," Kate called out as I went inside and shut the door. I threw my towel on the floor and tossed my phone onto my desk. I sat down on my bed and buried my head in my hands.

 _ _I was doing so great…then it's all come crashing down in an instant. I've never felt less like Super Max. Fuck, what if Kate hadn't come along? What if other people had seen. What if they'd laughed at me? And that…whatever it was…flashback? It felt so real. Like a living nightmare…Despite some of the great things that happened to me, that's exactly how "that week" will always feel. Like a nightmare that was always heading for the same cruel conclusion. Saying a final goodbye to Chloe up at the lighthouse.__

 _ _I thought making that decision meant I was strong. But now look at me, I can't even set foot in a damn bathroom without having a breakdown. What about the lighthouse? Chloe used to go up there all the time when we were kids. Can I not even go up there too? No. No I'm losing all my happy memories to this…this bullshit. If I can get up there without breaking down again then maybe it means I'll be okay. What's one of my five statements? I always tried.__

I looked over at my bag with my camera still in it. I put the strap over my shoulder. I put my phone in my pocket again. I realised I probably didn't look the most presentable in the clothes I was wearing.

 _ _But who the hell cares?__

I opened my door and shut it behind me as I left. I looked at the door to Kate's room. I could have asked her to come with me but I had already made her skip class, study hall or not. I wasn't about to make her leave school grounds on account of my dumb mission. I treaded more lightly as I went past her room and left the dorms.

* * *

After taking the bus, I hiked up the hill towards the lighthouse.

 _ _Almost there, Max. Moment of truth.__

I looked up the trail and saw the section that was so familiar to me. I could see the edge of the cliff and the lighthouse itself too. The sun was shining down, about to be masked by a cloud. I quickly took out my camera and looked down the viewfinder to get the lighthouse and cliff in frame. I went to press the button...and my hands started trembling. I quickly lowered my camera as my hands continued to tremble. I shoved my camera in my bag and clasped my hands together.

 _ _What the hell is this? Now I can't even take a fucking photo without freaking out?__

My hands still shaking, I looked up at the lighthouse. I took big steps up the trail, eventually breaking into a run.

And then…

My body came to a standstill. The paralysis hit me again.

 _ _Oh, fuck. Not again.__

BANG!

I heard a clap of thunder which sent a jolt of fear through my body and freed me from my paralysed state. I looked around frantically but there was nothing. I took another few steps forward before another BANG! Then I felt something on my skin. An unpleasant sensation that reminded me of…rain. I could feel rain hitting my skin even when there was nothing in the air. I felt the cold of an invisible wind too. I rubbed my arms as I tried to march forward. The "wind" was slowing me down. The "rain" hammering down harder on my skin. The more steps I took, the more intense the sensations were.

I lost all feeling in my legs and fell backwards. My first thought was so save my camera. I clutched the bag to my chest as I landed on my back. I clutched the bag to my chest tighter and started to cry. The sensations felt more overwhelming by the second. With my legs still feeling almost numb, I moved my bag off my chest and twisted over onto my stomach. It took all the strength I had to get onto all fours and crawl back down the trail. As I crawled, the sensations started to subside. Eventually they disappeared and I collapsed on the ground.

I slipped off my bag strap and rolled over onto my back. I covered my face and cried. I laid on the ground, defeated.

 _ _I just want…need someone to tell me everything turns out okay. That I am happy one day. I don't even care if it takes years. Decades. Just someone, please tell me. But I don't have- Wait…what if I can tell myself? What if my future self… I know I promised to never use my powers but…right now I've never felt lower in my life. I just need to see the words "It's okay." That's all. I just have to take one picture.__

I was able to sit up and look around. I noticed an enormous shadow being cast over me. I looked up and saw the sun was now totally hidden behind the cloud. I noticed a tree branch on the ground, with the dirt at the side of the trail deep enough to write in. I reached into my bag and took out my camera. I pointed it upwards at myself.

 _ _Here goes no- Oh God, no.__

My hands were shaking again. The harder I tried to press the button the more violent the shaking got.

 _"_ _ _Sh. I believe Max has taken what you kids call-"__

 _ _No, shut up. SHUT UP!__

I pressed the button. The flash went off and it took every ounce of my willpower to not hurl my camera to the ground. Instead I placed it down as I clasped my hands together to try and control the shaking. When it subsided I grabbed the photo that had been ejected from my camera. I saw my own tear stained face looking back at me.

 _ _Wait…__

I looked over and saw the stick was in the exact same position. No message in the dirt. I hadn't come back.

 _ _Why not? Why the hell wouldn't I? Unless my future isn't happy. Couldn't I at least lie to myself? Or…what if I'm…what if I'm not around to come back…__

As my worst thought imaginable came into my head I just wanted to cry again. I knew what I had to do. I had no choice now. I angrily shoved the photo into my pocket. From my other pocket, I took my phone out and switched it on. I found Mom and Dad's home number and pressed 'call.' As I put the phone to my ear, I knew what I had to say. I just had no idea __how__ to say it. The ringing tone ended and I heard my mom's voice.

"Hello, Caulfield residence," she said. I sat there like an idiot, trying to find the words.

"Hello?" My mom repeated. I broke. I started sobbing again.

"M- Mom…" I choked out.

"Maxine, is that you? Are you okay?" I shook my head even though she couldn't see me.

"N-no..."

"Oh, darling," she said.

"I-Is Dad there t-too?"

"He's at work, sweetheart. But I'm here. Tell me what's wrong," she said gently. In the state I was in, I didn't bother to say it in anything less than the rawest possible term.

"I-I…I fucked up."

"Oh, sweetheart. What do you mean?"

"I c-can't do this. I was so…s-so stupid to think I c-could," I confessed.

"Max..."

"I went back into the b-bathroom where Chloe died and it was like it was ha-happening again. I just hid behind the stall again. And n-now, I don't think even think I can take ph-photos any m-more. All I can think about is what J-Jefferson did to-"

 _ _Me.__

"-those girls. I l-looked up to h-him but it was just a f-fucking lie. Just like how I th-thought I was someone special. I thought it m-meant I was s-strong. B-but I'm not."

"Yes you are, Max," Mom replied.

"I'm n-not. I'm… I'm n-nobody," I said.

"Maxine Caulfield! Don't you dare call yourself that. Do you understand me?" My mom yelled. Her aggression felt like a slap in the face, which caused a fresh wave of tears to come pouring out. As I sobbed again my mom's voice pleaded down the phone.

"Oh Maxine, I'm so sorry for yelling. Please forgive me. I just can't stand to hear you talk about yourself like that. You are somebody, sweetheart. I will never let you say otherwise," she said. I just continued to sob.

"You went back to school today, didn't you?" she said.

"Y-yeah."

"We received a phone call from Principal Wells this morning."

"Oh God…" I said, dreading what was coming next.

"No honey, it's not what you think. He just told us you had resumed your education. Your father I were a little surprised."

"I'm s-sorry."

"You don't need to be sorry, sweetheart. We were happy to hear it, I think we were just surprised at how quickly you were starting to deal with everything that's happened."

"I thought I w-was making pr-progress. I've been tr-trying not to stay in my r-room all the t-time. I w-went shopping with D-Dana on S-Saturday."

"That's wonderful, darling. Did you get anything nice?" she asked.

"Just some cl-clothes. I-I've been tr-trying to get back into my school work. I went back to cl-classes today and I thought I was okay. I felt n-normal. But I'd tr-tried to give D-Dana advice on her relationship, when I've never fucking been in one and that en-ended in sh-shit. Then I went into the bathroom where Chl-Chloe was…where sh-she…"

"Oh, sweetheart," Mom said.

"I thought I c-could do this but I c-can't."

"Because going back into the bathroom brought back all the trauma?"

"Y-yeah."

"But until then, you felt you were doing okay?"

"Y-yeah. Then I re-realised I was lying to mys-self."

My mom sighed down the other end of the phone.

"Take some deep breaths for me, Maxine. Ready? In…" I heard my mom breath in and I tried my best to overcome my shuddering, erratic breathing to copy her.

"Out…" My mom and I breathed out. My breathing a little more controlled.

"In…" We both breathed in again.

"And out…" We breathed out. "Do you feel a little calmer?"

"Yeah."

 _But not happier._

"Maxine, I have so many memories of you. More than I can count. There's one that I don't like to think about. Do you know why?" Mom said.

"N-no…"

"Because it breaks my heart. Do you remember when you were thirteen and we had arrived in Seattle? You went out with your father to take pictures around the city. At the time I was honestly a little worried about how much the film was costing given how many pictures you wanted to take. But it made you so happy I couldn't possibly say no. You gathered all your pictures in an album and showed them to your father and I. You talked us through every single one and what you liked about them. Then you got to the last one. Do you remember what happened then?" she asked.

 _ _Yes.__

"You said that it was awful," Mom continued. "That it was a bad picture. I don't even remember why you-"

"I said the framing was terrible. Because it was," I said.

"Maybe it was to you, Max. But what you did next has stayed with me ever since. You looked back at the picture before that and pointed out what you now thought made that a bad picture. Then you went to the one before and pointed out what was wrong with that. You did that for every single one. All the pictures you were so excited about and proud of became an embarrassment to you. You still carried on taking pictures, but you hate even the thought of anyone else looking at them don't you? You took one bad picture and it totally destroyed your confidence in yourself."

 _That moment is_ _ _on my mind every time I consider showing any of my photos to someone. It's why I never originally entered the Everyday Heroes Contest.__

"I was so afraid of letting you down. I knew how much you and Dad spent on my camera and I didn't want you to think you'd wasted your time and money encouraging me," I said as I wiped my eyes and sniffled.

"Sweetheart, nothing could be further from the truth. While it breaks my heart to think of that day, I also remember a promise I made to myself. That I would never let my daughter think she wasn't good enough to try whatever she wanted. To let her think she wasn't allowed to make mistakes. It's only when we try that we realise what we are capable of, honey. It's only then that we learn from our mistakes and become stronger. To be brutally honest, Max…and this is so awful to say…" Mom said with a heavy heart.

"What is it?" I asked.

"A very, very selfish part of me hoped you couldn't cope. So that you would come home and I could have my little girl back. It's selfish because it goes against everything I promised myself. I remember when you told your father and I that you wanted to go to Blackwell Academy and I was worried about you being so far away. But I knew that you had the talent and if that was where you thought you needed to be, we would support you a hundred percent. At the time, did you think getting that spot would be easy?" she asked.

"No," I said.

"Then why did you try?"

"Because I knew it was something I wanted so, so badly."

"I know how hard you worked, Maxine. Then during your first week of finals you came home in tears because you thought you'd failed one of them. Do you remember what you said to me?" she asked again.

"No…"

"You said 'I can't do this.' When I reminded you how confident you had come out of your previous tests it was like you'd forgotten they had even happened. Just like with your photos, one bad picture was all it took to bring you down. But you went back into the rest of your finals and didn't give up. Because all you knew was how much a spot in Blackwell would mean to you. Then when you received the text from Blackwell you were so scared to even open it. So convinced that you were rejected. Do you remember what you said to your father and I?"

"I can't do this…" I remembered.

"We just told you that we were proud of you no matter what. And if it was a 'no' then it was not the end of everything. I'll never forget how happy you were when you read that text. Then a week or so before we were due to fly you down to Arcadia I was in your room with you. You looked at your half packed room, then at me and said-"

"I can't do this. It hit me that I would be going away from you and Dad and it made me think I'd made a stupid mistake."

"And you knew living away from home would be difficult. So why did you go?"

"Because I knew I would regret it if I didn't. I had to go if I wanted a serious chance at becoming a photographer, regardless of now anxious I was."

"Then after what happened with Chloe and hearing how you were doing, your father and I were convinced we were best off taking you away from that place. When you got back in the car a few days ago, we were all ready to bring you back home. Then you told us you were staying. Before either your father or I could plead with you, you said-"

"I can do this."

"That's right. And did you think staying in Arcadia Bay and, at some point, returning to school would be easy?"

"No."

"So, why-"

"Because I didn't want to let what happened break me. I wanted to prove to myself I could do it. So I'm staying. Mom, I'm staying."

"Why are you staying? I'm sorry, Maxine. I just need to know it's for the right reasons," she said anxiously.

"Because of those stories, Mom. You told me them because I do the same thing again and again. It's almost like I feel something's…wrong if I'm happy or confident about something. I am always so quick to find a reason to doubt myself. No. I look for reasons to doubt myself. I've always had those moments but I kept trying. Today...sucked. But I am not giving up over this. Not yet."

I heard my mom crying down the other end of the phone.

"Mom?" I asked.

"Yes, Maxine. Yes, that's right. You've no idea how happy I am to hear you say that. Because it means I've fulfilled that promise I made to myself. That I've taught you to stop tricking yourself into believing you aren't as strong as you really are. That you won't let what you perceive as failures overshadow your countless successes. When you said 'I can do this' a few days ago your father reminded me that there's only one thing you've said in the past with as much confidence."

"I told you I wanted to be a photographer," I remembered.

"Yes, Maxine. That's exactly it. I know how hard it's been for you recently, but this morning any and all doubt that you will heal disappeared from my mind."

"Why?"

"There's something else Principal Wells told us during his phone call. He didn't go into the full details. Suffice to say, he told us you talked him out of making a very serious mistake. That you were adamant on helping him see that, even when you were dealing with your own pain. Principal Wells stated to us, in no uncertain terms, that we have raised an extraordinary daughter and that we should be very proud. And we are, Max. We're proud of you for knowing what you want to do with your life. We're proud of you for going to Blackwell to chase your dreams even after doubting you were good enough. We're proud of you for fighting to get back on track even when your father and I tried to bring you back home. But most of all, Maxine, the compassion you have for others, even when you are weighed down by your own pain means I could burst. We wish we could take all the credit but that compassion is all your own. I know you have regrets about Chloe and what you wish you had done. But I hope you can see that despite the doubts you've always had about yourself. Despite the fact you've sometimes struggled and despite all the pain you've gone through and will continue to go through, you are still the extraordinary young woman Principal Wells described. Your father and I really couldn't be more proud of you, Maxine," Mom gushed.

"You've said 'proud' like a million times, Mom," I said. She just laughed.

"I'll say it a million times more, sweetheart. I'll say it a billion times more until it sticks in your mind."

"Mom?"

"Yes, Maxine?"

"If it becomes too much and I really have to come home...will you and Dad be-"

"We'll have you back in a heartbeat. You won't have failed. You won't have let anyone down. Do not be afraid to come back home if you truly believe that's what you need," she assured me.

"I thought it was after what happened. I've always been so quick to think I should give up when something goes wrong. So I'm staying. I'm going back to school tomorrow and trying again," I said.

I heard Mom crying down the phone again.

"Yes! Yes, darling!" She continued crying.

Tears started to well up my own eyes again as I wiped them away.

"Mom, don't. You're making me cry all over again," I laughed. She laughed too.

"I love you so much, honey."

"I love you too, Mom."

"Where are you right now, are you in your room?" she asked.

"I…I tried to come up to the lighthouse where Chloe and I-"

 _ _Said goodbye.__

"-used to come when we were kids. I thought I would feel better. I didn't. I felt worse but I'm not giving up. I'll be able to come back here some day without it hurting. Just not today."

"I know you will, sweetheart. It's okay to not be ready yet. Don't be afraid to set yourself limits if you need them. You're still doing incredibly well all things considered."

"I'd better go now, Mom. Can you get Dad to call me later so I can hear his voice?"

"Of course, Maxine. The second he's home we'll call you."

"Okay."

"Maxine?"

"Yeah, Mom?"

"What Mark Jefferson did, what he used his photography for… When things like that happen the world needs people like you and your photography more than ever. To expose how beautiful the world can be. Do not let him take that way from you. Okay?"

I wiped my eyes.

"I promise, Mom. I love you."

"I love you too, sweetheart. Take care," Mom said.

I hung up and lowered my phone. I sat in peace for a moment. Just letting the light breeze tickle my skin. As I saw the shadow around me moving away I looked over my shoulder to see the sun emerge from behind the cloud. Its rays hit my face and I felt its warmth hit my body. I shut my eyes and smiled to enjoy the moment. Then things went dark again. I opened my eyes and saw another cloud had hidden the sun, leaving me in another giant shadow.

"Fuck you, nature. You ruined my moment," I said. I let out a small laugh, which turned into a big laugh. Which turned into an even bigger laugh. Which ended in hysteria. I laid down on the ground and just laughed. Laughed at my dumb line. Laughed at how all my pain seemed to have vanished in that moment. Laughed at just all the…batshit insane things that had happened to me. Even the awful things seemed like a joke knowing they should have broken me, but here I was. Laughing like an idiot in the dirt. I felt my phone vibrating. When I got it out and looked at the screen I saw it was Kate. I answered and put it to my ear.

"Hello?" I said, still laughing.

"Max! Are you okay?" Kate responded.

"Yeah. Are you?"

"I was so worried. I had no idea where you'd gone!" I heard the distress in Kate's voice and I sat bolt upright.

"Oh Kate, I'm so sorry. I know I just kinda took off. I'm okay. Well…I am now."

"Max, I'm really sorry. Please don't be mad at me but I…"

"What is it, Kate?"

"I told Principal Wells everything. I couldn't get through to you an I didn't know what else to do. Dana told me that she'd blamed you for what happened with Trevor and she feels so awful. Then I found you in such an awful state and then when you disappeared…" I heard Kate sob the rest of her words. "…I didn't know what you might have done…"

"I'm so sorry, Kate. I didn't even think about how things might have looked. I'm sorry."

"Are you mad at me for telling Wells?"

"No, of course not. You did what you thought was right."

"It's just he kinda freaked out. He's had everyone trying to reach you. I think he was considering calling the police if we couldn't find you soon."

"What? Shit. Alright, just tell him I'm okay. I came to the lighthouse. I'm heading back right now and I'll get the bus back to school. I'm sorry again, Kate. We'll talk, okay?" I promised.

"Alright, Max. I'll let everyone know and see you soon."

I hung up and put my phone away.

 _ _Shit, I didn't even think about running out on Kate like that. Didn't think I'd set off a damn manhunt either.__

I got to my feet and brushed off my clothes and hair to get rid of the dirt. As I did I remembered the photo I had taken of myself. I took it out of my pocket with my first thought being to tear it up and throw the pieces into the wind. But as I looked at my face I realised I had never taken such a raw photo of myself before.

 _Not all art is easy to look at, Max._

As I put the photo in my camera bag, I looked over my shoulder at the rest of the trail leading up to the lighthouse.

 _ _One day...__

I put the bag strap over my shoulder and started making my way back down the trail back towards the town.

* * *

As the street came back into view I saw a car parked by the curb. I recognised it instantly.

 _ _Oh, God.__

As I approached it, Principal Wells got out of the driver's side and ran over to me.

"Max!" He called out.

"Principal Wells, I'm so sorry," I said.

"Are you hurt at all, are you okay?"

"I'm fine. At least, now I am."

Principal Wells let out an enormous sigh of relief.

"Thank, God. Miss Marsh described the state you were in and my mind went to some awful possibilities," he said.

"I'm so sorry." I repeated. He just put up a hand.

"I'm not after an apology. I'm just glad you're alright. What are you doing here?"

"I er…I used to come to the lighthouse with Chloe when we were kids. I thought I might feel better if I came here."

"And did you?"

"No. I felt a whole lot worse. So I called my mom and told her I needed to go back home. She made me realise that's not what I need. I'm better off staying here instead," I explained.

"Max, I admire your determination. But perhaps we were a little hasty allowing you back into education so soon. If you need more time…"

"I was okay today. My classes were fine. Stepping into that bathroom is when things went to sh- hell," I said hastily.

Wells smiled at my correction.

"I'm going back tomorrow. This time, I'm staying away from that bathroom," I promised.

Wells nodded.

"That's probably a smart idea. If you need to use the dorm bathrooms between classes I'll tell your teachers to excuse you if you happen to be a few minutes late. You know we have excellent counsellors should you ever need to talk to them about your experiences, Max. And if there's anything else the school can do to make you more comfortable then don't hesitate to let me know."

"I'll keep all that in mind. Thank you," I said.

"Think nothing of it. Now, how about we get you back to Blackwell?" He said. I thought to myself for a moment.

"Actually, Principal Wells. Would it be okay if you dropped me off somewhere else?"

* * *

Principal Wells parked by the curb, outside Joyce's house.

"Are you sure you'd rather be here, Max?" he asked.

"Yes, I'm sure. Thanks again for driving me."

"The least I could do," he said.

"I'll see you back at school tomorrow," I said.

"You take care, Max," he said back.

I took off my seat belt and stepped out of the car. I shut the door and went to wave goodbye, before remembering something else. I looked in through the window.

"Something else, Max?" Wells asked.

"Just erm, thank you for what you said to my mom this morning. Hearing that really made me feel good about myself."

Wells smiled at me.

"I meant every word, Max. I shall see you tomorrow."

I stepped back and waved goodbye to Wells as he drove off. I approached the Price house and knocked on the door. After a moment the door opened and I was greeted by David.

"Max?" He said in surprise.

"Hi, David. I'm really sorry to turn up like this without asking first," I said.

"No, not at all. Joyce is at the diner right now. She won't be home for a couple more hours."

"I know, I came to see you actually, if it's okay?"

"Me?"

"Yeah, I could kinda do with some advice."

"Oh, okay. Come on in." He stepped to the side to let me in.

After taking my shoes off so I didn't tread dirt across the carpet, we sat down in the living room, David in the arm chair and me on the sofa. He cleared his throat.

"So, what sort of advice did you need?" He asked. I wrung my hands as I tried to find the right words.

"I went back into the bathroom today. Where Chloe died," I started. David took a sharp intake of breath upon being reminded of the event. "When I was there…it felt like I was watching a replay of it all. It was so vivid I could have sworn it was real. It was pretty overwhelming and I collapsed. Kate Marsh found me and and she helped me but I'm worried it might happen again. What I'm trying to say is…I was just wondering if you had tips on how deal with…PTSD?" I looked up at David to see his eyebrows raise. I quickly added: "Not that what happened to me is the same as what you've been through. But it just-"

"You don't need to explain yourself, Max. And we don't need to compare. First thing I'll say is currently you don't have PTSD. You currently have something called Acute Stress Syndrome. Not that it diminishes how serious what you're going through is. It is a primative version of PTSD after all," he explained.

"Right, so do you have anything you can tell me that might help?" I asked.

David sighed.

"You might have noticed I am not a model survivor. It still takes hold of me at times. It took hold of me when Chloe was here," he started. I nodded. "I'm afraid I can't give you some magic substance to take it way from either of us, but there are things that have meant I've at least felt like I've been living these past few years, rather than just surviving," he offered me.

"What are they?"

"First off, you have nothing to feel ashamed of. You cannot change what happened. And what's happening to you now does not make you weak. It's normal and you should never feel afraid to tell someone you're struggling." He smiled. "Just like you're doing now." I smiled back.

"Anything else?"

"The biggest thing by far that has helped me is probably no big surprise to you."

"Joyce?" I guessed. David nodded again.

"If I hadn't found her then I honestly don't where I would be right now. Just having even one person who wants to help you. Wants to understand what you've been through. I ain't saying it has to be a boyfriend. Just someone or better yet, people who are there for you."

"Since Chloe's funeral, I stayed in my room. Not wanting to see anyone. Kate Marsh reached out to me and helped me start to deal with things. I've got other friends too who have been helping. Plus Mom, Dad, you and Joyce…"

"Then you're off to a better start than I ever was. I'm glad to hear it, Max." David glanced away for a moment before looking back at me. "I know I've said it already but I really am sorry for what happened between us last week. My outburst did nothing to help either of us."

"I know you are, David. But you're making up for it. That's what matters to me, so don't worry," I assured him.

"One last thing, something else I'm only just starting to realise and it's partly down to you. If you ever need professional help to get through this, do not see that as a flaw in yourself. You do whatever it takes to help yourself heal, Max."

"I will. I hope the same for you, David."

"I actually start those counselling sessions on Friday. Joyce has said she'll go with me."

"That's awesome, David. I hope it goes well."

"Me too. That's kinda all I got unfortunately. Like I said, I am not an example of model recovery."

"You don't need to be, David. Just hearing I've been on the right track these past few days gives me hope," I said. David nodded and got up.

"Were you wanting me to drive you back to Blackwell?"

"Actually, if it's okay I'd rather…"

"Stay here?"

"Is that okay?"

"Of course. I'm working on something in the garage right now, but if you want to watch tv or have a snack or something just help yourself."

"Thanks. Actually, would it be okay if I went up to Chloe's room?"

"You don't need to ask. Go right ahead, Max." I smiled at him as I got up.

* * *

"Max?"

I opened my eyes and saw I was lying on Chloe's bed. The last thing I remembered was shutting my eyes for a second and then...here I was.

I looked and saw Joyce in the doorway wearing her Two Whales uniform. I sat up quickly.

"Joyce, God, sorry. I must have fallen asleep," I said.

"Don't be silly, Max. David told me you had dropped by. About what happened at school?" She said.

I just nodded.

"Oh, darling. That must have been awful."

"Yeah, it was. I'm better now I talked to Mom. David too," I explained.

"I'm glad," she said.

"I'm really sorry for just turning up, Joyce."

"Max, I meant what I said to you. Our door is always open to you. I was just about to make dinner if you were hungry," she said.

"Yeah, I am actually. Thank you. Did you want a hand with anything?" I asked.

"David and I have that covered. You just relax and I'll call you down when it's ready," she said with a smile.

"Okay."

Joyce smiled and shut the door behind her. I sat up on the edge of the bed and looked down. I noticed something sticking out. I got off the bed and looked under. I picked up a very dusty but in tact eye patch. The same one Chloe wore when we would play together. I dusted it off and smiled at it.

* * *

"Do you want me to help wash the dishes?" I said as David carried them to the sink.

"You're our guest, Max," Joyce said.

"And I want to say thank you for a delicious meal, Joyce. So I insist," I said.

"You can dry them off if you really want to, Max. I won't say no to the help," David said.

"You'll have to forgive me, Max. Been an awfully long time since a young woman in this house has offered to help with the dishes," Joyce said. I smiled at her and she got up from the table.

"If it's okay with you two I'll grab a quick shower and get out of this outfit."

"Leave to Max and I, Joyce. You get off upstairs," David said.

BZZZZZT! BZZZZZT!

I pulled my phone out of my pocket and saw it was Mom and Dad.

"Sorry, it's my parents. I'll be right there."

"Take your time, Max," David said behind me as I heard him start running the faucet. I sat down on the couch and put the phone to my ear.

"Hello?" I said.

"Max?" Came my dad's voice.

"Hey, Pop."

"How are you doing sweetheart?"

"I'm a bit better now."

"Your mom told me what happened. She's here too by the way."

"Hello, Maxine," came my mom's voice.

"Hey, Mom."

"We're pleased you're feeling better," my dad continued. "What your mother said is true though, there's nothing wrong with coming home if that's really what you need."

"I know, Dad. And if it comes to that then I promise I'll tell you. I'm not giving up yet though. Principal Wells said the school would help in any way they could so I've got support here."

"Okay, sweetheart," Mom said. "We really are so proud of you."

"Yeah, Mom, okay. You said that," I could feel my face was going a little red. Dad laughed.

"About a million times I bet?" He asked.

"Yeah, pretty much," I said.

"You two always do this," Mom said.

"You give us too much to work with, honey." Dad said to her. I laughed.

"I'm with Joyce and David right now. We just had dinner."

"Oh that's so lovely," Mom said. "Is Joyce there? Put me on so I can thank her."

"Okay," I got up and approached Joyce. "My mom wants to talk," I said as I handed her the phone. She smiled and put it to her ear.

"Hello?" she said. I walked back into the kitchen to join David.

"It's no trouble at all," I heard Joyce say. I grabbed the dish cloth on the counter and started drying.

A few minutes later and Joyce entered the kitchen with the phone to her chest and a nervous expression on her face.

"Is everything okay?" I asked. David turned around.

"Joyce?" He said.

"Max, I…I just asked your parents for their permission regarding something I'd like to do. They seem happy to oblige but I would still need your permission too."

"Okay…" I said.

"I understand if it's not something you're okay with. It was just an idea to hopefully make things easier for you."

"Joyce, what is it?"

"How would you feel about me becoming your first contact with Blackwell. In other words, if the school ever need to contact someone in an emergency regarding you, that person would be me," she said.

I raised my eyebrows in surprise.

"I just thought, you might feel better having someone closer to you, with your parents being so far away I know it makes things difficult. It was just a thought."

"Joyce, are you sure? I mean, I really don't want to to be an inconvience if…" I looked back at David. "…something like today happens again."

"You will never be an inconvenience, Max. So is it okay?"

"Yes, of course, Joyce," I said. She smiled and put the phone back to her ear.

"We're good to go. I'll hand you back over. Thanks again, Vanessa." Joyce handed my my phone back.

"Hey, Mom."

"Are you sure that's okay, sweetheart? We've told Joyce to inform us of anything and everything that happens so please, no making her keep secrets from us, Maxine," she warned me.

"I won't. Promise."

"We're still here any time you need us," Dad said. "Day or night. If you ever need to talk to us, we're here.

"I know you are, Dad. I'm never forgetting that. I'll still see you at Thanksgiving too. I'd better go now. Love you both."

"Love you, sweetheart," Dad said.

"Love you, Maxine!" Mom said.

"Bye," I said. I hung up and put my phone away. "Thank you, Joyce," I said. She smiled at me.

"You're welcome, Max. Now, if you'll both excuse me I'm gonna grab that shower." Joyce walked towards the stairs. As I looked back at David, I saw him giving Joyce a look of unease. When he saw me looking at him he give me a brief smile before getting back to the dishes.

* * *

"Before you go, Max," Joyce said. "I wanted to give you a couple things." I was stood at the door ready to go. David opened the door with the car keys in his hand.

"I'll be waiting in the car when you're ready, Max." I nodded as he stepped outside. I turned back to Joyce to see her holding a photo album and a book. She handed me the photo album first. I opened it up to see it was empty.

"I thought you might make better use of it than I will," she said. "When Chloe was born, William and I bought a half dozen of them," she chuckled. "He insisted. He said we had the rest of our lives the fill those books up with memories…" Joyce paused as she looked at the book I had taken. I reached and took her free hand. She smiled at me. "And I think he'd be proud to know this album will be full of a future photography star's work. Whatever you want to put in there. It's all yours."

"Thanks, Joyce. And what's that?"

Joyce raised the book and looked at the cover. I noticed there were little sticky notes sticking out from certain pages.

"David bought this for me a little while after we started dating. He could see I was still struggling with what happened to William and thought this would help. Now I want to pass it onto you. Don't be put off by the title. There's still a lot of stuff I think might be relevant and helpful to you." I took the book from Joyce and looked at the cover: **__**Love after Loss - A Guide to Forgiving Oneself and Moving Forward.**__**

 _ _Love…__

"Max?" Joyce said. I looked back up at her with tears forming in my eyes.

"Are you sure you don't still need this?" I said wiping my eyes. Joyce just put her hand on my shoulder.

"Oh, child. Believe me, I've read this thing so many times over the years I know it word for word. There's one little paragraph in that book that's always stayed with me."

"What is it?"

"Sometimes you have to get knocked down lower than you've ever been to stand up taller than you ever were. Don't give up on yourself. A single spark can start a fire that burns the entire prairie," Joyce said. I nodded feverishly.

"Don't forget you're welcome-"

"-Here any time. I know, Joyce. And I'm always here if you need me too."

"You take care, Max. See you again soon," Joyce said.

"Bye, Joyce." I went to walk out the door. I stopped and turned back to Joyce. I stepped forward and gave her a huge hug. I let her go and stepped back

"Oh, wait," I said as I reached into my pocket and pulled out Chloe's eye patch. "Is it okay if I keep this? I took it from Chloe's room."

Joyce just smiled at me.

"What's Chloe's is your, Max. I don't think she would have wanted it any other way." We exchanged a final smile before I left the house.

* * *

I climbed up the stairs to the girl's floor. I stepped into the dorm hall. Before I could even do anything I heard footsteps from Dana's room. She appeared in the doorway.

"Max!"

She bounded over to me and almost squeezed me to death.

"Dana…can't breathe…" I struggled to say.

"I'm so sorry!" She cried.

"It's okay…just let me go…maybe?"

"Not that!" Dana released me and stepped back. Only now I could see her eyes were red and puffy. Before either of us could say anything else, Kate came running out of Dana's room. She ran over and gave me a big hug too.

"Max, I'm so glad you're okay," she said. Dana put her arms round the both of us.

"Guys, I'm fine. I promise. I've been with Joyce and David."

"Wells told us. Are you mad at us?" Dana asked.

"No, of course not. How is Trevor?" Dana and Kate let go of me.

"He's an idiot. But he's okay. He was angry at Logan, not me. Even if it doesn't make what he did okay. I'm going to talk to him again tomorrow. I'm so sorry for giving you shit about that."

"It's okay, Dana."

"But what if something happened to you? I just-"

"Nothing did happen, so stop beating yourself up," I insisted. "Kate, I'm sorry I took off without saying anything. I just didn't want to put you in a bad position. Look how that worked out," I said.

"It's okay, Max," Kate said. "What did Principal Wells say?"

"He wasn't mad, just glad I wasn't hurt."

I looked over Dana's shoulder and saw Victoria stood in the hall.

"So, you made it back?" She said. Dana immediately turned around to her.

"Just stay away, Victoria. Max doesn't need you giving her shit right now," she said.

"Er, hello? I was concerned about her."

"You being concerned about someone other than Victoria Chase? Please," Dana retorted.

"Dana," I said. "That's enough."

"Yeah, Dana, just let it go," Kate added.

"How can you be on her side, Kate? After the shit she pulled on you?" Dana said.

"No-one asked you, Dana," Victoria retorted. "Not my fault if you feel like a shitty friend for watching that video." I looked at Dana's face and knew I needed to step in. I stood in between Dana and Victoria.

"Both of you, just stop. If you really want to do right by me, and Kate too, then please don't be at each other's throats. If you can't along then just stay out of each other's way," I pleaded.

"Fine by me," Victoria said as she stormed off to her room and slammed the door.

"Me too," Dana said as she went back into her room and shut the door. I looked at Victoria's room and sighed.

"And I thought I caused enough drama today," I said. Kate chuckled.

"I don't think Blackwell can ever have too much drama," Kate replied. I laughed before turning back to Kate.

"Thank you again for everything, Kate. I'm glad you were there for me."

"Of course, Max. I know you'd do the same."

"Absolutely."

Kate and I hugged.

"I put your clothes back in your room by the way. All washed."

"Thanks, Kate. Sorry, about your cardigan, by the way," I said as we stopped hugging.

"That's washed too, so it's good."

"Good. I'd better get back to my room. I'll see you later."

"See you later, Max." Kate and I gave each other a quick wave as I headed for my room. I heard Kate close her door. As I approached my room I looked at Victoria's door. I changed direction and stopped outside her room. I knocked on the door. Victoria opened up.

"Thanks for caring, Victoria. I appreciate it," I said.

"You want to tell that to her?" Victoria said giving Dana's door a quick glare.

"You've given people plenty of reasons to dislike you, Victoria. I know the real you but some people will take more convincing than others. If that's still something you want to do then that's up to you."

"I don't care what she thinks of me," Victoria insisted.

"You should never do or not do something because you're worried what other people will think. Isn't that your problem? And mine?" Victoria crossed her arms.

"Sorry for that Little Miss Perfect crap I gave you earlier. I knew it was bullshit but I still said it."

"I know it's bullshit too, Victoria. So things like that won't bother me. Forget about it."

I still haven't even spoken to Kate. No idea how she can even look at me," Victoria said.

"Then ask her. In person. I'll see you later, Victoria." I turned around and walked up to my own door as I heard Victoria shut hers. I noticed a bunch of writing on my slate. I looked at all the messages that had been written.

 ** _"_** ** _ _ **You're in my prayers, Max. KM"**__**

 ** _"_** ** _ _ **Always here to cheer you on! DW"**__**

 ** _"_** ** _ _ **Help is here if you want it!" SH**__**

 ** _"_** ** _ _ **Let me know if you need something." BS**__**

 ** _"_** ** _ _ **You got this, Max!" JW**__**

 ** _"_** ** _ _ **Not enough room!" AA**__**

 ** _"_** ** _ _ **Sorry." VC, TC, CW**__**

I smiled at all the messages. I stepped into my room and put my bag down on the floor. Then I flopped straight onto bed and let out a huge sigh.

 _What. A. Day._

* * *

It wasn't even ten o'clock but I was beat even with my nap in Chloe's room.

I had read a little of Joyce's book. It definitely had stuff in there that I found helpful, I could see why Joyce spoke so highly of it. Plus I had finally done something with my new collection of photos I had been compiling. I'd added them all to the album Joyce had given me. Including the one of me at the lighthouse. I didn't exactly feel great looking at it, but at the same time I knew I would regret destroying it.

I thought of David's advice and what a panic I had caused by running off to the lighthouse. I opened up my Facebook. I hardly ever updated it as I never really had anything to say. A quick look at my notifications told me plenty of people had been messaging me today. I typed out a post:

 ** _ _ **Hey, guys.**__**

 ** _ _ **Everyone at Blackwell knows that something happened to me today. I'm sorry if I caused a bit of panic but I think you all deserve to hear the whole sorry story from me. Basically I started back at school today and I was doing okay.**__**

 ** _ _ **Anyway, I went into the bathroom where Chloe was shot and I had a…I guess you could call it a flashback or maybe a panic attack. Whatever you wanna call it, it kinda destroyed me. So that was fun. I wondered if I had made the right decision to stay here in Arcadia. After talking with my Mom I've realised I have, so tomorrow I'll be coming back to school again a little stronger and a little wiser.**__**

 ** _ _ **Thank you to all the girls on my floor for their slate messages. A special thank you to Kate Marsh who was here for me today when I needed her most. Thank you to everyone who was worried when I went AWOL. I'm sorry again. Thank you to my parents for reminding me how strong I can be despite what I might tell myself sometimes. Thank you to Joyce and David Madsen for accommodating me as if I was their own daughter.**__**

 ** _ _ **I want to finish by saying I know what it's like to need help and so I want to extend the same courtesy out to every single one of you. Whatever I'm going through right now, I always want to help however I can.**__**

 ** _ _ **Thanks for reading :)**__**

My arrow briefly hovered over the "post" button. Before I could let any self doubt enter my head I clicked the mouse. I sat back in my chair and let out a sigh.

 _ _Well, at least you're sticking to what David told you. Don't be ashamed . You'll get better. It'll just take time. Ha. Time.__

Within a minute comments started popping up beneath my message.

 ** _ _ **Dana: Go Max!**__**

 ** _ _ **Warren: Super inspiring, Max! If you ever need my USB drive back for some R & R just hit me up!**__**

 ** _ _ **Justin: Dude, does your drive have porn on it?**__**

 ** _ _ **Warren: No! Just tv shows and movies and stuff.**__**

 ** _ _ **Justin: Any of that arty shit? That can be like porn sometimes.**__**

 ** _ _ **Warren: Dude, just drop it.**__**

 ** _ _ **Alyssa: Well done, Max. I'm sure you're proud of the deep conversation you've inspired above.**__**

I laughed. It was like nothing had really changed. Good. Before I was consumed with exhaustion I was able to grab my diary and pen. As I turned the pages I found my Max motivation page. I looked at the photo in the center of it all and thought of Chloe again. I felt a familiar stabbing pain in my heart. It wasn't just the fact she was gone that hurt. It was the fact I had lost the one person I could have told anything to. No-one would ever know the full extent of what I went through. I just wished she could appear to me so I could talk to her. I could never have got through that week if I didn't have her to lean on. Before I was completely consumed with pity I grabbed my pen and started writing.

After finishing my entry I closed my journal and looked at the cameras on my desk. I promised my Mom I wouldn't let Jefferson ruin photography for me and I intended to keep that promise. Thinking back, I was fine taking pictures until after my panic attack. When I had tried to take them up at the lighthouse I still hadn't fully come down from what had happened.

 _Maybe I could try now?_

I picked up William's camera and pointed it up at myself. As I went to click the button my hands began to tremble again. I clumsily put the camera back down on my desk as I clasped my hands together. I looked around quickly and saw the cushion on my bed. I quickly grabbed it and clutched it to my chest. I shut my eyes and thought of the day Mom and I had sewn this. As I saw Mom's smiling face the trembling began to subside. I kept thinking of that day until my breathing steadied and my hands stopped shaking. I let out a deep sigh as I kept the cushion close.

 _Okay, well that's a big fat 'nope' then. But it's okay, Max. You could take pictures before and you will again. Like Mom said, don't let a set back make you forget what you've accomplished._

I turned off the light and climbed into bed. I kept the cushion clutched to my chest as I looked out the fuzzy outline of my teddy bear in the darkness. I smiled as I remembered swallowing his eye and my parents rushing me to the emergency room. Despite losing an eye, he was still alive and kicking. I clutched him to my side with my other arm and shut my eyes, picturing my Mom and Dad until I fell asleep.


	8. Chapter 8: Memories

CLICK. CLICK.

My eyelids were like weights over my eyes.

CLICK. CLICK.

I tried to move my arms but I could barely feel them.

CLICK. CLICK.

"Very good. Excellent," I heard a voice say.

I managed to open my eyes but was forced to close them when a bright light hit my face.

"Yes. Oh, this is wonderful," the voice said again.

I squinted until my eyes adjusted. I saw...

 _ _Oh, God. Jefferson?__

I looked around and saw those familiar, awful walls. That equipment. This was the Dark Room. I tried to move my arms again. I tried to move my legs but felt the familiar sting of the duct tape.

"Help me, please!" I cried out.

"No-one's coming, Max," said Jefferson. "So please keep the noise down so I can concentrate."

CLICK. CLICK.

"Fuck you!" I yelled. Jefferson paused. He switched off one of the lamps pointed at me. Only now could I see the look of fury on his face.

"Do not talk to your teacher like that…" he growled as he approached me. He brushed his hand against my cheek. I jerked my face away.

"...when there is so much I need to teach you." He picked up a photo off the table and held it out for me to see.

"Hopefully then you'll be able to do much better than this."

It was the photo I took up near the light house. Of my tear stained and distraught face.

"I mean, look how blurry this is. You can do so much better," said Jefferson.

 _ _Wait, what if I can use that photo to escape?__

I stared at the photo and concentrated.

"And look how awful you look. You should really take the time to make yourself look presentable before…"

The photo was coming into focus…

…until Jefferson whipped it way.

"Why, Max. Were you doing what I think you were doing?" Jefferson asked with a chuckle. He proceeded to tear the photo in front of me.

"NO!" I screamed.

"There's that innocence disappearing. You really shouldn't be angry, Max. You did promise yourself to never use your powers again. You can get out of this without them, right?" Jefferson taunted. He picked up a needle and approached me.

"You can do this, right?"

I screamed as he forced my head to the side and lowered the needle towards my neck.

* * *

My eyes shot open to the sound of my alarm. I was in bed. I was laying on my front and had to turn my head to the side. It took a moment for my breathing to return to normal.

I went to switch off my alarm before realising I couldn't move my arms. An initial burst of panic quickly subsided when I realised I had slept on both my arms, causing them to fall asleep. My alarm buzzed impatiently as I tried to force one of my floppy arms out from under me. I managed to do so, before bashing my hand against my side drawer.

"Ow!" I yelped instinctively, even thought the pain was numbed. I managed to slap my alarm off before letting my arm flop out of bed.

 _That nightmare was so awful. I was never having them before. After yesterday,_ a _m I really backsliding this badly?_

Once my arms regained their feeling I shifted to lay on my back. I felt something underneath me. I reached under and pulled out my bear and the cushion I had made with Mom. I hugged them close.

 _ _It was just a nightmare, Max. It wasn't real. Well…It was, but everything with Jefferson is over. He can't hurt you or anyone else.__

I got out of bed and stretched. I looked over at my cameras on my desk.

 _ _But he's still stopping me from doing what I love the most. Bastard.__

Before any other negative thoughts could flood my mind I grabbed my bathroom bag and left my room.

* * *

I stepped into the bathroom to see Kate brushing her teeth. I gave her a smile when she saw me, which she returned. She rinsed out her mouth and grabbed a towel to dry her mouth.

"Morning, Max," she said.

"Morning, Kate," I said as I approached the sink.

"How are you this morning?" she asked, with just a little hint of concern. I paused for a second before turning to her.

"I'm good."

Kate looked back at me unconvinced. My smile faded as I confessed.

"Okay, I just…I had a nightmare last night. That's all."

Kate nodded.

"But I am okay now. I'm better than I was yesterday anyway," I said with a smile. "Thanks again for being there for me. I seriously owe you," I said. Kate smiled back.

"No you don't," she said. "It's what friends do."

"Well, you know I'm there for you too, right? For anything." I promised. Kate's smiled faded a little as she nodded and turned back to the mirror.

"Kate?"

She turned back to me.

"Can you keep a secret, Max?" She asked.

"Of course."

Kate seemed to struggle to find the words.

"It's just...every time I have to go into the photography classroom at school I…I feel sick. I just can't help but think of what…what he did-" Kate's words were cut off as a sob escaped her mouth. I dumped my bag on the floor and went over to hug her. She held onto me as she cried softly onto my shoulder. I rubbed her gently to try and calm her. I heard the door open behind me before swiftly closing again. Whoever it was obviously didn't want to get involved. When Kate calmed down I took hold of her hands.

"I j-just…don't know what's wrong with me. It's not like I can even remember much of what happened that night but I just…"

"There's nothing wrong with you, Kate. Why didn't you say anything before?"

"I've been praying to God for help and yet I still feel awful. If he can't help me then who can?" She said as she wiped her eyes.

"The angels here on earth, Kate. There's never anything wrong with depending on other people for support. Just look at me. I'm still here because of other people, especially you. If you're really not happy being in that classroom you should tell Principal Wells. And yes I am aware of what a hypocrite I'm being after yesterday," I said. Kate let out a small laugh.

"I don't want to cause a big fuss," Kate said.

"Kate, no-one in this school can cause a bigger fuss than I have," I said. She laughed again, a little harder.

"So why don't we go see Principal Wells together and see what can be done. I'll back you up, but you'll be the one telling him, okay?" I said. Kate smiled at me.

"Okay, I'll get ready and we'll get down there before class starts," she said.

"Sounds good."

"Thank you, Max." Kate grabbed her stuff and left the bathroom.

* * *

After finishing up I left the bathroom. As I came into the hall I heard a voice to my left.

"What do you want?"

 _ _Dana?__

"Well, if that's how you're gonna be then just forget it."

 _ _Victoria?__

"You obviously have something to say, Victoria. So say it."

"I was…I get it, Dana."

"Get what?"

"Why you don't exactly like me."

"Wow, self awareness. Soon you'll develop real feelings too," Dana retorted.

I heard Victoria growl.

"Look, I feel like shit about what I did to Kate. I don't care if you don't believe it. It's true. Max, of all people, was the one got me to finally start dealing with my...If you hate me, fine. Whatever. I've said my piece," Victoria said.

I heard Dana shut her door, followed by Victoria growling again. She walked past the bathroom corridor and turned to see me.

"You hear all that?" She asked.

"Just a bit," I said.

"So you heard how bitchy she's being?"

"I heard that Dana maybe still isn't ready to see the real you," I reasoned. Victoria crossed her arms. "But I also heard you trying to see eye to eye with her. Which I appreciate," I added.

"There any reason I should keep bothering?" She asked.

I just shrugged.

"That's up to you, Victoria. If she doesn't come around then that's down to her, so long as you keep being the person you're meant to be. That you should be." I said.

Victoria nodded as I heard a door open. Taylor came into view.

"You okay, Victoria?" She asked. Then she saw me and immediately stopped.

"Oh. Hey, Max," she added sheepishly.

"I'm fine, Taylor, just…" Victoria looked at me and seemed to bite her tongue. "Nothing I can't take care of," she said. "You all set?"

"Sure, ready when you are," Taylor said.

"I'll get my bag and we'll get the fuck outta here." Victoria headed off into her room, leaving Taylor and I stood there.

"Sorry. Hi, Taylor," I said.

"Hey."

Taylor checked no-one was around.

"Is er…Is Kate okay? I saw you two earlier. In the bathroom," she said.

"No, she isn't. But we're taking care of it," I told her. Taylor nodded.

"Cool. You know, Victoria really does feel awful about all that stuff with her."

"You don't need to speak for her," I said. "She's responsible for her own actions. All of us are."

"I feel like shit too, if that's what you're getting at, Max."

"I wasn't getting at anything, Taylor. If you think you did things you should feel bad about then that's up to you. And it's up to you to talk to Kate if you need to," I advised.

Taylor nodded again.

"You doing okay after yesterday? I saw your post…and heard the whole school talking about it."

"This is Blackwell, so I'm not surprised. But yeah I'm…okay. Thanks for asking. How is your mom doing by the way? I er…heard she was in hospital?"

"She had back surgery a couple of weeks ago. She's still in recovery but she'll be home before Thanksgiving we hope. Thanks, Max," said Taylor. Victoria emerged from her room with her bag.

"Bye, Max," Taylor said.

"Later," Victoria added.

"Bye," I said as they both left.

I knocked on Dana's door. She opened it and smiled when she saw me.

"Max!"

"Morning, Dana."

"What's up?"

"I heard you and Victoria talking," I said. Dana frowned.

"Look, Max, if your here to tell me to give her a break then you-"

"I'm not here to tell you what to do. I'm just here to remind you that I manage to see the good in her. That's all."

Dana still frowned.

"I guess she hasn't been talking shit about my situation online like some people have been," she said. "I'll give her that at least."

"Wait, what do you mean your "situation online?"

"Everyone's heard about Trevor and Logan's fight. They all know about me and what I…what I did," Dana said.

"Oh, Dana. I'm so sorry. Whatever people say, don't back down. You did what was best, okay? Please don't forget that."

Dana smiled.

"I won't, Max. I don't let assholes get to me. Neither should you," she said.

"I'll try. How is Trevor doing anyway?"

"He's okay. He says it's pretty cool being suspended, not worrying about class and homework," Dana said with an eye roll. I laughed.

"I don't think he'll be saying that when he finds out what he has to catch up on," I said.

"That's what I said," she laughed.

"I'd better get going. I'll see you at school," I said.

"Bye, Max," Dana said as she closed her door and I headed to my room.

* * *

I returned to my room to get dressed. I looked at my wardrobe, at the new clothes I had bought but was still yet to wear. A dress was probably a bit much for school, but I was determined not to wear my old clothes this time. I picked out white pants and a light blue shirt with mosaic of a woman's face. After hesitating, I grabbed a hoodie too. As a compromise.

I got dressed and grabbed my school bag. I looked over at my cameras. I thought about taking one with me just in case. I hated struggling to do what I loved doing more than anything else. But, Mom had said not to push myself too hard and set limits. And like David had said, even if no-one else can know, I have nothing to be ashamed of.

I looked over at my journal and thought about looking at my "Max Motivation" page. I hadn't been able to go a day without looking at it before leaving my room. I couldn't deny it helped, so screw it. I took a quick look at the page. Then my curiosity got the better of me and I went to Facebook to see what sort of crap people were posting about Dana. I really wished I hadn't. I saw I had a few more notifications about my post last night, I also had a private message from…

 _ _Kristen?__

I clicked on the message to expand it.

 _ ** **Hey, Max! I know we haven't spoken in a while but I saw your post last night. I looked around online and found all that crazy shit that happened in your town. Was that Chloe girl the best friend you told Fernando and I about? I'm so, so sorry you had to go through that. Fernando still isn't big on social media but we're both here if you want talk or anything. Hope you're okay. Kristen x****_

 _ _Shit. I got to Arcadia and never sent one lousy message to Kristen and Fernando. My only two real friends in Seattle and I just abandoned the same way I abandoned-__

 _ _You made a mistake, Max. What did you promise to do? Not make those mistakes any more.__

I typed out and sent a message back to Kristen:

 _ ** **Hey, Kristen. Thanks so much for your message. I'm so sorry I haven't talked to you since I left Seattle. I feel like such an ass. Yeah, it was the Chloe Price I told you and Fernando about. If what happened has taught me anything it's to never take people for granted. So prepare yourself for a slew of regular messages from now on! Promise. Maxoxo****_

* * *

"Come in!"

I entered Principals Wells' office behind Kate.

"Miss Marsh, good morning," he said. Then he saw me and stood up.

"Miss Caulfield, how are you doing?"

"I'm okay, Principal Wells," I assured him.

"I'm glad to hear it. What can I do for the both of you? Take a seat, if you need to," he said gesturing to the two chairs in front of his desk. Kate and I both sat down. Kate looked over at me. I just gave her a small nod as she looked back at Principal Wells.

"Principal Wells…" she started.

"Yes?"

"I've been um…I've…" she stuttered. I reached over and put my hand on hers. I looked at Principal Wells, who looked from me back to Kate with a look of concern.

"With everything Mark Jefferson…" Kate started. I saw Principal Wells take a sharp breath.

"I just think of him every time I enter the photography class room," Kate said as she wiped her eyes. "I was wondering I could have my study hall sessions in a different room. You don't have to move the whole class, just me. Also if I could…if I could be excused from the supervised photography lab classes for now," she finished. I squeezed Kate's hand as Principal Wells let out a sigh.

"Miss Marsh, I'm sorry. It never even entered my head what you were still going through. That is entirely on me and I can only ask for your forgiveness. Of course you can conduct your sessions in another classroom and you can return to to your photography lab classes when you are ready and not a minute sooner. If you need to see the school nurse or talk to any of the Blackwell counsellors you can do that to," Wells said.

Kate lifted her head and smiled at him.

"Thank you, Principal Wells," she said.

"Not necessary. I'm sorry again for not thinking about this sooner."

"I should have spoken up sooner," Kate said. "I've done it now."

Wells smiled.

"Principal Wells," I said suddenly. "If it's okay, could I join Kate. Just so she isn't alone?"

"Oh, Max you don't have to do that," Kate said.

"I want to. Really. So can I?"

"Absolutely," Wells said. "Normally I would want another member of staff to supervise, but I trust the both of you to be responsible and to use the sessions wisely. Mrs Hoida is still off on sick leave and so her classroom isn't being used for the time being. You are both welcome to use it." Wells promised.

"How is Mrs Hoida doing?" I asked.

"Everything that's happened recently hasn't helped her condition so she may be off a while longer. Unfortunately a new photography teacher isn't looking like it's on the horizon either. At this rate we won't have one until the new year. Rest assured, everything that has occurred and the effect it will have had on all of the students will be factored into your tests and final grades. Even so, it isn't fair on all of you to be missing out on your education," Wells lamented.

"We know you're doing your best in a tough situation, Principal Wells. You'll come through for us," I said with a smile. He smiled back.

"I appreciate the faith, Miss Caulfield. Was there anything else?" Kate and I shook our heads.

"I appreciate you coming to me. If you have any other concerns then my door is always open," Wells said.

Kate and I stood up.

"Oh," I said. "It's not exactly urgent but I was wondering if any Halloween decorations are going up around the school?"

"With everything that's happened I wasn't sure it was appropriate," Wells explained. Kate turned to him.

"I think everyone could do with distractions, Principal Wells," she said. "People shouldn't feel they can't have fun and enjoy themselves, we could all do with that right now."

"She's right," I said.

"If you think it would be best then I have no objections. It might mean Miss Ward will stop emailing me," he chuckled.

"I think she'll be happy. Thanks, Principal Wells," I said.

"Good day to you both," he replied.

Kate and I left his office, we smiled at the secretary as we stepped out into the hall.

"See?" I said. "I told you we could do something."

"You did. I'm seriously glad I listened. I feel like a weight's been lifted. Thank you so much for giving me the push I needed," Kate said.

"Any time," I told her.

"I'd better get to class."

"I have a free period so I think I'll head to the English classroom now, get some extra studying done."

"Okay, I'll see you a little later," Kate said waving goodbye.

"See you soon," I said as I waved back.

* * *

The rest of the day seemed to go by in a flash. Through both my lone study session and study hall I was able to get all caught up with Cultural Anthropology and a good amount of reading for Media Literacy. I had lunch with Warren and Brooke again. Warren said he was always there if I needed any help with the science work. Again. When we got to the science class room, Ms Grant seemed overjoyed I was back. Media Literacy was fine and after an evening of some more reading for Music Lab I was in my bed clothes ready to go to sleep.

* * *

 _Tuesday, October 22nd 2013_

 _Hey Journal,_

W _ell, no mental breakdowns today so… that's a victory? Joking aside, today really was a lot better. I helped Kate talk to Wells about how she was struggling with what Jefferson did to her. I even managed to get myself out Photography Lab for the near future by pretending I just wanted to be there for Kate. Like a real hero…_

 _I know I can't tell anyone the real reason why I don't want to be in that photography room any more than Kate does but it doesn't make it suck any less. I think about what Mom said to me about not letting Jefferson take photography away from me. And here I am unable to even take a fucking photograph. I know I have a good reason for that too but, again, I can't tell anyone. I just want to scream sometimes. I don't know. I guess it is good to get all this shit down. But if this is what "good" it feels like then I would to know what "bad" is._

 _I'm probably just being too hard on myself. As per usual. I did have a good day today. Something I didn't think was possible after at my lowest moments yesterday, but here I am. I'm even back in contact with Kristen and Fernando. After abandoning them the same way... Ugh. Mom really was right. I'm so quick to find a way to bring myself down, no matter when I do good. So come on, Max. You've got another two people you can count on for support now, even if they are in another state. You've also got Mom, Dad, Kate, Dana, Warren, Joyce and David. You've caught up on one subject today, tomorrow you'll get closer to being caught up on another one. See, how hard was that? Before I think of something to ruin my good mood I'm getting to bed. Hm, does thinking I could ruin my good mood with a bad thought count as a bad thought?_

 _Whatever, goodnight._

* * *

 _Wednesday, 23rd October 2013_

 _Hey, Journal._

 _Expect a long entry. I'm going to fill this with as much crap as I can to avoid going to sleep. I had that stupid nightmare again last night. I woke up at 5am and was too scared to go back to sleep. I tried to be productive but couldn't concentrate on any school work. So I just ended up having an early shower. When everyone else was a wake Kate asked me if I was okay. I just told her I had another nightmare. Not lying, really. Just hiding the whole truth. As I have to do. For the rest of my life._

J _ust looked back at last night's entry. That good mood really didn't last did it? Actually, that's not really true. Sure I was pretty tired and spent most of the day yawning but today was okay. Well, I fell asleep in World History. The teacher wasn't impressed and I think he thought I was trying to be funny. Algebra sucked ass as usual. I'm so far behind in my homework for that I don't even know where to really start. I really might need to ask Stella a for help. Or I can just put it off for as long as I can and hope it's all good in the end. Like I said, that good outlook really didn't last long. Is there anything I can think of right now that might make me happier? Not really. I'm just sitting here stressing that I'm going to have another stupid nightmare. And I know that the more I stress the more likely I'm probably going to have one. Which makes me more stressed. ARGH!_

 _I could just stay up through the night but I know that won't help. I have to just face whatever horrors are waiting for me in my dreams. The same way I'll eventually have to try and use my camera again and try and go to the lighthouse. But I can do those things when I feel ready. I can't not fall asleep._

 _Actually, now that I think about it. The private study session Kate was nice, even if I think I just distracted her from working. And in life drawing I managed to put the pencil to paper without my hand shaking and ruining the drawing. Made me think about how I used colouring books when I was a kid. I was always so careful to stay inside the lines. If I ever did go outside them then I'd start crying because I thought I'd ruined the picture. Even at six I was already learning to think I'd totally fucked up after the first mistake. Twelve years later has anything really changed?_

 _Well...I worked my ass off to get to Blackwell, even when I thought I'd screwed up some of my finals. Like Mom said, I kept going and got the result that I wanted. I went through I week of hell, seeing and experiencing things I'll never forget. Jefferson, finding Rachel Amber's body...leaving Chloe to die in the bathroom._

 _But I also got one last week with my best friend. Someone I think I loved. I got to say goodbye to her after abandoning her for five years. As painful as it is to think about and wishing I could do something to see her again, I know making the decision to let Chloe go means I'm more than just some dumb, geek girl in a small town. Even when I felt like I could never feel good again in the week that followed I realised I deserved to, thanks to Kate. I wanted to take back my decision to save Chloe. But I didn't. I wanted to give up on Monday and went back home. But I didn't. I wanted to prove I could move forward by coming back to school and not locking myself away from people who could help me. And I did._

 _I'm here. Whatever nightmares I have, however much I'm struggling with some of my school work, struggling to take pictures or struggling to go to places I used to love. I'll get past it all in time. And just like time, my recovery will happen at its own pace._

 _On that note, goodnight._

* * *

 _Thursday, 24th October 2013_

 _Hey Journal,_

 _So after what I suspect will now be the obligatory Jefferson nightmare, today was again, okay. I mean I did only have two classes. The rest of the time I was doing some more studying. I seem to have at least made a serious dent in my science work, even if I still don't feel like I really understand it much more than I did before. I probably should take Warren up on his offer. Which he reminded me of. Again. My own stupid brain is telling me that he still isn't over me and is just trying to...I don't know. Maybe he is just trying to be a good friend. Friends help their friends after all._

 _I'm actually starting to miss English classes. While I might not like everything we study it is great to discover authors and stories I would never have found for myself. Or at least I did until I needed the extra time to catch up on all my homework and class notes. I actually thought about sending her an email to say I hope she's okay, but then thought what if she comes back soon and it just gives me more work to do and less time to catch up on everything else? That's pretty shitty, right? Guess I'm not quite selfless hero I like to think I am. Sigh. Or maybe I just need to give myself a break. I promised I would never use my powers again because I realised I am not responsible for everyone and everything. Yet, here I am being down for not taking it upon myself to help Mrs Hoida._

 _Probably because I can't cure Mrs Hoida of her depression with just one email. That's not the point, Max. The point is you reaching out could make her smile for just a second. That smile can make her feel just a little better. Then a pile of other small things work together to help her heal. A small thing can have huge consequences. Like when a butterfly..._

 _I'm too tired to do it now but I'll send her an email tomorrow. Weekend at the latest. Letting her know that someone is thinking of her is way more important than a few extra free periods. And besides, just tomorrow to go before the weekend. Not that I'll take a whole lot of time to enjoy it but still, a little break will be nice._

 _Goodnight._

* * *

RIIIIIIING!

 _ _I did it.__

As everyone put away their stuff I just stayed in my seat and smiled.

 _ _I made it through the week.__

I finally put my stuff away and left the classroom. I stepped into the corridor and admired all the Halloween decorations. Pictures of pumkins, hanging skeletons and all other manner of holiday horrors covered the walls of Blackwell. I saw everyone milling around the halls. I spotted Dana over by her locker talking to Juliet.

"Hey, Dana. Hey Juliet," I said as I approached them.

"Hey, Max," Juliet said.

"Max, you're looking good," Dana added.

"I feel good. The decorations look awesome by the way. You sure didn't waste any time," I said.

"No time to waste when it comes to Halloween, Max."

"Sorry, I wasn't available to help. Just wasn't feeling up to it," I said.

"It's cool, Max. If you really want to make it up to me however, you can promise me you'll be at the Halloween event next Thursday," Dana said.

"It'll be fun," said Juliet. "You don't have to wear a costume if you don't want to. Even if Dana will see that as sacrilege," she added. I laughed as Dana gave her a punch on the shoulder.

"I promise I'll think about it," I said. "I feel good right now but I have no idea how my mood might shift between now and then," I said. Dana offered me a sympathetic smile.

"No pressure, Max. Either way, after the party we'll be having a dorm lounge film viewing. We cancelled our screening of _Nightmare Before Christmas_ last week because no-one was really in the mood. We'll be making it a double bill though with something scarier after. Not sure what yet," Dana said.

"I'll see. If I'm up to it then I'll bring the popcorn," I said.

"I'll hold you to it," Dana said with a wink. "Catch you later, Max."

"Bye, Max," Juliet said.

"Bye, guys," I said as I waved goodbye. I continued down the corridor and saw Stella going through some notes. She lifted her head and saw me.

"Hey, Max. Ready for the weekend?" she said.

"Think so. You got plans?"

"Just seeing my foster parents for the weekend and then homework stuff. What about you?"

"Lot of homework, plus class stuff I'm still catching up on."

"If you need help with Algebra then like I said, I'm happy to offer paid tuition. Will save you copying off me in class," she chuckled. I laughed.

"I'll keep it in my mind. Have a great weekend, Stella."

"You too, Max."

I walked out into the main corridor and looked over at the door to the girl's bathroom. I found myself transfixed on it. The next thing I knew-

* * *

BANG!

I rushed out of the bathroom. Tears were streaming down my face and my body was shaking. I saw it all again. As I stood in the middle of the hall I realised the only sound I could hear was my own frantic breathing. Everyone else had gone silent and was staring at me. I covered my face and I started crying. I heard footsteps approaching me and felt a pair of arms wrap around me and pull me in close. I couldn't tell who it was. I just kept my face covered as I continued to cry. I felt another hand settle on my shoulder. Then a voice from across the hall.

"You all want to step outside perhaps? Show some fucking sensitivity?"

"Thank you for that, Miss Chase," I heard Wells say with irritation. "School has finished for this week, please go and enjoy your weekends."

I heard a flurry of footsteps heading towards the exit. When they all subsided I finally lowered my hands and looked up to see Dana looking down at me. She took hold of my right hand. I looked to my left to see Kate take hold of my other hand. I could feel my face burning red with embarrassment as I saw Principal Wells. He gestured to me to step into his office.

* * *

I sat down in the chair opposite Wells' desk. Kate sat down in the other and still kept hold of my hand. Dana stood at my side and put her hand on my shoulder. I wiped my eyes with my free hand and looked at both Kate and Dana.

"I'll see you both back at the dorm," I said.

"We'll stay if you want us to," Kate said.

"I'm fine. I'll see you outside."

They both nodded as they stepped out of Well's office. I turned back to face him. He let out a sigh.

"Max, I-"

"I'm not going off school again," I interrupted.

"That's not what I was going to say."

"Oh. Sorry."

"I was just going to ask why you stepped into that bathroom after we both agreed it was best not to. You are not in trouble. I just want to know why," Wells said.

"I...I don't know why. I knew it was a bad idea. I knew it would probably...trigger me again but I still did it," I confessed. Wells nodded.

"I cannot force you to do anything you don't want to, but I would sorely advise talking to one of our counsellors."

"I'm okay, Principal Wells. Apart from the two incidents, both of which I could have avoided, I've been doing okay. I'm…I'm actually proud of myself for getting through this week. Espcecially after the first time I almost gave up," I said.

Wells smiled at me.

"You should be proud of yourself, Max. I hope you continue to progress but, given what's happened I'm afraid I shall have to inform both your parents and Joyce Madsen, she is your nearest contact, correct?"

I nodded. Wells picked up his phone and started dialling Joyce's number.

"Principal Wells, can I tell her please?" I requested. Wells paused for a moment, before finishing dialling the number and holding the phone out to me. I put to to my ear and heard the ringing tone. Eventually the phone was answered by Joyce.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Joyce."

"Max, everything alright?"

"Er…"

"That's a no then, huh?"

"Sorry."

"You don't owe an apology, Max. Tell me what's wrong."

"I went into the bathroom again. Because I'm an idiot," I said.

"Oh, Max. Did it...all come back again?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry to drop this on you, Joyce, but could I possibly…would it be okay if I spent the weekend with you and David? I won't get in the way, I'll just-"

"Max Caulfield, if I have to tell you one more time that you're always welcome in my home I might snap," she chuckled. "Of course it's okay. I've already finished my shift so I can pick you up as soon as you're ready."

"Thank you, Joyce. Just give me an hour and I'll meet you in the parking lot. See you soon."

"Bye, Max," she said.

I hung up the phone and let out a sigh.

"I guess I'll see you next week, Principal Wells."

"I shall see you next week, Max. Before you go, may I ask how you're getting on with your school work?"

"I'm getting there, but honestly, I'm still behind on a lot of stuff. I'm really trying but it just feels like an uphill battle."

"I see. Well, this weekend I would like you to forget about your school work. Your deadlines can always be extended further. I want you to use this weekend to relax and regain yourself," he said.

"That's nice of you, Principal Wells but I'm preferring to keep myself occupied right now."

"Well, if you feel like putting your work to side for this weekend then that's fine too."

"I'll keep in mind. Good bye, Principal Wells."

"Take care, Miss Caulfield," he said as I waved goodbye and left the office.

* * *

After packing some stuff I said my goodbyes to my friends and met up with Joyce in the parking lot. I didn't talk much as she drove us back. I stepped into Chloe's room. I immediately saw the beer bottles, ash trays and pizza boxes had been cleared away. I put my bags down on the floor as Joyce entered behind me.

"I cleaned it up a little. You might appreciate that more than Chloe did. All the garbage was 'part of the room's character' according to her," she chuckled.

I smiled. "Thanks, Joyce," I said as I sat down on the bed. I looked down at the floor as Joyce's feet came into view.

"You were awful quiet on the way back. Something wrong? Aside from the obvious, I mean," Joyce asked.

"I've just been thinking about why I went back in the bathroom," I said. "I knew it was too soon. I thought after the rest of the week being okay maybe I was just being overconfident…but over confidence is really not a trait of mine, Joyce." She sat down next to me and put her hand on mine. "There's only one other thing I can think of and...it's so messed up that it scares me," I continued.

"What do you think it is?"

I looked up at Joyce.

"That I just wanted to see Chloe again. To see her in front of me. For it to feel real. No matter what."

Joyce hugged me from the side as I rested my head on her chest.

"Grief can manifest itself in awful ways, Max. You can be so desperate you'll do whatever it takes to fight it off," she said.

"Joyce, I'm so sorry. I haven't stopped to ask how you're doing. You lost your daughter and I lost...someone I hadn't even contacted in-"

"Max, enough of that. Alright?" Joyce said as she released me. I nodded.

"So how have you been doing?" I asked. Joyce sighed.

"Just doing the best I can. It's funny, learning to deal with losing one person you learn all sorts of coping techniques. When you lose someone all over again, well it feels like you need to learn those techniques from scratch," she explained. "But I am learning them again." Joyce stood up. "Come on. There's something I want to show you."

* * *

Joyce opened up the drawer of her bedside table and let me look inside. She took out a photo of William and her when she was pregnant with Chloe.

"I told you I think of William now and only smile but it wasn't always like that. When he died, I had no idea what to do. Whenever I thought about him it was so painful I could barely stand it. I'll always remember the first Thanksgiving a while after he was gone. Seeing that empty chair at the table when Chloe and I sat down to eat. I tried to hide it for Chloe's sake but I think she just thought I didn't care that William was gone. Especially when I started dating David so soon.

Although David made me happy, the pain of losing William was still there. I even felt guilty for falling for David, like I'd betrayed William. I started to take down some of his pictures, unable to look at them without feeling a wave of guilt wash over me. David was aware of what I was going through, he knew loss from his time in combat. He bought me that book that I passed onto you. It still didn't help me much at first, but David didn't give up.

He encouraged me not to lock away my feelings for William as he could see what it was doing to me. He understood he could never replace him. You have no idea how lucky I felt to have a man so willing to accept what William meant to me," Joyce explained. She looked down at the photo in her hand.

"This picture was taken when I never felt happier. Knowing I had William and that I had a beautiful baby girl on the way. I turned this memory into something that I could turn to when that grief would rear its ugly head. After Chloe died...I thought about doing the same for her. The problem was our relationship...it wasn't perfect in the years after William died, Max. Especially when poor Rachel Amber disappeared. It almost felt like the happy little girl I had spent my life raising completely disappeared the same day Rachel did. But like with William, I tried to look further back for happy memories of Chloe. I found one while I was cleaning up this room," Joyce explained.

She the took something else out of the drawer and handed it to me. I turned it over and realised it was a home made Mother's Day card. Inside were some drawings of science flasks and tubes along with a giant heart. On the left page read: **This card redeemable for a FREE breakfast in bed. Love you. - William.**

 **May 8 2005**

On the right page read: **It's been scientifially proven, you're officially the best mom in the world! Happy Mother's Day! Love, Chloe.**

I smiled as I read the card.

"She spelt 'scientifically' wrong," I said. Joyce laughed.

"I didn't want to point it out to her but she noticed herself. She was so sorry and thought she ruined the whole damn day," Joyce said. She sighed again as she took back the card. She put it and the picture back in the drawer and closed it.

"Do you understand what I'm trying to say with all this though?"

I think so. Er...actually I'm not sure," I confessed. Joyce chuckled.

"That's probably on me and my rambling. What I'm trying to say is Max that, as much I don't want to admit it, Chloe and I had spent so much time butting heads I almost forgot we were ever a happy mother and daughter. I had to look a long way back to find a happy memory between us. But once I found one, the rest of them all came flooding back and I realised that daughter I loved and was so proud of hadn't gone away. Whatever disappointment I may have felt about some of her decisions and actions didn't matter now. Whatever happened, the happy memories I had of Chloe could never be taken away. Just like yours can't. So however far back you have to, look back and find those memories where you were happy. Focus on them and never forget the good my daughter brought into your life. I'm certainly forgetting the good she brought to mine. Not any more," Joyce said.

"I won't, Joyce. It's funny, those days of playing pirates and making forts feel like a lifetime ago. I hadn't thought about them in a long time, I guess because I knew I could never get those times back I just put them out of my head," I said.

"You can't get them back, you're right. Which makes them all the more valuable, Max."

"Thanks for sharing all of this, Joyce. It's definitely helped."

"I'm glad. Speaking of sharing, have you talked to your parents yet about what happened today? I promised I wouldn't keep things from them so if you haven't-"

"I'll tell them, Joyce. A little later. Promise," I said.

Joyce smiled.

* * *

I called my parents and told them everything that had happened. They said they appreciated me being honest and were glad I was staying with Joyce and David for the weekend. I eventually managed to get off the phone once Mom had checked I had brought everything I needed with me in pain staking detail. David arrived home a little later. I asked him how his first counselling session had gone. He said it was dfficult but was glad that he did it. He asked me how I found my first week back at school. I said it was difficult but I was glad I did it.

Later after we'd had dinner I retreated to Chloe's room to be alone. A little while later I heard a knock at the door. Joyce came in.

"Max, if you're up to it, there's something I want to show you. I'm hoping it might help," she said.

* * *

I came down to the living room to find David setting something up under the television. Joyce was sat on the sofa and gestured for me to sit down next to her. As I sat down David stood up and turned to us.

"All done. You know I can just teach you how to set it up yourself, Joyce?" He said.

"Oh, please. I need some reason to keep you around," she chuckled. David laughed.

"Okay, well I'm heading on up."

"Oh, David you don't have to go," she Joyce.

"This is your time. Both of you. I'll see you up there." David gave Joyce a quick kiss.

"Goodnight, Max," he said.

"Goodnight, David," I said as he walked past us. Joyce got up and went over to the shelf in the corner of the room. Only now did I notice what David had set up: a VCR. Joyce returned with a video tape.

"Forgive me for not keeping up with the times, I know these can probably be transferred onto DVDs but I'm just old fashioned like that," she said. I just shrugged.

"I still use polaroid cameras, Joyce."

She chuckled.

"Touche." She inserted the tape into the VCR.

"These tapes are the only reason this old VCR is still around. If it doesn't do you any good then please say so, but I'm hoping they might be helpful."

I just nodded and looked at the tv screen in curiosity. Joyce sat down next to me and pointed the remote at the tv before hitting play.

The video appeared on screen. A view of the floor and what looked like Joyce's shoes.

"-to turn it on. Is it on?" Joyce said on the tv. Another pair of shoes appeared in view, along with a voice.

"Just lift it up, let me have a look," said William. The camera lifted up and William's face came into view.

"Houston, we have lift off!" He said. I looked over at Joyce to see her with a small smile on her face. I looked back at the tv.

"Oh be quiet," Joyce said.

"It's okay, honey. The people at NASA started off struggling with VCRs before they learned to-"

Joyce gave William a playful shove. William laughed as his face moved past the camera and I heard him give Joyce a kiss.

"Love you," he said.

"Love you too," Joyce said.

I looked over at Joyce again to see her smiling.

"Anyway, let's be quick before the astounding daredevils achieve their feat," William said. Moved to the sliding door that led to the back yard and opened it. Joyce pointed the camera and I saw a young Chloe stood next to the swing set. She was watching a young me swinging into the air. My young self looked at the camera and stopped swinging.

"Don't stop, we'd hate to miss witnessing the most dangerous stunt on earth," William called out.

As my younger self looked down at the ground Chloe whispered something in her ear. Young me smiled and nodded as she started swinging again.

"Atta girl!" William called out.

"Just be careful please!" Joyce added.

My younger self swung harder and harder, going higher and higher into the air. Until she got too scared and let go of the ropes. She yelled as she flew through the air and landed on her butt in the middle of the yard.

"Max!" William and Joyce called out as they rushed out. On camera I could see Chloe rush to her side.

"Max, are you okay?" she asked. My young self lifted her head and started laughing. Everyone else followed suit, including the present day me. I laughed as that whole day came rushing back. I felt Joyce's hand on my shoulder as we watched the rest of the tape. When it finished I turned to Joyce.

"Do you have any more?" I asked. Joyce raised her eyebrows. She got up and went over to the shelf. She came back with a whole stack of VHS tapes.

* * *

I laid awake in bed staring at the ceiling. I had a million thoughts going through my head. Not to mention I was scared of having another nightmare. I sighed and got out of bed. I went over to Chloe's desk and took my journal out of my bag. I was so not in the mood to sit down and write at a desk. Too formal. But I really needed to get all this crap down. Then I had an idea.

I grabbed my pen and journal. I quietly opened the bedroom door. I snuck downstairs and through to the living room. I flicked on the switch for the yard light. I slid open the glass door as quietly as I could and stepped outside. I had to suppress a laugh as the concrete was freezing cold. Then again as the grass tickled my feet. I walked like a ninja (an idiotic ninja) over to the swing set. I sat down on the swing and put my journal and pen on my lap. I grabbed the hold of the swing's ropes and brushed my feet against the grass. I closed my eyes and thought about one of the memories I witnessed on the first video tape Joyce had showed me.

* * *

"How were they, Max?" Joyce asked.

"Delicious," I said. I had just finished up a second batch of Joyce's world famous pancakes.

 _ _I mean, they aren't really world famous but they should be.__

"I should hope so," William said as he ate. "You ate even more than me."

"And me!" Chloe chimed in.

"Between the three of you I need to buy daily doses of ingredients," Joyce said. We all laughed. I heard a miaowing on the floor. I looked down to see Bongo looking up at William expectedly.

"No, Bongo. These aren't for you," William said. Bongo miaowed again before jumping up on William's lap and immediately devouring the last scrap of pancake on his plate.

"Okay, maybe they are," William laughed. "Your mother and I will clean up. You two go do something active to work off those pancakes," William said.

"Okay," Chloe laughed. "Come on, Max. I think I have just the thing." Chloe went over and opened the sliding door before stepping outside. I followed her as she approached the swing set.

"Have a seat, Pete," she said.

"Pete?"

Chloe rolled eyes. "It's just a saying, Max," she chuckled as she pointed at the swing. I sat down.

"So what are we doing?

"Gee, I don't know. What could we possibly do on a swing?"

"Alright, dumb question I guess," I said.

"Well, actually we're doing a little more than just the usual. Today's the day you go over the top," she announced.

"Really, after all those pancakes? Is that a good idea? What if I get sick?"

Chloe laughed. "Come on, you've promised you were going to do this and you've put if off long enough. Today, you're doing it," she said.

"Alright, I'll try," I said. "Just give me a minute." I looked up at the top of the swing set.

"Max?" Chloe said.

"Yeah?"

"Is there something else? Last time you were here you went awful quiet when Mom and Dad showed up when we were outside," she said. I just looked down at the ground. "Max?" I looked up at her.

"It wasn't them," I said. "It was the..the camera."

"What?"

"They had the video camera out, Chloe. They were filming us."

"So?"

"I don't like being on camera," I said. Chloe laughed.

"What? You take pictures all the time," she said.

"Yeah of other things. Other people. Even those photos suck. I just don't like being on camera."

"Why not?"

I just shrugged.

"I look stupid." Chloe laughed.

"No you don't. You're stupid for saying that," she said.

"You're stupid," I retorted. Chloe laughed again as she kneeled down in front of me.

"I'm not kidding Max. You look awesome. Why don't you think so?"

I just shrugged. Chloe leaned forward and hugged me.

"I wouldn't lie to you, Max," she said. I hugged her back.

"Really?"

"Never," she said. She stopped hugging me and stepped back.

"Now come on, I want to see you get up there," she said pointing up at the stop of the swing set.

"Alright, but what if I fall?" I asked.

"Then I'll catch you," she laughed. I nodded and started swinging. As I got higher and higher I looked over and saw William and Joyce. Joyce had the video camera pointed at me. I immediately froze and let myself come back to earth.

"Don't stop, we'd hate to miss witnessing the most dangerous stunt on earth," William called out.

As I looked at the ground I heard Chloe whisper to me.

"The camera loves you, Max."

I smiled and started swinging again. Like the camera wasn't even there.

* * *

I smiled. Feeling more tranquil, I picked up my journal and pen.

* * *

 _Friday, 25th October 2013_

 _Hey Journal,_

 _So I'm too scared to go to sleep in case I have another nightmare. So here I am sat outside where Chloe and I used to play together. I wonder what she_

 _..._

* * *

I scribbled out what I had wrote. A hint of a smile appeared on my face as I started again.

* * *

 _Friday, 25th October 2013_

 _Dear Chloe,_

 _Apparently I want to see you again so badly, I'm willing to watch you die again. Yes, I do realise how fucked up that is. So instead, I'm writing this to you in the hope that somewhere out there, you can see it. I would say I didn't believe you can, then again there was a time when I wouldn't have believed in time travel so...stuff happens I guess._

 _I know it's probably dumb to say I hope you're okay but...I hope you're okay. I think it only really hit me once your funeral was over that you were gone. I had tried so hard to save you "that week" that in the back of my head I thought maybe I could still do it one more time. Even when I was watching you be lowered into the ground next to your dad. Seeing how much pain my choice had caused your mom. I spent the next week unable to even talk to anyone. I felt so guilty about wanting to take it all back and save you. I thought that's why I had kept the butterfly photo, because I knew I would need to use it when it all became too much._

 _Then Kate reached out to me and made me realise how strong I was. That I could feel proud of myself for what I survived. Just like you used to make me feel like I could do anything. So I've been back at school for the first week and aside from the huge pile of homework I still need to catch up on, it was okay. Well, and the panic attacks too. Trying to make it back up to the lighthouse where you and I used to go when we were kids. Where I said goodbye to you. I could feel the sensations of that tornado so strongly that it made me want to just give up. To go back home with Mom and Dad and never come back._

 _But Mom, even with her wanting me back so badly, made me realise that I can't give up. You didn't give me this second chance so I could run away, like I did after you died. You helped me realise how strong I can be. That no matter what I go through, I can come out the other side all the more stronger. Every time I try to take a picture now, I think of Jefferson. Of what he did to me. He's even haunting me in my nightmares now. But I am not letting that bastard win. I'm still going to be a photographer. Seeing my work up in an art gallery was not some cruel tease of what could have been. It's what things will be like. If I just try._

 _To get there I have to put everything bad that's happened behind me and focus on what makes me happy. Right now that's my friends, the progress I've already made and my own inner strength. It's not a matter of if I can do this. I know I can. You, along with everyone else, has helped me see that. And I will never forget what you did for me Chloe. I will never let you feel alone again. I haven't worked myself up to try and visit your grave again. I promise I will though._

 _If you are out there somewhere then I hope you're with William, Rachel and anyone else who makes you happy. That's all you ever deserved, Chloe. I can't be there for you the way I should have been but I promise to be here for your Mom and make sure she's okay. She's doing the same for me after all._

 _That's everything really. Like I say, I'm kinda doing this for me but I hope you'd agree that I've earned that. Your mom said she's recently learned to focus on the memories when you were both happy. She realised those days, even if they're gone, aren't negated by your relationship in later years. You yourself said that no matter wherever you ended up all of the moments between us were real and they'll always be ours. I'm sat here on the swing thinking of some of the moments we shared before we had to worry about trying to be "grown ups" and it's making me smile. It's funny, I can technically get those memories back. I can go back be that kid again if I find the right photos. But then I wouldn't really be moving forward, would I? So they'll remain memories in my head. Everything that happened between us will. Whenever I'm struggling I'll think of you and how you changed my life._

 _That's all for now. Take care,_

 _Love Max XX_


	9. Chapter 9: Victories (Part One)

**_A/N - Apologies for the long gap. A lot of things ended up being added/taken out/moved around in this chapter. I try to be at least somewhat regular with my updates but that might not always be possible. That being said, Part 2 will be up by the end of the week. Anyway, enjoy :)_**

* * *

 _Sunday, October 27th 2013_

 _Dear Chloe,_

 _I'm back in my dorm writing this to you before school again tomorrow. I spent the weekend with Joyce and David. After my second relapse on Friday it was nice to be with them. They went to the Halloween Bazaar in town and had a good time. Joyce asked if I wanted to go with them but I wasn't in the mood. Instead I spent most of the evening watching more tapes of us when we were kids. I think those tapes might have helped me more than I thought. I didn't have another shitty nightmare Friday or Saturday night._

 _Aside from that I spent the weekend being a rebel. Okay, not as rebellious as breaking into the school at night but still. Wells told me to forget about homework this weekend but I've been trying hard to get through algebra. With little progress._

 _I saw something you wrote on your wall I never noticed before. I'd rather have a life of "oh wells" than a life of "what ifs." I can definitely tell you lived by that, even if it didn't always lead to the best results. At least you took chances. Not like me._

 _I'm probably just being hard on myself again. I did stay in Arcadia when I could have gone back with Mom and Dad. And I have been trying to get back to a normal life when that seemed impossible to me just over a week ago. So screw negativity. I'm getting there. Slowly, but I'm getting there and that's what matters. I've still been messaging Kristen, so I am at least living by one of the biggest lessons I learned from you._

 _Anyway, I've got another school week ahead of me and still plenty of school work to wade through so it's goodbye for now._

 _Love Max xx_

* * *

 _Monday, October 28th 2013_

 _Dear Chloe,_

 _Not really much to talk about to today, other than Algebra sill sucks ass. Oh, and I got a bike. Some guy, Tyron, had it for sale at school. Only twenty bucks. I don't exactly get the most exercise so perhaps it will do me some good. Maybe I'll go full rebel and not wear a helmet. (Actually no, that sounds dangerous!) At least I'll be able to get around Arcadia Bay a little easier. Will be great for taking pictures. Whenever I can do that again…_

 _I still haven't tried to take a picture since Monday. Too afraid to set myself back again. Oh yeah, that fucking nightmare came back last night. I went to sleep a little stressed about getting through another week of school which maybe didn't help. I don't know what to do. Saying "Hey Joyce, mind if I take your tv, VCR and tapes for my dorm room?" seems a little out of the question. Did those tapes magically cure me of my nightmares all by themselves? No, probably not but they must have helped. Maybe I just need to make sure I'm in a good head space before I fall asleep to cut the chances of Jefferson making an appearance. I don't know, still early I guess._

 _For now I just have to keep going. I'll make it. Unless this algebra homework is the death of me._

 _Love Max xx_

* * *

 _Tuesday, October 29th 2013_

 _Dear Chloe,_

 _Sorry to still be on the same subject (no pun intended) but I may just drop Algebra at this rate. I'm staring at this same question for hours on end and I still can't get the right answer. I'm looking at all my working out and I just can't understand where I'm- You know what, this is probably as boring to hear about as it is to talk about._

 _In other news, Warren told me that he and Brooke are going to the Halloween party. On a date. I'm happy for them. Really. What? No, Chloe I'm not jealous. I guess I just didn't expect Warren to move on so soon. Not because I now want him or anything, just because I guess him liking me kinda made me feel...special. All it does is make me wonder about you, if I had met you again without all the chaos from "that week," would you have wanted us to be more than friends too? If I was really getting back to a normal life then I would be able to talk about this sort of stuff with friends. I kinda told my mom and dad and Kate too, but I guess I'm too scared to go into any details, even the ones I could talk about. Probably because I'd just rather not think about it and pretend you would have felt the same way about me._

 _Ugh, sorry. I'm not in the mood. I also had another nightmare last night and I'm sure another is coming tonight. I'm just going to get it over with._

 _Sorry for not being much fun tonight, Chloe. Hope you're okay._

 _Love Max xx_

* * *

RIIIIING!

I returned my art supplies to the sets they came from and grabbed my bag. As I looked at the small crowd of people exiting the classroom I spotted Daniel amongst them.

"Daniel, wait up!" He turned around and smiled. We stepped to the side and stood by the lockers in the hall.

"You're really improving your skills," he said. "I saw your drawing in class."

"Really? Just looked the same to me," I said.

"Not at all, you have better control of your shading. I could tell."

"Oh, thanks. So you been working on your costume for the Halloween party tomorrow?" I asked.

"Oh, er…" he stuttered. "Not really. I've been busy."

"Is that true?"

"...No. I'm sorry, Max. I want to go, I just can't."

"Why not?"

"I'm just worried what people-"

"Oh, come on, Daniel!" I snapped. He looked at me a little shocked. I paused.

"Sorry, I said. "I'm sorry…" I said before quickly walking down the corridor. I buried my face in my hands for a moment before hearing Daniel behind me.

"Max, please don't go. It's okay," I heard him say. I came to a stop in the middle of the corridor and turned to face him. A few people around us were watching but I didn't have the energy to care. Somehow, he had a smile on his face.

"I'm sorry, Daniel. I was out of line," I said.

"No, no it's okay. I understand, Max. It it makes you feel better I'm more frustrated at myself than you are."

"What? No, I'm not frustrated at you, Daniel. I swear. It's just my own stuff I'm dealing with. I didn't meant to take it out on you. I get it. Wanting to do something doesn't make all the other anxieties just magically disappear."

Daniel sighed and nodded. "I really do want to go, Max. I actually have done a lot of work on my costume recently. If nothing else I'd like to get it finished, even if no-one will see it," he said.

"What if I went with you?" I asked.

"What?"

 _Yeah, Max. What?_

"What if I went with you to the party? I don't exactly have a costume but I can throw something together. Probably. At least you won't be on your own. And if anyone says something about your costume then I'll…I'll…well, you won't be alone," I said. Daniel's face wore a beaming smile.

"Max, thank you. That would be amazing. I'll go finish my costume right now. I still have some work to do but if I hurry I can get it ready for tomorrow. Thanks again," he waved and dashed down the hallway. Like a kid who was on his way to an ice cream factory. I laughed and waved goodbye. I went over to my locker to put away a couple of books. As I did so I thought about whether I should really be wasting an evening at a party.

 _I mean…I did try to work through the weekend even though Wells said I didn't have to. I didn't go to the bazaar with Joyce and David even though it probably would have been fun. Fuck it. I can have one night off. It's the least I deserve._

So I had absolved myself of any guilt, but that still didn't solve the costume problem. I didn't need anything amazing, not even a full costume. Just something. I looked over at the picture of Chloe and I on the inside of my locker door. I smiled at us in our pirate gear.

 _Wait. I have Chloe's eye patch. I also have that shirt I bought from the store, the one with the skull and bones on it. And…pants. Okay, like I said, definitely not a full costume but it's something._

I shut my locker and headed back to the dormitories.

* * *

As the dorm building came into view I saw a couple of people sat on the bench. I realised it was Dana and Logan. I stayed back and watched them for a moment as I heard their conversation.

"I just need a other chance," Logan said. "I can prove I've changed."

"It's too late," I heard Dana reply.

I stayed back and kept watch.

"Trevor's a loser," Logan said.

"If you're just going to throw insults around then this conversation is over," Dana said as she stood up. Logan grabbed her arm.

"No, please-"

"Let go of me!" Dana yelled.

"Hey!" I shouted causing both of them to turn around. "Get off her, Logan. Now."

"Stay out of this, Max," Logan said.

"I think you need to go now," I said as I approached them. Logan looked at Dana.

"Please just go," she said.

"Fuck this," he said as he stormed past me and towards the school. Once he was gone I turned to Dana.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she said. "Shit, Max. I should hire you as a personal bodyguard." I just laughed.

"It was the least I could do for you."

Dana looked past me at in Logan's direction.

"I was down for maybe staying friends but if he keeps this shit up then I won't hesitate to cut him out completely. I don't need more assholes to deal with," she said.

"You wouldn't be talking about Victoria, would you? What's she done to you now?"

"She's still keeping up her 'nice' act," Dana said.

"It's not an act, Dana. At least I don't think it is."

Dana sighed. "I know you don't, Max. Hell, even Kate seems to think the same, even if Victoria is still avoiding her at every opportunity."

"I'm not expecting you and Victoria to be BFFs, Dana. But it would be nice, for all of us, if we didn't have a civil war going on in the girl's dorm," I said. "Hopefully this'll sweeten the deal for you. It looks like I'm coming to the Halloween party tomorrow," I said. Dana's eyes lit up.

"That absolutely sweetens the deal, Max!"

"Just don't expect much in the way of a costume…" Dana waved away my concern.

"Oh I don't care what you wear, Max. Even if I am one of the judges of the contest. I'm just glad you're coming."

"You can expect Daniel to make up for it though. I'm going with him."

"Oh yeah?" Dana said raising her eyebrows.

"What?" I stared at Dana until it hit me where her mind had gone. "Oh, no Dana. It's not a date."

"Okay," Dana said. As she winked.

"Dana, I'm serious. We're just friends."

"Gotcha." Dana said. As she winked. Twice. I just rolled my eyes.

"I give up," I said. Dana laughed and put her arm around me as we walked towards the dorm building.

* * *

I said goodbye to Dana as she entered her room. I dumped my bag in the hall and went into the bathroom. I saw Juliet washing her hands.

"Hey, Max," she said.

"Hey, Juliet," I walked towards one of the bathroom stalls before stopping.

"Can I ask you something?" I said as I turned to face her. She turned around and grabbed a paper towel to dry her hands.

"Sure, what's up?"

"It's about, Dana. You're her best friend so you'll probably know better than anyone."

"Okay…" Juliet said as she tossed away the paper towel.

"I just don't understand why she's still butting horns with Victoria. She told me it wasn't her style but she just won't drop her animosity. I mean don't get me wrong, I know Victoria has done some bad things in the past, but not to Dana. Has she talked to you about it at all?"

"Yeah."

"And?"

"I don't know why you're worrying about Victoria, Max. She can handle herself just fine."

"I'm worried about her and Dana. I know Victoria acts tough but comes from a lack of confidence, not from having too much," I said.

"Max, I get it. But it's not hard to see why having sympathy for Victoria is a difficult task. How she bullied Kate, you…she almost ruined my relationship with Zachary," she said.

"What? Oh, God. I totally forgot about that, Juliet. Sorry, I just…"

"Had other things going on? I know, Max. You don't need to be sorry."

"I've seen you and Zachary around. You still together then?"

"Yeah. I almost dumped his ass over the whole Victoria thing. Then everything else happened. I was so freaked out I just needed someone close to me. So I forgave Zachary for his stupid mistakes. I even gave Victoria a pass too. Guess I realised there are bigger things in life than high school drama," she explained.

"That's mature of you, Juliet," I said. She smiled.

"I'm not a total pushover. Zachary makes another 'mistake' like that again, he's out for good." I chuckled.

"That's fair. You deserve to be happy."

"Thanks, Max. Appreciate it."

"So what about Dana? What's up with her? Why can't she stop being angry at Victoria?"

"She's not really angry at Victoria, Max. Well, okay she is. But she's more angry at herself."

"Why, she still feels guilty about Kate?" I asked. Juliet nodded. "I talked to her about that," I said. "I thought she was dealing with that. I get she feels bad, but she can't take that out on other people. Otherwise she's just like-"

"Victoria?" Juliet said. We both laughed a little.

"Seems like they have more in common than they realise," I said.

"Don't tell them that, Max. They might slap you."

"I mean if it gives them something to bond over?" We both laughed.

"I'd better get going. Got some homework I need to finish," Juliet said.

"Yeah, I know the feeling. Thanks for talking with me, Juliet."

"Any time, Max. I'll see you later."

* * *

 _Wednesday, 30th of October 2013_

 _Dear Chloe,_

 _So I've decided I'm going to the Halloween party tomorrow. Or should I say Hella-ween? Sorry, couldn't resist. I've been pretty down on it since Dana mentioned it a couple of weeks ago. Given all the homework I still have, including algebra of course, I really thought I couldn't afford a night off. Then I talked to Daniel, who I've been trying to strong arm into going to the party. Partly because I know he really does want to go, but mostly because I feel guilty for undoing the confidence I gave him during "that week." So being the idiot I said we could go together. What? No, not like a date, Chloe. Just as friends. At least I'm channelling my guilt into something good, which is more than I can say for Dana…_

 _Maybe I just wanted a fucking break from all the shit I'm still trying to deal with. I still can't take pictures. I still can't go in that bathroom. I still can't go up to the light house. I still can't solve this fucking algebra problem I'm stuck on. I thought about what you would say to me right now. If I had to guess it would be something like "Dude, fuck your homework. Fuck your teachers and go show those Blackwell posers you can rock." Actually, you'd probably see me as more than a lost cause and tell me not to give up. Well, I am, but just for one night. Like I said, I'm pretty sure I've earned a break. And anyway, I've promised Daniel now so I can't let him down. Maybe I should be going dressed as Super Max?_

 _Speaking of costumes, once I got past my resistance to actually going I realised I still needed one. I know Juliet and Dana had said it wasn't compulsory but I felt like I needed to at least make some sort of effort. I looked at the picture of us in my locker. We were in our pirate gear. The last time we wore stuff like that was the day William died. When I wasn't strong enough to tell you I was moving away. I'll never forgive myself for leaving things how they were, Chloe. For letting a fucking message on a tape be the goodbye you received. I know I got the chance to say goodbye to you properly. To kiss you even, but you'll never know that. Or maybe you do. I hope._

 _Your mom has told me over and over I can't keep beating myself up over the past. I'm trying my best not to but it still can't help but come up. I hate having my last memory of our pirate adventures be associated with such a tragic day. So I'm going to that party tomorrow in my skull and bones shirt and your eye patch - oh yeah I kinda took it from your room and hope that's okay! - and I'm going to try and forget all the shit I've been through and am still going through. Who knows, maybe it won't achieve anything but I'd rather have a life of "oh wells" than a life of "what ifs."_

 _Tomorrow, for one night only, Long Max Silver will sail again with Captain Bluebeard there in spirit. Yarrrr!_

 _Love Max xx_

* * *

RIIIIIIING!

Kate and I packed away our stuff.

"I guess I'll see you later, Kate. I need to go and get ready. Sure you're not going?" I asked.

"I'd rather stay away from parties for now. After…"

"Crap, sorry. I didn't think."

"It's okay, Max," she said with a smile. "I'm just not ready quite yet. But I will be. Being away from Jeff- from the photography classroom has really helped me. I think I may be ready to go back sooner than I expected at the rate things are going."

"Oh, great," I said trying to sound enthusiastic.

"I'll see anyway. Have fun at the party. I'll still be there for movie night afterwards," she promised.

"Deal. I'll see you later," I said as I gave Kate a quick hug goodbye.

"Oh and I hope things go okay with you and Daniel," she said.

"What do you mean?"

"Oh, sorry. It's just Dana told me you were going with Daniel on a date to the party."

I rolled my eyes heavily.

"Of course she did. We're just going as friends. Anything Dana tells you regarding my love life should be taken with a huge grain of salt," I said. Kate laughed.

* * *

I looked in the mirror and checked myself out. I was wearing my "costume." Black pants and red shirt with a black skull and white bones on it.

I got out my phone and texted Daniel.

 **"Meet you by the Blackwell Statue at 5.30. I'm literally wearing a shirt and eye patch so I hope your costume is cool enough for the both us! Maxoxo"**

I still had about 30 minutes. I went over to my desk and got out my algebra text book and paper. I opened to the first question and stared at it again.

 _Fuck it._

I slammed the book shut.

 _Stella is going to be in the money it seems…_

Then I heard a knock at the door. I answered to find Courtney stood there.

"Oh. Hey, Courtney."

"Hey, Max." She looked me up and down.

"Yeah, this is my costume," I chuckled. "You going to the party too?"

"No, I don't want to cause trouble."

"What do you mean?

"I know Dana doesn't want Victoria, Taylor or I there and I understand why so…"

"What makes you think that?"

"I over heard her saying that."

"Oh."

"I also heard her say you were going. I just wanted to let you know if you wanted your face painting at all I could do that for you. I have stuff in my room that I have for such occasions," she explained. "One condition, I get to pick something that suits you," she said mischievously.

I laughed. "Oh, God. Okay, not like I have much of a costume right now anyway. Sounds great."

* * *

I sat crossed legged on the floor in Courtney's room. It was extremely organised and tidy. There were posters on her wall of fashion models and a chest of drawers which a guessed had her clothes. She'd grabbed some materials and spread them on the floor. She dipped a small brush in a pot and started applying it to my face. I was a little nervous about just what she had planned but it was too late to back out now.

"So how have you been? I haven't really seen you recently," Courtney said.

"I've been okay. With some low moments sprinkled in for good measure," I said. Courtney's brush hovered for a moment before she lowered it.

"Sorry, didn't mean to kill the mood," I said.

"No, it's not that," she said with a sigh. "I'm sorry, Max."

"For what?" I asked.

"For how Victoria and Taylor treated you. And how I treated you," she said. I just sat there, unsure what to say to something I had totally not expected.

"I'm not trying to make excuses for myself, but I didn't have friends at my last high school. When I moved here I wanted it to change. I realised Victoria was the most popular girl so I vowed to get in with her. You seemed so sweet and cool but Victoria disliked you. So I had to as well. Or, at least I felt like I had to. After everything that happened recently. With what Kate went through I feel like such a bitch for not standing up to Victoria. I'm sorry, Max," Courtney said.

"I get it, Courtney. I know what it's like to not exactly be the social queen. But if you're having to compromise who you are, then it's not worth it."

Courtney nodded. "I know. It's not like I even talk to Victoria any more," she said.

"Why not?"

"She would ask me to do her homework for her sometimes. Only sometimes. With everything that happened recently I've barely been able to do my own. Victoria got mad when I told her I didn't think I could do it for her and she got mad and stopped speaking to me," she explained.

I sighed. "Of course she'd do that. It's her loss, Courtney."

"Thanks, Max. Taylor still hangs out with me sometimes so it's not like I'm totally friendless."

"You've got me too, Courtney," I said.

"Seriously, Max. You're gonna forgive me just like that?"

"I don't have the energy to hate you Courtney. We all have our own struggles and we don't always deal with them in the best way, myself included, but we have a better chance if we're not at each other's throats," I said. "And besides, you're in charge of my face paint right now. So I wouldn't want to piss you off."

Courtney laughed.

"You'll only get my best, promise." Courtney readied her brush again.

* * *

"Okay, open your eyes."

I slowly opened my eyes, a little scared of what I was going to see.

"Oh, Max don't be so dramatic," she laughed.

"Funny, Dana said the exact same thing," I remembered. I relented and opened my eyes to see my reflection in a mirror Courtney was holding. I gasped at the result. A black layer covered with white outlines to resemble a skull.

"So, what do you think?" Courtney asked nervously.

"It's awesome, Courtney," I said as I examined my face even closer. Black lines over the white to make the teeth, two sunken black circles to make the eye sockets and two thick black triangles to make…er, the part where my nose would be.

"Really?" She asked.

"Yes, you just made my costume ten times better."

"Thanks, Max," Courtney said as she blushed. "And, should be obvious, but it'll come right off with some scrubbing."

"Good to know. Thanks again, I'd better get going to meet up with Daniel. Thanks again, Courtney."

"No problem, Max."

I got up and headed for the door. As I grabbed the handle I turned back to Courtney.

"Have you talked to Kate at all recently?" I asked. Courtney just gave me a look which gave me the answer.

"She's not going to the party either. She might be in her room. Just a thought," I said. Courtney nodded. I gave her one last smile as I left.

* * *

A little later and it was time to go meet Daniel. As I stepped outside in my shirt, eye patch and face paint, I saw the sun casting its light down on the dorm grounds.

 _If I had my camera that would make a great shot. Like I could even take it._

I sighed and looked over to see Samuel sat down on a bench feeding the squirrels. I decided to go over to him.

"Hey, Samuel," I said as I reached him.

"Hello, young Max," he said. "You look like you're ready for an adventure."

"It's an adventure of sorts I guess. Never normally go to parties but taking the plunge tonight."

"Samuel doesn't get invited to parties. But Samuel doesn't mind. Too loud. Not quiet like it is when you just sit with nature," he said. I smiled as Samuel fed another squirrel.

"How have you been doing, young Max?" He asked.

"Up and down. Should probably be working instead of going to this party."

"We all need time to ourselves. Many animals collect food throughout winter so they can hibernate. They rest and emerge ready for the rest of the year."

"Like squirrels?"

Samuel shook his head.

"Squirrels don't hibernate, but they do sleep a lot throughout the year."

"Well even they still have to get things done. But point taken, I've been thinking tonight could be what I need."

"Does that mask make you feel more secure?" Samuel asked suddenly.

"Er..."

"They usually do. It's why people so often wear them. I can always see past them," he said.

"What about you, Samuel? Do you ever wear a mask?"

"Samuel is always secure, so there is never the need," he said. I chuckled.

"I can believe you. I'll see you tomorrow Samuel, unless you drop by the party." I waved goodbye and walked away.

* * *

I approached the Blackwell Statue and saw Daniel still wasn't in sight. I sat down on the edge of the fountain and looked down at my reflection in the water. I looked at the make up again and could still barely recognise myself. Not just physically. I was here going to a party. Something I swore I would try to do more when I came to Blackwell before I fell into my same old habits.

 _But I'm here now. In spite of everything, or maybe because of it. I'm here. And I-_

"BOO!"

I whipped my head around and saw a figure looming over me. I screamed and jerked backwards. Before I slipped into the fountain the figure grabbed my hand and pulled me up on my feet.

"Max, I am so sorry," Daniel said. "I didn't mean to scare you. Well, I did, but not that much."

"You'd better be sorry," I laughed. "I almost went for a pre-party swim." As I stopped to look at Daniel better my mouth hit the floor. If he hadn't have talked I wouldn't have know it was him. A black cape, suit with a red waistcoat and black bow tie. His face was completely white with "blood" trickling from the corners of his mouth. His hair was also slicked back.

"Daniel, you look amazing."

He spread his cape.

"I am Count Dan-cula!" He announced in a transylvanian accent. Not a good one. Something my face clearly gave away. Daniel dropped his arms.

"Do you think the accent is a little much?" He said in his normal voice. I laughed.

"Maybe just a little," I said.

"I did practice but obviously not enough."

"Dude, accent or not you look incredible."

"Really? I mean, you do too."

I batted away his compliment. "I just put on a shirt and eye patch." I gestured to my face paint. "Courtney took care of this. You on the other hand, did you put all this together yourself?"

"Yes. The make up was simple enough. I had to do some sewing to get the cape and waistcoat to look better."

"You can sew?" I asked.

Daniel nodded. "My mother taught me when I was young. She said it was important for a boy to repair and fix his own clothes."

"Well clearly it all paid off."

"I'm glad I look okay. Only I did look in the mirror earlier and couldn't see myself so…"

"What? Oh," I laughed.

"Thank you, Max. Not just for the compliment. Thank you for convincing me to do this. I must admit, I'm still a little nervous about what everyone else will say."

"It doesn't matter if they love it, hate. Just be proud of your costume. No matter what," I said.

Daniel smiled.

"Oh, I almost forgot," he said reaching into his pocket. He took out a small piece of black cloth. "I guessed you were coming as a pirate based on your text and I had a bit of spare material so..." He stepped behind me and wrapped it around the top of my head. He tied it at the back and stepped away. I looked down at my reflection in the fountain and saw Daniel had created a makeshift bandanna for me. I smiled at my reflection then at him.

"Thanks, Daniel. That's really sweet." Daniel held out his arm.

"M'lady," he said with his Transylvanian accent again. I laughed and linked my arm around his as we walked on our way to the gym.

* * *

Daniel and I stepped in to the gym. It still had to be used for P.E. so the decorations were more minimal than I'm sure Dana would have liked. Even so, you couldn't miss the huge "BLACK HELL-O-WEEN!" banners around the room along with other stuff that had been put up last minute. The music was playing and there was already a sizeable crowd of people mingling and dancing. There were a few teachers around the edge of the room, presumably to make sure things didn't turn into _Project X._ Regardless, the party was in full swing.

"Max!"

I turned to see Dana heading towards Daniel and I. She was dressed as a zombie with some cool make up on her face and torn clothes. She gave me a quick hug.

"You made it!" She said, raising her voice over the music.

"I said I would, didn't?" I replied. Dana looked over at Daniel.

"Dude, you are looking awesome!"

"R-Really?" he asked. Dana looked over her shoulder and called out.

"Guys! Come check out our party protégés!" Three people appeared near Dana. I recognised Trevor also dressed as a zombie, Juliet dressed as a devil and someone dressed as werewolf complete with mask.

"May I present to you Captain Caulfield and Count DeCosta!" Dana announced to them.

"Looking good, guys," Juliet said.

"Very scary," Trevor added. I looked at the werewolf and took an educated guess.

"Zachary?" I asked. The werewolf removed his mask and proved me right.

"Got it in one," Zachary said.

"Juliet and I are judging the costumes. Not playing favourites just yet but Daniel, you're an early contender," Dana told him with a wink.

"Th-thanks," Daniel said with even more amazement. "Do you want to get a drink, Max?"

"Sounds good. Catch you later guys!" I said to everyone as Daniel and I started to make our way through the crowd. I felt a hand on my shoulder which made me turn around to see Trevor.

"Max, Dana told me she spoke to you about…her secret. I just wanted to say thanks for being there for her!"

"That's sweet, Trevor. But if I had known how you would have reacted I would have advised against her telling you!"

"I acted like a punk, Max. That's on me. I'm not proud of what I did. Logan and I don't have to be pals but we can't be fighting. Dana told me about what Logan said yesterday too. I almost saw red again but I know Dana can handle herself. If she needs me, then I'm there."

"Good. I'm glad she has you, Trevor."

"I'm glad she has you, Max. Catch you, later!" Trevor said as he returned to Dana, Juliet and Zachary.

I made my way through the crowd to find Daniel. I found him talking with Stella and Alyssa, who were running the drinks table in their normal clothes.

"Hey, guys!" I said as I reached them.

"Hey, Max!" Stella said.

"You look great!" Alyssa added.

"Thanks, Daniel's putting me to shame though."

"We were just talking about that. Never got to see you like this before. I'm glad we are though," Stella said.

"So, er about those drinks?" Daniel said to change the subject. Stella laughed.

"No alcohol, Wells wouldn't allow it. Pretty much every soft drink you can think of though," Alyssa said.

"Water's good for me," I said.

"I'll take grape soda," said Daniel.

"Coming right up," Alyssa said as she poured them out.

"I asked Kate if she wanted to be here with us but she wasn't up to it," Stella said as she handed Daniel and I our drinks.

"I spoke to her earlier, I don't think parties are good for her right now given what happened…" I said.

"We thought as much," Alyssa said. "She's still coming to the movie night though so we'll make sure she has a good time."

"It's cool you're there for her during the study hall, sessions, Max. Alyssa and I thought about asking if she wanted us there too. Guess we just weren't sure and kinda froze," Stella said.

"I understand, Stella. I know it can be hard to know what to do for people at times like this. You're still there for her. Both you, so don't worry about a thing."

"Thanks, Max," Stella and Alyssa both said.

* * *

I spent a while talking to Alyssa and Stella before going back to Dana and Juliet. Daniel was getting a lot of attention for his costume. Mostly from people who he said never spoke to him before.

As Dana tried to convince me to dance for about the hundreth time, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I tuned around to see two people. One was dressed as a mad scientist, I presumed Doctor Frankenstein, complete with lab coat and grey wig. The other was Frankenstein's monster. I spotted the familiar glasses the doctor was wearing, they belonged to Brooke. So I deduced the monster was…

"Warren! You guys look awesome!" I said.

"Hey, Max" he replied.

"Hey, Brooke," I said.

"Hi, Max. You do that face paint yourself?" she asked.

"I wish. Courtney did mine for me. Daniel's on the other hand is all him. Just wait until you see him."

"We did. He was getting mobbed by groupies," Warren said. "Want a drink, Brooke?"

"Yeah, just a coke. Thanks," she replied. Warren put out his arms and walked backwards.

"That's a zombie's move, brainiac," Dana said.

"Oh, yeah," Warren said as we all laughed. After he disappeared into the crowd Dana turned to Brooke.

"So, you and Warren, huh?" She said.

Er, yeah. Warren and I." Brooke said. "Max, can I talk to you alone just for a minute?"

"Er, sure," I said. As Brooke made her way to the side of the gym I quickly looked at Dana, who just raised her eyebrows and gave a quick shrug. I met up with Brooke away from everyone else.

"So what's up?" I asked.

"I just wanted to…I wanted to say…" she trailed off. "Look, I've liked Warren for a while."

"Right…" I said not knowing where this was going.

"I knew he had feelings for you and that might have…okay, it definitely affected how I talked to you sometimes. I don't know if you noticed."

"Er…yeah, a little bit," I said.

Brooke nodded. "I'm sorry I let my jealousy get the better of me. Regardless of what's happened with Warren I shouldn't have been a bitch to you."

"You weren't a bitch, Brooke. Sure, you got jealous but hey, we all do sometimes. And anyway, things have worked out. Warren's still my friend and you two seem perfect for one another."

"So, we're cool?"

"Yes, Brooke. We're cool."

"Okay, thanks for understanding, Max. And er…thanks for telling Warren."

"It wasn't easy, but I knew it was the right thing to do," I said.

Brooke nodded again. "It was pretty scary asking Warren to this party but I'm glad I did. I was worried he might not be ready so soon after you be he seemed okay. Er, no offense."

I just laughed. "None taken, Brooke. Now come on, let's get back to the party." I said tipping my head back to the crowd.

"Sure, we both have a date to get back to after all," she said.

"Oh, no Daniel's not my date," I said.

"Really? It's just I heard Dana say-"

"Whatever you heard is just Dana's fantasy," I said rolling my eyes. "How do you stop a zombie again?"

"By removing the head or destroying the brain, Max."

We both laughed as we made our way back through the crowd.


	10. Chapter 10: Victories (Part Two)

The evening passed by in a bit of a blur. During the night different members of school staff took turns watching over the party. There was never any sign of Samuel, but Principal Wells did turn up at around 8.30. He seemed satisfied we hadn't torn down the gym. Besides all that, I took part in some contests that were set up, spent some time hanging out with Daniel, Warren and Brooke. Dana would occasionally show up and try to get me to dance. I'd also sometimes see Dana and Trevor making out and feel a pang of jealousy. As the night went on I decided to say hi to Justin, who had been the party DJ, providing the music by connecting his laptop to the speakers.

"Yo, Justin," I said.

"What up, Max?" He said pressing a button on his laptop. "What do you think of the tunes?"

"Not really my style."

"Oh yeah, want me to see if I'm packing some of your favourites?"

"I think my taste is a little too sophisticated for you."

"Ouch, Max. You unleashing your inner pirate on me?" He asked.

I laughed. "I'm sure you can take it. You not big on costumes?" I said about his casual appearance.

"Only here because Dana asked me to DJ. Couldn't say no to her. She's too hot."

"Easy, Romeo. I think Trevor beat you to it."

"Yeah, better dude won. Still sucks though," he said.

"You're a sweet guy, Justin. You'll find someone."

"Hey, if Daniel can then I guess I can!"

"Oh my God. Let me guess, Dana mentioned something about Daniel and I being on a date?"

"That's right."

I rolled my eyes hard. "Of course she did."

Justin looked past me and signalled to someone. "Looks like she's about to announce the costume contest winners," he said. "If a cat fight happens between you and Dana, promise you'll bring it this way?"

"In your dreams. Catch you later, Justin!"

"Later, Max!"

Justin brought the music down as I saw Dana and Juliet stood by a table set up at the side of the gym. The table contained the prizes for the winners. Everyone gathered around and whooped as Dana held a microphone between her and Juliet.

"Okay everyone, we're getting close to the end of the party and it's time for Juliet and I to announce the winners of the costume contest," said Dana. "Before we do though, we want to give a special shout out to the person who gave this party the go ahead and let us all have a night of fun and, controlled, chaos. Let's hear it for Principal Wells!"

Everyone applauded and cheered as Principal Wells sheepishly stood at the side of the room. He tried to wave away the attention but people just clapped louder. His face a little red, he gestured for Dana and Juliet to continue.

"Now, onto the winners," Juliet said grabbing a box of Twinkies off the table. "In third place and the winner of this delicious box of Twinkies is...Tara Sannerton!"

Everyone applauded as Tara, dressed in a pretty cool witch outfit complete with fake black cat, collected her prize and returned to the crowd. Dana grabbed a big bag of various candy off the table next.

"And in second place, we actually have two winners!" Dana said. "They compliment each other perfectly so we couldn't possibly pick. So in second place and the joint winners of this mega bag of candy…Warren Graham and Brooke Scott!"

I looked over to see Warren cheer and Brooke frozen in place. Warren took Brooke's hand and led her to the front of the crowd. He took the bag from Dana and held it in the air as people applauded. Warren and Brooke returned to Daniel and I.

"Great job guys!" I called out over the clapping.

"Thanks!" Warren replied. Brooke still looked in shock. Dana grabbed an envelope off the table.

"And the winner..." Juliet said. "...of the costume contest and proud receiver of this fifty dollar gift certificate for Target is…"

Justin hit a button on his laptop to make a drum roll, everyone laughed. As it reached it's crescendo, Dana and Juliet both said the name…

"...Daniel Decosta!"

My mouth fell open as I turned to Daniel and clapped like a maniac. Daniel seemed to look even whiter than he did before. I gave him a gentle shove and he stepped through the crowd of people and made it to the front. Dana gave him a quick hug as a still stunned Daniel turned to look at the rest of the crowd. Everyone continued applauding as he looked around in amazement.

"Congratulations to Daniel and the rest of our winners!" Dana said. "We've got about a half hour before we get kicked out so Justin, crank up the music and everyone unleash your inner party animal!" She shouted into the microphone. Everyone cheered again as people separated out. I made my way over to Daniel, who still hadn't moved from the spot.

"Way to go, Daniel!" I said.

"I can't believe it," he said.

"Believe it, you earned it," Juliet said.

"Thank you," said Daniel. "And thank you, Max. For making me come here tonight."

"It was still your choice. And your costume. It was all you, Daniel," I said.

He smiled at me. Trevor approached us.

"Nice work, dude," he said to Daniel as he gave him a high five. Dana turned to Daniel and I.

"Justin's about to put on some rave music, I want to see you two cut loose and dance, okay? Last chance of the night."

Daniel and I looked at eachother.

"I can't really dance," I said.

"Nor can I," Daniel added.

Dana laughed. "Can you move your body while music's playing?" She asked.

"Yeah," we both said.

"Then you can dance!"

"Yeah, but not well…" I said. Dana laughed again.

"I don't care if you dance well, and nor should you. Trust me, I wouldn't be with Trevor if I thought otherwise."

"Hey!" Trevor said as he pulled Dana in and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"Just have fun, okay?" Dana said. Daniel and I both nodded reluctantly. I looked over at Justin at the DJ table. He pressed a button on his laptop. A song started playing even louder than before. I winced as the sound hit my ears and I could practically feel the room vibrating. Dana, Trevor and Juliet immediately started dancing. I stood still for a moment as I realised I'd heard this song somewhere before.

"Max!" Dana shouted over the music. "Rock out, girl!"

 _"Rock out, girl!"_

That's what Chloe had said to me as she danced on her bed. To this song. I remembered thinking she looked so cool and loving how she didn't give a shit about anything in that moment, except raving. I looked at Trevor and saw him dancing like a total goof ball. A goof ball with a huge smile on his face. As the memories of Chloe came flooding through my mind I felt that melancholy threatening to overwhelm me. I thought about my costume and how it reminded me of when we were kids. Those days were long gone. But right now, in this moment…

 _Fuck it._

I shut my eyes and threw my arms up in the air. I just danced like I was the only one in the room.

"Woo! Go, Max!" Dana called out. I opened my eyes and laughed. I looked over at Daniel to see even he was rocking out a little. I shut my eyes again and just continued to dance.

* * *

A half hour of raving later and I was exhausted. Everyone left the gym, with Wells saying the decorations would be taken down tomorrow. Everyone headed back to the dormitories but I needed a minute to chill out. As Daniel and I reached the Blackwell statue I turned to him.

"Mind if we sit down?" I asked Daniel.

"Sure," he said. We sat down on the edge of the fountain together. The crowd of people carried on, leaving Daniel and I alone.

"I don't think I've danced as I hard as I did in there," I said.

"I don't think I've ever danced at all," Daniel replied.

I laughed. "Guess tonight had a few firsts for both of us," I said.

"Yeah…"

I looked at Daniel to see him with a nervous expression.

"You okay?" I asked. After a brief pause, he started leaning towards me. My eyes widened as his eyes closed and his face got closer to mine. Everything went into bullet time.

"Whoa…" I said as I pulled back a little. Daniel opened his eyes and pulled back too. His mouth hung open slightly as we both sat there awkwardly. Daniel finally broke the silence.

"Sorry…" He stood up and looked down at me. "I'm sorry…" he said as he walked away quickly. I just stayed sat at the statue in a slightly dazed state. I snapped myself out of it and saw Daniel getting further and further away. I got up and chased after him.

"Daniel, wait," I said as I caught up to him by the trees. He came to a stop as I stood behind him.

"It's okay," I said.

He turned around. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to ruin the night," he said.

"What? No, you haven't ruined anything, Daniel. I was just…a little surprised."

Daniel raised a slight smile. "I think I surprised myself," he said. "What I did...tried to do back there. I've never done that before."

"Well, I mean I'm honoured I was the first, really. I'm just sorry it didn't go the way you wanted."

"Please don't be sorry, Max. I'm not mad. Its just…you've helped me so much in the past couple of weeks. I know we don't talk a lot but when we do, you really make me think I can do anything. You give me confidence, Max. It's probably why I even felt confident enough to try and kiss you. So...sorry," he said. I just smiled at him and stepped a little closer.

"You shouldn't be sorry either, Daniel. There's nothing wrong with confidence. Even if I didn't reciprocate, what happened back there was a victory for you. It takes guts to put yourself and your feelings out there like that. You won't lose that confidence just because things didn't work out this time. Promise?"

Daniel nodded.

"I will try, Max. Likewise, please never forget how big of a difference your kindness makes to me."

"I won't. Do you er…want a hug?"

"Only if you want to," he said. I chuckled as we both stepped forward and hugged. As we separated I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Happy Halloween, Daniel," I said. I could see the redness in his cheeks through the face paint.

"Happy Halloween, Max," he replied.

* * *

I stepped into the girl's dorm and saw Dana's door was open. I looked in to see her sat on her bed, looking in a small mirror while removing her zombie make up with a cloth. She turned to see me.

"Hey, Max!" She said putting down the cloth.

"Hey, Dana."

"Didn't I say you'd have a good time at the party?"

"You did. And I did."

"It's not your last one. I'll make sure of that," she said with a wink. I laughed.

"I bet you won't," I replied.

"I took a tonne of pics with my phone. They're already on Facebook if you want to have a look," she said pointing to her laptop. I went over to see Dana wasn't kidding. There were over a hundred pictures just from tonight. I clicked through them and smiled as I saw one with just about everyone; I saw one Dana took of Daniel with his cape spread out and me making a "hook" with my finger; one of Warren with Brooke screwing in his bolts; one I took of Dana kissing Trevor on the cheek while he pulled a goofy expression; one of Zachary carrying Juliet in his arms; one of-

 _Wait, what the fuck?_

I clicked back to the photo of Dana and Trevor. I stared at it with my mouth open. I remembered. Dana passed me her phone in the middle of our rave and posed with Trevor. I took a picture of them.

 _I took a picture._

"Max, you okay?" I heard Dana say. I covered my mouth as tears formed in my eyes. I heard Dana get off her bed. "What's wrong?" she asked. I wiped my eyes, looked up at Dana and smiled.

"Nothing's wrong. I just think I realised that…going to the party was the best decision I've made since Chloe died." Dana seemed a little shocked. "So thanks for inviting me, Dana," I added.

"Hey, I-I'm glad it's helped you," she said.

"More than you know. Trust me." Dana smiled at me before narrowing her eyes. Like she was studying me. "What?" I said nervously. A sly smile crossed her face. "Dana, what is it?"

"What's that on your lips?"

"Huh?"

"Looks like white paint. Kinda like Daniel had on his face..." Dana said raising her eyebrows to an absurd height. I felt my cheeks go red.

"No, Dana it's- it's not what you think," I said.

"Your stuttering betrays you, Max," Dana said, grinning. I went over and closed the door before turning back to Dana.

"I just gave him a kiss on the cheek, okay? Daniel…Daniel tried to kiss me but I turned him down," I explained.

"He tried to kiss you? Wow, didn't have him down as being that sort of guy," Dana said.

"Neither did I. And neither did he actually. But it happened and I wasn't feeling it. He was okay with it. At least he seemed to be."

"He seems a sweet guy, I'm sure he's okay. Why'd you turn him down, if you don't mind me asking?" Dana said.

"He is really sweet and he has such a good heart I just…" I shrugged. "I don't know."

"Between Warren and Daniel you're leaving a trail of broken hearts in your wake, Max," she said with a smile. "You sure you're not into girls?" she said jokingly. I hesitated a little too long, which caused Dana's smile to fade.

"Wait, are you…shit, sorry. You know it's cool if you are. I shouldn't have-"

I decided to put a flustered Dana out of her misery.

"I'm definitely into guys too, Dana. But…I did kiss a girl once. She was my first kiss actually," I said.

"Really?"

"Yeah, it was…it was…this stays between us."

"Sure."

"I don't mean me being bi, that's just whatever. But the person I kissed is between us, okay?"

"Totally, Max. After you never told a single person about me being pregnant, you seriously think I wouldn't do the same?" She said with a smile.

"It was…Chloe," I said. Dana's eyes widened. "Yeah. Chloe Price."

"Shit, Max."

I wandered over and sat down on Dana's bed. Dana sat down right next to me but I stared at the floor as I spoke.

"It was...when we were kids. She was encouraging me to try on some clothes I would never have worn in a million years. She told me I could afford to take more chances. Then out of nowhere, she dares me to kiss her. She double dares me and the next thing I know I find myself moving towards her. I kiss her right on the lips and she backs away. I don't think she expected me to actually do it. The weird thing was…that it actually didn't feel weird. It's only recently I've realised I had feelings for her. I think maybe I did even before I kissed her." I let out a sigh before looking at Dana. I was shocked to see her hastily wipe away tears from her eyes, smudging her zombie makeup in the process.

"Fuck, Max. That's brutal. I'm so sorry for how things turned out," she said.

I smiled softly. "Don't be, it's not your fault."

"Do you think she felt the same?" She asked. I just sighed again.

"I don't know. Never got the chance to ask her."

A small sob escaped Dana's mouth.

"Shit, do you need a hug or something?" She asked.

I laughed a little. "Not as much as you from the looks of things."

Dana laughed. "Shut up," she said as wrapped her arms around me.

"You're doing great, Max. I'm really proud of you for pushing through. You know I'm here for you, right?"

"That's sweet of you, Dana. And I now you are," I said as she let got of me.

"I need to go have a quick shower, then is movie night still on?" I asked.

"You bet it is. We'll be waiting for you, Max," Dana said as I got up.

I left Dana's room and walked down the hall on the way to my own. As I reached Kate's room I saw her door ajar. I peered in to see Kate sat on her chair at her desk, facing away from it. I pushed the door open.

"Hey, Kate," I said. I suddenly stopped when I saw she had company. Courtney and Taylor were sat on Kate's couch.

"Oh, sorry. I didn't…everything okay?" I asked Kate.

"Everything's great, Max," she said. Looking over at Courtney and Taylor.

"How was the party?" Taylor asked.

"It was fun. Hopefully I'll see you there next time. Sorry, Courtney but I gotta go wash off your makeup now. Thanks again though."

"Any time, Max," she said. "See you for the movie?"

"See you for the movie," I said to all of them. I waved goodbye and headed to my room. As soon as I got inside, I rushed over to my journal.

* * *

 _Thursday, October 31st 2013_

 _Dear Chloe,_

 _I'll tell you the full story later but for now I just had to tell you something. Guess what is it? Come on, guess! Time's up. You ready? Chloe…I had fun tonight. I know, crazy! But seriously though, the party tonight was the most fun I've had since you died. I know everything hasn't gone away like magic but that's not the point._

 _I tried to do everything I could to move past all the shit I went through but I haven't really been doing that. I've never done anything for the sake of doing it, it's always been about trying to prove something. The shopping trip with Dana wasn't really just a simple shopping trip for me. It was about coming away with clothes that showed off Max 2.0 or whatever bullshit I thought was necessary. Even going to the party tonight was about thinking I owed Daniel for taking away the confidence I gave him during "that week." But once I was there I stopped worrying about any of that stuff and I just had fun. When that song started playing tonight I raved like I had never raved before (probably because I haven't). I wasn't trying to prove anything to myself or anyone else. I just had fun. And you know what else I did because I just stopped thinking about everything so much? I took a picture. I took an actual fucking photograph. Yes, it was on a phone but I still did it. I don't know if I was just high on the fun or what but I just did it without thinking. If I can do that, then I know I can take real pictures again one day. I know it's probably not as simple as just have fun, take picture. But it can't be a coincidence. And if fun is even a small part of getting me being able to get back on track with my photography again then what better incentive do I need?_

 _I really think I found the final piece of the puzzle tonight. That means I can truly move forward from here on out. I don't have to be trying to prove something 24-fucking-7. I don't need to be Super Max all the damn time. Sometimes, I can just have fun for the sake of having fun. That's my biggest victory against Jefferson. And the universe for taking you. I can be happy, if I just stop trying so damn hard. Like now, I'm going to have a movie night with my dorm mates. Because I can. So there._

 _Okay, I think I really am becoming a bit delirious now. I'll tell you about everything else once I've cleared my head a little. Bye for now._

* * *

After having my shower and washing off the face paint I got changed into my night clothes. I headed to the dorm lounge to see everyone dressed like it was a big girls sleepover. Dana and Juliet sat on one couch. Stella, Alyssa and Brooke on another. Courtney, Taylor and Kate on another.

"Here she is," Dana said.

"Sorry everyone, didn't mean to keep you all waiting," I said as I sat down next to Dana.

"You shouldn't be sorry about that, Max. But you should be sorry about the promise you broke," Dana said.

"What?"

"You forget to bring something?" Dana said folding her arms. I looked at her before remembering.

"Oh right, popcorn. Sorry, dropped the ball I guess."

"Good thing I'm here then." We all turned around to look at the door. Victoria was stood in her silk pyjamas, clutching two big bags of popcorn. There was a silence as she put them on the table in the middle of the couches and backed away. She gave a quick glance to Courtney and Taylor. Then back to the rest of us in the room.

"I didn't poison them, if that's what you're wondering," she said.

"Wouldn't put it past you," Dana muttered to my left. I gave her a stern look as Victoria backed away.

"Have fun," Victoria said as she headed back to the door.

"There's plenty of room if you want to join us," Kate said suddenly. Victoria came to a stop and turned back to face her. Kate turned to everyone else.

"Right, everyone?"

Everyone quietly voiced their approval. Everyone except for Dana. I looked at her and raised my eyebrows. She looked back at Victoria.

"Doesn't look like there's much room," Victoria said as she folded her arms and looked at the couches filled with people. Dana sighed and moved off the couch to sit on the floor.

"If you're gonna be dramatic about it..." she said.

"What? My ass too good for the floor?" Victoria said gesturing for Dana to get back on the couch. Dana raised her eyebrows and looked at me. I just shrugged as she sat back on the couch next to me, as Victoria sat down on the floor near my feet. She looked up at me as I gave her a smile and a nod.

"So how was the party?" Victoria asked.

"It was fun," Dana said. "Shame you weren't there."

"Didn't think I'd be welcome."

"True, you wouldn't have been," Dana said. Victoria gave Dana scowl.

"But you will be at the next one," Dana added with a small smile. Victoria's expression softened.

"If you want us all to leave the room so you can make out, just say so," Taylor said suddenly. Everyone, including Dana and Victoria, laughed as the cold atmosphere completely disappeared from the room.

"So what's the movie again?" Victoria asked.

 _"The Nightmare Before Christmas._ You seen it?" Juliet asked.

"Don't think I have. Is it the animated one with the skeleton guy? Didn't Tim Burton make that?"

"He just produced it based on characters he created," Brooke explained.

"Surprised you know who Tim Burton is," Juliet said.

"He directed Batman, of course I know him." Everyone in the room turned to look at Victoria. "What? I love Batman, who doesn't? Come on, let's get the movie started." Victoria said leaning back against the edge of the couch.

"Still ordering people around I see," Dana said as she raised the tv remote in the air. Victoria scowled at Dana, who just fired a wink back. Victoria rolled eyes and turned back as Dana started the movie.

* * *

"So what did you think?" Courtney asked Victoria.

"It was cool. The songs were pretty good and the style was awesome," Vicroria said. "Not that scary though."

"Well it was meant for kids too," Alyssa said.

"Unlike the second part of our Halloween movie night," Dana said as she got up and went over to the TV. "This one one will leave you all sleepless." Dana grabbed a DVD from behind the TV and put it behind her back.

"Any guesses?" she asked. "It's a classic."

 _"Nightmare on Elm Street?"_ Brooke said.

 _"Texas Chainsaw Massacre?"_ Stella said.

 _"Batman and Robin?"_ I said. Dana laughed.

"That is horrific, Max, but you're all wrong. What better movie to watch on Halloween than…" Dana held up the DVD.

" _Halloween!_ Anyone not seen this?" Kate, Courtney, Taylor and Victoria raised their hands.

"Oh, you are in for a treat," Dana said waving the DVD case.

"It's not full of blood and guts is it?" Courtney asked.

"Don't worry, Courtney. It's pretty gore free," I said.

"Yeah, it's the first real slasher film," Alyssa said.

"Well, actually _Black Christmas_ is the first modern slasher film," Brooke said. " _Halloween_ popularised the sub-genre much like _Blair Witch Project_ popularised the found footage sub-genre, even though that wasn't the first-"

"I'm starting to see why you and Warren got together. You're both as dorky as one another," Alyssa said as she gave Brooke a nudge. Brooke went quiet (and a little red) as some people laughed.

"I'm actually a little tired so I think I'll call it a night," Kate said as she stood up.

"Are you sure?" Dana said.

"Yeah, besides I don't know if this is the kinda movie I want to be watching right now. But you guys still can though."

"Shit. I'm sorry, Kate," said Dana. "I didn't think. We can grab something else?"

"It's okay. As you said, it's the perfect movie to watch tonight, just not for me. Enjoy the movie, everyone. I'll see you tomorrow," Kate said. We all said goodnight as she left. Dana still looked uneasy as she stood clutching the DVD in her hands.

"Dana?" I said. "Kate's okay." Dana nodded and put the DVD on. She came back and sat down.

Victoria folded her arms as soon as we reached the main menu.

"Do you scare easy, Victoria?" I said.

"No way," she replied.

As soon as the opening credits began and that classic John Carpenter music started, I noticed Victoria tuck her knees to her chest and wrap her arms around them. I just looked at Dana who smiled slyly.

* * *

I've seen Halloween several times before and knew it was great. I had never experienced it with Victoria Chase, who made it at least ten times more entertaining. Her frequent cries of "oh shit!" and her commentary telling the characters what they should do had everyone in the room laughing. Everything was great. Until-

BANG!

Loomis shot Michael Myers. I suddenly jerked in my seat and felt the air leave my lungs.

BANG!

I struggled to breathe as my hands started to shake.

BANG! BANG! BANG!

A sob escaped my mouth as I covered it with my shaking hands.

BANG!

I moved to cover my whole face as my hands still trembled and I started to sob.

"Turn that shit off, Dana!" Victoria yelled. I heard the movie pause as I struggled to compose myself. I felt Dana wrap her arms around me and pull me in close.

"It's okay, Max. It's okay," she said softly. After a few moments the shaking and sobbing subsided and I was able to lower my hands. I hastily wiped away my tears as Dana let go of me and I looked around at everyone.

"Sorry, didn't mean to ruin the movie," I said with a small laugh.

"You didn't ruin anything," Victoria said.

"Should we maybe just call it a night?" Brooke suggested.

"No. No, it's okay. I'm fine," I said still wiping my eyes. "Besides, we're right at the end," I said looking at Dana.

"You sure?" She asked.

"I'm sure."

Dana picked the remote back up and resumed the movie. After we reached the end and the credits started roll. I turned to everyone.

"Sorry again everyone."

"We get it. You're sorry," Victoria said. "And you don't need to be. Got that? I nodded.

"Okay, everyone. It's late and we've still get one more school day before the weekend. Let's get some sleep," Juliet said.

"So long as we don't wait until Christmas for the next movie night," Taylor said. Everyone agreed as we all left the room.

* * *

I laid awake in bed staring at the ceiling. I still hadn't truly calmed down from my panic attack. Partly from the attack itself and partly from the anger that it had happened at all. This had been one of the best days I'd had up until that moment. I tapped my phone on my bed side table to see the time. Almost two in the morning. I let out a heavy sigh and sat up. I carefully walked over to me room lamp and switched it on. I looked over at my desk and saw my journal was open. I had totally forgot to finish writing about today. Probably because I didn't want to.

 _Hey, it's the least I can do for Chloe. Besides, since when have I only written about the good things that have happened to me?_

I needed some air so I decided to kill two birds with one stone. I grabbed my journal and a pen.

 _Too bad Blackwell didn't think to install a swing set._

* * *

I stepped outside the building and turned to quietly shut the door behind me. I turned to look at the dormitory grounds. I froze when I saw someone sat on one of the benches.

 _Shit, who else would be out here at this time of night?_

I cautiously moved towards them. As I got closer I realised they were crying. As I got even closer I realised who it was…

"Logan?"

He looked over his shoulder at me and wiped his eyes and nose with his hand.

"What are you doing out here?" He said.

"Couldn't sleep. Needed to clear my head. Are you…okay?" I asked.

"What the fuck do you care?"

As I looked at Logan I realised I had never seen him like this. In any timeline.

"I didn't think I did. You just seemed like some meat head jock."

"Yeah, well maybe that's all I am," he said sniffling.

"Doesn't look like it to me," I said as I sat down beside him.

"You mean 'cos I'm out here crying like a pussy?"

"It's okay to cry, Logan. I've been doing plenty of that recently. You need to get all that crap out of your system somehow, right?" He wiped his eyes with his sleeve. "Look, Logan. I know I gave you a hard time yesterday. But I'm sorry, if you try to hurt Dana I am not holding back."

"I don't want to hurt her, Max," he insisted.

"Then you have to stop harassing her, and getting into fights with Trevor."

"That asshole started that. Got us both suspended."

"Then be the bigger person and don't rise to it. Trevor makes Dana happy. If you really care then be happy for her."

"Dana's not the only person I screwed over."

"Well, who else is there?"

"The baby…"

I went silent, not sure what the hell to say.

"I should have been there for Dana. I gave her no choice but to do what she did."

"That's not true, Logan. You weren't the only factor. Dana told me so herself."

Logan shook his head. "It's my fault. I'm an asshole…just like my dad…" Logan broke down in tears again. I awkwardly put my hand on his shoulder.

"What's your dad like?"

"I don't know, never met the asshole," Logan said as he fought to hold back his tears. "My mom was pregnant with me when she was young. She was the same age as Dana. My dad, whoever the hell he was, left my mom as soon as they finished high school and fucked off to another state. She raised me on her own."

"That must have been tough. For both of you," I said.

"She's never spoken to my dad since that. I've never met him. Don't even know his name."

"Have you talked to your mom about him?"

"No, I don't want her upset. She doesn't deserve that," he said.

"You still deserve to know who your dad is, if you want to."

"What's the point? He's just like me. An asshole who abandoned his kid."

"I'm sure you didn't make the decision lightly. Perhaps he didn't either."

"I swore if I ever had a kid I would be there for them. I wouldn't let them turn out like me. My promise was worth shit when it came down to it," he said.

"Dana was in a tough spot, Logan. But so were you. I don't blame you for wanting to run away from it all. It's exactly what I did when Chloe died. But I'm trying to not to do that anymore. You didn't do right by Dana at the time, but I can see you wish you had. So take that regret and use it, so you can make the right decisions from now on. Understand?" Logan nodded. "Does Dana know any of what you just told me?" I asked.

Logan shook his head. "Whenever I try and talk to her about this I get so angry and lose my cool."

"Then you need to control your temper. And tell Dana all of this."

"As if she'll talk to me now. I don't deserve her time."

"I can convince her to hear you out. The rest is down to you. If you screw it up then that's your problem, okay?"

"Okay, I just don't want her to be mad at me," said Logan. He looked down at my journal.

"What's that?" he asked.

"My journal. I came out here to clear my head a little before I wrote in it. I had another panic attack tonight which kinda ruined what was otherwise a pretty awesome day."

"I'm sorry. About the panic attack I mean. I'll leave you to it. Thanks for the pep talk, Max. You're actually pretty cool," he said as he stood up.

"And you're…not just some meat head jock, Logan. Good night," I said as he headed for the dorm building. I had a small smile as I heard the door to the building open and close.

* * *

 _Hey, Chloe. I'm back. Sorry I took so long but my head was in a pretty bad place. I'll get the crappy part out of the way first…I had another panic attack. This time caused by the gunshots in Halloween. I felt so embarrassed, like everyone would now need to triple check anything we do so that it doesn't trigger me. Of course, no-one is really thinking like that. It's just all in my head. It's funny, when Loomis shoots Michael he thinks he's killed him, only to find he's still out there and that he could still strike at any time. Seems appropriate I guess..._

 _Anyway, now that's out the way I want to tell you about everything else that happened today. There's a lot actually. I already told you about the party, which was a lot of fun. So fun in fact I was able to take that picture. Again, I know there's probably more to it than that, and I'm too tired to risk trying with my camera right now, but it shows that normality is within reach. I even managed to inject some confidence into Daniel, especially after he won first prize for his costume (which he deserved). He seemed really grateful._

 _Maybe a little too grateful, actually. He tried to kiss me after the party and I rejected him. He took it well though and hopefully his confidence hasn't been knocked too hard. I really felt bad though, he's such a sweet guy. So is Warren. Apparently though I gravitate to naughty girls like you. Ugh…you know what? For the first time ever I'm glad you're not here. There's no way you would let me forget what I just said. I actually told Dana about us…kinda, anyway. Obviously I could never tell anyone the full story. But Dana knows that I had...have feelings for you. She asked me if you felt the same. Guess I'll never know. Not that it matters whether you did or not, seeing as you aren't here…_

 _Alright, I'll move on before I drive myself into a worse place. Because there were actually a lot of little victories today. Courtney apologised for joining in with Victoria's bullying and seems to be trying not to make the same mistakes again. Brooke apologised for the way she acted back when Warren was chasing my affections. I honestly hadn't thought about it but hey, I'll take one less potential enemy at Blackwell (and hopefully another friend). Speaking of enemies, the war between Dana and Victoria seems to be over. Well, probably better to call it a ceasefire for now but things are looking hopeful. Taylor and Courtney seem to have stopped avoiding Kate and hopefully it's only a matter of time before Victoria follows suit. Even Logan, as I just found out, isn't just a simple asshole. Don't get me wrong, he can still act like one but it comes from a painful place. I'll have to talk to Dana tomorrow but I can probably convince her to hear him out. He deserves one final shot to make things as right as he can._

 _So yeah, the panic attack really set me back at the end of the day, but today was still really awesome when I think back on it. Like your mom said, I'll still have the memories of today, whatever happens. Including some nice new ones when I look at our pirate gear. I suspect Jefferson will still be there tonight when I close my eyes, but I'll tackle him head on. It's what Super Max would do._

 _Take care,_

 _Love Max xx_

* * *

 ** _A/N 29/06/18 - An unfortunate heads up but the next chapter will likely not be coming until the end of August. I have other writing projects (that have actual deadlines to meet) and so I hope you all understand this will have to take a back seat. After that however I will hopefully be more free to upload new chapters on a slightly more frequent basis._**

 _ **While you're here I might aswell point that thirteen months ago I uploaded what was intended as a one off epilogue to my favourite game of all time...and this thing is still going. To everyone who is still here, thank you so much for sticking with this crazy ride. We've still a LONG way to go to the end but I intend to get there however long it takes :)**_


	11. Chapter 11: Healing

I knocked on Dana's door and waited. She opened the door and was still wearing her bed clothes.

"Hey, Max! Morning," she said.

"Morning, Dana," I replied before letting out a huge yawn.

"Sorry, didn't get as much sleep as I wanted last night," I said. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Sure," she said as she stepped aside. I walked into her room and she shut the door behind me.

"I don't know if I should ask or not," she said. "But are you…"

"Okay after last night? Yeah, I think so. Sorry again if I ruined the movie."

"You didn't ruin anything, Max. I'm sorry, it never even crossed my mind that…"

"It never crossed my mind either, Dana. So how could you possibly know? I'm okay. Also, I appreciate you giving Victoria a chance," I said.

"I'm still not a hundred percent convinced you're right about her, Max. But do I trust you. I trust Kate too. I'm still keeping my guard up for now though."

I rolled my eyes.

"I'll take that for now, I guess. Just don't go starting anything with her, okay?" I requested. Dana held up her hands.

"Promise," she said.

"Good, because I need you to give one more person another chance."

"Who?"

"Logan."

"Why? You saw the way he was to me."

"I did and he was an asshole. But I talked to him last night and…it should all come from him, but he has his reasons for being that way."

"I don't care what his reasons are, Max. I don't owe him anything after what he did."

"You're right, Dana, you don't," I said. "And I'm not saying his actions are justified. But I don't think you want things to stay like this if they really don't have to. Just give him one chance to explain himself. If he blows it then there's nothing more I can ask of you." Dana frowned at me for a moment. "I'd never force you to do anything, Dana," I said.

"I know you wouldn't, Max. But if you managed to convince Victoria to play nice then Logan must have been a piece of cake."

"I wouldn't say that. I guess I just…see more in people than I used to. Even then it doesn't mean I'm always right."

"No, but you do have a decent track record," Dana said with a smile. "Fine, I'll give him one more chance."

"If it blows up in your face, just please don't go hating me," I asked.

Dana laughed. "I already did that to you with Trevor. I'm not doing that to you again, Max. Whatever happens."

"Thanks. And if it doesn't end well, you know I'm here for you."

Dana and I gave each other a quick hug.

"I know you are, Max. I guess I'll do it as soon as I can. Like pulling off a band aid."

"Good luck, Dana. I'll see you later."

"Later, Max!" I opened the door and left Dana's room.

* * *

I got dressed for school and made some time to check my laptop. As the tab opened up on the local news I saw a headline. ****MARK JEFFERSON TRIAL DATE SET.**** I clicked through after hesitating.

After doing some reading it tuned out Jefferson's trial would begin on Monday, November 11th. Just over a week away. It also sounded like his lawyer would be provided by Sean Prescott, who would be standing trial separately on his alleged aiding in Jefferson's crimes. It also reiterated that Nathan was still mentally unfit to stand trial and was still receiving treatment at Oregon State Hospital.

I shut my laptop down, not wanting to have any image of Jefferson come into my head.

 _ _Asshole. You'll get what's coming to you.__

* * *

I sat down to lunch in the cafeteria.

"Max!"

I looked up to see Warren and Brooke approaching me with their own trays.

"Hey, guys," I said as they both sat down opposite me.

"How are you?" Warren asked.

"I'm good."

"You sure?" He said. I looked over at Brooke and saw a dash of guilt across her face.

"Sorry," she said. "I probably shouldn't have said anything."

"It's okay, Brooke. I might as well start scheduling my breakdowns so people can keep up. How does tomorrow, about 4am sound?"

Brooke and Warren laughed.

"For real though, Max," Warren said. "The only thing worse than that is having to stay away from __Halloween.__ "I laughed.

"Yes, Warren. That _is_ the real tragedy," Brooke said with a roll of her eyes.

"Hey, it's a classic," he said.

"So what do you suggest I watch instead?" I asked.

" _Nightmare on Elm Street?"_ He suggested.

"Oh, God no," I said with a laugh. "Chloe and I-" I paused for a moment. Warren and Brooke looked at me apprehensively. "Chloe and I watched it when I was like, ten," I continued. "Chloe thought it was awesome. It scared the absolute crap out of me. I had nightmares for weeks," I laughed. Warren and Brooke chuckled.

"Then now that your older and braver, you should give it another shot," Brooke said.

"I'll see." I looked past Warren and Brooke to see Kate walking along with her tray. She smiled as I gave her a quick wave.

"Hey, guys," she said as she sat down next to us.

"Hey, Kate," we all said.

"Almost the weekend," Kate said. "Anyone have any plans?"

"Just keeping on top of homework," I said.

"We're going down to the drive thru in Newburg," Brooke said.

"No way, that sounds cool," Kate replied.

"What about you?" Warren asked.

"I'm thinking about going out and taking some photos. Haven't really done that since…" she trailed off. "We could take some together, Max. Could be fun."

"Oh, er…yeah, maybe. Depends if I have time, with all my homework and stuff."

"It's okay, it was just a thought. Regardless I have some news that should make you happy."

"Oh yeah?"

"I think I'm going to try joining the study hall sessions in the photography classroom again."

"That's awesome, Kate," Brooke said.

"Yeah, good for you." Warren added.

"Are you sure?" I said. Everyone looked at me.

"What do you mean?" Said Kate.

"I- I just mean are you absolutely sure you think you're ready to go back in that room?"

"I think so."

"If you only think so then it might be best to hold off for a little longer. It's no fun getting ahead of yourself, trust me," I said.

"No, of course," said Kate. "I don't want to set myself back even further. Maybe you're right."

I just shoved some food in my mouth so I wouldn't have to talk more.

"It's just that..." Kate said. "You've all heard about Mark Jefferson's trial being set, right?" The rest of us nodded. "Well, I've been called to testify if I feel able to. My family have said they'll support me no matter what but the thought of being back in the same room as…him scares me. So I thought if I was at least able to go back in the classroom then maybe it meant I could…But you're probably right. I don't want to push myself if I'm not really ready. There are plenty of other girls testifying. So it'll be okay."

We all ate our lunch as Kate, Warren and Brooke talked. I just kept my mouth shut.

* * *

RIIIIIIIING!

As I walked out of the school building I shivered at the chill in the air. I saw Daniel ahead of me, putting something away in his bag. A couple of jocks approached him and one of them kicked his bag over.

"Hey!" Daniel said standing up.

"Your fault for being in the way, loser," the same jock said.

"You did that on purpose," Daniel said. "I want an apology." The two jocks just laughed. I clenched my fists as I continued watching.

"You win one stupid costume contest and think you're king of the school?" The other jock said.

"No, I just want to be treated with respect. So apologise. Please," Daniel faltered. The two jocks laughed again. Before I could march up to them, Logan appeared from behind me and went over himself.

"Hey, assholes," he said. "Back off."

"You serious, dude?" The first jock said.

"Yeah," said the other. "You're the one who-"

"I'm telling you leave him alone. Say sorry and back off," Logan said. The other two jocks looked at each other before looking back at Daniel.

"Sorry..." they both mumbled before walking away. Logan just gave Daniel a quick nod before walking away in the other direction. I approached Daniel.

"Hey, you okay?" I asked.

"Yes, just not sure what just happened," Daniel said.

I laughed. "I think Logan just stood up for you, Daniel."

"Yes, and I'm still not sure what happened," he said.

"Looks like you were doing most of the work yourself anyway. I've never seen you stand up for yourself like that before. Good for you."

"Thank you, I guess I'm still riding on my win from last night. And er...Max, I'm sorry about..."

"It's cool Daniel. Nothing to be sorry for."

Daniel nodded. "I need to get going," he said as he zipped up his bag. "Have a great weekend, Max."

"You too, Daniel. Bye."

As Daniel left I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket. I looked to see who was calling.

 _ _Joyce?__

I answered and put the phone to my ear.

"Hello?"

"Max, darling. I hope I didn't call you in class," she replied.

"No, I just got out, Joyce. It's good."

"That's okay then."

There was a pause.

"Is something wrong, Joyce?" I asked.

"No, not at all," she said. "I was just wondering, Max, if you wanted to spend the weekend at our house again?"

"Oh."

"It's not a kidnapping," she chuckled. "It was just a thought."

"I mean, I guess it would be nice. Only if it's okay with you and David?"

"I wouldn't ask if it wasn't, Max. I've almost finished my shift, I can pick you up in an hour?"

"Okay, Joyce. Actually I have a bike now so I can get there myself. Just let me know when you're back and I'll come over."

"Okay, Max. David's home actually so you can come right over when you're ready."

"Okay, I'll see you soon. Bye, Joyce."

"Bye, Max."

I hung up.

 _ _Was not expecting that, but it may be what I need right now.__

* * *

I cycled over to Joyce's home. I had my bag with the schoolbooks I needed. I had thought about bringing my camera but, even with my boost from taking a picture at the Halloween party, I still didn't want to risk it. I arrived and rang the doorbell.

David answered the door.

"Max?" He said. "Something wrong?"

"Um, Joyce invited me to stay the weekend again. Didn't she tell you?"

"No. No, she didn't actually."

"Oh. Well, if it's a problem-"

"No, I'm sorry, Max. Of course you're welcome here. Come in," he said as he stepped aside.

* * *

Later on, David, Joyce and I were in the living room watching tv. There were on the couch together while I sat in the blue chair. The local news came on as I let out a huge yawn.

"News too boring for you, Max?" David said looking over at me. I laughed.

"No, just tired," I said.

"Well, that doesn't bode well for another week at school," Joyce chuckled.

"No, but I'll manage."

"I know you will, Max," she said. I smiled at Joyce. That smile was wiped from my face at the words of the newscaster.

"...the trial of Mark Jefferson has been scheduled to take place at Oregon Supreme Court on Monday, November 11th. Mark Jefferson is accused of-"

David switched off the tv. I looked over at him and saw him breathing heavily. Joyce immediately put her arm around him.

"I'm going to bed," said David as he quickly got to his feet.

"Then I'm coming up too," Joyce said as she stood up.

"I think I will too," I said as I let out another yawn.

* * *

I struggled to lift my arms. I slowly opened my eyes to see a blinding light being shone in my face. I winced as I heard a familiar voice.

"This captures your innocence perfectly."

"No…please no." I whimpered.

"Oh, yes," Jefferson said. "Don't worry though, Max. You aren't alone today." He approached me and put his hands on my arms. I struggled but it was no use. He held my arms forcefully as he turned my chair around to face the other way. When he stepped out of the way I saw someone lying on the floor bound and unconscious.

"I didn't want Miss Marsh to miss out on being made a subject too," Jefferson said as he approached her with his camera.

"No, get away from her!" I yelled. Jefferson kneeled down beside Kate and started snapping photos. I screamed again. Jefferson marched right over and slapped me across the face.

"I don't know why you're screaming at me. She's here because of you."

"No. No…" I said as tears streamed down my face.

"Don't deny it, Max. Kate wanted to get better. To get past all this. But you held her back, didn't you? Some hero you are. Putting yourself before everyone else."

"I- I've earn- earned that," I cried.

"So you don't deny it then? That sounds like corruption to me," he said with a smile. I screamed until everything went white.

* * *

I sat bolt upright in Chloe's bed, covered in sweat. I threw off the bed covers and sat on the edge of the bed. My hands were shaking uncontrollably. I clasped them together, leaned forward and shut my eyes. I cried silently as I waited to regain control of my breathing and for my hands to stop shaking. When I calmed down and wiped my tears away, I looked at the clock time on my phone. The time was 4:30am. I sighed.

 _ _I am so not in the mood to go through that again.__

I got out of bed and quietly opened the bedroom door. I quietly crept downstairs and into the kitchen. I poured myself a glass of water and gulped it down. I put the glass in the sink and sighed again.

 _ _Too wired to sleep, too exhausted to do anything. Is that even possible?__

I wandered into the living room and saw the VCR was still set up. I paused for a moment before grabbing one of the VHS tapes off the shelf and inserting it into the VCR. I switched on the TV and sat down on the couch.

* * *

"Max, honey?"

I slowly opened my eyes to see Joyce stood over me in her bath robe. I quickly looked around and realised I had fallen asleep on the couch. The VHS had reached the end leaving a blank screen on the TV. I rubbed my eyes.

"Well good morning," Joyce said. "You know you have a bed, don't you?" she chuckled. Joyce looked at the TV and then back at me. "You okay?"

"Yeah…" I said. Joyce raised her eyebrows. "Okay, I had a nightmare last night and couldn't sleep. So I came down here to have a glass of water and watch old videos of Chloe and I. Like I'm a little kid or something," I said. Joyce sat down next to me and put her arm around me.

"Max, don't be silly. There's nothing wrong with what you're doing. Whatever it takes for you to heal." I just nodded. "And I hate to be the one what always has to say this, but if you've told me this then-"

"Tell my parents. I will, Joyce. Later," I promised. She smiled and gave me a motherly kiss on the forehead.

"At least you've got the weekend to yourself. Some of us have to go to work," Joyce said as she stood up.

"You can ask for time off, Joyce. It's the least you deserve."

"I know I could. I don't think it would do me good though. I prefer to stay busy. Besides I do have next weekend off. First one in a long while," she said. "I'll be out the most of the day, but David will be up soon."

"Thank, Joyce. But I'll be okay."

"You want some breakfast before I go? Waffles or pancakes perhaps?" She said with a smile.

"You'll be cooking plenty of those today, Joyce. I'll just grab some cereal."

* * *

A little while later and I was upstairs in Chloe's room doing some homework. I was still working to keep up to date with the new homework I was being given each week. The major casualty was Algebra which I had fallen further and further behind in. My teacher was being undeniably patient with me, but I felt like I was just trying her patience at this point.

 _ _Looks like Stella is my only other option. Really have no choice at this point. Homework has me beaten for now, what else is on my to do list? Take pictures. Probably not a good idea. Plus I didn't even bring my camera. Get to the lighthouse? Also not a good idea. I know I need to call my parents and update them. The longer I wait the worse it will feel so…__

I grabbed my cell phone and called my parents' number. I put the phone to my ear and drummed my fingers on the desk slowly to try and alleviate my nerves.

"Hello?" Dad said at the other end.

"Hey, Pop. It's me, just checking in," I said.

"Hey, kiddo. Your mom's out doing some grocery shopping right now. How are you?"

"I'm okay. Joyce invited me to spend the weekend at her house again so I'm here right now."

"That's nice to hear. Tell Joyce your mom and I appreciate what she's doing."

"I will."

"Is there something else you wanted to tell me about?" Dad said, clearly knowing I wouldn't have called otherwise.

"Um…yeah."

"I'm listening sweetheart," he said gently. I got up and laid down on Chloe's bed, staring at the ceiling as I spoke to Dad.

"I had another panic attack on Thursday. I was watching a movie with the other girls in my dorm and it had some gunshots which…triggered me."

"I'm sorry, kiddo. You okay?" Dad said.

"Yeah. It actually happened after what was probably the best night I'd had since Chloe died. I went to the Blackwell Halloween party and had an awesome night."

"That's great, Max. Did you wear a costume?"

"Kinda. Only a shirt, an eye patch, and bandana," I said. My dad chuckled.

"As in a pirate?"

"Yeah."

"I remember Chloe and you were both obsessed when you were little. I think we spent more on pirate stuff than on your photography equipment," Dad said.

I laughed. "It wasn't that bad, Dad."

"I know, sweetheart. I'm just glad to hear you can still enjoy yourself through everything that's happened. It'll become more frequent as time goes on. Don't forget that, okay?"

"I won't."

"Was there anything else?"

I hesitated and said nothing for a few seconds. "Actually, yeah. Can I get your advice on something?"

"Of course you can."

"My friend Kate Marsh, she was…she was one of Mark Jefferson's victims. She's likely going to be called as a witness during his trial but she's afraid of being back in the same room as him again."

"Okay."

"She'd asked to have the study hall sessions, that are replacing our Language of Photography classes, in another classroom. I've been spending them with her so she wasn't alone. She said to me yesterday that she thinks she wants to start being back in the photography room so she'll be more prepared for the trial."

"And what did you say?"

"I told her it might not be the best idea. That if she wasn't really ready then it could just set her back further. I don't think that was the right thing to say."

"Well, you were just using your own experiences to give her advice, Max," said Dad. "Sometimes we have to be told things we don't want to hear, even when it's for the best."

"That's the thing Dad, I didn't say that for Kate."

"What do you mean?"

I sighed and sat up on the edge of the bed.

"I didn't really say I'd be with Kate in the study hall sessions for her either," I said. "I did it because I…hate thinking about Jefferson. He was one of my heroes and he turned out to be a monster. I hate being reminded of him. It's stopped me from even being able to take photos. So when Kate wanted to stay out of the photography classroom I jumped at the chance to use her as an excuse to do the same. That was fine when she was happy to be out of the classroom but now I've just stopped her from going back. If she really wants to go back and perhaps be at the trial…Pop, just answer me honestly, okay?"

"Okay," he said.

"Am I just being selfish?" I asked.

I heard my dad sigh.

"Just tell me what you think. I won't be upset," I assured him.

"Max, your mother and have always wanted what's best for you," he said. "At one time, after you lost Chloe and were struggling at school, we thought the best thing to do was to bring you home. We thought you would want to as well. Then, after you spoke to Joyce, you changed your mind and said you thought you should stay. Your mother and I wanted to try and convince you otherwise but you were confident and said that you believed you could get through everything and that you needed us to believe it to. Your mother and I had only see you be this confident in something once before. I'm sure I don't need to tell you what that was."

"No. I know," I said.

"And we could both see how much you believed it. So, we knew we had to let you stay. To let you try. And we told you that if things didn't work out and you needed to come home then we'd be here. Despite some of the relapses that you've experienced in the past few weeks, can you honestly say you regret staying in Arcadia Bay?"

I thought for a moment and the answer was obvious.

"No. I don't."

"And even if you did, you know you can rely on us if things go the other way, right?"

"Yeah, I know you're there for me if I need to come home."

"Then I think you know where I'm going with all this," he said.

"Yeah. So I have just been selfish," I admitted.

"Max…" Dad said before letting out a sigh. "Maybe, but no-one goes their whole lives without being selfish. Sometimes our selfish wants align with what other people want. Sometimes they don't. What you do when they don't align, shows what sort of person you really are."

"When we moved away, I had no idea what to say to Chloe after William died," I said. "I didn't contact her because I was so worried about what to say and how she'd react if I said the wrong thing. I only did nothing because I was thinking about myself."

"Max…"

"If I had done something then maybe things would be different. But they aren't. All I can do is try to do the right things from now on. And I know what the right thing is regarding, Kate," I said.

"That's my girl," Dad said. "I'm proud of you, Max."

"Thanks, Pop. And thanks for the advice."

"Any time, sweetheart. Don't forget to tell Joyce we said thank you for letting you stay."

"I won't, Dad. I'm going to call Kate now and talk to her. Talk you soon."

"Goodbye, sweetheart. Love you," he said.

"Love you too, Pop. Bye." I hung up and wasted no time in selecting Kate from my contacts.

"Hello?" She answered.

"Hey, Kate. It's Max."

"Hey, Max. What's up?"

"About our conversation yesterday…"

"Yeah?"

"Do you want to be able to go back in the photography classroom without those awful thoughts of Jefferson?"

"Well, of course."

"Do you want to try?"

"Yes, but what if I'm not as ready as I think I am?"

"Then I'm here for you. So is everyone else. You're not alone, Kate. If things don't work out then we'll get through it together. I'm sorry for telling you not to try yesterday. You won't know what you can do if you don't try. So if you want to, then we'll do it, okay?

"Oh, Max. Thank you so much. I'm still really nervous about going back, but okay. I'll do it."

"Awesome. I'll see you at school."

"Thanks again, Max. Bye!

"Bye!"

I hung up and laid back on Chloe's bed.

 _ _At least Kate's happy. I guess we'll just have to see how it goes.__

* * *

 _ _Sunday, 3__ _ _rd__ _ _November 2013__

 _ _Dear Chloe,__

 _ _Hope you're okay. I've spent the weekend with your mom and David. It's nice that she invited me, makes me feel less nervous if I ever need to ask her myself. Besides, who would I turn to for VHS tapes of us as kids?__

 _ _I've had to rely on them to bring my back down to earth after my nightmares and help me sleep more peacefully. I feel like Jefferson is taunting me personally. Asshole. And it's not like I can tell anyone the full truth of what happened to me. At least Kate doesn't have to hide. Speaking of which, we're going back to the photography classroom on Monday. I don't know who's more nervous.__

 _ _If it helps Kate, and means she can maybe show up the trial then it's worth it. I just wish I didn't have to put my own mental health are stake for it to happen. Maybe I'm just making myself out to be a martyr for no reason. Maybe I can do it. If I can, that's just one more thing to cross off the list and get me closer to being able to take photos again. I can do this. I think.__

 _ _Love Max xx__

* * *

As I got dressed for school I had a horrible feeling in my stomach that things were going to go wrong. I looked at my rug on the floor which read "KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON."

 _ _That's about all I have right now.__

I quickly logged onto my laptop. The first thing that greeted me was the new page my browser defaulted to. The biggest headline was about Jefferson.

 _ _Ugh.__

I sent a quick message to Kristen asking how her weekend was and then closed my laptop. I opened my journal and looked at my "Max Motivation" page. I hadn't actually looked at for a little while, but now more than ever I needed anything at all that could bring me comfort. I took a deep sigh and left my room. I saw Stella was leaving her room further down the hall.

"Hey, Max," she said.

"Morning, Stella," I replied as we met up and both headed for the exit.

"Have a nice weekend?" she asked.

"It was okay. I was with Joyce and David for the weekend again, trying to keep up with homework."

"Ugh, tell me about it," she said.

We went down the stairs and outside and continued our conversation.

"I actually visited my foster parents again at the weekend," she said. "I was stressing about it for most of the week."

"Really, how come?"

"I always show them my school work so they can see how well I'm doing. Only this time, I got a C on one of my papers."

"Well a C isn't so bad, is it?" I said.

"It is for me," she replied. "I was so embarrassed showing it to them. I'd hate for them to think I'm not taking school seriously."

"I'm sure they don't think that, Stella. We all have a slip up but I'm sure you'll bounce back."

"I hope so."

"I hope so too. For my sake I mean. I've admitted defeat on Algebra so I'll need your expertise."

"Oh really! That's great, Max. I mean, not for you, but I'm really in need of some money right now."

"Well you're in luck. I have a few weeks worth for backlog for you to help me with."

"Cool, I'm busy today and tomorrow, but after school on Wednesday I'm happy to sit down with you."

"Sounds good, so what's the charge?"

"Twenty dollars a session."

"Whoa, that's kinda..

"A lot? It is, but I guarantee you'll come away more confident and understand what you're doing," she promised.

"Okay, well, if it's guaranteed then I'll hold you to it."

"Great, you'll see, Max. You'll be a math genius in no time."

I laughed.

"I don't think even you can make that happen, Stella," I said as we reached the school yard. I saw Dana sat on the brick wall with Trevor.

"Max, come here!" Dana called out.

I waved bye to Stella and went to join them.

"Morning, Dana. Hey Trevor."

"Yo, Max," he said.

"So what's up?"

"I talked to Logan at the weekend," she said.

"Oh, okay. How did it go?"

"He explained himself, without losing his temper."

"And?"

"I told him it didn't excuse his behaviour, but that I understood."

"And how did he take it?"

"He seemed okay. He said that he wanted to still be friends but only if I wanted us to be. I told him that we'd see, which again, he seemed to be okay with."

"I'm glad it went well," I said.

"Thanks to you, the jock whisperer," Dana said with a wink.

* * *

RIIIIIIIIIING!

Having got through most the day, I had reached the part I was dreading most. I packed away my things and left the Math classroom. I made my way through the bustling corridors and towards the lockers outside the photography classroom. I opened up my own locker to to put some books away. I looked at the photos on the inside of my locker door: Mom and Dad, Jack, Andy and of course Chloe and I. I smiled at them all.

"Hey, Max."

I quickly shut my locker as I turned to see Kate stood behind me.

"Kate. You okay?"

"Yeah, just…" she glanced at the classroom we were about to enter.

"I know," I said. "It'll be okay though. You can do this."

"I hope so."

Kate and I walked shoulder to shoulder to the classroom doorway. We both stopped. Kate let out a deep breath as I stared at the inside of the room. Kate stepped into the room. After a moment of hesitation I followed her in. I looked around and saw it looked no different than when I last saw it. Well, there were some spaces on the walls where Jefferson's magazine covers had clearly been removed. Not that I was complaining. Victoria and Taylor were already at their usual table. They stopped talking when we walked in.

"Hey, Kate. Hey, Max," Taylor said.

"Hey," we both said.

"So you're back," Victoria said to Kate.

"Yeah, I mean, maybe. I'm gonna see how this goes first," she said. Victoria and Taylor nodded.

"If you need something, just ask," Taylor said.

"Thanks," Kate said as she made her way over to her usual desk. She looked at it for a moment.

"You okay?" I asked. Kate turned to me.

"Mind if I sit at your table?" She asked.

"Of course not," I said. Kate grabbed her chair and moved it over to my usual table. I sat down in my seat. I looked up at the familiar view of the room. I looked out of the window at the campus green. In my peripheral vision I saw two more people enter the room: Stella and Alyssa. They gave a quick wave to Victoria and Taylor. They spotted Kate and I and came over.

"Hey, guys," Alyssa said. "Mind if we join you?"

"Sure," Kate said as they grabbed seats and sat around the tables with us. A minute later Daniel showed up and took his seat, followed by Hayden. When the teacher showed up we had to keep our conversations down and start working. At one point Stella twirled her pencil and dropped it. I swore in that moment I heard Jefferson's voice drift into my head. I looked over at a table in the corner of the room and suddenly remembered something. The night Chloe and I broke in to the school to find information on Rachel. I had to make that makeshift bomb. When I looked for the materials I came into this room and found…

 _ _Duct tape. Shit, was that the same duct tape he used on me? Kate? Those other girls?__

And just like that my hands began trembling. I quickly put them under the desk so no-one would see. As the shaking became more violent, my breathing got a lot more difficult to control. I did my best to hide what was going on as everyone else carried on working. Eventually it subsided and was able to bring my hands back up above the desk. I was able to finish the rest of the period, but not without a sickly feeling in my stomach.

* * *

RIIIIIING!

I quickly put my things away. I wanted to run straight out of the room, but I couldn't just leave Kate behind.

"So how was that?" I asked Kate. She smiled.

"There were a few moments where some stuff…came back. But the rest of the time it was okay. Having all of you around me definitely helped," she said.

 _ _It didn't help me.__

"Great, so we're back tomorrow then?" I said.

"Yeah, I think so," she said.

"Way to go, Kate," Stella said.

"Yeah, you did it," Alyssa added.

"Thanks guys," Kate said as we walked to the door.

"I'll see you guys outside, just need to grab some stuff from my locker," I said. I separated from the group and went over to my locker. I didn't really need anything. I just wanted to be alone. I opened the door and stared inside. I let out a sigh.

"Max?"

I jumped and looked to my right. Victoria was stood there. Behind her I could see Taylor further down the hall talking to Courtney.

"You okay?" Victoria said.

"You scared the crap out of me," I said.

"Sorry."

"No. I'm sorry, Victoria. It's just…nothing."

Victoria moved a little closer.

"I saw your hands shaking in class, Max. Are you okay?" Victoria looked at the photo of Chloe and I in my locker.

"I'm…fine," I said as I closed my locker door. Victoria didn't look convinced.

"If you say so. If you need to talk or whatever, I'm here, okay?"

I just nodded as Victoria left to go join Taylor and Courtney. I went to close my locker door. I stopped and opened it back up. I took the photo of Chloe and I and put it into my bag.

* * *

 _ _Tuesday, November 5__ _ _th__ _ _2013__

 _ _Dear Chloe,__

 _ _Going back in the photography classroom right now was definitely a mistake. At least it's only three times a week. Well, four including photography lab. Shit. I forgot about that. We're supposed to do practical work tomorrow. That's a problem when I can't take a photo without having a panic attack. Maybe if I get Dana to throw a party during the class? Yeah, probably not.__

 _ _At least it's helping Kate. It's the least I owe her when she pretty much single handedly got me out of my slump. Maybe once the trial is over and she's done her part I can think about finding some excuse.__

 _ _It's just when I step in there all I can think about is Jefferson. And thinking about him so much in the day means I get more stressed about my nightmares. Which only increases my chances of having them and how bad they'll be. It's exhausting. I've been bringing the photo of us back and forth from school. There's just something comforting about having it in my room before I go to sleep. Even if it does nothing to stop my nightmares.__

 _ _Sorry for whining so much, Chloe. But you're literally the only person I can talk to about all this. And it's not like you can even respond…__

 _ _Hella happy ending, I know.__

 _ _Sorry.__

 _ _Love Max xx__

* * *

RIIIIIIIING!

After grabbing my photo of Chloe and I from my locker I headed for the exit. As I passed the doorway to the assistants office I saw her talking to Principal Wells. He saw me and smiled. I stopped as he stepped out of the office.

"Max, how are you?"

"I'm-" I stopped for a second as a strange smell hit my nose. "I'm okay, Principal Wells."

"You sure?"

"Yes, just need to head back to my dorm. I'm studying with Stella."

"Then I won't keep you. See you tomorrow," he said. I quickly took a sniff to check I hadn't been imagining it.

"See you tomorrow," I said as I left.

 _ _That smelled an awful lot like alcohol on his breath.__

* * *

I knocked on Stella's door.

"Just a second!" After what was definitely more than a second she opened the door.

"Max, come on in," she said as she stepped aside.

"Hey, Stella," I said as I walked in. Her room was immaculately neat. Her desk was in the corner with her laptop and stacks of books. At the side was a bookcase filled with even more books.

Stella sat down on the floor. She already had her papers and text books organised.

"Ready to get to work?"

I sat down on the floor and opened my bag.

"Let's do it."

* * *

A half hour later and I had to admit, Stella really was a great tutor. I was finally understanding things better now, even if she did have to explain it to me like I was a six year old.

"...and so you carry that to make x cubed…" Stella said.

"...Into X to the power of six," I said.

"Hey, there you go. You got it."

"Yeah, seems I do."

"We'll take a quick break. I need to use the bathroom anyway," said Stella as she stood up.

"Okay."

Stella got up and left the room, shutting the door behind her. I flicked my pen back and fourth between my fingers as I studied the next question. Only for my pen to fly right out of my hand and go under Stella's bed.

"Shit."

There must have been less than a two inch gap under her bed so I could barely squeeze my hand under. I fumbled around under the bed until I felt something…that was definitely not my pen. I managed to get a hold of it and pull it out. It was a prescription bottle with a few pills in it. There was no label on it. I quickly got my phone out and shined the light under the bed. I could see my pen, right next to a small baggie of something. I decided to quickly put the pills back under the bed. A wise decision as Stella returned the second I sat back down.

"Everything okay?" Stella asked.

"Er, yeah. It's just I lost my pen under your bed and can't get my hand under. Think you can try?" I saw a quick flash of panic across Stella's face that I pretended not to notice.

"Yeah, sure." Stella got down on her knees and looked under the bed as I pretended to look at my notes. Stella retrieved my pen and gave it back to me.

"Ready to get back to it?" She said.

"Yeah," I said.

* * *

Another half hour later and we finished our tuition session. My discovery was on my mind which caused my concentration to falter.

"We'll call it there. I'm happy to provide another session if you need more help," said Stella.

"I'll see how I feel. You've definitely set me on the right track, Stella."

"Happy to help, Max," she said with a smile. I gathered my things and went to leave the room.

"Max?" I turned around.

"Yeah?"

"Are you okay?"

"Huh?"

"You just seemed a little distracted. Everything okay?"

"Oh. Oh, yeah. Just stuff on my mind, that's all. Nothing I haven't been thinking about the past few weeks," I said with a shrug.

"Of course. Sorry, Max. I didn't mean to pry."

"It's okay. Oh, crap. Almost forgot." I took twenty dollars out of my pocket and handed it to Stella. "Thanks again. I'll see you later," I said.

"See you later, Max," Stella said as I left the room.

* * *

 _ _Wednesday, November 6__ _ _th__ _ _2013__

 _ _Dear Chloe,__

 _ _So Photography Lab sucked hard. It was nothing but an hour and twenty five minutes of me helping other people with their photos so I could avoid having to take any of my own. Hearing the sounds of Victoria's digital camera go off did nothing to help, it just made me think of me lying drugged on the floor while Jefferson indulged in his sick desires. I tried to distract myself as much as possible. It worked today but I can't keep that up every week. I'll have no choice but to take photos soon and I don't know if I can.__

 _ _At least I've finally taken some steps to solve my Algebra crisis. I had a tuition session with Stella and she really did provide a great service. Though I would hope so if she's charging twenty bucks an hour. Unfortunately I think I found the reason why. I guess I shouldn't say unfortunately, it's not like I'm judging her. Now that I think about it I remember seeing Stella's name in Frank's black book. At the time I didn't think about it but it seems this is how she stays on top of school. I know she doesn't have a lot of money so I don't know how she's affording it. She can't be tutoring everybody.__

 _ _Like I say, I'm really not judging her. I didn't judge you for your wake and bake sessions after all. We all have different ways of dealing with things I guess and so long as no-one gets hurt it's okay.__

 _ _I'd better get to sleep, one more study hall session in that classroom and things will hopefully be a little easier.__

 _ _For this week at least.__

 _ _Love Max xx__

* * *

 _ _Thursday, November 7th 2013__

 _ _Dear Chloe,__

 _ _I made it through the last session in the photography room but it's really not helping me. I swear my nightmares are getting worse. Before it was at least just the same bullshit. I wake up in the dark room, Jefferson talks crap and then I wake up. I was even getting to the point I could tell it was a dream right away, which made it (slightly) less horrible.__

 _ _Now the dreams are becoming harder to tell from reality at first. They're becoming more cruel. The only thing that's keeping me going is knowing that I can hopefully stay with Joyce at the weekend and be able to use those videos of you and I to keep me sane.__

 _ _At least I hope they will.__

 _Chloe I just realised something...It's been exactly one month since "that week" began. When I saw you get shot for the first time, but not the last. I don't know whether this technically counts as the day you died, or whether it was the Friday, when I went back in time to let it happen..._

 _I really don't want to think about this right now._

 _ _Love Max xx__

* * *

RIIIIIIIING!

I packed away my things as another school week ended. As soon as I got outside I got out my phone. I called Joyce's home.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Joyce. It's Max."

"Max, darling. Everything okay?"

"Yeah, I was just wondering if I could possibly stay with you again this weekend?"

"Oh. Max, I'm so sorry. David and I are going away for the weekend. I'm really sorry."

 _ _Shit.__

"No. No it's okay, Joyce. I hope you and David have a great time. I'll still see you next week."

"You will. Is there anything you want from our house before we go away? We're not leaving for a couple of hours."

 _ _Yes. Your TV, VCR and VHS collection please, Joyce.__

"No, it's okay."

"I really am sorry, Max."

"Don't be Joyce. It's fine. Enjoy your weekend."

"You too, Max. Bye."

"Bye." I hung up and put my phone away.

 _ _It's alright, Max. Not the end of the world. It just means you'll have to deal with the nightmares alone. You can do it.__

* * *

"Max? Max?"

"Huh?" I turned to see Kate stood with Alyssa and Stella outside the photography classroom.

"You ready?" Stella said. "We don't want to be late. I've heard the new teacher's very strict."

"New teacher?" I said.

"For photography? Come on, let's sit down," Alyssa said gesturing for me to follow them. I walked in and quickly sat down at my usual table. I looked up to see Kate had sat down at her table near the window.

"Kate?" I said. She didn't respond. I looked over at Victoria and Taylor.

"I can't wait to see our new teacher," Said Victoria.

"Me neither," Taylor replied. "I hear he's really hot."

RIIIIIIIIIING!

The bell rang so loud I had to cover my ears.

"Alright, alright. Settle down everyone!" I heard someone yell over the ringing. When the ringing stopped I lowered my hands.

"Hello, everyone."

 _ _No. God, no.__

"My name is Mark Jefferson, Mister Jefferson to you all, and I will be teaching you the Language of Photography this year." I went to stand up but legs were numb. The harder I tried to stand the more I just sank into my seat.

"Now," Jefferson continued. "Photography has been around for as long as-"

"SHUT UP!" I screamed. Jefferson stopped talking.

"It sounds to me like someone else wants to teach the class," he said. "Is that it, Max?" I shut my eyes and began to cry.

"If you're not going to shut you up…" he said. "Then I'll do it myself."

I head the sound of duct tape being ripped and then felt him press it over my mouth. I opened my eyes to find myself in the dark room with Jefferson stood in front of me. Strapped to a chair, my screaming muffled by the tape.

"I hope you enjoy my latest subject, Max," Jefferson said as he stepped aside. I looked at the floor to see lights set up to illuminate someone lying on the floor.

 _ _Chloe…__

Her body in the exact same position I'd seen before, with a bullet wound in her stomach.

"I'm very grateful to Nathan for delivering this to me. He got in a bit trouble over it but that's okay. The art is what's most important," said Jefferson as he began taking photos of Chloe's body. My screams of protest were still muffled by the tape over my mouth.

"Sh, sh, sh, Max," Jefferson said. "You'll get your turn soon." I strained to open my mouth, in doing so I ripped the tape off my top lip. I screamed at the top of my lungs.

* * *

My eyes shot open as I sat bolt upright in my bed. My hands were shaking uncontrollably and I was almost hyperventilating. I clasped my hands together but even after sitting on the edge of my bed for a minute they were still shaking.

 _ _Shit. What can I do? I can't watch the video tapes here. I need something.__

As my hands continued to shake I thought about what I had around me. I grabbed my bear and the cushion I made with Mom and hugged them close. They did nothing to steady my breathing or stop my hands from shaking, even after sitting there for five minutes. I threw them back on my bed in frustration.

 _ _This has never gone on this long before. I need something that can take me back to when I was happy. Something-__

I stopped as a forbidden thought entered my head.

 _ _No. No, I said I was done. I would never use my powers again. I don't need them.__

I stood up and went over to my desk. On top of my closed journal was the photo of Chloe and I.

 _ _I don't need them to change anything. I don't want to change anything. I just want to escape for a few minutes.__

I unclasped my hands and let my arms fall to my side.

 _ _If I have to do this. I need to make sure I don't change anything. I'll have to do and say exactly what I did at the time this photo was taken. I mean, when I went back to let William die I gave Chloe some speech about how I'd always be there for her, even if it felt like I wasn't. When I came back the present it didn't seem to have changed a damn thing.__

 _ _Even so, I am not risking anything.__

After taking a minute to remember how things played out after the photo was taken. I went to my drawer and grabbed a spare dice I had. My breathing was a little more under control but my hands were still trembling. I moved my photo off my journal and opened it to today's date. I rolled the dice and looked at the number.

 _ _6__

I wrote it down under my entry for the day. It was barely legible thanks to my hands. But I could read it. I rolled the die again and again. I wrote them down until I had ten numbers.

 _6264165233._

After some quick math I figured to odd of rolling this exact combination were one in 60,466,176.

 _ _If this sequence is the same when I come back then I know nothing has changed.__

I closed my journal and pushed it to the side. I moved the photo back in front of me. I took an enormous breath. I put my trembling hands on the desk and looked at the photo. As I concentrated, I felt that familiar sensation as the photo went out of focus. I concentrated hard on it.

 _"_ _ _Alright, hold still both of you!"__

The picture started to come into focus.

 _"_ _ _You can't tell a pirate what to do, Dad!"__

The photo was almost in focus.

 _"_ _ _My name not be Dad. It be Bloody Bill. Now say yarrrr!"__

Everything went white.

 _"_ _ _Yarrrrr!"__

* * *

I opened my eyes. I was in the forest. Trees in the distance were hidden by the white boundary of the photograph. I had my arm around a twelve year old Chloe. I was looking at William through my one eye as he lowered his camera. I turned to look at Chloe. All I wanted to do was give her the biggest hug of my life. Instead, I just smiled at her.

"Arg, that be a keeper. Once it er, be developed," William said.

"That artefact belong to us" Chloe said.

"That's right," I said. "I be the keeper of that device."

William looked down at his camera.

"Then you'll have to pry it from me cold, dead hands!" William said as he ran through the woods and disappeared through the boundary of the photograph. Chloe laughed.

"He's such a goof ball," Chloe said as she removed her pirate hat.

"Yeah, but he's funny," I said. "And he always takes good pictures. I'll have to ask him for some help."

"I think he'd be the one asking you, Miss Photographer Extraordinaire."

"Yeah, right." I said as I laid down on the ground and looked at the sky. Chloe blocked my view by leaning over me.

"Enjoying the view?" she said. I laughed.

"I was." Chloe laid down next to me.

"I meant what I said, Max."

"Meant what?"

"You are an awesome photographer. You just need to believe in yourself."

"Yeah, maybe."

"There's no maybe, baby." I laughed. "You're great," she continued. "Just keep doing what you're doing and one day the whole world will see it."

"That would be cool," I said. "But I think I'll be lucky if the whole town sees it."

"Then you need to make me your number one subject," she said as she gave me a nudge. I laughed again.

"Then I don't think I could even reach the whole town," I said. Chloe gave me a sharp elbow.

"Smart ass," she said. "Come on before Bloody Bill gets away," Chloe said as she put her pirate hat back on and got to her feet. As I began to stand up, the perimeter of my vision started to cloud.

"Come on, slow poke!" Chloe shouted as she reached the edge of the photograph.

"Coming!" I said as everything went white.

* * *

 _ **A/N 29/8/18 - Sorry again for the huge gap, should (hopefully) be back to a more frequent upload schedule :)**_


	12. Chapter 12: Addiction (Part One)

I opened my eyes and found myself sat at my desk. The first thing I noticed was how calm I was, even after leaving the photo. I suddenly remembered the most important thing I needed to check. I looked at my journal page and saw the numbers.

 _ _6264165233__

I breathed a sigh of relief. I closed my journal and got into bed. As I pulled the cover over me I smiled. I closed my eyes and didn't take long to fall asleep.

* * *

 _ _Saturday, November 9th__ _ _2013 (9.07am)__

 _ _Dear Chloe,__

 _ _I don't usually write to you at the start of the day but this is kind of a big deal. You ready?__

 _ _I used my powers to jump into a photo last night.__

 _ _Yeah, yeah I know. I broke my promise. But I decided never to use my powers again because I knew I could never change the past. This time I didn't go back in time to change something. I just wanted to escape the after effects of these fucking nightmares for a minute. And it worked. The second I was in the photo I felt better. Then when I came out I stayed that way. I was able to sleep without Jefferson invading my dreams.__

 _ _If Ian Malcolm is the genius I think he is then what he says about Chaos Theory is right. Tiny changes ripple and change the outcome. If I had changed anything then the number sequence I rolled would almost certainly be different. So it's okay.__ _ _Isn't it?__

 _ _Look, I don't plan on doing this forever. Just until these nightmares go away and I can sleep in peace. I don't want to have to rely on it all the time. I just need whatever I can get to help me right now. You're still the only one I can to about a lot of the shit I've gone through. Even then the conversation is pretty one sided.__

 _ _Like I say, I need what I can get right now. When your mom is back I can stay with her at the weekend. I won't even need the photo any more. Hopefully.__

 _ _That's everything, just wanted to get all this off my chest to the only person who will listen.__

 _ _Love Max xx__

* * *

I left my room with smile. After washing my face and brushing my teeth in the bathroom I got dressed and stepped outside to get some fresh air. As I stepped out onto the dormitory grounds I shivered at how cold it was. I saw Stella sat on a bench examining her digital camera. I went over to her.

"Hey, Stella," I said.

"Hey, Max. Beautiful day for pictures," she said. "You should grab your camera."

"Oh, er, I'm good," I said. "Perhaps some other time."

"It's cool. How are you doing with Algebra?"

"I'm doing better actually, thanks to your expertise. If I need your help again your the first person I'm coming to. Promise."

"Good to hear."

I nodded and stared at her for slightly too long.

"You okay, Max?"

"I…"

 _ _Fuck it.__

"I...I saw what was under you bed, Stella," I said. Her eyes widened and she stood up.

"I'm not judging," I added quickly. "And I'm not telling anyone. It's between us."

Stella studied me suspiciously. "You promise?"

"Swear to God."

Stella let out a sigh.

"Thank you. I just needed the help with studying. That and all the shit that's happened in the past month," she said.

"Like I said, Stella, I'm not judging. Just be careful, okay?"

"I am careful, Max. Don't worry about me."

* * *

I sat up in bed bold upright.

 _ _Another stupid nightmare.__

My hands were shaking violently as I clasped them together. After a minute they were still shaking.

 _ _Fuck.__

I looked over at my desk where the photo of Chloe and I was.

 _ _Shit. I still need to be careful.__

I went over to my desk and clumsily picked up my dice. I threw it down ten times and scrawled down the sequence.

 _ _2523424662__

I focussed hard on the photo as the edges of my vision began to whiten.

* * *

After leaving the photo, I opened my eyes to find myself stood in front of my desk. My breathing was steady and my hands not shaking. I looked at the number sequence.

 _ _2523424662__

I breathed a sigh of relief and collapsed back to bed and fell asleep.

* * *

 _ _Sunday, November 10th__ _ _2013__

 _ _Dear Chloe,__

 _ _I went to sleep Saturday night and had another nightmare, when I woke up I had to use the photo of you and I again to calm me down. I'm going to try using the photo before I go to bed tonight to see if it fends off Jefferson and I can hopefully get a good night's sleep. I don't like having to do this but right now I don't feel like I have a choice.__

 _ _Well...actually I kinda like it. I know I shouldn't, but just being right in the middle of a time when I didn't have so much shit to worry about is really therapeutic. And I'm the only person who can experience that sensation__

 _ _Maybe I should count myself lucky?__

 _ _I'd better get to sleep (after using the photo of course). Jefferson's trial starts tomorrow so I'll have to work twice as hard to not think about that asshole. Easier said than done, especially with the study hall sessions and lab classes.__

 _ _Here it goes nothing.__

 _ _Love Max xx__

 _ _PS - I just remembered tomorrow is the 11__ _ _th__ _ _. Exactly one month after Jefferson did what he did to me. One month after I let you go. And I'm still suffering for it.__

 _ _Congrats to me I guess. I officially have PTSD.__

 _ _5234331621__

* * *

I opened my eyes to the alarm on my phone. I looked over and realised it was morning. I smiled as I turned off my alarm and looked at the ceiling.

 _ _No nightmare. Thank God.__

I got out of bed and grabbed my bathroom stuff. I headed for the bathroom and saw I went into the bathroom. I saw Courtney step out of a shower in a shirt and pants drying off her hair.

"Hey, Max," she said.

"Morning, Courtney," I said as I moved to a sink and took out my tooth brush. "Did you have a fun weekend?"

"Just homework and tried some new make up stuff out."

"Same. About homework I mean."

Courtney chuckled. "You not down for a less Halloween-y make over from me?"

I laughed.

"If I need help for another costume I'm coming to you. Normal make up just isn't for me. Besides, Dana already tried that and failed. You two should get together, bet you'd have enough products to open a store," I said as I put tooth paste on my brush.

"I've been thinking about trying out some stuff. Just didn't know if she'd want to," said Courtney.

"Why wouldn't she want to?"

Courtney shrugged.

"Do you think she's still mad at you? Has she said something?" I asked.

"No. She's been super nice. Just…Victoria used to stay mad at me for a while, even when she seemed okay. Guess it's just what I'm used to."

I put my toothbrush down on the sink and approached Courtney.

"Well, Dana's not like that. And I'd like to think Victoria isn't any more. If you want to hang out with Dana just ask her. I'm sure she'd love to."

"I will. Thanks, Max," she said as she left.

* * *

I made it to school and to my World History classroom. Most people had taken their seats. I sat down in my usual seat at the back and got out my text books.

"Cool if I sit here?"

I looked up and saw Victoria stood by the empty seat next to me. I smiled at her.

"Sure."

She sat down and got out her stuff.

"You spoken to Kate recently?" Victoria asked.

"Yeah, a little. I know she's on the stand next Monday," I said.

"Is she really doing it?"

"I think so. It's why she's been coming back to the photography classroom, so she can prepare herself."

"Was wondering if that had something to do with it. Do you think she'll be able to handle it in court?"

"Yes. Why, don't you?"

"It's not that. It's just the defence lawyer will not go easy on her."

"But there's already so much evidence, isn't there? All Kate has to do is say what she remembers. How can it go any other way?"

"Don't forget Jefferson's lawyer is being provided by Sean Prescott," said Victoria. "Trust me, it won't be easy."

* * *

 _ _Monday, November 11__ _ _th__ _ _2013__

 _ _Dear Chloe,__

 _ _So I spent a good portion of the day keeping my head buried in the sand while the trial started. I don't want to hear a damn thing about it. I don't want to be in that classroom. Not right now. But then I also have to be there for Kate. I can't do both, so Kate has to come first. It's like Dad said.__

 _ _So until Kate's done her part in the trial and Jefferson gets what he deserves it's what I have to do. After that, I guess we'll see.__

 _ _Not a lot else to say. I don't know if there will be that much to say this week actually. When I tell you about this stuff it just makes me think of the trial. Sorry.__

 _ _Love Max xx__

 _ _5246144236__

* * *

 _ _Tuesday, November 12__ _ _th__ _ _2013__

 _ _1325463421__

* * *

 _ _Wednesday, November 13__ _ _th__ _ _2013__

 _ _2435636541__

* * *

After school, in the middle of yet more homework, I went into the kitchen area to grab a snack. I grabbed a bag of chips from the cupboard and heard the door open behind me. I turned around to see Kate.

"Hey, Max," she said.

"Hey, Kate."

She took a glass out of the cupboard and filled it with water from the sink tap. I opened my bag and pointed it towards Kate.

"Want one?"

Kate shook her head. "No, thanks," she said as she sipped her water. I looked at her face and could tell something was wrong.

"Are you okay, Kate?" She hesitated and I had my answer.

"What's wrong?" I asked. Kate put her glass down on the counter. "Max, I don't think I can stand at the trial," she said.

"What? But you've been doing great in the study hall periods and lab classes. Wasn't this what that was all for?"

"I've been reading up on the news, what's been going on in the trial. All the girls who have been on the stand so far…"

"And?"

"The defence lawyer totally ripped them apart, Max. He made it sound like they…consented to what happened."

"What?"

"He twisted their words and…made it sound like it was their f-fault." Kate starting sobbing. I dumped my bag of chips on the counter and gave her a hug. She cried into my shoulder as I held her close.

"I c-can't d-do it, Max," she cried. "I'm n-not st-strong enough." I hugged her even tighter.

"Yes, you are, Kate."

"I'm n-not," she cried.

"Just look a what you've done. You were able to go back in the photography room when you didn't think you could do it. You can do this too."

"Th-that's…" Kate was struggling to speak. I took a step back and put my hands on her shoulders.

"Kate, take some deep breaths for me, okay? In…" I breathed in with her.

"Out." We both breathed out.

"In. Out."

After a few moments, Kate was a little more composed as she wiped her eyes.

"That was different, Max. I had all my friends to help me."

"And you still have us, Kate. All of us are by your side."

"Not when I'm on the stand though, Max. In that moment I'm alone. I can't ask any of you to hold my hand while the lawyer interrogates me," she said. "I can't do it."

"That's not true."

Both of us turned towards the door to see Victoria stood there.

"Sorry to butt in," she said. "But I'm not letting you say that crap, Kate."

"Victoria…" I said.

"What, Max? You think the same," she said as she approached us.

"Victoria," said Kate. "I get you feel bad for they way you treated me…"

"Yes, I do. Doesn't change the fact that you are strong enough to do this, Kate. That Meals on Wheels stuff, your religious stuff all the..." Victoria paused. "All the shit we gave you after what happened at the Vortex Club. You never broke from any of that."

"I almost did..." said Kate. Victoria and I looked at each other. "I had really bad thoughts until everything was exposed. I thought about..."

I knew exactly what Kate was talking about. I'd seen it with my own eyes. Judging from Victoria's face, she figured out what Kate meant. She was disarmed upon learning just how much damage her treatment of Kate had really done. So I decided to step in.

"Whatever thoughts you had, Kate," I said. "You didn't give in to them. You're still here. You were here to save me from myself after Chloe died and I thought I didn't deserve anyone. Without you, I don't know where I'd be."

"Jefferson's lawyer is just another bully," said Victoria. "You've dealt with plenty of those and come out of it. It'll be the same again in that trial."

"We'll stand by you whatever you choose, Kate," I said. "We're not trying to pressure you. Just tell me this, if the answer is 'no' then there's nothing more we can do. Do you think you'll regret not taking to the stand?"

Kate stood thinking for a few moments. From her expression she seemed to be weighing up all the possible scenarios. She finally looked up at Victoria and I to speak.

"Yes," she said. " I think I would. I have to believe that God is on my side."

"Then trust me, no matter how hard and scary it might seem, you have to do it if you know it's for the best," I said.

"You can do it," Victoria said. Kate looked from her back to me.

"Okay," she said. "Alright, I'm going to do it. I'm not backing down now."

I hugged Kate.

"Yes!" I said.

"Cool," Victoria said. "I'll leave you both to it. Work here is done," she said as she headed for the door.

"Victoria?" Kate said as she let me go. Victoria stopped and turned around.

"Thank you," said Kate. Victoria just nodded.

"Kinda the least I owe you," she replied.

* * *

 _Thursday, November 14th 2013_

 _3525121336_

* * *

As I sat in the photography classroom with Kate and everyone else, I tried to concentrate on what I was writing. I looked out of the window at the school grounds. Suddenly-

WHACK!

A bird flew straight into the window and fell to the ground, leaving a red stain on the glass. I looked around at everyone else. No-one seemed to notice.

"Guys?"

WHACK!

Another bird slammed into the glass. Another red stain.

WHACK! WHACK!

Two more.

WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK!

Birds kept slamming into the glass until the light shining through the blood cast a red glare across the room. Everyone else continued working as the glare grew brighter. It grew so bright I was forced to shut my eyes. It was still so bright I could practically see through my eyelids. Suddenly it faded a little and I was able to open my eyes again. I suddenly realised this red light was seen in one particular setting…a dark room. I saw Jefferson stood by several enlargers and several plastic tubs with developing liquids. He lifted out a photograph with a pair of tongs.

"Perfect," he said.

I tried to move, only to find I was strapped to a chair. I struggled as Jefferson moved over towards me. He held the photo in front of my face so I could see it. It was me lying on the ground with my wrists and ankles bound, my eyes glazed over from the drugs. I looked away, but Jefferson grabbed my hair and turned my head so I had to stare at my drugged self being posed for his photo.

"This might be the best one yet," he said as he moved away. I saw he had a collection of photographs pinned to a line of string on the ceiling. All were of me.

* * *

I sat up in bed covered in sweat. My hands were shaking and I realised something else.

 _ _I'm going to be sick.__

I leapt out of bed and and ran in my disorientated state to the door. I fumbled to open it with one hand while putting the other over my mouth. I opened the door and ran into the hall, I felt my way through the darkness over to the opposite wall. I made my way as quick as possible along it, banging on several people's room doors in the process, until I found the bathroom door. I opened it and quickly turned on the light.

I ran into the stall, slammed the toilet lid up and was sick into the toilet. I felt like my insides were on fire as I vomited and coughed. As I stopped to catch my breath I heard doors opening and footsteps.

 _ _Great…__

"Max?" I looked over my shoulder to see Dana stood in the doorway.

"Hey…" I said as I turned back to the toilet bowl.

"Are you okay?" I heard Stella's voice say from behind Dana.

"I'm f-WAAARGH!"

I vomited into the toilet bowl again. I heard footsteps approach me and a hand touch my shoulder.

"Doesn't look like it," said Dana. I stayed hunched over the toilet.

"I'm okay, just…something I ate probably," I said.

"Well after all that I sure hope you got it out out," Dana said.

"Yeah, I think I have… WAAARGH!"

* * *

After a few minutes without puking up my guts I figured it was safe to stand up. Stella had brought me a glass of water.

"Thanks," I said. I rinsed my mouth out a few times and spat in the sink. I ran the tap to wash away the mess.

I looked back at Dana and Stella.

"I'll take care of that," said Stella as she took the glass from me. "You okay now?"

"Yeah, think so," I said. I left the bathroom to see the hall lights on. Most of the other girls in the dorm were gathered together. My face immediately went red.

"S-Sorry, everyone. I didn't mean to wake you all," I said.

"It's fine," said Victoria. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah, I feel better now."

"Maybe you should stay off school tomorrow?" Kate suggested.

"I'm fine. Just something I ate I think," I said again. "I'll see you all tomorrow. Sorry for waking you all again," I said as I quickly went back to my room and shut the door. I turned on the light and sat on my bed. I buried my head in my hands and let out a deep sigh. I grabbed my phone and looked at the time: __5.30am.__ I was in no mood to go back to sleep. I went over to my journal and opened up to Friday's page.

* * *

 _ _Friday, November 15__ _ _th__ _ _2013 (5.30am)__

 _ _Dear Chloe,__

 _ _I don't know what happened but the photo didn't work. I did everything exactly the same and for the past few days its fended off the nightmares. Not tonight. Not only that I woke up even worse than normal. I managed to make it to the bathroom before I emptied my guts at least.__

 _ _If the photo doesn't help then what am I going to do? Maybe it's because I've been using the same one over and over? Maybe I'm becoming immune to it? I know your mom would have whole albums with photos of us. When I stay with her and David this weekend then I can at least borrow them. Way more realistic than borrowing a whole VCR…__

 _ _I guess I have to try it. If that doesn't work then I don't know what I'm going to do.__

 _ _Love Max xx__

* * *

RIIIIIIING!

After getting through the school day okay I walked through the corridor. I saw Kate over by her locker.

"Hey, Kate," I said as I reached her.

"Hey, Max. You doing much at the weekend?"

"I'm staying with Joyce and David again. Staying on top of homework, the usual."

"Cool, in that case I might not see you for nearly a week," said Kate.

"So you're doing it?"

"Yeah. I'm being flown to Salem tomorrow to be prepared for my spot in the trial on Monday."

"That's awesome, Kate. I'm really proud of you. Who's going with you?"

"My parents and a few other family members."

"Good. You'll be okay, Kate. You can do it."

"I hope so."

"I know you can. Everyone is here for you when you get back."

I gave her a huge hug.

"Thanks, Max. I'll text you when it's all over. I'll be back Tuesday afternoon."

"I'll see you then, Kate. Good luck."

We separated and I waved goodbye as I walked down the corridor towards the exit. Principal Wells left the administrative assistant's office as I reached the door.

"Enjoy your weekend, Max," he said.

I turned around to look at him.

"You too, Principal Wells." He smiled as he turned away to walk off.

"Principal Wells?"

He stopped and turned back around as I approached him.

"Yes, Max?"

"I was just wondering how you were doing. You know, with the trial going on and everything?"

Wells sighed. I winced slightly as the smell of alcohol hit my face again.

"Just keeping busy. I imagine it's been even worse for Kate Marsh and those other poor girls. I just hope they get the justice they deserve. Then I'll start worrying about myself."

"It'll all work out Principal Wells. I'm sure," I said.

"I hope so. Take care, Max," Principal Wells said as he left.

 _ _That's the second time I've smelt that alcohol on his breath. I really hope he's not falling back into bad habits too hard.__

* * *

I arrived at Joyce and David's home on my bike. After going round the back of the house, I saw David walking through the living room. I gave him a quick wave. He slid open the door to the back yard.

"Hey, Max," he said. "Just chain your bike to the swing set if you want."

"Thanks, David," I said. "And thanks for letting me stay again this weekend."

"It's okay. Joyce still feels bad we couldn't take you last weekend."

"She's doesn't need to. She shouldn't have to organise her life around mine. How was your trip?"

"That's what I keep telling her. And we had a good time. It was nice to get away for a couple of days. Even if money is pretty tight at the moment, Joyce deserved a break."

I nodded. "And how have you been doing, with your sessions I mean?" I asked.

"Been having a couple of sessions a week for a little while now. It's felt good to talk, I'll tell you that much. I tell Joyce a lot of stuff but there's things I hold back even from her. She worries enough as it is. My counsellor on the other hand has heard it all before. So I'm doing pretty good, all things considered."

"That's great to hear, David. I glad you're doing well."

"I'm hoping to be back in December for a few weeks. Ease myself back into Blackwell before coming back for good in the new year."

"That's awesome. We've all missed you at school."

David smiled wryly.

"I doubt anyone's noticed I've even been gone," he said. "But how about you? You been okay?"

"Yeah, I'm great," I lied.

"Can't have been good seeing Jefferson's face all over the news. For any of you."

"I've been avoiding it all to be honest. Trying to anyway."

"I hear you. Just have to wait until the verdict and hope that bastard gets what he deserves," he said. I nodded again.

"Get your bike chained up and come inside. It's getting chilly out," David said as he made way to the kitchen.

I chained my bike to the swing set and joined David inside.

* * *

An hour later, Joyce returned home from the diner. I was up in Chloe's room listening to some of her music. Joyce entered the room and wore a beaming smile when she saw me. When I got up she gave me a huge hug.

"Max, darling. Its wonderful to see you again," she said.

"You too, Joyce."

She finally let me go.

"I really am sorry about-"

"-Last weekend?" I predicted. "You don't need to be. David said you had a nice trip to Portland?"

"We did. It was nice to be away but I spent half the time worrying you were okay."

"That's really sweet, Joyce. But please don't worry so much. I love being here on the weekends but I get it can't happen every time. It's okay."

Joyce sighed.

"I know, I know. I was a mother, Max. I never stop worrying. Anyway, I'd better get outta this uniform and get dinner cooking. Pot roast okay?"

"Sounds great," I said.

* * *

After dinner, David insisted on washing the dishes so Joyce could relax.

"You wanna watch some tv, Max? You get pick of the channel," she said.

"I'm okay, Joyce. I want to get started on my homework actually."

"Well alright, just don't be doing that all weekend. Always take some time for yourself."

Joyce took me aside a moment.

"And if you want to watch those video tapes tonight at all they're right there for you," she said with a smile.

"Thanks, Joyce," I said. "Actually I was wondering…"

"What is it?"

"Do you still have your photo albums? Specifically the ones with photos of Chloe and I?"

Joyce smiled. "Of course." She went over to the shelf and pulled off one of the albums. I took and quickly flicked through some of the pages.

"Great. Thanks, Joyce."

* * *

I sat in Chloe's room trying to do some homework when my phone on the desk vibrated. I saw it was my parents. I realised I hadn't told them about my nightmares, I was too distracted asking Dad for advice last weekend. After taking a moment, I picked up the phone and answered.

"Hello?"

"Hey, kiddo," Dad said.

"Hi, honey!" Mom said.

"Hi, Dad. Hi, Mom."

"Just checking in on you," said Dad. "How's things?"

"They're…okay," I said.

"Max, honey. Is there something you need to tell us?" Mom asked, seeing straight through my hesitation.

"Er, yeah. It's not a big deal really, it's just…I've been having nightmares recently. But it's okay. I can handle it."

"Are you sure?" Mom said.

I looked over at the photo album on Chloe's desk.

"Yeah, I'm sure. Not like they're real, right?"

"If you say so, then okay," Dad said. "We've been reading about the trial in the news."

"Yeah," I said. "I've been avoiding it all really."

"We understand, sweetheart," said Mom. "Is your friend Kate going to be on the stand? Your father mentioned she had talked to you about it."

"Yeah, she almost got cold feet again on Thursday but another girl in our dorm and I managed to talk her around."

"That's my girl," said Dad. "I'm proud of you for doing the right thing, sweetheart."

"Thanks, Pop."

"Are you with Joyce and David again?" Mom asked.

"Yeah, I am for the weekend."

"That's nice," said Dad.

There was a pause on the other end.

"Mom? Dad?"

"Sweetheart, we've been thinking," said Dad.

"Okay…"

"Just about Thanksgiving," he said. "We were wondering if you might prefer to stay with Joyce and David over your break?"

"Oh…"

"We just thought it might be easier than flying or driving all the way here just for a couple of days," said Mom. "What do you think?"

"Um, yeah. I guess that makes sense. Will I need to ask Joyce and David?"

"She- We've already spoken to Joyce about it. She's fine with it. So is it okay with you?" Dad said.

"Yeah, okay."

"We'll still have you back here for Christmas, kiddo. Don't you worry," he said.

"Yeah. Okay, Pop. I need to get back to my homework but I'll talk to you both soon."

"Okay, sweetheart," said Mom. "Are you sure you're doing okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," I said.

"Then we'll talk soon. Take care, Max," said Dad.

"Bye, honey!" Mom added.

"Bye," I said as I hung up and put my phone down. I sat in my chair not sure how to feel. I went down stairs to find Joyce and David watching TV.

"Um, Joyce? David?"

They both looked over their shoulder.

"Yes, Max?" Joyce said.

"I guess I'm joining you for Thanksgiving?"

Joyce leapt off the couch and came round to me. She gave me a hug. David on the other hand remained seated and turned back round to face the TV. I stayed looking at him as I separated from Joyce.

"Are you sure it's okay?" I said.

"Of course it is, Max. Your parents asked and we couldn't possibly say no. We'd love to have you. Right, David?" Joyce said.

David looked over this shoulder with a small smile.

"Absolutely," he said before turning back. I smiled back at Joyce before looking back at David.

* * *

 _ _Friday, 15__ _ _th__ _ _November 2013__

 _ _Dear Chloe,__

 _ _So today was a little weird. I spoke to Mom and Dad and gave them my weekly update. I decided to tell them about the nightmares, though I didn't go into details. I had already told Joyce and I didn't want them finding out through her. I also told them I could handle it which might be true, might not. We'll have see if these photos work their magic for me tonight. Although...every time I go through the pages I keep expecting to see the photo William took of us in the kitchen. The day he died. But in order to keep things the same I had to burn it and close the time loop. Is it dumb I feel guilty for destroying the photo, getting rid of one more memory that Joyce could have of William?__

 _ _Anyway, outta nowhere Mom and Dad start talking about me staying with Joyce and David for Thanksgiving. I get what they're saying about travelling so far only to see them for a few days. But that's still a few days I'd really like to spend seeing my mom and dad. Both of them, Mom especially, seem like they would want any excuse to see me, no matter how long it was for or how hard it was for me to get there. Something just seems off.__

 _ _Don't get me wrong, Chloe. I imagine your mom throws one mean Thanksgiving dinner and if she and David are happy to have me then I'm there. Well…that's kinda the other weird thing. I know Joyce is happy to have me, David I'm not so sure. He really didn't seem enthusiastic about me staying for Thanksgiving. There's been a few other occasions I've noticed stuff like that too. I wish I could say he just doesn't like me, but most of the time he seems genuinely interested in how I'm doing and making sure I'm comfortable here. If there's one thing worse than knowing an uncomfortable truth, it's not knowing if it's the truth at all.__

 _ _Like I said. Today was a little weird. But not awful, so I guess that's a step up? Anyway, I need to get to sleep. But not before I try using a new photo. Here's hoping it works.__

 _ _Good night,__

 _ _Love Max xx__

* * *

I grabbed the die I'd brought along with me and rolled out a new sequence.

 _ _6254141232__

I looked through the photo album for what photo I wanted to use. I landed on one from Halloween 2002. I was dressed as a lion, Chloe was dressed as a witch and William was, of course, dressed as a wardrobe. I smiled as I tried to remember exactly what I said. Eventually, I stared at the photo and concentrated. Joyce's voice drifted into my ears as the photo began to focus.

 _"_ _ _Okay, Max I want a roar from you."__

 _"_ _ _Chloe, a cackle."__

 _"_ _ _And William. Well wardrobes don't talk. Thank Lord."__

* * *

I opened my eyes and looked up to see Joyce, dressed as the bride of Frankstein's monster, lower the camera. I looked to my side to see Chloe and William.

"That's why Mom suggested these costumes," said Chloe.

"Yep, that was her plan," I said.

"And it worked like a charm," said Joyce. William just stood in defeated silence.

"Then it's a good job," he said. "That I came as the wardrobe from __Beauty and the Beast.__ I can talk all I want and even sing!"

"I think you'll find that wardrobe is a lady," Joyce said. William paused.

"Then I shall talk like this," he said in a high pitched voice. "And sing like thiiiiiiiis!" He sang. We all laughed.

"Okay, you can talk. In your normal voice. And no singing," Joyce declared.

"Yes!" William celebrated. "And that was my plan all along. Worked like a charm," he said as he high fived Chloe and I. Joyce rolled her eyes as the rest of us laughed.

"As usual, Dad wins!" Chloe said.

"As usual indeed," Joyce said as she grabbed our trick or treat bags off the dining table and handed them to Chloe and I.

"Where's my bag?" William said as he tried to fold his arms over his costume.

"You're too old!" I said.

"Old. Moi?" William said as Chloe laughed.

"Ancient," Joyce said. "Now get going before all the other kids take the good candy."

"Okay, okay," William said as he gave Joyce a quick kiss. "I'm sure my friends will be more than willing to share their candy when we return."

"I wouldn't bet on it," said Chloe as she ran for the front door. "Come on, Max!"

"Coming!" I ran through to join Chloe, she opened the door to reveal the white border of the photo.

"Wait up, I don't know if I'll fit through the door in this!" William called. Chloe and I laughed as we ran outside and everything went white.

* * *

 _ _Sunday, November 17__ _ _th__ _ _2013__

 _ _Dear Chloe,__

 _ _I had a pretty nice weekend with your mom and David. I don't know if I'd be doing nearly as well if I didn't have them to rely on. Especially now when my parents don't even seem to want me. Oh yeah, the new photos I now have certainly help too. I borrowed the album to give me a better palate of memories to help me cope. I had no nightmares the past couple of nights at least so here's hoping it continues.__

 _ _The trial is still going on and Kate's on the stand tomorrow. I'm so stressed and scared, but probably not as much as her. I may have seen a little more of the news of the trial over the weekend. Funnily enough, there's been almost zero mention from the defence lawyer that Sean Prescott owned the fucking bunker those girls were violated in. That I was violated in. He'll get his trial later but I can't help but feel he'll get off.__

 _ _Anyway, I think there's still another week of Jefferson's trial to go so I'm just going to keep my head down until it blows over. Maybe go to the Winchester while I'm at it.__

 _ _Love Max xx__

 _ _1324614316__

* * *

RIIIIIIING!

I sat down in the photography classroom with everyone else. I spent about ten minutes working on some Algebra. Over that time I felt an increasing, unpleasant sensation in my stomach. I put my hand on my stomach and realised I was going to be sick. I put my hand up and asked to be excused.

I made my way down the hall to the exit. Before I even left the building I realised I was not going to make it to the dorm bathrooms in time. So I dashed right into the girls bathroom. I slammed open a cubicle door and got on my knees as I couldn't hold in any longer. I vomited into the toilet, feeling like I was turning my self inside out. I coughed as the first wave ended. I could feel my body wasn't finished so I just stayed hunched over the bowl and waited.

 _ _Shit. I'm just getting worse and worse. At least I knew the nightmares could only come at night. Now what? I can't even be in that room without this happening. I just-__

"WAAAAARGH!"

* * *

After a few minutes of making sure I was finished. I slowly got to my feet and unsteadily moved over to the sink. I rinsed out my mouth several times under the tap and spat out the mess down the drain. I splashed some water on my face and looked in the mirror.

 _ _God, I look pale. Well, paler than usual.__

I heard the door open and jerked my head to look at who had walked in.

Nathan Prescott.

"No," I said. "Please no."

I tried to move towards the door but my legs were locked in place. I jerked my head away from Nathan and looked in the mirror again.

"It's cool Nathan. Don't stress, you're okay, bro…"

I looked back at my face and saw tears starting to build up in my eyes.

"Just count to three. Don't be scared."

I buried my face in my hands and tried my hardest to drown out what was happening around me. I tried to block out Nathan's ramblings but I still heard the door open a few moments later. I still heard Chloe's voice.

…

"I hope you checked the perimeter, as my step-ass would say. Now, let's talk bidness."

…

"Oh boo hoo, poor little rich kid. I know you've been pumpin' drugs n' shit to kids around here."

…

"You don't know who the fuck I am or who you're messing around with!"

…

"Get that gun away from me, psycho!"

BANG!

I lowered my hands and cried silently as I looked and saw Nathan and Chloe had disappeared. Then the door opened again.

"NO!" I cried as I buried my hands again.

"Max?"

I looked up and through my tears I could see a blurry image of Victoria.

"Jesus fucking Christ," she said. "Why are you in here?"

I wiped my eyes furiously as Victoria saw the toilet I had forgotten to flush. She looked back at me.

"I'm fine, something I ate," I said.

"Yeah. You said that last week," she replied as she flushed the toilet for me. "Come on, let's get outta here." She went to grab my arm but I yanked it away.

"I can walk, Victoria. I'm not a baby," I said as I stomped out of the bathroom and into the hall. Victoria appeared behind me.

"You know that's not what I meant," she said with scowl.

"Isn't it?" I retorted. Victoria shut her eyes and took a deep breath.

"You're not okay, Max. You don't need to pretend you are."

"No shit, Victoria. I just saw it all in front of me again."

"I'm not talking about what just happened."

"What's going on here?"

Victoria and I turned to see Principal Wells stood in front of the administrative assistant's office. He approached the both of us.

"Why aren't you-" Wells stopped speaking when he saw my face. He looked to the bathroom door then back at Victoria who nodded.

"Miss Chase, please return to your classroom," he said. Victoria gave me one last look of sympathy before walking back to the classroom. Wells turned back to me.

"Come with me, Max" he said. "I think the school nurse should check you over." I winced as the smell of alcohol hit nose. Again.

"Jesus…" I said under my breath. "Whatever. I'm going back to my room," I said as I walked away towards the exit.

"I would suggest you see the school nurse first."

"I'm fine. I just need to get back to my room."

"I'll still be contacting Joyce Madsen and your parents-"

I stopped in my tracks and spun round.

"I'm capable of telling them myself," I yelled.

"Please don't raise your voice, Max. And no-on is saying you aren't capable. But you are still a student of this school and it is my responsibility to ensure your well being," said Wells.

"Then you can start by ditching the fucking whiskey bottle in your office," I retorted.

Wells was stopped in his tracks, his mouth fell open.

"Didn't think so," I said as I shoved open the door and stepped outside.

* * *

I made it back to my room and slammed the door behind me. I grabbed the photo album and opened it up. I looked at the photos and began removing ones that didn't have me in them. I abandoned them on the floor in a pile until only photos that featured Chloe and remained. I grabbed my die from my drawer and opened my journal up.

* * *

 _ _2361534253__

 _ _5143621331__

 _ _5341533144__

 _ _6621342565__

 _ _3621453215__

 _ _5146215431__

 _ _4336143251__


	13. Chapter 13: Addiction (Part Two)

"Shit!"

As I opened my eyes I felt my nose bleeding. I grabbed a couple of tissues from the box on my desk. I managed to catch the blood before it dripped anywhere.

"Shit," I repeated as I stood up. I pinched the top of my nose while keeping the tissue pressed to my nostrils.

I sat down my on my bed and continued to nurse my nose. I had gone through eight photos in a row. I felt better after the first two, the rest were just because I wanted to. I felt like such crap after being sick again, knowing I couldn't even trust myself in the day time.

After a few minutes I lowered the tissue and found the bleeding had stopped. I threw it in the trash.

KNOCK! KNOCK!

"Max?"

 _ _Shit.__

"Just a minute!"

I grabbed another tissue and hastily tried to wipe away the dried blood on my lip. I threw that tissue away and opened up the door. I saw Alyssa and Stella stood there. Alyssa had my bag in her hand. They saw some of the dried blood still under my nostril.

"Max, are you okay?" Stella said. "Victoria said Principal Wells was going to help you?"

"I'm fine. I just needed to come back to my room and relax," I said.

"Is your nose okay?" Alyssa asked.

"Yeah, just a small nose bleed. Happens occasionally. No big deal."

"Right," said Alyssa as she held out my bag. "We brought your bag back."

I took it from Alyssa and put it on the floor.

"Thanks, I'd better go and clean myself up."

"Sure thing," said Stella. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," I said as I closed my door and stepped past them.

* * *

I cleaned up my nose in the bathroom and dried up with a paper towel. As I stepped out into the hall I saw Dana's door was open. She was sat on her couch with her laptop. She saw me and immediately put her laptop to the side.

"Max?" She came out of her room and into the corridor.

"Are you okay? I heard something happened in class?"

"Yeah, just another stomach attack. And a small nosebleed," I said.

"Shit."

"I'm fine," I said for the millionth time. "It's okay."

"If you say so," she said. "I got a text from Kate a couple of hours ago before she took to the stand. She sounded really nervous. I hope she got through it okay," said Dana.

"Crap, I totally forgot about that. She's strong, Dana. She can do it."

"I hope so, Max."

The door opened and Victoria, Taylor and Courtney walked in. As they walked past Dana and I, I could feel Victoria looking at me. As they returned to their rooms, Dana looked at me.

"Victoria was giving you the stink eye. Watch yourself, Max," she said.

"Actually, for once, I'm the one who needs to apologise. I'll see you later, Dana."

"See ya, Max," she said as she returned to her room.

I approached Victoria's door and knocked on her door. After a moment, she answered. As soon as she saw me, she folded her arms and stared me down.

"I'm sorry," I said. After a brief pause, Victoria unfolded her arms.

"What's going on, Max? Be straight with me."

"Just…shit getting on top of me again. I can cope."

"If it's making you sick, then you're not coping at all, Max."

"I've gotten through worse, Victoria. You don't need to worry, though I do appreciate it," I said.

"I'm not buying it, Max," she said. "But I can't force you to do anything. Whatever's going on, just please be careful."

"I will. I'll see you later," I said as I retreated back to my room. Victoria nodded and shut her door.

* * *

It was pretty late, I got ready for bed and went into the bathroom to brush my teeth. I saw Stella at a sink drying off her face with a towel.

"Hey, Max," she said.

"Hey, Stella."

"You hear from, Kate?"

I had avoided looking at my phone the whole day. I didn't want to think about the trial. Which meant I had to avoid the texts Kate had probably sent me.

"Actually, my phone's been dead, so no. Has she spoken to you at all?" I said.

"Yeah, a couple hours ago she called me after she was finished in the stand."

"How did she do?"

"She got through it. She said she almost lost her nerve when that asshole lawyer laid into her. But I think she did okay."

"Thank God," I said.

"Yeah, Dana's planning a movie night for Kate tomorrow which everyone's in for."

"Sounds cool, she'll like that."

"Yeah," said Stella. She fiddled with her towel for a moment before looking at me.

"Max, I don't want to seem out of line…" she said. My stomach tensed up at what she was about to say. "It's just, with your nose bleed and issues with your stomach. I think I know what's up." I just stared at her blankly. "You didn't judge me and I'm not judging you. All I'll say is be careful. I know people who took more stuff that they can handle and it can mess them up…just be careful, okay?"

"Oh, Stella. No, it's not what you think. Again, I don't judge you, or anyone else that does drugs but I don't take any. I'm not taking any." Stella studied me closely, she still seemed sceptical. "I swear, Stella."

"Alright. I'm sorry, I wasn't accusing you or anything. I just saw the signs and thought…"

"You were just looking out for me. I appreciate it."

"It's okay, Max. Sorry again. Good night," she said as she left the room.

After I brushed my teeth and went back to my room I decided to check my phone. I looked and saw several messages from Kate. Looking at them, Stella and Dana were right. She had been nervous and scared before she was in the stand but the prosecuting lawyer was able to calm her down. During her time in the stand she got pretty emotional when she had to recall everything she remembered. I decided the least should do is send her a text of support.

 ** _ _ **Hey, Kate. Phone was dead today, only just saw your messages. I hope you're okay. I'm proud of you for getting through it. I'll see you tomorrow xx**__**

I put my phone down on my desk. I turned and opened my journal to today's page.

* * *

 _ _Monday, November 18__ _ _th__ _ _2013__

 _ _Dear Chloe,__

 _ _So today…sucked. Really sucked. I was sick during the study hall session. I didn't have time to make it to the dorm, so I had no choice but to run in to the girl's bathroom. So once I was done puking I got to hear you die all over again. I keep hoping it's the last every time it happens but__

* * *

BZZT! BZZT!

I jerked my head away from my journal and saw my phone was buzzing. Kate was calling.

 _ _Shit. I really don't want to hear about the trial. What do I do?__

The last time this happened it was during "that week." During Kate's lowest period, she called me to talk. I considered not answering because Chloe was demanding we go to the junk yard. But I knew how bad Kate was doing and had to answer. Even if it pissed Chloe off.

 _ _Not that it mattered anyway. Kate still jumped. If I hadn't answered, Chloe would have still died. What does it matter?__

As my phone continued to buzz I thought some more.

 _ _Because when you reminded Kate that you answered her call, you could see the gratitude in her eyes, Max. For a moment, she knew that you cared. Even if that couldn't help her overcome the pain she was in.__

 _ _It mattered.__

I grabbed my phone and answered.

"Hey, Kate."

"Max. I'm really sorry if I'm bothering you. I know it's late." I got up and laid down on my bed.

"Don't be ridiculous, Kate. How are you doing?"

"I feel…I feel glad it's over. Like I can breathe again. I'm hoping I can get back to normal once I return to school," she said.

"You will. You did everything you could, Kate. It's all down to the court."

"I tried my best. But, Max it…just seeing him again. Just looking into his eyes. I couldn't see any remorse at all. It scared me."

As I listened to Kate, the image of Jefferson appeared vividly in my head. A sensation around my wrists, from duct tape, began to prickle my skin.

"Listen, Kate. I'm really sorry but I'm exhausted. Today was…I just need to get to bed, if that's alright?"

"Okay, of course, Max. You okay?"

"Yeah, I- I was sick again today, that's all. I'm fine. I just need to sleep. See you tomorrow."

"Okay, Max. Goodn-"

I hung up and put my phone down. I slammed my had down on my desk.

"Fuck."

I took a few deep breaths and calmed down. When I was ready, I picked my pen back up.

* * *

 _ _Sorry, Chloe. I just had to speak to Kate. Not the first time I've had to pick between the both of you…__

 _ _She seems okay. As well as she can be, though it probably didn't help that I blew her off. Even thinking about Jefferson has started to affect me. I over did it using the photos of us earlier too. When I came back I found my nose bleeding. I was kind hoping to go to sleep tonight without using another, but since my talk with Kate I feel I need one. Only one. Can't afford to over do it again.__

 _ _I'd better get to sleep. Hopefully a peaceful one.__

 _ _Good night.__

 _ _Love Max xx__

 _ _3625142316__

* * *

I woke up the next morning. Nightmare free. I let out a sigh of relief and got out of bed. I had a free first period so after I got dressed I decided to check my facebook. I saw I had a message from Kristen.

 _ _Shit. I've totally avoided everything since the trial started. Never even saw it.__

I sent a reply back apologising for not talking to her. Again. And asked her how things were. Eventually I had no choice but to go to school for the study hall session. I packed my bag and went to the school.

* * *

As I walked past the lockers on the way to the classroom I began to think.

 _ _It's just a room, Max. Just sit and do your work. That's it. Every other one is fine so why this one?__

 _ _Because it was the classroom where I was taught by that monster. The person who drugged me. Took pictures of me when I was…__

I came to a standstill as I realised how uneasy my stomach was starting to feel.

 _ _Shit. Come the fuck on.__

I put my hand on my stomach as I turned around and walked back through the corridor. I broke out into a run and covered my mouth as I felt the sensation growing more and more. I also realised I couldn't go into the girls' bathroom no matter what. So I ran into the boys'. I saw someone stood at the opposite end on the room at a urinal. They looked over their shoulder as I slammed a stall door open and got on my knees. I vomited into the toilet. I quickly put the strap of my bag over my head and put my bag in the corner. I was sick again. I heard footsteps approaching.

"Max?"

"Warren…" I said as I stayed hunched over the bowel.

"Holy shit. Are you okay?"

"WAAAARGH!"

"Dumb question, got it."

* * *

A few minutes later I got to my feet and flushed the toilet. Warren backed away and looked at me in concern as I rinsed my mouth out at the sink.

"Sorry," I said as I spat out the water. "I know I shouldn't be here."

"Don't worry about that, Max. Maybe you need to see the nurse?"

"I'm fine," I insisted.

"Max, it's okay. You don't have to be embarrassed or anything."

"I'm not embarrassed about anything, Warren," I snapped as I left the bathroom. I walked straight into Miss Grant.

"God, sorry," I said.

"Max, just heard for a couple of students you ran into the boys' bathroom?"

"Yeah, sorry. Emergency. And the girls' isn't…" Miss Grant nodded as I trailed off. Warren left the bathroom and appeared next to me.

"I told her she needs to see the nurse, Miss Grant. But she's not-"

"Okay, Warren," she said. "Get yourself to class and I'll take it from here."

Warren put his hand on my shoulder as he left, I just looked at the floor.

"Max?"

I looked up at Miss Grant, she put her hand on my back.

"Come on, let's get you to the nurse."

"But-"

"No arguments. Come on."

I gave up and walked with Miss Grant to the nurse's office.

* * *

"Okay, all done," said Nurse Barenchi after my check up. "Your blood pressure is a little higher than it should be but I couldn't find anything else out of the ordinary. Is today the first time this has happened?"

I thought about lying, but too many people knew the truth.

"No. It happened yesterday at the end of school. And in the middle of the night last Thursday."

"I see. Have these episodes come on suddenly?"

"What do you mean?"

"Do you just suddenly feel sick, or is it more gradual?"

"They're…becoming more sudden. Though I still feel it coming."

"I see. Have you felt stressed recently?"

I paused, being careful about how much I was going to say.

"I've…I've been having nightmares. I don't want to talk about what happens in them. But they've really messed up my sleeping pattern."

"How long has this been going on for?"

"A few weeks."

"I would advise trying some relaxation techniques before you go to sleep. If the nightmares persist then medication may be needed. Come back to me next Monday and we'll take it from there. Okay?"

"Okay."

"In the mean time, if the stress of these nightmares is causing you to be ill like this then I would advise staying out of classes for today, and maybe tomorrow."

"I don't need-"

 _ _Wait, Max. What the hell are you doing? Are you really going to turn down an excuse to avoid the photography room?__

"I mean…" I said. "I have had trouble studying at the moment. If it's okay, having the rest of the week off might help me."

Nurse Barenchi studied me closely, obviously trying to see if I was playing up the seriousness.

"I did mention to Principal Wells I was concerned about how suddenly you started back at school," she said finally.

"I was doing okay, it's just recently things have… I don't need to stay off school for long. Just a few days to sort my head out," I said. Nurse Barenchi sighed.

"Okay, I shall inform Principal Wells and have you signed off. I'll get some relaxation techniques printed off for you too. Give them a try and come back to me next Monday. Okay?"

"Yeah, okay."

"Stress can do terrible things to the body. But it can be overcome."

* * *

 _ _Tuesday, November 19__ _ _th__ _ _2013 (11.15am)__

 _ _Dear Chloe,__

 _ _Another early-ish entry to you. Another stupid attack. I didn't even make it to the fucking classroom this time. What, do I have to keep a hundred feet away from the school to avoid all this shit?__

 _ _I'm sorry for being so angry. I just feel like I'm slipping back further and further each day. Literally the only thing that consoles me is knowing I can fall back on the photos if things get really rough. Even then I have to be careful I don't over do it.__

 _ _There is at least one bit of good(?) news. I'm not going to school for the rest of the week. So the photography room problem is alleviated. For now. If I can get through the rest of the week without another nightmare or wanting to puke up my guts then maybe there's hope for me yet.__

 _ _A bit of a problem is Kate is back today. I know she'll want to talk more about the trial. Or maybe she'll just not want to think about?__

 _ _Yeah, hoping she's too traumatised to even talk about it isn't a very Super Max thing to do. I'll just have to hope things turn out okay I guess.__

 _ _That's it for now. Writing this stuff used to be a great way to get it all out. Now I don't even know if I want to do that.__

 _ _Sorry.__

 _ _Love Max xx__

* * *

I had a snack for dinner as I didn't feel hungry. As I was walking back to my room, Dana entered the dorm floor, behind with a small suit case was Kate.

"Look who's back!" Dana said.

"Kate!" I said.

"Hey, Max," she said as I put her suitcase down on the floor. I gave her a huge hug.

"It's so good to see you again," I said.

"You too. It's nice to be back."

A door opened up to our left and Stella appeared.

"Hey, Kate," she said as she gave her a hug. One by one people came out to greet and hug her. Victoria was the last. She approached Kate a little apprehensively. Kate hugged her and Victoria hugged back.

"Thank you," Kate said.

"For what?"

"For the talk you and Max gave me. I appreciate it." As Kate stepped back Victoria glanced at me. I smiled at her as she quickly looked at everyone else.

"It's cool. No big deal," she said quickly.

"Vic," said Taylor. "Are you blushing?"

"No!"

"I think you are," said Courtney.

"It's just hot in here," Victoria said, folding her arms. Everyone chuckled at Victoria's protests. "Don't we have a movie night or something to start?"

"Let's give Kate a chance to unpack, Vicotoria," said Dana. "But yes, eight o'clock. Lounge room. No excuses people!"

* * *

At eight o'clock we all gathered in the lounge room. I was sat next to Kate as Dana stood by the TV with one hand behind her back.

"Tonight we have a movie chosen by the guest of honour," said Dana, pointing to Kate. We all clapped as Kate blushed a little. "I've been informed it's her favourite movie of all time," Dana continued. "Ladies, I present to you…" Dana held out the DVD. _"…_ _ _Alice in Wonderland!"__

"The original," said Brooke. "Not the Tim Burton one. I'm still not over that."

"I liked it," said Alyssa.

"Really? It tries to make sense out of nonsense. It literally goes against the idea of Wonderland."

"The visuals were cool," said Courtney.

"It's a Tim Burton film so you expect that," said Brooke. "But it's still a huge dissa-"

"Guys!" Dana interrupted. "Can we save the nerdy arguments for another time? This is Kate's night. We all ready?"

Everyone nodded. Dana loaded up the DVD and sat on the floor by me as the movie started.

* * *

As the movie went on, everyone was into it. Except me. I wasn't bored, but I just zoned out. I thought about Alice and the weird adventures she goes through. Then at the end it all turns out to be a dream. None of it really happened.

 _ _Lucky her.__

"..for watching it everyone," said Kate. I jerked to attention.

"It was fun, Kate," said Dana.

"Yeah," said Juliet. "It was great."

I nodded along with everyone else.

"Thanks again," said Kate. "I'd better get to sleep. I'll see you all in the morning."

Everyone got up and said their good nights. As I walked to my room, Kate caught up to me.

"Max?"

I stopped and turned around.

"Yeah, Kate?"

"I heard you had another couple… while I was away. Are you okay?"

"Oh, yeah. I went to the nurse today. She said it might all be down to stress. So I'm staying off school for the rest of the week."

"Oh, wow."

"Yeah, look I'm really sorry about blowing you off last night."

"It's alright, Max. If you need to talk at all I'm right here," she said with a smile.

"It's okay, Kate. You've had plenty of your own stuff to deal with."

"I'm still here for you, Max," she said. "We could maybe give you your own movie night?"

"Thanks, but I don't think I deserve one as much as you did. Really am proud of you for getting through everything you went through. I hope you can put it behind you and be happy."

"Thanks, Max. I just want to get back to normality right now. Tonight was a good start. I was thinking, how about another tea session on Friday?"

"We are overdue I guess," I said. "Sound's great. I'll see you tomorrow, Kate."

"Goodnight, Max."

* * *

 _ _Tuesday, November 19__ _ _th__ _ _2013 (11.00pm)__

 _ _Hey Chloe,__

 _ _Back at my regular time. Kate returned today and got the welcome back she deserved. We gave her a special night showing her favourite movie Alice in Wonderland. Well, I say "we" but really I just showed up and totally zoned out. I felt bad, and I normally love Alice in Wonderland, but I just couldn't switch my brain off and enjoy myself. Makes me think of the movie nights you and I used to have as kids. Where we'd stay up all night (well, as long as our parents would allow us to) eating junk and watching movies that were totally age inappropriate.__

 _ _I miss those days. I'll have to search and see if there was a photo of us from one of those nights. I've been thinking about going to the diner tomorrow and visiting your mom. For whatever reason, I'm pretty sure David doesn't want me in the house, even if he seems to hide it most of the time. I can see Joyce at the diner without bothering David so win-win. I guess. Besides, might as well do something on my days off. Can't wait to tell my mom and dad about this. Then again, maybe it won't matter, seeing as they're happy to push me onto Joyce for Thanksgiving.__

 _ _Whatever.__

 _ _Love Max xx__

 _ _3516342514__

* * *

I woke up the next morning and got dressed. I headed outside and saw Samuel tending to some of the plants on the grounds.

"Morning, Samuel," I said. He looked over his shoulder.

"Oh. Hello there, Max. Samuel has heard you're not attending classes again."

"Only for this week," I said.

"Can Samuel ask why?"

"Stress getting to me I think. Nightmares affecting me."

Samuel nodded.

"Dreams are always trying to tell us something, young Max. Something not always obvious."

"I think the one's I'm having are pretty obvious, Samuel. But thanks."

"There are still things we can't see without clear minds, Max."

"What do you see when your mind's clear, Samuel?"

"Truth."

…

"Okay, well I'm heading out for breakfast, Samuel. I'll catch you later."

"Goodbye, young Max. Keep examining your dreams and you will find the truth. " he said as I walked away.

* * *

I rode my bike all the way to the diner and chained it up outside. As I entered the diner I realised I hadn't set foot in it since my parents came down to try and convince me to return to Seattle. Even when I knew that's why there were coming down in the first place, it felt so great to see them again. Homesickness hit hard when I first started at Blackwell, though it got better over time.

The diner was a little busy. The only stall available was the one I sat at with my parents. The one I sat at with Chloe when I demonstrated my powers. I sat down in my same seat and looked at the empty space where Chloe once sat in another time line.

 _"_ _ _Amazeballs. I literally just got chills all over my neck. You have powers.__ _"_

 _"_ _I don't have time." "You did not just say that."_

I smiled.

 _"_ _ _Maybe you made a move on me and I would never know."__

I thought about being with her at the lighthouse, when everything hit breaking point. Finally finding the courage to kiss her properly and how amazing it felt. I started to well up as I remembered going back for a final time and letting her-

"Max?" I hastily wiped my eyes and looked up to see Joyce holding a pot of coffee. She put her hand on my shoulder. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," I said as I finished wiping my eyes. "I was just…thinking about better times."

Joyce smiled sympathetically.

"I know that all too well. Not that isn't wonderful to see you, but shouldn't you be at school?"

"I..I'm signed off for the week," I said. Joyce looked concerned as she put the pot on the table and sat opposite me.

"What's happened?"

I looked at the table briefly.

"Those stupid nightmares I mentioned. I've been having them more and more frequently. Then I've started being sick with little warning. The school nurse said it could be stress. So I'm taking a few days off."

"Max, I had no idea how much everything was affecting you. I mean- Obviously of course it would. I'm not pushing you but should you be at school right now, in the long term I mean?"

"I just need a few days to recharge, Joyce."

"If you're sure, Max. I'm just surprised Principal Wells didn't tell me."

I looked away as I thought about him. He probably didn't want to do anything that might piss me off when I knew about his problem with alcohol.

"Well, I've told you. I just need the few days. Besides," I said. "Thanksgiving break is only a week away."

"It sure is. And it'll be wonderful having you for dinner. Anyway," said Joyce as she stood up. "Thanksgiving is all well and good but you need something to eat now. What'll it be?"

"Belgian waffle of course."

"Good choice. I'll get that for you right away. And coffee?"

"Yes, please."

* * *

A few minutes later and I was chowing down on my breakfast. As good as it always had been. After I finished, I stayed for an hour to do some homework. When I was finished I packed my things away.

"You leaving already, Max?" Joyce said as she approached my table.

"Yeah. Thank you for the breakfast."

"You're welcome, Max. Don't be a stranger. Speaking of which, if you're not at school this week you know you're welcome to stop with David and I until you're back?"

I stopped and thought about David and how weird he's been recently. If he really didn't want me there then…

"Actually, Joyce. I'm going to stay in my dorm this week."

"Oh. Are you sure? You're-"

"Always welcome. I know. I'll still be there for Thanksgiving. And I'll have to start dropping by the diner more often. I'll see you later, Joyce."

"Okay. Oh, Max?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't forget. Your parents?"

"Oh, right. Look, Joyce…"

"Max, I don't want to lie for you."

"I will tell them," I said. "Just not now. When I'm back on track I'll tell them everything. Just please don't say anything for now."

Joyce sighed.

"Okay, okay," she said finally. "But take care of yourself. Get better sooner rather than later," she said with a small smile.

"Thank you, Joyce. And I will. I wouldn't want to miss your amazing dinner next Thursday. I'll see you later."

"Bye, Max."

* * *

After a day spent doing more school work I was in need of some fresh air. I was sat on a bench in the dormitory grounds looking up at the sky. I had my coat on to combat the increasingly colder weather. The final school bell had rung a little while earlier. A few other students started to return to the dorm. Daniel was one of them. He waved at me as he saw me.

"Hey, Max. Do you mind if I sit down?" He said.

"I don't own the bench, Daniel. Go ahead." He sat down next to me. "So how have you been?" I asked. "Haven't seen much of you recently."

"I'm good. I've er...actually been working on another costume in my spare time."

"No way. What is it?"

"I don't want to say until I finish it. But I will finish it."

"Well I expect to see it on the right occasion," I said.

"You will. I promise. So what about you? I heard you're off school for the rest of the week?"

"Yeah, just getting my head together. It's nothing," I said. "How have things been with Logan recently?" I said to change the subject.

"He's been cool, actually. Gym is a lot better now. I mean, I still suck at it, but the jocks don't make fun of me any more. Because of Logan, I think."

"That's great, Daniel."

"Yeah, he's actually an okay guy when he isn't, you know, beating me up."

I smiled. "Well hopefully that's behind both of you. I'm glad things are better, Daniel."

"Me too, Max. I hope they get better for you too," he said.

I looked away. "Yeah, probably," I said. Daniel stood up.

"I'll see you later," he said. "Bye, Max."

"Bye, Daniel," I said. When the cold started to get to me I decided to head back inside. As I got up, Warren and Brooke came into view. I gave them a quick wave as I headed for the dorm building.

"Max, wait up!" Warren called out as he took something out of his bag. He and Brooke reached me and he gave me some pieces of paper.

"Just some science class stuff. I'll get Cultural Anthropology for you soon, don't worry."

"I gave it a look over," Brooke said. "Just to make sure it was right," she added with a side glance at Warren.

"What are you implying?" He said with a laugh. Brooke gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Thanks, guys. Appreciate it. Now let's get out of the cold," I said with a shiver. As we stepped inside and walked up the stairs Warren turned to me.

"So today's my birthday," he said. I stopped in my tracks.

"Shit, I'm sorry. I totally forgot."

"It's cool," he said. "I know things have been crazy recently. Not gonna lose it because you forgot."

"A few of us are going into town for a birthday dinner later. Want to join us?" Brooke said.

"Oh, I…I'm busy. Sorry," I said.

"It's okay. If you change your mind at all just let us know," she said.

"Yeah, sure," I said.

* * *

 _Wednesday, November 20_ _th_ _2013_

 _Dear Chloe,_

 _I went to see your mom at the diner today. It felt great to have one of her breakfasts right in the diner again. I talked to her, as much as I could, about why I was off school. She keep saying I can stay with her any time, but while David is being weird I'd rather not be there. For both of us. I still have the photo album so I should be okay._

 _In other news, Daniel seems to be being treated better. He never deserved any of that crap in the first place, but better late than never I guess. I also totally forgot about Warren's birthday. I could have gone to dinner with him, Brooke and the others but I just didn't feel like it. It probably would have been fun but…I don't know._

 _I just want to try and use this time to get back on track so I can tackle school next week. I don't know if I can do it, but I have to try._

 _Love Max xx_

 _5361426521_

 _4513426512_

* * *

 _ _Thursday, November 21__ _ _st__ _ _2013__

 _ _Dear Chloe,__

 _ _Did homework. Boring day. Not a lot to say. Going to sleep.__

 _ _Love Max xx__

 _ _2536451231__

 _ _3426153421__

* * *

I was sat on the edge of the school fountain as the school bell rang for the end of the day. As people poured out of the school I kept a look out for her. I spotted her and stood up. As she reached me I saw Principal Wells stood at the top of the steps. He looked at me and I immediately looked away.

"Hey, Kate," I said. "You ready?"

"Yeah, been looking forward to it," she said.

* * *

After making out cups of tea Kate and I sat down on her bed. Kate sipped her tea.

"I've missed this," she said.

"Yeah, me too. Hopefully we can get back to making it a more regular thing," I said. Kate nodded as I sipped my own tea.

"So how have you been doing the past few days?" Kate said.

"I'm okay. Just been trying to keep on top of stuff. What about you?"

"I'm good. I'm just relieved to be back at school."

"How have you been doing with the photography stuff?"

"I've been okay actually. I've been taking pictures for class and the study hall sessions have been fine. I've been drawing again too. I feel pretty good."

"That's great. I'm really pleased for you, Kate," I said.

"Thanks, Max," she said. "Have you had any more…since…"

"No. I haven't. Can we not talk about it if that's okay?"

"Sure," she said. "If you ever do want to talk about…"

"I don't want to talk about it!" I snapped. There was an awful silence as Kate and I sat there.

"Sorry…" I said. "Forget it," I said as I put my tea down and stood up.

"Max, it's okay."

"I'll see you later," I said as I headed for the door.

* * *

 _Friday, November 22_ _nd_ _2013_

 _Dear Chloe,_

 _So now I've spent the whole evening avoiding Kate after she was just trying to be nice. I am just so sick and tired of talking about what's going on with me. Or rather not talking about it. Because I can't tell anyone the truth. Except you. And I'm not really telling you anything. Just writing down my thoughts in a journal with some stupid hope that you can see it. It's not even helping me right now to write about all this shit._

 _Fuck this._

* * *

I slammed my journal shut. I sat breathing heavily, staring ahead. I grabbed the photo album and opened it up.

 _3416531256_

 _1612531532_

As I returned from the second photo I sat and looked at the open photo album. I was still thinking about everything going on in the present.

 _I need one more. Then I'm going to sleep._

* * *

I returned to the present to find my nose bleeding.

"Shit."

I grabbed a couple of tissues and held them to my nose. I slammed the album shut and sat back in my chair, keeping my nose covered.

 _ _Great. What the hell do I do now? I can't sleep like this.__

After a few minutes my nose stopped bleeding. I threw the tissues in the trash and sat back in my chair.

 _ _It is the weekend tomorrow. Guess I could just stay up for tonight. I really need to be careful tomorrow though.__

I made myself a pot of coffee in the kitchen and returned to my room. I drank a few cups throughout the night and tried to to avoid anything that would strain my eyes too much.

* * *

In the early hours, I was startled by a noise outside. I looked out my window at the grounds, lit up by the dorm lights and saw someone wandering around. I quickly switched my lamp off so I could look. The figure wandered over to one of the benches and sat down. In the light I could see who it was.

 _ _Principal Wells?__

I then saw what he had in his hand. A bottle. Judging from how he was swigging from it I knew what was in it. Wells leaned back as he swigged. He leaned too far back and fell backwards off the bench. He tumbled onto his side.

 _ _Shit. I hope he's okay. God damnit.__

I quickly changed into a shirt and pants and put on my shoes. I grabbed my phone and and slowly opened my door. I lit the way with my phone and crept down the hall.

I left the dorm building and saw Wells still on the ground. I ran over to him.

"Principal Wells?"

He slowly stirred and raised his head slightly.

"Who- who's there?" He slurred.

"It's Max, are you okay?" I helped him to sit up, I managed to get him to lean against the bench to keep him upright.

"Miss…Miss Caulfield? You shouldn't be outside your dormitory at this hour."

"I know, but I saw you out here. What are you doing?"

Wells weakly gestured around.

"Getting a last tour, before it all goes to shit."

"What do you mean?"

"It's all over, Max."

"Over how?"

"There's no way the school can survive everthing regarding Jefferson. Especially when I was so neglig…nelgi…"

"Negligent?"

"That's it," he slurred as he took another swig.

"It will be okay, Principal Wells. He'll be put away for a long time. It'll all be over soon, won't it?"

"Ha. There's still Sean Prescott's trial. That's a lose lose situation right there."

"How?"

"If he's found guilty, which he won't be, we'll probably lose funding."

"Well wouldn't his wife still be involved?"

"Sean is a very controlling man. He decided what money the Prescott Foundation gave to Blackwell."

"Why don't you think he'll be found guilty?"

Wells chuckled morbidly.

"He's got far too much influence over this town. No-one would convict him of a damn thing."

"So if he walks?"

"Then I'll still be at his beck and call. Or we'll lose funding."

Wells went to take a swig from his bottle again but realised it was empty.

"Urgh!" He threw across the grounds. Luckily it hit the grass and didn't make too much noise.

"Principal Wells, please calm down. We need to get you back inside. Do you have the keys to your office?"

"Security have one, I don't know where mine is."

I sighed.

"Okay, just let me look." Wells sat there as I searched through his pockets.

"You really are kind, Miss Caulfield. Most people wouldn't care," he said.

"It's nothing. I just happened to be awake. Anyone would help you."

Wells started laughing, which ended in a cough.

"You're young, Max," he slurred. "You don't know how quickly people will abandon you."

I pulled out some keys from Wells' pocket.

"Are these it?"

Wells peered at them.

"Car keys. Great idea, Miss Caulfield. I should get home," he slurred.

He weakly tried to take the keys but I jerked them away from him.

"No way. You're in no condition. Just let me find your keys for your office."

I searched some more but couldn't find anything else.

"Shit…" I said. "Okay, Principal Wells. We need to get you back to your car." I pocketed his keys. "Come on, up you get." I put Well's arm around my shoulder and helped him to his feet. Though he could just about walk on his own, I figured he needed all the help he could get. I escorted him across the grounds. On the way I bent down to grab the bottle off the grass. I didn't want anyone finding it.

* * *

As I carried Principal Wells up the steps and onto the campus green he looked up at the school.

"Better wave goodbye to this place while I still can," he slurred.

"Don't talk like that, Principal Wells."

"I have to stop bullshitting myself sometime, Max."

We made it to the parking lot where we found Principal Wells' car. I quickly took out the keys and pressed the button to unlock the doors. I opened up the back door and put him inside. He laid down on the back seat.

"Thank you, Miss Caulfield. I should hire you as my personal assistant."

 _ _Shit. Can I leave him like this? If he vomits he might choke.__

I sighed and shut the back door. Then I got in the passenger's seat. As I shut the door and put the bottle on the floor, Wells stirred again.

"Miss Caulfield. Wrong side," he slurred.

"Principal Wells, I'm not insured to drive your car. Also I have had literally no sleep. It's not safe for either of us. We'll just have to stay here until morning. Just try and get some sleep."

"I don't have time to sleep, Miss Caulfield. Not when my life is crumbling down around me."

"Well, you're not the only one, Principal Wells. Some of us can't sleep even if we wanted to. Get over yourself."

There was a silence.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I didn't mean th-"

"Yes, you did," Wells slurred as he waved away my apology. "You're right," he slurred. "There are girls who have had to bare their souls in court this week. And here I am feeling sorry for myself. You shouldn't be here, Miss Caulfield. You've done enough. Just go back to your dorm."

"I'm not leaving you like this. You said people abandon you. Well, I'm not. Not tonight at least. Who has abandoned you anyway?"

"My wife…ex wife, Grace," he slurred. "I loved her more than anything. Wouldn't have heard about Blackwell if it weren't for her. Being in charge of a school like this was what I always dreamed of. But the stress would get to me, especially at the start. Grace begged me to go easy on my drinking. I didn't listen. I insisted I was fine. I didn't want anyone to know something was wrong. Eventually Grace…she couldn't take it any more. She left me."

"I'm sorry. When was this?"

"Two years ago."

"Do you blame her?"

There was a long pause until Wells answered.

"No. She made the right choice. Look at me."

"It's never too late to do the right thing, Principal Wells. You can still be happy."

"I can't go back in time, Max. If I could…"

"No-one should. You can't change the past. But you can change the future. Starting now. You need to get help, Principal Wells."

"No-one would help me," he slurred.

"I'm help-" I stopped and took a deep breath.

"This is pointless right now. Just get some sleep and you might listen in the morning."

"Yeah, yeah," he said as he closed his eyes. "We'll talk in the morning. Goodnight, Miss Caulfield."

"Goodnight, Principal Wells."

I turned back to face the front. I adjusted the rear view mirror so I could see him in it. I watched him breathing for a few moments before looking forwards. I could see the lights of the town below. In the distance on the cliff, the lighthouse shone out, spinning around. I could feel it taunting me. I stayed looking out the town as the hours passed and sun began to rise.

* * *

 _ **A/N: I don't know if I'll have another chapter out before the year ends. I don't want to promise either way as I honestly don't know.**_

 _ **Either way, the next chapter will kick off what will be a three (or possibly four) part arc. So strap yourselves in when the time comes :)**_

 ** _If I'm not back before the year is out, then I hope you all have great respective holidays and a great new year!_**


	14. Chapter 14: Break

I put the sun guard down as the sun shined over Arcadia Bay and into Wells' car. The first time I finally left my dorm it was a beautiful day. I remembered Samuel once told me that nature was watching me, celebrating my return. As I looked at the sun's rays, then in the mirror at my drunk principal, I wondered what the hell there was to celebrate now.

I was constantly yawning. My eyelids felt like weights above my eyes as I tried to keep them open. The second I could get back to my dorm I knew I needed to sleep. I couldn't avoid it any longer, nightmares or no nightmares.

I heard a sound behind me. I looked in the mirror and saw Principal Wells stirring. I turned in my seat and looked over my shoulder to see him rubbing his head. He let out a groan as he squinted and lifted his head up.

"Morning," I said with little enthusiasm. Wells opened his eyes a little more and looked at me.

"Miss Caulfield? I- urgh. I feel like I've been hit by a bus…"

He sat up and bashed his head on the car's ceiling.

"Argh! Shit," he said as he clutched his head. He looked around the car. "Why am I here? Why are you here?"

"You really don't remember?" He shook his head as he continued to rub his head. I reached down and picked up the whiskey bottle off the floor and help it up. Wells sighed and groaned. "You were in a pretty bad way so I had to bring you here," I explained.

"Thank you, Miss Caulfield. I'm sorry you had to witness me in that state."

 _ _It isn't the first time. Not in this time line at least.__

"I hope I didn't say anything too stupid," he added.

"You were talking about your fears for the school. You…also may have mentioned Grace," I said. He sighed and put his hand on his face.

"Christ…" he muttered.

"Principal Wells. I get what you're going through, but you need to get help. You can't be in charge of the school like this."

"I know, Max. I wanted to quit months ago, until you convinced me otherwise. I'm starting to think I should have just quit all along," he said.

 _ _God he looks pathetic.__

"Then just fucking quit!" I snapped. Wells looked at me in shock.

"Stay, don't stay. I don't care any more! You're a god damn adult! I have my own shit to worry about. I cannot be dealing with this too. And I swear to God, if you tell me to keep this between us…I have too many secrets to keep already. Stay, go. Just do something, for fuck's sake!"

I could feel my face had gone red. Wells stared at me, I turned back round to face the front as I tried to calm down. There would have been total silence if it weren't for my heavy breathing.

"Get yourself back to your dorm, Miss Caulfield," Wells said finally. "You deserve to rest."

I thought about saying something but decided against it.

"Just don't be dumb enough to drive yourself home. Get a cab," I said as I got out of the car and slammed the door. I walked away, not bothering to look over my shoulder.

 _ _He's on his own. I'm done.__

I was able to get back to my room before anyone else was awake. Just before eight o'clock I slumped down onto my bed. Closing my eyes had never felt so good. In that moment I didn't care about my nightmares. I just needed to sleep. I got comfortable and quickly drifted off to sleep.

* * *

I woke up a while later, I rubbed my eyes and opened them. I had managed to avoid a nightmare this time.

 _Guess my brain was too exhausted to create any horrific images…_

I looked at the time and saw it was after eleven o'clock. I still felt so tired, but refreshed enough to at least see the rest of the day out of bed. I got up and grabbed my bathroom stuff. I opened my door and stepped into the hall. I could see a lot of people's door's were ajar. I walked quickly to avoid anyone seeing I was up. I went straight into the bathroom to wash up.

When I came out I looked at Kate's door. I remembered how I left things with her yesterday.

 _Maybe having to babysit Wells was my karma._

I decided to keep walking and just stay out of Kate's way.

 _She's got other friends. Ones who won't make her feel like shit for just trying to help._

* * *

I spent the day chilling out in my room. I didn't have much energy to spend after staying up all night. I listened to some music and surfed the internet. The epitome of being a high school student.

When it got about nine o'clock I was wiped out. I opened up my journal to write to Chloe and remembered what sort of stuff I had to write about. Then I realised I had no desire to think about everything that was going on more than I needed to.

 _ _I'm done with Wells. I'm done with people trying to get me to talk when I just can't. Writing to Chloe really isn't helping me now. After Thanksgiving maybe I'll start up again, for now I just need a break.__

I shut my journal and sat back in my chair. I grabbed my photo album and opened it up. I usually wrote down the number sequences, but I knew these memories so well it was just like following a script. I went through a couple of photos and got to bed, hoping they'd help see me through the night.

* * *

I woke up after a peaceful night's sleep and got up. After getting dressed and ready, I stepped outside to get some air. I saw Dana and Justin talking by the wall.

"...whole school's falling apart," I heard Dana say.

"Yo, if it means extra time off Blackhell I won't trash it," Justin replied. He saw me over Dana's shoulder. "Yo, Max!"

"Hey, guys. What's up?" I said.

"The whole school seems to be losing people one after another," said Dana. "Mrs Hoida, David Madsen and now Wells."

"On the plus side, no school next week!" Justin said.

"Wait, what?" I said.

"Check your email. Wells is on leave for unknown reasons, though I'd like to think it's pretty obvious," she said.

"It's like I say to my mom, sure I smoke weed but it could be worse, you know?" Justin added. Dana chuckled.

"I'm sure that logic totally works on her, Justin," she said. She looked at me as I just stared at the ground. "You okay?" She asked.

"Yeah, just a little shocked," I said.

"I'm shocked it's finally happened," said Dana. "Don't know why now, but better late than never, I guess. It'll be a miracle if the school is still standing after Christmas. Speaking of which, some of the girls and I are putting up decorations around the dorm first week of December if you want to join us?"

"I'll see, Dana. I'm sure you'll do an awesome job even without me."

"Well if you change your mind…" said Dana. "I'd better get going, gotta meet up with Juliet. I'll see you guys later," she said as she waved goodbye and walked towards the school.

Once she was out of ear shot Justin turned to me.

"Yo, can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"With Christmas and all, do kisses under mistletoe count?"

"Er, count as what?"

"As like real kisses? Like, say one person was in a relationship. Would that count as cheating?"

"I don't-" Then I rolled my eyes. "Are you talking about Dana, Justin?" He hesitated, which gave me the answer.

"Yeah..." he said in a defeated tone. I laughed.

"I'm afraid it probably would. I'm not sure Dana would appreciate you springing something like that on her. Nor would Trevor," I said.

"Yeah, I figured," he said.

"I know it's not easy, Justin but you have to let all that go," I said. "There's someone for you out there, just not Dana."

"Right on, Max. Thanks," he said. "I'm meeting up with the others if you wanted to see some sick skateboarding moves. You could get some shots us?"

"Thank, Justin. But that's okay. Not in a photography mood right now."

"Whoa, really? Thought you always were."

"Yeah, me too. I'd better get back to my room. I'll see you around."

"Catch you later, Max!"

* * *

After sitting back down at my desk I checked my emails. I saw there was an email from the school that had been addressed to the whole student body.

 _ _Dear Max Caulfield,__

 _ _Due to personal circumstances and after careful consideration Principal Wells will be taking extended leave for an as yet undetermined amount of time. Whilst the school faculty is arranging for a replacement, the school will be closed until after Thanksgiving break. School ground facilities will be unaffected, but classes will not take place.__

 _ _We hope that you all have a pleasant Thanksgiving.__

I sat back in my chair. Before I could form any more thoughts on this, I remembered I was done and put on some music to distract me.

* * *

Later in the day, my phone rang. I saw it was mom and dad wanting to check in.

"Hello?" I said when I answered.

"Hey, kiddo," said Dad.

"Hi, sweetheart," said Mom. "How are you?"

"I'm okay. A little tired, but okay."

"Have you been having nightmares still?" Mom asked.

"They've not been so bad. I'm fine," I said.

"You know you can talk to us if anything is wrong," Dad said.

 _ _Can I? You don't even seem to want to see me for Thanksgiving.__

"Yeah, I know, Dad. I'm okay. Promise," I said. "I don't know if you'd been contacted at all but Blackwell will be closed next week."

"We haven't," said Mom. "What's happened?"

"Principal Wells is going on extended leave. I don't know why but I guess there wasn't anyone ready to replace him on such short notice."

"I hope it gets taken care of soon," said Mom. "I know you're on a scholarship but I would have thought Blackwell would be better equipped."

"Not to mention you've been missing out on your Photography and English classes for a while now," Dad added. "We get it's a very delicate situation in both cases but still…"

"It'll be fine, Dad. Besides, we're only losing three days technically with Thanksgiving Break. Everything will get back on track. You don't need to worry."

"We hope so for your sake, Maxine," said Mom. "Are you looking forward to Thanksgiving?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"We hope you enjoy it, Max," said Dad. "You deserve a break after everything you've gone through."

"I'd like to have spent it with you…" I said. There was a silence.

"We'll have you here for Christmas, honey," said Mom. "The whole holiday. And we'll call you on Thanksgiving."

"Yeah, sure. I have some homework I need to do so I'll talk to you next week," I said. I could hear some distant murmuring from Mom until Dad spoke.

"Okay, kiddo. We'll talk to you next week. We love you."

"I love you too, bye." I hung up my phone.

 _ _I really don't feel great keeping secrets from them. But I know Mom and Dad are doing the same. I gave them a chance to say something about why they don't want me home and they didn't take it. I just really want to know what's up.__

* * *

I spent the rest of the day doing some homework and trying to enjoy the day. At night I left my room to use the bathroom. I saw Victoria's door was open. She was sat on her bed with Taylor, while Courtney sat cross legged on the floor. I approached the doorway.

"Hey, guys," I said.

"Hey, Max," said Courtney.

"You going to sleep already?" Victoria said looking at my night clothes.

"Yeah, I'm pretty tired these days."

"Well, you've got the whole of next week to rest up," Taylor said.

"Yeah, true," I said.

"Crazy what's happening to the school right now," said Courtney.

"You can blame Sean Prescott for it," said Victoria. "Why else do you think the school is closed next week?"

"What does he have to do with it?" Taylor said.

"Whoever's gonna be in charge of the school while Wells is gone will have to be approved by Sean," said Victoria. "He has too much money in this school to not be consulted."

"Even with his trial coming up?" I asked.

"Yes. Believe me, he'd never miss a chance to remind everyone how much influence he has."

There was silence for a few moments.

"So you got plans for Thanksgiving break, Max?" Taylor said.

"I'm just spending it with Joyce and David Madsen. What about you? I haven't asked in a while but how is your mom doing?"

"She's coming home next week," she said with a smile. "She's gonna be in a wheelchair for a little while and my dad has been organising having ramps and a stairlift put in our house. But she'll be back, just in time for Thanksgiving."

"That's awesome, Taylor."

"Thanks, Max," she said.

I turned to Victoria and Courtney. "What about you guys?"

"I'm going back to see my folks," said Courtney.

"Me too," said Victoria. "Going to take some pictures while I'm back home. What about you? Don't think I've seen you with a camera in weeks."

"Oh, yeah. I've been taking a break from it all. I'll get back on the horse at some point."

"Don't wait too long. Never a bad time to practice," she said.

"Thanks, Victoria. I'm gonna get to bed. I'll see you all tomorrow. Good night," I said.

"Good night, Max," they said.

* * *

Before bed I sent an email to the nurse telling her I was better. It was a total lie, I hadn't even looked at the relaxation techniques, but I just wanted to one less person hounding me.

I spent the next couple of days just doing homework, avoiding news on Jefferson's trial and trying to avoid Kate. I felt like shit for doing the latter when I knew she would be thinking she'd done something wrong. But I couldn't deny I found it easier to cope if I just stayed away from anything that reminded me of just how much shit I had to keep to myself. That including writing to Chloe at night. I still used the photos before bed and they helped keep Jefferson at bay. I was hoping once his trial was over and he was out of the news, maybe the nightmares could start to fade away on their own. Although, deep down I knew that was wishful thinking.

On Wednesday afternoon I decided to go for a bike ride through the town to clear my head. It was slowly starting to get colder, although snow still seemed a long way off. As I cycled through, I passed the beach and remembered seeing the whales washed up there. How sad they looked. Before I realised I had caused them to suffer. I went off the road and down the path to the beach. I got off my bike and lowered it to the grass before walking closer to the ocean. I looked out at the waves as they crashed onto the sand. I stood there in peace for a few minutes before realising I needed to get back.

As I turned around I looked further down the beach I saw an RV. I recognised it as belonging to Frank Bowers. Possibly the only person who I hadn't spoken too post "that week." Not that I needed to. I picked up my bike and got ready to leave. Then I saw someone walk from behind the RV. I couldn't see who it was from so far away. I quickly got on my bike and moved behind the trees. I waited a minute as the person got closer. As they went up the trail that lead to the main road I recognised them.

 _Stella?_

I got on my bike and went up another trail. As I reached the main road I waited for Stella. She emerged onto the main road and walked off in the opposite direction. I cycled after her and slowed down as I neared her.

"Stella!" I called out. She turned around quickly, a little startled.

"Oh. H-hey, Max," she said. I stopped beside her and leaned one my right foot to balance myself on my bike.

"What's up?" She said.

"Just been for a ride around town. You?"

"Oh, just going for a walk," she said. "Freezing, isn't it?" She said as she rubbed her gloved hands together.

"It's okay, Stella," I said with a smile. "I saw you coming from that RV." Her eyes widened.

"Shit."

"I've told you before I'm not judging you. It's okay."

Stella sighed.

"Please don't tell anyone," she said.

"I haven't yet and I don't plan to. Even if I feel like I have a lot of secrets to keep track of, I'll keep yours."

"Thanks, Max. I really appreciate it. I just…I've been getting so stressed with school lately. All my tests and stuff. I don't even think I'll have time to enjoy Christmas holidays while I study for the Winter finals."

"Don't push yourself too hard, Stella. It's not worth killing yourself just for school."

"It is for me, Max. You don't understand."

"Then help me understand, Stella. I'm listening," I said.

"You know I have foster parents, right? Well, they started taking care of me about a year ago. They rescued me. They love me like I was their own daughter. I don't want to let them down. I want to do the best I possibly can at school. To do that I need…" Stella gestured to her coat pocket. "I need these. I can't do this without them."

As I listened to Stella talk and explain herself…something snapped.

"Have your foster parents done or said something to make you feel like you have to do well, whatever it takes?" I said.

"Well, no. They've said they'll be proud-"

"Then what the fuck are you doing?"

"W-what?"

"You're dealing with people like Frank Bowers? Putting this shit in your system for literally no reason? Just talk! Talk to your damn foster parents and tell them how pressured you feel. Ever think of doing that?"

"I-I…it's not easy, Max," Stella stuttered.

"No shit. I know all about 'not easy.' Except I don't have a choice. You do. Fucking talk to someone, Stella."

Stella stood in silence as I quickly put my foot on my pedal and cycled away. I could feel my face going red with anger again.

* * *

I cycled all the way back to school and chained my bike up in the parking lot. I walked back to the dorm ignoring anyone and everyone I came across. I went back to my room and slammed the door. I sat down on my bed and put my head in my hands.

"Fuck," I said as I looked up. I wrang my hands together and realised I only had one way to calm down. I went over to my desk. On the way, my foot hit the small pile of photos I had that didn't have me in them and sent them scattering everywhere. I stopped and just took a deep breath. Then I sat down at my desk and opened up the album.

* * *

I went through three photos. After the third I finally felt calm enough to stop. I sat back in my chair and shut my eyes. I put my hand up to scratch my lip and felt something wet. I opened my eyes and saw blood on my finger.

"Shit." I went to grab some tissues, but my box was empty.

"Shit!" I put my hand under my nose to catch the blood that was dripping out of my nose. I quickly opened the door and left my room. I dashed down the hall into the bathroom. I opened the door and grabbed a couple of paper towels. I held the towels to my nostrils and pinched the top of my nose. I then heard a toilet flush in one of the stalls.

 _ _Great…__

The door opened and Kate stepped out.

"Max, are you okay?" She said as soon as she saw me.

"I'm fine," I said as I turned away from her and looked in the mirror. Kate paused, knowing better than to ask again. She stood next to me at the next sink and washed her hands. When she turned the faucet off I stepped back to she could get to the paper towels. After she dried her hands I saw her out of the corner of my eye, looking at me in the mirror. She left the bathroom, leaving me alone.

* * *

After washing up I went back to my room. I came out to get something to eat later, but I was still working hard to avoid everyone. As I got ready for bed, I wondered if it was safe for me to use any more photos. Especially when I had Thanksgiving with Joyce and David the next day. I didn't want to risk not being well enough.

 _ _So then what are my other options? Go to sleep and suffer through the nightmare or stay awake all night again? What a choice…__

 _ _Having a quick nap stopped me from having the nightmares. And I'm sure after a huge meal tomorrow I'll want to sleep it off...__

I stayed in my bed clothes and spent the night with my stereo on low volume, did small pieces of homework and just tried to keep my eyes open. I looked through the photo album, not to use the photos, but just to look at them. I stopped and actually thought about the memories I had attached to these photos of Chloe and I, but it didn't feel even close to how good it felt to live them. To be there in the moment with Chloe again.

 _ _It's all I have right now.__

* * *

I stayed awake until the morning. I wanted to avoid everyone so I decided to leave for Joyce and David's house early. I looked at myself in the mirror. I had dark circles under my eyes.

 _ _Jesus, I look like a zombie…__

I didn't have time to work on my face, but I could still make an effort for Joyce and David (even if he didn't want me there). I looked at the clothes in my wardrobe. I looked at the floral dress I had originally bought on my shopping trip with Dana. That was the closest I felt to looking "gorgeous" in my life. I hadn't worn it again and today seemed as good a time as any. I got dressed and looked at my self in the mirror. I smiled at myself for the first time in a while.

As I knew I would be staying for several days I grabbed together things I would need in my backpack: the photo album, school stuff, bathroom stuff and some clothes. I looked my journal and wasn't sure whether I should take it. I really hadn't missed writing about all the shit I just wanted to avoid. In the end I put it away in a drawer, grabbed my backpack and left my room.

* * *

After cycling to Joyce and David's house I went round the back of the house. As I chained my bike up to the swing set. I looked through the glass doors to the inside. I could see Joyce was wearing a blue cocktail dress, David was wearing a smart white shirt and pair of black pants. He was stood over the stove, Joyce was stood next to him with her arms folded. I couldn't hear what they were saying but it looked like they were arguing. Joyce walked away and went upstairs as David looked over his shoulder and said her name a couple of times. He then turned back to the stove and shook his head. I approached the door and lightly knocked. He looked in my direction and quickly smiled before gesturing for me to come in. I slid the door to the side and stepped in.

"Hey, Max. Happy Thanksgiving," he said as he stepped away from the stove and approached me.

"Happy Thanksgiving, David," I said as I slid the door closed. "Is everything okay?"

"What do you mean?"

"I saw you and Joyce just now, looked a little…"

"Oh no, everything's fine. I insisted that I would be cooking today, so she could relax. She was still insistent on helping but I told her no. She likes to keep busy, that's all it was. Get yourself upstairs and drop your stuff off."

"Okay," I said as I headed for the stairs.

I went upstairs and stepped into Chloe's room. As I put my bag down, I heard footsteps down the hall which made me turn around.

"Joyce?" I called out. She appeared in the doorway, where I could get a better view of her. She looked beautiful in her dress and she clearly spent a lot of time on her hair and make up.

"Max!" She came in and gave me a hug. "I didn't know you'd arrived. Sorry, my manners. Happy Thanksgiving."

"Happy Thanksgiving, Joyce," I said as she stepped back.

"You look beautiful, Max."

"Thank you. You do too." Joyce waved away my compliment.

"That's easy when you're not wearing a Two Whales uniform," she said. "I'm so glad you made it. Hope you're looking forward to dinner."

"I am. Is everything okay?"

"As far as I can see," she said. "Why?"

"I saw you and David through the window. It looked like you were arguing," I said. "I didn't mention it to him. I was just wondering," I quickly added.

"Oh, that. It's nothing, Max…David was talking about getting a new car and I have to keep saying money's tight and we really can't afford it. I know he'll see sense so there's nothing to worry about."

"Right."

"Just come downstairs when you're ready and we can watch the parade if you want."

"Okay, sounds good."

Joyce smiled at me and left the room, as I heard her descend the stairs I sat down on Chloe's bed.

 _ _Something's definitely wrong. Is it really David? Does he seriously have some kind of problem with me being here?__

* * *

After a few minutes I went downstairs. Joyce was sat on the couch with the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade on the TV. David had stepped away from the kitchen and was stood watching. I sat down next to Joyce and she smiled at me again.

"Don't why they spend so much damn money every year," said David.

"Oh, don't be a bore. It's a spectacle, everyone comes together," said Joyce.

David returned to the kitchen.

"Are you sure you don't need a hand in there?" Joyce said.

"You cook plenty. You just relax," I heard David say.

"If you say so," she said.

David stayed in the kitchen while Joyce and I watched the parade. It was cool seeing the balloons and mascots moving through the city. When a new one, Spongebob Squarepants in a Christmas hat appeared, Joyce nudged me.

"I remember you and Chloe couldn't get enough of Spongebob when you were younger," she said.

"Yeah, we were going out of our minds when we heard there was a movie coming out," I said.

I smiled as I remembered the countless times I had sat on this couch with Chloe watching episode after episode of Spongebob and countless other shows. William and Joyce bringing us fresh drinks and snacks. I looked at Joyce.

"Thanks for having me again, Joyce," I said. She just smiled back at me.

"You don't have to thank me, Max. It's a pleasure to have you on such a special day."

"I just don't know what I'd have done if you'd said no to my mom and dad."

"Don't be silly. I would never have said no to having you."

"But you shouldn't have to be in that position, Joyce. Please don't get me wrong, I love being here and I really appreciate you letting me stay here over Thanksgiving break. But with everything that's happened over the past couple of months, I was really desperate to see my mom and dad again. I thought they would be too but I guess I was wrong."

Joyce put her arm around me.

"They love you, Max. I can promise you. Don't think you're not-"

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Joyce cover her mouth. I looked to see tears forming in her eyes.

"Oh, God. Joyce," I said as I put my hand on hers. "I didn't mean to dump all this on you. I'm sorry."

"Joyce…" said David. He appeared at my side and switched off the tv. "Joyce, she deserves to know the truth," he said. As Joyce let out a sob and removed her arm from my shoulder to wipe her eyes, I stood up.

"Which is what, David?" I said. "That you don't want me here?"

"That's not what's happening here, Max," he said.

"I've seen how weird you've been acting. For weeks. It's what you've both been arguing about, right?"

"It's m-my f-fault!" Joyce sobbed. I turned to look at her, before looking back at David. He moved past me, sat down next to Joyce and hugged her close.

"What does she mean?" I asked. "David, what is happ-"

"I-I asked R-Ryan and Vane-nessa to let you stay here," Joyce sobbed.

I took a moment to make sure I'd heard her right.

"What?"

Joyce wiped her eyes and looked at me.

"I'm so s-sorry, Max. I j-just couldn't b-bare the thought of another empty seat the t-table. Not again," she said before burying her face in her hands.

I stood there thinking about everything Joyce had said. Suddenly everything started to make sense. Asking to be my first contact with Blackwell. Having me stay over without me asking. Her wanting me here for Thanksgiving before my own parents. I felt my heartbeat increase and cheeks start to flush red with anger.

"So I'm what, Joyce? A replacement for Chloe?"

"No, that- that w-wasn't what I meant to happen, M-Max," she sobbed.

"But it is what happened, isn't it?" I yelled.

"Max," said David. "I understand you're angry, but please-"

"Of course I'm angry! She lied to me. She made my parents lie to me. Do you have any idea how much I needed them right now? With all this shit I'm going through? But she was just using me to replace Chloe. Just like she used you to replace William!"

"Max! That is enough," David said. Joyce stood up and went to walk towards me.

"I'm s-so sorry, M-Max. I do c-care-"

"Get away from me," I said taking a step back. "Don't talk to me!" I headed for the stairs.

"Max!" I heard Joyce sob behind me.

"Let her go, Joyce," I head David say. "Let her calm down."

I ran up the stairs. I went into Chloe's room and slammed the door behind me. I paced up and down, breathing more and more heavily. I just wanted to smash anything I could see. Before I did something I knew I'd regret, I opened my bag and took out the photo album. I sat down at Chloe's desk and opened it up.

* * *

I went through photo after photo. When I was in one, I felt that childlike happiness and peace. The second I came back I was hit by thoughts of all the shit I was dealing with. A week with powers I didn't ask for. Letting Chloe die. Mark Jefferson using me for his sick project. Now Joyce, someone I thought I could always trust, had been lying to me. Using me. As my hands started shaking again I flicked through the album to the back pages for another photo. It was a picture Chloe took of me as I reached the entrance to our secret tree fort. Really just a few large trees in the centre of the forest with a big pile of branches we put around them. I focussed on the photo.

* * *

My eyes adjusted as I opened to see fourteen year old Chloe lower William's camera.

"Now I can start my own gallery," she said as the photo popped out.

"The works of Chloe Price?" I said with scepticism.

"Has a nice ring to it, don't you think?" She said.

I laughed and sat down.

"I guess it does. Now why did you drag me out here? Tree fort is for emergencies only."

Chloe put the camera down and avoided looking me in the eye.

"Is something wrong?" I asked. Chloe reached into her jeans pocket and took out a folded piece of paper. She handed it to me. I unfolded it and immediately saw the Blackwell Academy logo. My eyes widened as I scanned the page.

"You got in! Oh my dog, Chloe," I leaned forward and hugged her. When I sat back I saw Chloe's anxious expression.

"What's wrong? I thought you'd be happy. Your mom and dad must be freaking out."

"They haven't seen this," she said.

"What?"

"I swiped it from the mail before they could see it. I wanted to open it first."

"In case you hadn't got in? Well, you have. So why are we here when we could be getting your parents to celebrate?"

"I don't want to tell them."

"What?"

"Blackwell is so…high class. What if I'm not smart enough?"

"Are you cereal?" I said waving the letter at her. "This is proof that you are. I mean I still kick your butt in P.E. but…"

Chloe hit my shoulder.

"You wish," she said.

"So why are you worried?"

"I just don't want to let Mom and Dad down. The tuition is so expensive."

"Where's this coming from?"

Chloe shrugged. I grabbed her hands.

"Chloe, you are so smart. You're way smarter than me. You're gonna do great at Blackwell. You'll become like the world's best scientist."

"Really?"

"Come on, you know the number of times you've made me believe in my photography? In myself? You'll be great, and your mom and dad will be so proud of you."

Chloe smiled. "Clearly my years of pep talks have taught you well." She hugged me.

"You've had my back so many times, Chloe," I said. "I'll always have yours too."

"Thanks, Max. I'm always here for you too. Even if end up a world apart, you can talk to me about anything."

"We'll always be together, Chloe," I promised. "Come on, let's get back home and tell your parents the good news."

Chloe picked up the camera and photo.

"Alright. Let's go!" She said.

We both ran out of the tree fort and towards the edge of the photo. Everything quickly faded in white.

* * *

When I came back to the present…

"-ax! Max!"

…I knew something was horribly wrong. I heard a ringing in my ears and my head felt like it was going to explode. I could feel blood trickling from my nose. I slowly opened my eyes and realised I was laying on the floor, I could see David kneeling down next to me. His voice drifting in and out.

"Joyce…now…thing's…ppened!"

All my energy was gone. I tried to look around but I could barely move my eyes. I could hear distant footsteps bounding up the stairs. As Joyce's feet came into view my eye lids gave way.

The ringing stopped.

Then everything went black.


	15. Chapter 15: Chloe

_**A/N: Hey everyone, apologies for the late update (later than usual anyway). Been through some pretty major life changes which have been a bit stressful but mostly positive. I'm not going to bother making promises of getting back to regular updates because I think we all know I'll have another excuse down the line ;) Suffice to say, this story will continue until it is done.**_

 _ **Anyway, enough rambling. Thanks for sticking with me and I'll hand you back over to Max.**_

* * *

"Max? Max?"

I slowly opened my eyes. I blinked several times as my vision became clearer. I was in the photography classroom. As I looked up I saw someone stood in front of me with their arms crossed.

"Were you sleeping in my classes again?"

I looked up at Jefferson's face and sank in my seat.

"You know I hate when students don't pay attention," he scowled.

I tried get out of my seat, but I felt the familiar grip of duck tape on my wrists and ankles. As I struggled, Jefferson put his hand on the back of my head. I yelped in pain as he grabbed my hair.

"Class isn't over yet, Max. You can go when I say you can." Jefferson let go of my hair and walked over to the windows. "We can't have anyone else seeing what's about to happen, can we?" He looked over his shoulder at me. "It's our secret," he said with a sickening smile.

He pulled the string and the blinds fell down. Just as the room was about to plunge into darkness, several red lights lit up on the ceiling. I saw Jefferson grab a syringe from the table and move towards me.

"No!" I screamed.

"If I had any more duct tape I promise you wouldn't be making so much noise," he said as he flicked the syringe. "But this should do the trick just fine." He grabbed my head and forced it to the side, exposing my neck. I whimpered as he moved the syringe towards me. Suddenly, there was a noise out in the hall. Jefferson stopped and looked over his shoulder.

"No-one should be here. This our secret, Max." Jefferson slammed the syringe on the table and moved towards the door.

"Who's there?"

He stepped into the corridor. I heard his footsteps moving away from the room. I struggled again with duct tape on my wrists and ankles.

BANG!

I heard a gunshot from the corridor, followed by the sound of a body hitting the floor. I stopped struggling and froze in my seat. I heard a gun hit the floor next. Then I heard more footsteps approaching the classroom. I stared at the doorway in fear, then a figure appeared.

"I wouldn't go out there. Real R-rated situation."

I sat stunned, refusing to believe I'd heard that voice.

"Hey, hippie," she said.

"Chloe?"

"Alive and well," she said. "I guess actually dead and well."

She flicked the light switch on the wall. The red lights were replaced with normal ones, allowing me to see her. Her blue hair, beanie, jacket, shirt and ripped were jeans were exactly as they had always looked. Then I noticed the blood on her shirt, eminating from where Nathan shot her. She noticed me looking.

"This was all kinda last minute, otherwise I would have changed." She walked into the room and looked around.

"Wow, you really are a broken record with this."

"Get this stuff off me," I said. "We have to get out of here!"

"No, Max I think I'll just leave you stuck," she said with a slight roll of her eyes. "Hang on," she said as she approached me. She ripped the duct tape off my wrists and ankles. As soon as I got to my feet I put my hand on Chloe's shoulders.

"I can't believe you're here," I said.

"I'm as surprised as you," she said. I pulled her in and gave her the biggest hug.

"I've missed you so much," I said.

"Sure you have, Max," she said. I let go of her.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Nothing. Nothing at all."

"I…We need to get out of here. Come on!" I grabbed Chloe's hand and pulled her with me towards the classroom door. As we got there, the door slammed shut. I jumped back before letting go of Chloe. I grabbed the handle and tried to open the door.

"Why don't you give Warren a call? Pretty sure he could help you," said Chloe as she folded her arms. I let go of the handle.

"Or you could pick the lock," I said.

Chloe chuckled. "Funny, we spent one night trying to break into Blackhell. Now we're trying to break out of it. Luckily for you, I have a few skills I've picked up."

"Really?"

"Of course," Chloe said with a smile. She raised her hand and snapped her fingers. In an instant I found myself stood in the middle of a spotlight in an otherwise dark endless space. Alone. I looked around frantically.

"Chloe?"

No response. I started running. The spotlight stayed on me as I ran endlessly.

"Chloe!" I called again.

Eventually I was out of breath and doubled over. I looked around again. I tried to find any-

"Hey!" Chloe said suddenly.

I screamed as she gave me a shove from behind.

"Jesus," I said as I caught my breath.

"Nope, just me," said Chloe.

"Why the hell did you bring me here?"

"So no-one will bother us." Chloe folded her arms. "I once said that even if we ended up a world apart, you could talk to me about anything. You don't get much more apart than one of us being dead. And boy do we need to talk, Max."

"About what?"

Chloe face palmed. "I don't know if you've noticed, but something weird's going on."

"No shit," I said.

"Hey, don't be pissed at me. So what do you think is going on?"

"I don't know, I haven't had time to think."

"Well lucky you," said Chloe as she spread her arms and span around. "We're in an endless void where you have all the time in the world. Without rewinding, I mean. So come on, what's the last thing you remember?"

 _Joyce. David. The photo. I came back and-_

I looked at Chloe. She raised her eyebrows, seeing I had pieced things together.

"That's right, Max. I hate to the one to tell you, but…

…you're dead."

My mouth fell open.

"Welcome to hell," said Chloe.

"No. No, I- I can't…" I saw the smirk spreading on Chloe's face. "You asshole!" I yelled as Chloe burst out laughing.

"Your face, dude!" She said through her laughter. "Priceless. Kinda like how you're life's been since I-"

"Just stop with the jokes! If this is all just some stupid nightmare then I'm going to wake up." I pinched my arm violently.

"Not that easy, dude" said Chloe. "You're stuck here until you're ready to go."

"I am ready. I want to go now!"

"No you're not. You'll know when you are. So let's talk. What's been going on with you recently?"

"You already know," I said. Chloe went to sit down and a chair materialised. As she sat down on it she crossed her legs.

"I know what's been going on between…" Chloe reached out of the spotlight into the darkness. Her hand came back holding my journal. Before she could start to thumb through it I reached towards her.

"Hey," I said.

"What? You have been writing to me, Max. I've seen most of this shit already."

"I guess I didn't…"

"...Think I could see it? Dude, I'm always watching you. Except when you're in the bathroom or doing other...private stuff, 'cos that'd be weird. Sit your ass down by the way."

I looked behind me and saw a chair had appeared. I sighed and went to sit down. Then Chloe snapped her fingers and the chair disappeared, leaving me flat on my ass. Chloe laughed as I got to my feet.

"Real funny," I said.

"Oh lighten up. Which one of us is dead here again?"

"You're not even Chloe, she wouldn't do this."

Chloe chuckled. "Did you forget I gave you a jump scare hours after you saw your friend jump off a building? This is nothing, but okay."Chloe snapped her fingers and the chair reappeared behind me. "No more jokes, promise," she said. I looked at her to try and find any signs she wasn't being serious. I couldn't, so I tentatively sat down in the chair. I don't know what it was made of but I instantly felt relaxed. Chloe finished looking through my diary and had pinched a clump of pages between her thumb and finger.

"So as I was saying, the first time I heard from you was October 25th…" she flipped over the to the last page. "…and the last was November 22nd. Before and after that I'm all blank. So what's been going on?"

"You seriously couldn't see what I was writing because it wasn't addressed to you?" I said sceptically. Chloe put her hand up with an open palm.

"Hey, I don't make the rules, dude. So what happened?"

"I don't…I don't want to talk about," I said. Chloe rolled her eyes and flicked to a specific page. "Really," she said, because on Tuesday, November 5th 2013 you said, and I quote: _Sorry for whining so much, Chloe. But you're literally the only person I can talk to about all this. And it's not like you can even respond._ Chloe looked up at me. "I'm right here. And I'm currently responsive as fuck. So talk. Start from the beginning."

"Okay…I started to write to you instead because-"

"No. I mean the _beginning,_ " she said.

I looked at her in confusion. Then I understood what she meant.

"You're written it down on paper. Just say it out loud, dude," she said. I nodded. I clasped my hands and looked down at my feet.

"I was sitting in class. Then all of a sudden I slipped into some sort of dream. I was making my way up the trail to the lighthouse in the middle of a storm. When I got to the top I saw a huge tornado heading towards the town. Then when I woke up I was in class being taught by…" I winced a little. "Mark Jefferson." I looked up at Chloe to see her nodding.

"Keep going," she said gently.

"Then," I said. "When I left class and went to the bathroom I saw-" There was a catch in my throat as I struggled to finish the sentence. Chloe just smiled encouragingly at me. "I saw you get shot by Nathan Prescott." Chloe lifted up the bottom of her blood stained shirt to show the bullet wound in her stomach.

"Was wondering where this came from," she said with a smirk. She saw my expression and lowered her shirt. "Sorry, I know I promised you no more jokes but I can't help myself. Keep going."

"And then I felt everything swirl around me and suddenly I was back in the classroom reliving everything over again. This time I made sure I saved you." I smiled at Chloe. "We met up and…we spent the week together. The best and worst week of my life."

"And how did that week end?"

I just looked down at the floor again. "You know how it ended, Chloe."

"No shit," she said. "But I want to hear you say it." I sat in silence for a while. "Why is it so hard to say, Max? You've written it down plenty of times," she said tapping on the diary.

"Because every time I talk about it…it just hurts. I've tried talking about it all and I've gotten nowhere."

Chloe smirked as she looked down.

"What?" I said.

"We'll come back to it," she said. "For now just keep going. What happened at the end of that week?" I went silent for a moment. This time I forced myself to say it.

"I let you die," I said. "I hid behind that bathroom stall and let you get shot so the tornado would never happen. Then the next thing I knew I was-" I sobbed and wiped my eyes with my hand. "I was at your f-funeral. And that's it. Th-that's everything."

"Well, not quite," said Chloe.

"What do you mean?" I said as I wiped my eyes again.

"Oh come on, man. This isn't a video game. The credits don't just roll and say _thanks for playing_. Life goes on. Well, mine didn't," she said with a small smile. "Look these jokes are gonna happen, so just get used to them." I smiled weakly.

"So what happened after that?" Chloe said. I shook my head. "Alright, alright," she said. "We'll take a break. You hungry?"

I suddenly felt my stomach rumble.

"I guess…"

"Great!" Chloe snapped her fingers and suddenly we were in the Two Whales Diner. I looked around frantically and saw we were sat in the same booth from 'that week.'

"It's cool, relax," said Chloe. "Neat trick I learned. Helps pass the time in the eternity of nothingness I now exist in." She looked at me. "Not to make you feel guilty or anything." I avoided her gaze and looked down at the table to see a Belgian waffle in front of me. Chloe picked up her knife and fork and starting eating her fried breakfast.

"Jeez, even here I can only get one damn slice of bacon," she said. "Come on, dig in," said Chloe as she shoved food into her mouth. I looked down at my waffle.

"I've lost my appetite," I said as I slumped back in the booth.

"My mom's not gonna show up, if that's what your worried about." I looked at Chloe. "I mean that would be awkward. Seeing the daughter she stopped loving and the daughter she started loving," she said as she shovelled more food down.

"What? No, Chloe. She loved you. She was so proud of you. She told me herself."

"Proud of a weed smoking, law breaking high school dropout? Yeah, sure," she said.

"She was, Chloe. I guess if there was anything she was disappointed in, it's that you never saw what you were capable of. What you could have been if you hadn't…"

"Pissed it all away?" Chloe said with a smirk. I smiled slightly.

"Maybe," I said.

"Yeah, yeah I know. Could have been a straight A student. Could have gone to any college. But then my dad would have gotten me a car for my sweet sixteen and I would have ended up paralysed. I always said the universe was always giving me a 'fuck you' and it looks like I was right," she said. I just sat and looked out of the window, only to see the rest of the dark void.

"So how about the other thing?" Chloe said suddenly. I turned to looked at her. "With my mom," she said. "How do you feel about what she did?"

I smiled weakly. "You starting up the session again, Doctor Price?"

"We've got a lot to cover," Chloe said as she shoved her now empty plate to the side. "You sure you don't want that?" She said eyeing my waffle. I smiled.

"It's yours if you-" Chloe grabbed it with her bare hand and took a huge bite out of it.

"Hungry?" I said.

"Like the wolf," said Chloe swallowing her mouthful. "Anyway, you're distracting me."

"I think you're distracting yourself."

"So how do you feel about what my mom did?" I went quiet, wishing Chloe had stayed distracted. "What did she do, first of all?" said Chloe as she took another bite of the waffle.

"She made my parents leave me with her for Thanksgiving. I didn't get a say."

"And hof doff va-" Chloe swallowed her mouthful. "How does that make you feel?"

"Betrayed. Angry."

"Now you know how I felt when you left."

I looked up at Chloe as she sighed and showed me her palms.

"Just sayin'" she said before putting her hands down. "So you weren't happy with what my mom did to you?"

I shook my head. "No. She lied to me. She made my parents lie to me."

Chloe nodded. "I get it, Max. I do. I mean it's not like you would ever do that. Make my mom keep secrets from your parents…" She looked at me. I wanted to look away but I knew there was no point. "Everybody lies, no exceptions."

"That was different. I was going to tell my parents what was going on. When I was better."

"And when will that be?"

I sat in silence.

"I don't know."

"Of course you don't. Because you'll never get better if you keep repeating the same mistakes. You might not even get the chance to try if you don't wake up."

"I will," I said.

"And if you do, then what? What's the plan Super Max?"

"I…I…"

Chloe stared at me expecting some great answer. I just got up and stormed over to the exit. I heard Chloe chuckle as I tried to force open the door. It was of course locked.

"If you want a change of scenery just come sit back down," she said. I stayed with my hand on the door. "Or just stare at your own reflection." I went back to the table and sat down opposite Chloe.

"Ready?" She said.

"Whatever," I replied. Chloe snapped her fingers and suddenly I was sat at my desk in my room. Everything was exactly as I had left it before staying with Joyce and David.

"This better?" I jumped a little and looked behind me to see Chloe sat on my bed. "Never did get to see your room," she said. "Not in the final time line anyway. It's a lot messier than I expected."

"What do you mean?"

Chloe picked up my guitar that was resting against my couch.

"Lotta junk lying around," she said as she tossed it to the side. The strings made a horrible twang as the guitar hit the ground.

"Hey, be careful!" I yelled.

"Oh, please. You never did finish writing that song. Plus this is nothing compared to what you did to it. Over and over again."

I got up and stormed past Chloe. I picked up my guitar and rested it against the couch again."I fixed it," I said.

"And remind me how you did that?" Chloe retorted. I just folded my arms and looked away. Then I heard a small crunching sound. I looked back and saw Chloe had a mischievous look on her face. I looked down and saw she had her boot on one of the many polaroids on the floor. She twisted her foot back and forth damaging the photograph.

"Hey, stop that!" I yelled again.

"Why? It's just junk. Why else would they be on the floor?" She said. She hopped off it and on another polaroid on the floor. She stepped across them like stones in a lake.

"Stop it! Those are important," I protested.

"They look important," Chloe said without bothering to hide her scepticism.

I growled and went for the door. I tried the door handle, but like every other damn door I had encountered, it was locked.

"I told you, we need to talk," said Chloe.

"I don't want to fucking talk!" I screamed as I banged the door.

I heard Chloe sigh. _"Friday, November 22nd 2013, I am just so sick and tired of talking about what's going on with me…"_ I stopped banging on the door.

 _"Or rather not talking about it. Because I can't tell anyone the truth…"_

I turned around and saw Chloe was reading from my journal again. She looked me right in the eye as she finished.

 _"Except you."_

She snapped my journal shut. I gave a defeated sigh.

"Believe me, dude," she said. "You're looking at the queen of running away from her problems. Look where that got me."

I nodded. Chloe gestured to the bed.

"Lie down and get comfortable," she said. I slumped onto my bed as Chloe moved my chair so she was sat looking at me.

"Ready?" She said.

"I guess."

"Then let's pick up where we left off," she said. Suddenly the walls of my bedroom disappeared into the ground. All of my possessions except the bed I was lying on and the chair Chloe was sitting on quickly followed, leaving us both in the middle of another spotlight in the void.

"So when I died, what happened next?" Chloe asked.

I stared up into space for a while until I found how to word it.

"I was numb," I said. "I felt like I'd done everything wrong. I let you die to save everyone and all I could think about was bringing you back. I h-" I stopped as there was a catch in my throat. "I hated thinking like that. So I just locked myself away from everyone."

"Like I said before I have no idea what happened before you started writing to me. These should hopefully catch me up," she said. I looked over at Chloe and saw her pointing past the end of my bed. I looked forward and saw another spotlight. In the middle of it was a statue of me sat at my desk with my head in my hands. Something I had spent 90 percent of my time doing in the week following Chloe's funeral.

"You can go for a closer look if you want," Chloe said. I got up off my bed and approached the statue. As I got near it I heard myself talk inside my own head.

 _"What was the point? I went through a week of hell trying to save Chloe and for what? To lose her. After spending all that time reconnecting with her. Realising just how much she meant to me. Realising I...It doesn't matter now. I went through all that for nothing. Just to say goodbye to her for the second time in my life. This time forever."_

As I watched and listened to my own memory coming back to me I was reminded of the nightmare I had before Chloe and I reached the lighthouse. When I walked through a week's worth of memories I had spent with her. Only for it to come to an end.

Chloe stood beside me. "Yeah, you were a mess," she said. "Not that I'm one to judge. You even gave poor Kate a hard time." Another spotlight appeared and saw myself aggressively talking to a timid Kate. I approached it and once again I heard voices.

 _"Then h- I- what is wrong with you?"_

 _"What do you mean?"_

 _"I just told you I want to let hundreds of people die just to save someone I love. How can you be okay being friends with someone as selfish as me?"_

Chloe turned to me again. "Pretty mean considering you failed to save her." I looked down at the floor as a sob escaped my mouth. "Next up…" she said. Another spotlight appeared. "The time you almost gave up." In the spotlight I was sat with Mom, Dad and Joyce in the Two Whales. I approached it.

 _"Listen, Max. Your father and I have been thinking."_

 _"We'd like you to come back to Seattle for a while, until you feel you're ready to go back to Blackwell."_

 _"We don't want you to be alone while you're dealing with everything. We want to be there for you. We contacted Principal Wells and he's heard from other students about how withdrawn you've been."_

 _"I know"_

 _"Then please come home with us," she said. "Until you feel ready."_

"And let's not forget," said Chloe. "The other piece of drama the diner saw that day. Another spotlight appeared, I approached it again with Chloe by my side and saw I was storming out of the diner with Warren sat at the booth.

 _"Then maybe I don't even want you as a friend, Warren. I really thought you were better than this."_

 _"Well, it looks like we're both wrong."_

 _"Stop acting so immature."_

 _"That's all I am though right? Just some stupid kid."_

 _"I seriously need people around me right now. Do you know how hard this was for me to even talk to you about this?"_

 _"Yeah, you have someone who's in love with you, that must be awful."_

I spun round to face away from the statue. Chloe moved and stood in front of me.

"Why are you doing this to me?" I said.

"Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind, Max," she said. "Something Step-Douche seemed to take as a personal fucking mantra. Speaking of the literal devil…" Another spotlight and another statue. This time of David and I in the cemetery. I turned away from it. Chloe put her hand on my shoulder. "You'll want to get it over with, trust me. Still a long way to go," she said. I looked back at the statue as Chloe walked with me. As we reached it David's voice screamed out.

 _"Sorry doesn't matter now! It's too late. She's gone! Anything you wanted to say to her doesn't mean shit!"_

 _"What about you?_ _You could have stopped Nathan but you didn't. You could have stopped Chloe from being killed if you hadn't been getting dirt from him on other students."_

 _"At least I was doing something! You just went about your days never even trying to find her, didn't you? You didn't care. You know one of the biggest rules in the military, you don't leave soldiers behind. You fight until your dying breath to save your comrades. What did you do? You just hid behind that stall like a fucking coward!"_

Chloe put her arm around me.

"Hey, you gave back as good as you got. Hella proud of you. He was always yelling at me to stop blasting my 'punk shit.' He deserved a good smack down. Anyway, next is-"

"Just stop it!" I screamed.

"Stop what?"

"All of this! Stop doing this to me!"

"Newflash, this is your head, dude. You're doing it to yourself. If you're going to be a baby about it..." Chloe took a few steps back "...then let's rip the fucking bandaid off."

Chloe clapped her hands together. She disappeared before my eyes and found myself rooted to the spot. Paralysed. I tried to choke out Chloe's name but no air could escape my lungs. All of a sudden another spotlight appeared in front of me, with another statue. It glided towards me as I tried to fight the paralysis in my body. It showed me going after Logan.

 _"What did you say to Daniel?"_

 _"What?"_

 _"What did you say to Daniel online, about his drawing of me?"_

 _"Jesus, calm down."_

 _"Don't tell me to calm down. What did you say?"_

 _"It was just a dumb joke. Relax would ya."_

 _"Did you know he took it down because of you?"_

 _"Not my fault he can't take a joke."_

 _"You're a joke. And a dick, Logan,"_

 _"Not my fault no-"_

 _"Shut up. Just shut up!"_

The statue glided past me as another took its place. I saw myself yelling at Victoria.

 _"Shut up, Victoria!"_

 _"There's a lot of things you don't have to do, Victoria. You don't have to step on people and bully them. You don't have to be so damn insecure that you feel the only way to get ahead is to make other people feel tiny. But you do it anyway, don't you?"_

The statue moved past me. Another statue appeared and glided towards me: I was smashing my guitar on the wall. I heard my own screams along with the horrible sound of my guitar breaking apart. The statue sped away as another reached me. It was like a conveyor belt of torture. Every low moment I experienced was being paraded in front of me. Next I saw Dana and I in the bathroom the first day I went back to school.

 _"I took your stupid advice, that's what."_

 _"I don't know why I listened to you."_

 _"Looks like our trip was a waste of time too."_

The next statue showed up. It was that awful memory of seeing Chloe die again. Nathan pressd the gun against Chloe's stomach as I stood frozen at the bathroom sink.

 _"You don't know who the fuck I am or who you're messing around with!"_

 _"Where'd you get that? What are you doing? Come on, put that thing down!"_

 _"Chloe, run!"_

 _"Don't EVER tell me what to do. I'm so SICK of people trying to control me!"_

 _"You are going to get in hella more trouble than this than drugs."_

 _"Nobody would ever miss your 'punk ass' would they?"_

 _"Chloe, get out now. Before he-"_

 _"Get that gun away from me, psycho!"_

 _BANG!_

The next statue: me trying to make my way up the lighthouse trail after being caught in the invisible storm. I could practically feel the raging wind rain on my skin again as I stood and watched the statue, listening to the lightening strikes and noise.

The line of statues seemed endless, when one was finished and moved past me another appeared to take its place.

I saw myself covered in dirt and sitting on the ground at the lighthouse trail. I was on the phone to my mom.

 _"I-I…I fucked up."_

 _"Oh, sweetheart. What do you mean?"_

 _"I c-can't do this. I was so…s-so stupid to think I c-could."_

 _"Max..."_

 _"I went back into the b-bathroom where Chloe died and it was like it was ha-happening again. I just hid behind the stall again. And n-now, I don't think even think I can take ph-photos any m-more. All I can think about is what J-Jefferson did to_ _those girls. I l-looked up to h-him but it was just a f-fucking lie. Just like how I th-thought I was someone special. I thought it m-meant I was s-strong. B-but I'm not."_

 _"Yes you are, Max."_

 _"I'm n-not. I'm… I'm n-nobody."_

I saw myself yelling at Daniel.

 _"So you been working on your costume for the Halloween party tomorrow?"_

 _"Oh, er…Not really. I've been busy."_

 _"Is that true?"_

 _"...No. I'm sorry, Max. I want to go, I just can't."_

 _"Why not?"_

 _"I'm just worried what people-"_

 _"Oh, come on, Daniel!"_

I saw myself sat in the cafeteria with Warren, Brooke and Kate.

 _"I think I'm going to try joining the study hall sessions in the photography classroom again."_

 _"That's awesome, Kate."_

 _"Yeah, good for you."_

And then my voice destroyed the mood.

 _"Are you sure?"_

 _"What do you mean?"_

 _"I- I just mean are you absolutely sure you think you're ready to go back in that room?"_

 _"I think so."_

 _"If you only think so then it might be best to hold off for a little longer. It's no fun getting ahead of yourself, trust me."_

 _"No, of course. I don't want to set myself back even further. Maybe you're right."_

I saw myself hunched over the toilet in the girls bathroom. The disgusting retching and heaving sounds rang on my ears.

I saw myself at the sink, with Victoria nearby.

 _"I can walk, Victoria. I'm not a baby,._

 _"You know that's not what I meant."_

 _"Isn't it?"_

 _"You're not okay, Max. You don't need to pretend you are."_

 _"No shit, Victoria. I just saw it all in front of me again."_

I saw myself moments later walking away with Principal Wells.

 _"Jesus…Whatever. I'm going back to my room."_

 _"I would suggest you see the school nurse first."_

 _"I'm fine. I just need to get back to my room."_

 _"I'll still be contacting Joyce Madsen and your parents-"_

 _"I'm capable of telling them myself."_

 _"Please don't raise your voice, Max. And no-on is saying you aren't capable. But you are still a student of this school and it is my responsibility to ensure your well being."_

 _"Then you can start by ditching the fucking whiskey bottle in your office."_

I saw myself holding the photo album Joyce had given to me. I was tearing out any photo that didn't feature Chloe and I. The sounds of my grunting and the sounds of the photos leaving the paper were amplified.

I saw myself cycling away from Stella.

 _"Have your foster parents done or said something to make you feel like you have to do well, whatever it takes?"_

 _"Well, no. They've said they'll be proud-"_

 _"Then what the fuck are you doing?"_

 _"W-what?"_

 _"You're dealing with people like Frank Bowers? Putting this shit in your system for literally no reason? Just talk! Talk to your damn foster parents and tell them how pressured you feel. Ever think of doing that?"_

 _"I-I…it's not easy, Max."_

 _"No shit. I know all about 'not easy.' Except I don't have a choice. You do. Fucking talk to someone, Stella."_

I saw a tearful Joyce talking to me as David had his arm around her.

 _"Of course I'm angry! She lied to me. She made my parents lie to me. Do you have any idea how much I needed them right now? With all this shit I'm going through? But she was just using me to replace Chloe. Just like she used you to replace William!"_

 _"Max! That is enough."_

 _"I'm s-so sorry, M-Max. I do c-care-"_

 _"Get away from me. Don't talk to me!"_

Finally, I saw myself lying on the floor of Chloe's bedroom with my nose bleeding. I heard David's distant voice.

 _"-ax! Max!"_

 _"Joyce…now…thing's…ppened!"_

I heard the ringing in my ears again. It grew louder and louder as all the statues swirled around me, taunting me. My ears rang with the sounds of Jefferson, Nathan and Chloe. They overlapped until it ended with a huge-

BANG!

I broke free from my paralysis and collapsed to my knees. Tears streamed down my face as I cried. I covered my face and felt the heat of my tears on my hands. I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"Okay, we'll take a break," said Chloe. I just continued to sob into my hands. I felt her hands grip my arms.

"Max, just stand up for me. Okay?" I kept my face covered as I shakily got to my feet. As I did so I felt the ground morph beneath me into some kind fo slope. I removed my hands and wiped my eyes furiously as my sobbing began to stop and I regained control of my breathing. I opened my eyes and looked around. Chloe had her arm around me and we were stood on the trail to the lighthouse. There was a light breeze and the warmth of the sun hit my face when I turned towards it.

"This may be better for you. Or not. We'll see," she said.

"Just make this stop, Chloe."

"It'll stop when you want it to stop," she said.

"What the hell does that even mean?"

"You'll know before you wake up. Okay, so we've taken the tour through your worst moments in the past couple months. Now let's talk about the reason you're here in the first place." Chloe took out a photo album and shoved it towards me. I opened it up and saw it contained only the photos of Chloe and I from when we were kids. The ones I had used to jump back in time whenever I needed to feel better. I slammed the album shut and threw it to the ground.

"I don't want to talk about it," I said.

"If you say that one more time I swear to God, Caulfield... Do I have to remind you I'm the only one you can talk to? So come on, stop stalling and answer my question."

"Which is?"

"What the fuck have you been doing?"

The bluntness of the question stung. I stood motionless for a few seconds until I finally had an answer. I looked at Chloe.

"I didn't have a choice, Chloe," I said.

"Really? That's interesting," she said with a sly grin.

"Those photos. I can't do this without them." Chloe laughed. "What's so funny?" I said as cheeks began to flush red from anger.

"Have you heard those exact words somewhere before? Spoiler alert, you totally have." I thought but nothing came to me. Chloe sighed and snapped her fingers. The world didn't change this time but I heard a voice.

 _"I need these. I can't do this without them."_

 _Stella?_

"Yep, Stella," said Chloe. I whipped towards her in surprise. She gave me a slightly quizzical look. "Really, all the shit that's happened here and you're shocked I can hear your thoughts?" A small smile crept across my face as I looked away from her. "So you ripped Stella a new one because you thought she was avoiding a better way to deal with what was making her miserable."

"Do you think you're being subtle?" I said.

"No. Based on everything so far subtlety won't get us anywhere, Max. Besides, since when was subtlety my strong suit?" I smiled again. "But back to you," she said. "Remind me again why you've been relying on these photos when you could have done, oh I don't know, literally anything else?"

I could see there was no way for getting out of this conversation so I just stopped fighting.

"Because unlike Stella, I don't have a choice, Chloe," I reiterated.

"So you've said a thousand times."

"It's true," I said. "Stella can just talk to her to her foster parents. No, it's not easy, but she can do it. And Principal Wells…he doesn't have to drink. I know how hard it must be for him right now, but drinking is just a way for him to avoid his problems. Both he and Stella were using their problems as an excuse to-" I stopped speaking the second I could see how Chloe was going to use what I said against me. I looked at her and saw her smiling. Before she could say anything I launched into a defence. "But I _don't_ have an alternative, Chloe. I have nothing else that can stop me from having a break down after a nightmare, or even when I just think of what Jefferson did to me."

Chloe looked at me for a minute.

"You're right," she said.

"...Really?"

"The photos were your last resort. You tried everything else."

I narrowed my eyes at Chloe, my suspicions were confirmed when she suddenly showed me a book. I looked at the title and saw exactly what I didn't want to see. **_Love after Loss - A Guide to Forgiving Oneself and Moving Forward._** Chloe flicked through.

"I mean you read this cover to cover." She then went to page where I had left my bookmark. "Well, to page fifteen at least." She tossed the book forward off the cliff.

"And these," she produced the notes on relaxation techniques I had been given by Nurse Barenchi. "These didn't go straight into the trash, did they?" I looked away from Chloe. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Chloe screw the relaxation notes into a ball and throw them off the cliff too.

"I don't want to get all cliché on you. Hell, I'm the broken girl who became a punk, that's cliche enough," she said as she put her arm around me. "When you were yelling at Wells and Stella, were you really angry at them?" I shook my head. "So who were you really mad at?"

I couldn't avoid the obvious truth any longer.

"Myself."

"Correct. See, it's not so hard to be honest, is it?"

I turned to Chloe. "You're not any better."

"What did you just say?"

I just folded my arms and turned around. Chloe marched round to stand in front of me, she towered over me as she gave my shoulder an aggressive shove.

"Hey!" I cried as I looked at the ground.

"I came from another plain of fucking existence, Max. I told you that even if we were a world apart you could still talk to me. So if you have something to say to me. You say it to my fucking face right here, right now!"

I stared Chloe in the eye and unloaded my thoughts.

"You have no right to lecture me on dealing with my problems, Chloe."

"Oh, is that so?"

"You lost your dad and it broke you. You pushed everyone away. You never dealt with your grief. You took drugs, you changed your wardrobe, you dyed your hair, you got tattoos. You did all that but you never dealt with what caused you so much pain. When we… When we found Rachel, you just wanted Nathan dead. It didn't matter that there was so much evidence to go to the police, you just wanted to shoot him! Your grief and anger destroyed everything, Chloe!"

Chloe glared at me with an intensity that made my hairs stand on end.

"Funny. You mention my dad. You mention Rachel. You left out one more person who caused me a shit tonne of pain. Except funnily enough, they didn't die. They made a choice. A choice to be so pathetic they couldn't even tell me they were going away and left that little piece of news on a fucking tape. They made a choice to never speak to me again. They made a choice to get back to Arcadia Bay and not even try to find me. To let me die on the floor of a shitty bathroom at the hands of the town psycho."

"I know!" I screamed.

"Know what, Max?"

"That it's my fault you died!" I broke down into sobs but furiously brushed away the tears as I confessed to Chloe. "If I had given you one lousy call so you would know I never forgot about you, maybe things would have been different. Maybe you wouldn't have made the decisions you made if I had been strong enough. You've been mad at me the second I got here because you should. I deserve all of it! It's my fault you died!" I covered my face and broke down in tears. "I'm s- sorry!" I grabbed Chloe and hugged her tight. "I'm so s-sorry." I felt Chloe hug me back.

"Well, the truth finally comes out," she said. I continued to sob as Chloe hugged me. "When you finally catch your breath I have some things I need to say." I continued to cry. I wanted to carry on forever but Chloe deserved to say whatever she needed to. "Oh, Jesus Christ, Max. Just do that thing your mom makes you do, usually works, doesn't it?" I thought of my mom and took a deep breath before breathing out. I did this a few more times until my heart rate returned to normal. I wiped my eyes and looked up at Chloe. "Can I talk now?" She said. I gave a small nod.

"What do you want from me, Max, huh? To say I forgive you for getting me killed?" I gave another small nod. "Well, I can't." I tried to stifle a sob and failed. "Fuck, let me finish, dude." I took another quick breath and looked at Chloe again. "I can't forgive you, Max, because it's not your fault."

"What?"

"Although I'm not surprised you see it that way. It's so you."

"But if I had talked to you then maybe you'd still be…"

"Maybe I would be, but you aren't responsible for me, dude." I looked at her confused. "You remember Marisa Rogers?" she said. I tried to remember but ended up shaking my head at her. "I told you about her on the afternoon…the afternoon my dad died. You heard that voice mail from her asshole mother. I told you Marisa called me a scholarship kid...made fun of me for my clothes…"

"Which is why you wanted to give them away," I remembered.

"Yeah, remember what I did, or tried to do?"

"You turned up her bunsen burner."

"Hardcore, I know. I just wanted to hurt her. That was before I knew I had lost my dad, before I knew I'd never see you again. Even before that, I…I never wanted to do the hard thing. Being angrier was just easier, because it felt like I deserved to be. I found it easier to just destroy-" Chloe chuckled suddenly.

"What is it?"

"I just remembered something else," she said. "I never told you where I got my truck from, did I?" I shook my head. "I had a particularly shitty morning so I escaped to hang out in the junkyard. I picked up a bat off the ground and went to take a swing at the hunk of junk that would one day be more most valuable possession, not that that's saying much. Anyway, before I hit it I stopped. I put the bat down, took a look at the truck and thought 'Hey, I can work with this.' So I fixed her up. Instead of smashing it to pieces, I fixed it and made it better. If only I had put two and two together maybe my life would have turned out better…" She gave a quick shake of her head. "Anyway, I got distracted. My point is, Max, everything I did, everything that lead to me being in the bathroom on that day with Nathan were my decisions. And that's exactly what they are, Max. _My_ decisions. So I don't forgive you for getting me killed, because you didn't."

"I'm…I'm still sorry I never contacted you."

"I know you are, dude. You mention it often enough in your letters. So long as you've learned from it, that's what matters. So have you?"

"I- I think so."

"That doesn't sound good. Let's see, when was the last time you sent a message to Kristen?"

I tried to remember.

"Over a week ago."

"Okay, and that message you were going to send to Mrs Hoida, you ever get round to that?"

"...No."

"Why not, what was stopping you?"

My heart sank as I realised why I had been putting it off.

"Because I don't know what to say. So, I haven't said anything."

Chloe nodded. "And last but not least, your nightmares. Your inability to take photos. Not being able to get up to the lighthouse, when did all that start? What happened before that?"

I thought back and remembered.

"When I…I went into the bathroom. I saw you get…"

"Killed. We don't have time for pussy footing around, Max. And what about recently? I'm talking about the past week. You," she counted on her fingers, "got mad at Kate, stopped writing to me - writing in your journal or whatever - and you've been just staying out of everyone's way. Not going out for Warren's party, spacing out during Kate's movie night. You've been shutting yourself off from everyone. When was the last time you did that?"

My heart sank even further as it dawned on me.

"The week after you died," I said.

"And what's the reason you didn't immediately kiss me the second I appeared? Don't say you didn't want to."

"Because the last time I did that, was before I said goodbye to your forever."

"And when it came to the photos you used to deal with what Jefferson did to you. You had ones right by your desk. The hockey game, the Space Needle and the Fremont Troll. Why didn't you ever use any of them?"

"Because you weren't in them. I didn't think I could be happy without you."

"So putting all of that together," she said. "What do you think is the conclusion?"

I could feel tears in my eyes again as I realised the truth.

"I didn't learn a fucking thing and…" I wiped my eyes in vain as more tears rolled down my cheeks. "I didn't get over sh-shit."

"And why do you think you haven't gotten over shit?"

"B-Because I'm so f-fucking-" I stopped to wipe away more tears. "I'm not strong enough."

"Is that really what you think the reason is?" I just nodded. "Then I can't help you. Goodbye, Max." Chloe vanished and the world became another black void.

"No, wait! Chloe," I looked up and around and screamed even louder. "Chloe!" Nothing. I stood alone in the void. "What do you want?" I cried. "Just tell me! Whatever stupid shit it is that I'm supposed to figure out I can't do it, okay? I can't do this! I can't-"

I froze. It hit me like a bolt of lightening.

 _I c-can't do this. I was so…s-so stupid to think I c-could._

Those were the exact words I had said to my mom when I felt like everything had been a huge mistake. I wanted go home and give up. But my mom didn't let me...

 _"You are somebody, sweetheart. I will never let you say otherwise."_

I jerked my head and saw another statue had appeared right next me. I was still sat in the dirt on the phone to my mom. But this statue showed me smiling. My mom's words eminated from it.

 _"We're proud of you for knowing what you want to do with your life. We're proud of you for going to Blackwell to chase your dreams even after doubting you were good enough. We're proud of you for fighting to get back on track even when your father and I tried to bring you back home. But most of all, Maxine, the compassion you have for others, even when you are weighed down by your own pain means I could burst. We wish we could take all the credit but that compassion is all your own. I know you have regrets about Chloe and what you wish you had done. But I hope you can see that despite the doubts you've always had about yourself. Despite the fact you've sometimes struggled and despite all the pain you've gone through and will continue to go through, you are still the extraordinary young woman Principal Wells described. Your father and I really couldn't be more proud of you, Maxine."_

I smiled as I heard my mom's words. She had reminded me that day of just some of the times I only saw the things that were wrong, never what I had done right.

Suddenly…

 _"You let Chloe go to save hundreds of people in your dream. You always do. You know what that makes you?"_

Another spotlighted statue appeared of Kate and I. We were hugging.

 _"No…"_

 _"It makes you a hero. I know you're not a believer in God, but I think He would agree."_

Chloe appeared beside me.

"And for what it's worth, I do too," she said. I smiled her before looking back at the statue. I remembered that moment when I finally broke out of my self imposed guilt trip. The moment I finally stood even a slim chance of moving forward. Then another statue appeared of me sat with David and Joyce at their dining room table.

 _"My time in combat…I never really came home. I tried to adjust to civilian life again but I don't think I ever did. That's what Chloe saw. I just wish she could have seen the real me."_

 _"You can still be that person you wished Chloe saw, even if she can't see it now."_

 _"I'm gonna get help. The kinda help I was too damn stubborn to get when Chloe was…I'm gonna get better. I promise."_

I looked at Chloe. I could see how much she wanted to call bullshit. I held her hand.

"I know it doesn't excuse some of the things he said or did to you, Chloe," I said as she looked at me. "But he really did care about you. He is trying to be better."

Chloe looked back at David. "No, it doesn't," she said. Then she added "But yeah, I know he is. Besides, he did save your ass from Jefferson. I have to be at least slightly grateful."

My voice emanated from the statue once again.

 _"And Joyce…_ _I promise you I'm never abandoning your family again."_

 _"Max, moving away wasn't in your control."_

 _"But not staying in contact was. Having Chloe think I didn't care was my fault and I'm never making that mistake again. I promise."_

One by one, more statues appeared. Showing every moment when things turned around. Or when I was just simply happy. I saw myself giving the photo of Warren and I to him after he had apologised.

 _"Because I want you to have this."_

 _"Really, why?"_

 _"These feelings you have for me? They won't go away over night."_

 _"Yeah, I know..."_

 _"And that's okay, it'll take time. But they will go away. If you ever get frustrated at the situation I want you to look at this picture and remember how good it feels right now to still have me, even if it's not in the way you want."_

 _"Okay, I'll take it on one condition."_

 _"What's that?"_

 _"That you stop thinking you aren't worth anyone's attention, Max. You're amazing."_

I saw myself talking to Principal Wells in his office.

 _"I understand, Principal Wells. I really do. You feel you've caused so much damage that you can't repair it. I know exactly what that's like. But you can't give up. Please stay. This school needs you more than ever. If you really want to atone for whatever guilt you're feeling then stay and make this the school you've always wanted to lead. Fight the Prescotts, and be free from whatever hold they had on you. Move forward and make sure nothing that happened to Chloe and the other girls ever happens again."_

 _"I er…I thought it was my job to be supporting you."_

 _"It still can be if that's what you want. So are you staying?"_

 _"Yes. I'll stay make this school exactly what it should have been all along. Thank you, Miss Caulfield."_

I saw myself hugging a crying Victoria in her room.

 _"I'm sorry for looking through your journal. It's pretty cool actually, daring to put what you really feel and think about down on paper where you can't escape it. I just shove all my shit to the back of my brain and hope it goes away."_

 _"That never works. They're always there. You can just try and deal with them...I still need to try and get my photos out there and not just keep them in my room."_

" _Yes, you do. You won't achieve anything otherwise. You have to put your stuff out there...Maybe work on adding something other than selfies to your portfolio though."_

 _"I'm trying to. Baby steps I guess..._ _I'm glad we talked, Victoria. We don't have to be best friends but there's no reason we can't be on the same side."_

 _"I'm glad we talked too. I'll see you around, Max."_

"You cut her a lot more slack than I would have," said Chloe.

"She's not all bad. She just needed someone to tell her it's okay to be scared. That there's better ways to cope with your insecurities."

I saw myself sat with Dana after our shopping trip.

 _"Dana, you said yourself you weren't ready to have a child, right?_ _Then you made the right choice."_

 _"But Max, I still feel awful…"_

 _"Take it from me, Dana. Sometimes you have to do things…you have to do things you don't want to do. That you might feel awful about. But if you know that you've made the right choice then you cannot beat yourself up over it. You just can't. You should feel proud that were able to go through with that decision."_

 _"You really sound sure about all that, Max."_

 _"I'm talking from my own experiences, Dana. Believe me, I know what's like to feel bad for making the right decision."_

 _"You mean about Warren?"_

 _"Huh? I mean…yeah, that's right. I knew I had to tell Warren how I felt, or didn't feel. He didn't take it well but he proved he was the person I thought he was eventually. Now we can both move on."_

 _"Thanks. God, I'm so sorry, Max. You've got your own crap to deal with, you don't need mine dumped on you too."_

 _"Don't be silly, Dana. You've helped me with my problems. Just inviting me out today means a lot. Makes me feel less alone. I want to help you too if I can."_

I saw myself and everyone at the Halloween party cheering for Daniel.

 _"And the winner of the costume contest and proud receiver of this fifty dollar gift certificate for Target is…_ _Daniel Decosta!"_

 _"Way to go, Daniel!"_

 _"I can't believe it."_

 _"Believe it, you earned it."_

 _"Thank you. And thank you, Max. For making me come here tonight."_

 _"It was still your choice. And your costume. It was all you, Daniel."_

Then I saw all of us dancing, with me raving right next to Dana.

 _"Max. Rock out girl!"_

"I said it better," Chloe said with a smile. "But you've definitely improved your moves since our _Mimi and the Screamers_ gig." I just smiled. "I'm still not as good as you," I said.

I saw myself hugging Daniel.

 _"Please don't be sorry, Max. I'm not mad. Its just…you've helped me so much in the past couple of weeks. I know we don't talk a lot but when we do, you really make me think I can do anything. You give me confidence, Max. It's probably why I even felt confident enough to try and kiss you. So...sorry."_

 _"You shouldn't be sorry either, Daniel. There's nothing wrong with confidence. Even if I didn't reciprocate, what happened back there was a victory for you. It takes guts to put yourself and your feelings out there like that. You won't lose that confidence just because things didn't work out this time. Promise?"_

 _"I will try, Max. Likewise, please never forget how big of a difference your kindness makes to me."_

I even saw myself sat with Logan.

 _"Does Dana know any of what you just told me?"_

 _"Whenever I try and talk to her about this I get so angry and lose my cool."_

 _"Then you need to control your temper. And tell Dana all of this."_

 _"As if she'll talk to me now. I don't deserve her time."_

 _"I can convince her to hear you out. The rest is down to you. If you screw it up then that's your problem, okay?"_

 _"Okay, I just don't want her to be mad at me._ _What's that?"_

 _"My journal. I came out here to clear my head a little before I wrote in it. I had another panic attack tonight which kinda ruined what was otherwise a pretty awesome day."_

 _"I'm sorry. About the panic attack I mean. I'll leave you to it. Thanks for the pep talk, Max. You're actually pretty cool."_

 _"And you're…not just some meat head jock, Logan."_

I looked around at all the statues. So many good things I had pushed out of my head. And then I remembered small moments that made me smile. There weren't any statues but I didn't need them. Chloe let go of my hand and stood in front of me.

"So?" She said.

"I get what all this has been about," I said. "I have made progress, even if it doesn't feel like it at times. And I've done stupid things, but I've made sure that I made up for it. For the most part."

"And do you want to know why you're still struggling right now?"

"Why?"

"Because it's been two fucking months, dude," she said. "Of course life isn't a bunch of roses right now. But it's not quite the shit show it could be either."

"The fact I'm here says otherwise..." I said.

"Dude, you've still made more of an attempt to move on than I did in five fucking years."

"That's not-"

"It is true, before you try and say it's not," she said. "You were right when I said I let my grief destroy everything."

"You were just a kid, Chloe. No-one should have to through what you did at your age."

"No, but plenty other kids have," she said. "And not all of them would have gone down my path. You, for the most part, have tried to learn. You've tried to still help people. Even after all the shit you've gone through. Why do you think I said you were my fucking hero, dude?"

I smiled at Chloe.

"Cos I'm Max fucking Caulfield?"

Chloe laughed. "Damn straight!"

"I wondered why I still had my powers after I thought I'd learned my lesson from 'that week.' I guess I'm not done learning."

"I don't think you ever will be, Max. So what have you learned here today?"

"That I'm never using my powers again. For any reason. No rewind. No jumping back in time. Nothing."

"You've said that before..."

"And I'm saying it again. Having learned the hard way."

"Good. I would have punched if you didn't get that message." I laughed "And what else are you going to do now?"

"I'm going to start writing to you again. I'll start visiting you too. I promise."

"Anything else?"

"I'll keep in touch with Kristen better. And I'll write to Mrs Hoida, even if it's too late to mean much, I want her to know I've thought about her. And shit I need to make things up to Kate, Stella, Victoria...everyone really."

"That's great. Anything else?"

I thought, but just ended up shrugging. Chloe rolled her eyes and chuckled.

"Forget me, forget your friends and just think of you, Super Max. What are you going to do for _you_?"

"I…I don't know."

"Guy with a beard. Has been haunting you for weeks now..."

"Jefferson.."

"How are you going to deal with him? You're done with the photos, safe to say we can also write off staying up all night drinking coffee. Coffee's like a drug and drugs are bad for you," she said. I laughed.

"Like you can talk," I said.

"Good point, doesn't mean I'm wrong though, does it?" I just shook my head. "So what are you going to do?" I turned away from Chloe and paced slowly in a circle. Eventually I turned to her with my answer.

"I don't know."

Chloe covered her face and inhaled deeply.

"Come on, dude. This is the final test. You do know this. Hint, it's not something that's easy to do. But you have done it before." I stared at her blankly. She gave a quick roll of her eyes before she put her hands on my shoulders. "Forget limits, forget what you think you can or can't do. What do you _want_ to do, more than anything else?"

I let out a deep sigh.

"I want to talk to someone about what Jefferson did to me. Someone other than you."

"Correct. So, how are you going to go about that?" I wanted to say to Chloe that I couldn't do it but I knew she wouldn't accept that. I had gotten this far having kept all these secrets and having never told anyone about 'that week.' Then I looked into Chloe's eyes and realised...

 _...That's not true_

Several more statues appeared right in front of me. Chloe held my hand as I looked at the first one. I was sat on my bed with Kate, she had her arm round me.

 _"Ever since Chloe…Chloe died I've been having this nightmare. Every single night. It's pretty messed up."_

 _"I'm listening."_

 _"It starts in the bathroom. I'm behind the stalls watching Chloe and Nathan arguing. Nathan pulls the gun on Chloe. This time though it's different. Instead of sitting there doing nothing. I activate the fire alarm. Chloe is able to get away. Later we meet up for the first time in five years. She's a little pissed at me at first. She doesn't know why I stopped contacting her. But we get back to how used to be pretty quickly."_

 _"What's dream Chloe like?"_

 _"Everything I'm not. We're like ying and yang..."_

Chloe suddenly snapped her fingers and made my voice stop.

"Hold up, what does that mean?" She said.

"You're...daring, brave and bad-ass," I said.

"So are you, dude." She saw my unconvinced look and put her hand on my shoulder. "You jumped through time and space to try and save me. You looked into that fucker Jefferson's eyes and told him to 'eat shit and die.' You are brave as hell, Max."

"Thanks, Chloe." Chloe clicked her fingers as my voice continued.

 _"We have so much fun together..._ _But then something horrible happens. At the end of the week there's a giant tornado heading straight for Arcadia Bay. And I realise- I don't know how, call it dream logic or whatever- that Chloe being alive has caused the tornado. Anyway, Chloe and I are stood by the light house watching the tornado head straight for the town. Chloe tells me I have a choice to go back in time to change things. Again, dream logic. I can go back in time to when I initially saved Chloe. I can take it all back to stop the tornado."_

I saw the next statue, me stood with Joyce at the bus stop.

 _"I just wanted to tell you something."_

 _"Well, I'm all ears."_

 _"Please promise me you won't ask how or why I could know this, okay?"_

 _"Okay, Max."_

 _"You should know that Chloe was braver and more selfless than you can possibly know. I know she probably never showed that at home or anywhere else. But she was truly amazing and you should be so, so proud of her."_

I saw myself at the window of my mom and dad's car.

 _"I just wanted- I thought you should know- I think I'm…I mean I know I'm…"_

 _"Just take your time, honey. Whatever it is."_

 _"I'm gay. I mean, I might be bi. I- I don't know. With everything else I haven't really had time to process-"_

 _"Are you okay with who you are?"_

 _"Um, I think so."_

 _"Then that's all we need to hear, Max. We love you. We always will."_

 _"Have you told anyone else?"_

 _"Sort of._ _Chloe knew."_

 _"We're so sorry, Max."_

 _"Oh my God. Was this something you'd been keeping to yourself this whole time? Did you tell her before we left for Seattle?"_

 _"I didn't tell her with words. I um... she knew,"_

I saw myself sat with Dana on her bed.

 _"It was...when we were kids. She was encouraging me to try on some clothes I would never have worn in a million years. She told me I could afford to take more chances. Then out of nowhere, she dares me to kiss her. She double dares me and the next thing I know I find myself moving towards her. I kiss her right on the lips and she backs away. I don't think she expected me to actually do it. The weird thing was…that it actually didn't feel weird. It's only recently I've realised I had feelings for her. I think maybe I did even before I kissed her."_

I looked back at Chloe as the statues and their spotlights vanished.

"You said talking about it all had gotten you nowhere..."

"But it has. I wouldn't have gotten to experience any of the happy moments if I hadn't tried talking to people. Even if I had to dress up the full truth."

"So what do you think is the next best course of action for dealing with these nightmares?" Chloe asked.

"I...I can't tell people about what Jefferson did to me."

"Why not? What did I just show you, Max?"

"This isn't the same, Chloe," I said. "I can't dress this one up. I have to tell the whole truth."

"What else do you have left?"

"If I do it there's no going back."

"Good, there shouldn't be."

"There's going to be people who won't believe me."

"Fuck those people," Chloe said simply. "You don't _need_ everyone to believe you. Just the people that are important to you." Chloe produced the photo album I had started and abandoned. I looked at the photos I had taken of Kate, Joyce, Mom, Dad and Warren and smiled. "Plus all the other people who aren't yet in this album," said Chloe. She closed the album and tossed it out into the void.

"I do want to fill that album up. If I can ever take pictures again..."

"You already did, dude. That photo from the Halloween party, remember?"

I smiled again. "I remember. I don't know how I did, but I did do it."

"You should also finish that song you started," she added.

"It wasn't very good…"

"Doesn't matter."

I sighed and looked around.

"What's up?"

"If this is just a dream, then all of this. It isn't real. It's all just happening inside my head."

"Of course it is happening inside your head, Max, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?"

Suddenly the darkness began to disappear, a beautiful light shined and turned everything white.

"Looks like our time is up," said Chloe. "Time to return to the land of the living. Wish I could come with you."

"I do too," I said. "But then I guess that would be missing the point, wouldn't it?"

Chloe smiled. "Probably." The light slowly began to grow more intense.

"Wait," I said.

"Yeah?"

"Were you quoting _Harry Potter?"_

"Absolutely not," she said with a smile. I laughed.

"Dork," I said. As the light became almost blinding. I quickly leaned forward and put my hands on Chloe's cheeks. I kissed her. She kissed me back and then we separated.

"Still needs some work," says Chloe. I just laughed as my vision was about to be consumed by the light.

"Good bye, Chloe."

"Good bye, Max."

* * *

 _ **A/N 22/05/19: Hey everyone...so there's not really any easy way to say this but this story is going on a hiatus for the foreseeable future. In just over a week it will have been two years since I started and this wasn't exactly the way I was hoping to celebrate, but I've realised it's the right thing to do.**_

 _ **I made some big changes to my life back in January and have found myself with even less time than before to commit to this, alongside trying to do other scriptwriting and think about other ideas too. When I started this story I didn't even plan on getting past a first chapter, never mind still continuing two years later (with more years ahead). Recently my passion for this project has began to wane and I don't think it's good for me or any of you to continue putting out chapters for the sake of it.**_

 _ **Don't worry, this is NOT a permanent good bye for this story. Max Caulfield is my favourite character of all time and I'll be damned if this story is not finished some day. I just need some time away from it to recharge and come back with the passion I originally had.**_

 _ **I apologise that I decided upon this after ending on a pretty hefty cliff hanger. I did consider doing the next few chapters to reach a better stopping point but again I realised pumping them out for the sake of it wouldn't be good for anyone.**_

 _ **I know I'm not exactly the top author among the LiS group but I'm very grateful to the small audience who have been reading my story, especially those that have been here since day one. In the mean time feel free to message me or leave comments on the story itself.**_

 _ **I'll see you back here in the future and will be back with the story continuation Max deserves and you all deserve.**_

 _ **Take care,**_

 _ **Brad x**_


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